Sorry

[MossRose]

I thank you all for the wonderful advice, and of course, the love and support I have come to expect from my MWO family. Why I ever doubted any of you for a minute is a mystery. I was just so disappointed in myself, I assumed you all would be too. But, I am worried. I have let my guard down. That single glass of wine has opened a flood gate that is hard to control. Now, I am struggling. It just felt so "normal." Out with friends, having a drink, and a few chuckles. But that's not my reality anymore. Moderation is not my goal. It's not even a remote possibility. Tested, and failed on that one. More times than I care to count. But for a brief moment, in that restaurant, I thought...maybe!! Or perhaps, I wasn't thinking at all. I don't know. But I know that "just one more" is a sure slide back into the hell I was living when I dropped into your lives. Not an option.

Anyway, I'm back in the fight. I would love to respond personally to everyone's reply, but I am overwhelmed by your responses. I never expected this. So please know that I appreciate all of the support.

xx, Sherry

[Rusty]

Mossy, you have never disappointed anyone here. We will be beside you all the way, no matter how bumpy your journey.

Xoxo
Your Wisconsin Neighbor, Rusty

[NoSugar]

Hey, Moss

I'm tempted to run the "just one" experiment sometimes. Would you mind sharing how that glass of wine affected you physically and psychologically? (Maybe you can help stamp out this risky curiosity!),

Glad you're back, Friend. xx

[MossRose]

NS - that glass of wine was pure joy, and pure agony at the same time. I immediately remembered everything that I "thought" was good about drinking. It was fast. I obviously didn't drink enough to do any immediate damage. But my brain reacted very violently to AL. It liked it. I can't lie. It was saying - YES - Please sir, can I have some more. Not surprising. Not to me. And I know not to you. That's how it works. Please, do not try this at home!

[NoSugar]

Has it been on your mind at all since then? I worry about the return of my whole day eventually being directed toward late afternoon - with nothing else mattering. I'm afraid also that allowing it once would make me think I could get away with it again. How are you handling that?

[MossRose]

NS - I'm getting very sad. So I am going to sign off for the night. Yes - I think about it.

[NoSugar]

Moss, I apologize for my nosy questions. I hope you're feeling better. NS

[Pavati]

Hi, Mossy:

Everyone else has said what I have to say. Hope you stick around.

xo
Pav

[MossRose]

NS - no harm done. You weren't being nosy, just asking legit questions that I wasn't ready to answer. I didn't mean to be so rude. I could probably analyze it and come up with a reason for ordering the wine, but I doubt it matters. I know there will be debate on that issue, but as far as I'm concerned now - I did it. I regret it. I will try not to do it again. Why did I do it? Because I wanted to. That's the simple truth. It's not pretty.

I will say that it has been a setback. I only had one, but that's because the bill was on the table, my friends were ready to leave, and I hadn't driven so I needed to leave when they did. That saved me. It wasn't because I was strong, or had second thoughts...it was simply a matter of logistics. Scary, isn't it? That's why I posted. I realized how easy it would be to slip back into that life without even trying.

I have said this before, to great consternation on MWO, but my ONLY poison of choice is wine. That's why I was so upset. If I had ordered anything else, I probably wouldn't have finished it. I'm just not all that interested in other forms of AL unless it's labeled Pinot. I have a bottle of some kind of craft beer or cider or something in my fridge that my son left here during a visit months ago. It's still in there. I have a full bottle of vodka in my cabinet that a friend left here over a year ago. I've never touched it. I don't drink hard liquor. Only wine. If someone could explain that to me, I would be very happy. I know there are many here who believe it is "only a matter of time." No - that AL has been in my house forever, and I haven't even thought once about drinking it. But heaven help me if someone left a bottle of wine here - good, bad, red, white - it wouldn't matter. I doubt I could resist.

So again, I am wondering - Am I an alcoholic? Or a Wino? Is there a difference. I don't know. Just throwing it out there. The last time, I made this post, it caused a lot of grief. But, I never got any answers. So I'm curious.

[NoSugar]

I've only tasted AL other than wine a few times in my life, Moss, and also have no interest in them. I don't even like white wine so maybe I'm a red-wino. There is always beer in my house and it isn't a problem. I suspect, though, that if I started to drink beer or hard liquor now, I would quickly "like" it way too much. I'm glad the universe was looking out for you the other night (but please don't count on fate in the future :hug.

[DriftyAlison0]

Don't be too hard on yourself Moss and besides we are here to help each other and not be mean.

Just learn from this and know what to do next time. Take it ODAAT and life without drinking will be better then life with drinking. Sometimes it takes time for the life to get better.

[paulywogg]

Maybe we're all "selective alcoholics" I only drank bud light but ALOT of it,I would sneak it in soda cans,juice bottles and my personal favorite a travel coffee mug, my daughter always asked why I just didn't switch to vodka or something easier to smuggle, I said I don't know how drunk I'd get on anything else, with those beers I knew exactly what it would take, stupid alcoholic thinking I guess, Wino,alcoholic, Beero,I don't think it matters of the label, just how it effects our lives

[frances]

Moss thank you for your honesty. I have been there, and the thoughts did intensify right afterwards but then they settled back down pretty quickly (as long as you don't drink again). Please stick around - even though things aren't all that great right now, I am pretty sure they are better than they were when you were drinking at your worst.

[MossRose]

Pauly - interesting answer. I never thought about the fact that I could gauge ahead of time how much wine it would "take." hmmm. I'm allergic to something in beer, so I am lucky, it never worked for me. Just made me swell up and feel crappy. And, I have a total aversion to liquor. I hate the smell and taste of it. I strongly associate it with violence, so it's easy for me to stay far away from any type of distilled booze, or anyone drinking it. I wish I could make my brain view wine that way.

I did a lot of research last night. There are so many theories. It could be the sugar, the social acceptability of wine, or just wrong-thinking on my part. So, I'm back on all my amino acids starting last night. I'm going to add l-tryptophan to my arsenal. I read some promising things about it helping with addictive thoughts. I've used 5-HTP and it was ok, but I am going to switch over and see what happens. If it works, I'll let you all know.

I threw out both bottles of AL last night. Not because I was tempted, but I decided I it was bad feng shui to have them in the house. I forget they are here, but they are just taking up space, sending the wrong message, and I certainly didn't want to gift them to someone...especially the vodka. Yuck. I couldn't do that to someone I like

Take care all. We are heading into a warm-up starting today. It's going to be a gardening weekend. I can't wait.

[abcowboy]

Interesting observation Moss, I guess that would make me a beero, wino, rumo, ryeo, JDo, vodkao, scotcho, hmmm, maybe just stick an o behind any alcoholic beverage.. You see, I drank to get drunk, the drink didn't matter, as long as there was lot's of it! And I wasn't afraid to mix and match to get the desired affect. So glad that is behind me though, and if it's just wine you really have to worry about, stay away from wine! I know, easier said than done, but you proved you could do it for almost 9 months, you have the strength and courage to surpass that mark. I have complete faith in you...