Sorry

[autumn]

Oh Moss,

Congrats on 9 months, that is no mean feat. That's a heck of a lot AF days that you should be so proud of. I am guessing your longest quit? Amazing and you should be so proud.
I am so sorry that you are feeling that you have you let yourself down. You haven't, at all.
Yes, you have had a glass of wine, and it has kicked off all the scary voices and thoughts.

But MR, the most important thing tho is that you have only had the 1 glass. You stopped, and were very aware of your actions. You didn't throw a pity party or use it as an excuse to carry on drinking.

It is great that you have only have 1 trigger of choice, wine. I'm afraid I'd of walloped back any old concoction to tie one as it was all about the buzz. I guess for me if it has Al in it, its a trigger. Wino or alkie, no matter how we label it, it'll all lead us down the same path of misery.

Please don't be hard on yourself. Can you learn from this? You know you can't mod, so you are not even wanting too, and you know where the odd glass or two will take you. Just think how terrible it would be if you were thinking that you were 'cured' after 9 months with pinot tinted glasses on.

Sweetie, please hold your head high, we are still rooting for you and utterly respect you for your honesty. Not something us wino's are usually known for!

I may not post a lot, but I am here reading most days, and your posts have helped me and others enormously. Failure is not learning from your mistakes and giving up the fight. That's not you. We knew this journey would never be easy, and that we'd have to be forever on our guard.

9 months AF or 9 months of drinking, its a no brainer.

Sending you hugs xxx

[westiesrock]

I don't know if I'll be a help or a hindrance with my reply. I know EXACTLY how you feel. Your words speak deeply to me. MYO "saved me" 3 years ago during a melt down - after 7 re locations, facing another. Found solace in the bottle. Was spiraling downhill fast. Now early retired (not planned) living in a beach community - like the WORST place on the planet to live as a non-drinker....it began to really wear on me....after about 2 1/2 yrs AF. I'm a bit of an introvert and for a while I was okay with not partaking in all the parties...it becomes SO lonely....so last October I began heading down to the beach with a Diet Coke in hand - adding my singles (like they serve you on airplanes)....I was quite surprised like you...that the feeling I got was like euphoria.....can't lie. So here it is May - so 6 months down the road....although I'm still buying the singles, it's taking me more and more to get that feeling of mellowness/euphoria. Clearly the quantity keeps increasing - as it is progressive. I've stayed out of "trouble" so far - but have this gut feeling that this is not going to end well. I was so happy not drinking for such a long time. I guess peer pressure brought me back in...like you, having difficulty with the lonliness of being a non-drinker.

[Turnagain]

Hi Mossie and friends....

This is definitely an area that impacts all of us who have been mired in the pit of addiction and the answers don't always seem apparent. There's a long history of myth and misconceptions surrounding addiction and there are times when it seems we haven't moved much beyond the 'burn the drunk bums at the stake' mode of things.

Yet...we are finding those answers now in the explosion of new research that is beginning to paint a more accurate and complete picture of the mechanisms of alcohol addiction.

Here's the science in a nutshell: alcohol is the problem - not us. We can change - but alcohol and its impact on us - will never change. Ethanol is Ethanol is Ethanol whether it's in wine, beer, hard liquor or even Listerine. It's an addictive, caustic, toxic, poison. There's no safe amount to ingest. Every drink always damages every single cell in every single body every single time. Addicted or not.

We are not diseased, or flawed, or weak-willed or selfish. Our brains have been altered by a legal psychoactive drug that is abundantly available. There's no judgement in this. Just factual evidence. Eventually, alcohol irreparably damages the part of the brain that gives us the capacity to choose and to change. And that is why it is essential to just keep the damn shit from going in. Ever again.

Knowing this and reminding myself of this on a near-daily basis has actually made it much easier to deal with the ever-present onslaught of cues and triggers that encourage us to drink. There's no such thing as returning to 'normal' drinking because there was never such a thing as normal drinking. It's completely abnormal to put a poison in our body. But that's how skewed things have become, eh?

Miss Moss...one glass of wine did not undo all the healing that you have worked hard to achieve. I definitely understand why you feel like there was a loss in continuity of sober days, but it's not the count that really counts, if you know what I mean. It's the ongoing commitment to keep the crap out that matters. And you're not letting yourself slide back into the pit.

Now, it's a matter of moving forward. The longer you're at this, the easier it gets with a mind that is getting healthier everyday. You're a fighter....and a thinker...and you're succeeding in blasting addiction out of your life once and for all.

Keep going, my friend....