There's 1 thing missing!

[autumn]

Thanks to everyone that wished me well for my 1 year anniversary. I've been a bit quiet of late as it's been quite a roller-coaster year of emotions and dramas. But finally it's mostly settling down. But yay, I hung in there by skin of my teeth and held on tight. I finally plucked up courage and asked for help, and pulled out all the tools from the box.

I have ridden PAWS with vengeance, but it helped to know what it was and more importantly it would finally pass! God I was bloody unbearable! I irritated myself!

I had a business that wasn't doing very well, but thank god it was resolved and in the knowledge that I was focused and sober. DH was quite relieved that I was not passed out drunk through out it.

But the toughest one has been the change in our relationship. All the bad crap that was causing the rows was still there when I finally sobered up. Who'd of guessed. Throw into the mix that DH still had no respect for me and was waiting for relapse (again) to happen. But to be fair, he was as it his wits end and was 'really' going to leave me if I picked up a drink again. He wasn't kidding. So, we are having couples counseling and it is working wonders. It's really hard work, and is sooo easy to slip back into old habits and fight like fishwives. But hey, he can't throw "Your drunk" at me anymore:happy2:

But the upside to a year of not drinking is I have my life back!! My 1 yr old grandson will never ever of known me drunk,
I am driving again, I have my freedom back. We are able to work on repairing our marriage before it was too late. I have done a textile course, upholstery course, joined 3 WI groups & craft groups galore! I have planted up the garden & veggies too. I used to manically buy plants then watch them die, still in the pots. And I have lost 3 stone, no more rotten puffy moon face & bloated body :sohappy:

Life is superb sober. It took quite a few years and many a battle, but it was worth never giving up on!

There is just 1 thing missing in my new life - Booze!!!

[paulywogg]

Lovely post Autumn

[Byrdlady]

Great going, Autumn!
It is an experiment worth running. If all things are equal except we remove AL as the variable, what happens? It doesnt magically fix everything, but I was amazed at all it DID fix. I was in the same boat as you, my hubs walked out (didnt want to be married to a drunk). That was 1587 days ago. Today we are thriving. I am more productive in every way. It didnt seem like it at the time, but he did me a huge favor and saved my life. I love my sober life now.

Great job and keep up the great work. Getting sober is hard, but always worth it. Byrdie

[Pie]

Thank you so much for this one-year update post, Autumn! Well-done on your success! :welldone:

[Eloise]

Hey this is great Autumn, my most sincerely congratulations. I also just reached one year and feel quite similar to you, although mine is a new marriage. Not much changed right away after I stopped drinking, he didn't think I had a problem, but slowly the change is discussions about hard issues are easier. I do not hide from myself, or him, now.
Facing that not so pretty music, but I can well imagine how if I had waited a few years it would have become a very uncomfortable marriage at best.
At worst, it would have slowly burnt itself out.

So, that said I have to agree life isn't perfect without wine but it sure is a lot better!
Enjoy every moment of your grand baby.

[jane27]

Congratulations Autumn! I found your post very inspiring. Reminded me that if it were always roses, roses wouldn't be so special. Thank you for your honesty. I'm looking forward to seeing your journey unfold. :hug:

[Sunbeam]

I have my life back, that is my favorite thought about not drinking.

[autumn]

Thanks Pauly, Pie, Byrd, Jane, Sunbeam & Eloise,

Congrats to everyone on their journey. We are all at different stages but all share a common goal. This is the only place where every one really understands what everyone is going through. Eloise your hot on my tail honey, 16 days difference......:congratulatory:

I wanted desperately to reply earlier, but my dongle at the caravan died & I had no internet for a week! sooooo frustrating!

It has been a damn tough ride, and worth fighting for. Yep if life was a bed of roses, we'd soon be bored with them!



It has been the shift in our relationship that has been the hardest. Quite rightly I have had to earn his trust & respect again. It horrified me at the statistics of how many relationships don't survive when a person sobers up.

I finally sobered up after asking for help. I was at the hospital in A&E after my seizure (combo of AL withdrawal & head injury after falling drunk). They were about to discharge me when poor desperate DH begged me to ask for help. It took all my courage to fess up & explain why I couldn't just contact the Al services in the morning. (I work closely with homeless people who also access the service)

So they arranged for me to have a hospital detox for a week whilst they sorted out a plan and an Al Key worker. That hospital detox gave me space and the meds I needed to start my journey. It truly saved my life. It also gave me a safe place to really lick my wounds and formulate a plan. I was pretty beat up after the fall & seizure. I really messed up my face in the fall & I chewed my tongue to pieces with the seizure, not pretty nor recommended!

The Al team were incredible, they arranged for us to meet in a neutral place, not the Drug & Al building where I bump into my clients. I was allowed to be called a fictitious name on my case-files so that if the organization I work with looked at my files, no AL recovery treatment would show on my file.

Just by assuring me I could be anon, this was a huge weight lifted & one less worry. I was so afraid of been 'exposed' and everyone knowing my dirty secret, that I battled on alone and kept failing miserably. And I was so so sick & tired of it. But when I asked for help, it came. And exceeded all my expectations. Ironic really as it was no bloody secret!

I had tried the AA and it was not for me. Too negative and forever an 'alcoholic in recovery'. How about I got I my life back on track & I just don't drink anymore? I remember reading about Marianne Keys being a recovering Alcoholic for 15 years and thinking "bloody hell, still 'recovering' after 15 years, when is she just 'recovered'??"

I struggled for years with this bitch, and I only managed it when I asked for help & a firm plan of recovery put in place. The couples counseling has been paid for by the recovery team as I am at a huge risk to relapse if my marriage falls apart. And boy has it been a lifeline.

I know it takes guts to fess up to being unable to cope with the chaos of Al, and is an incredibly painful admission. But please, don't be afraid to ask for help. I really thought I would be exposed to my clients and colleagues for the lush I was, and it terrified me. But the Al team pulled out all the stops to accomadate me & protect my anonymity. They were awesome.

Please ask for help if you need it, never ever stop trying or give up. I really thought I had to battle this alone behind closed doors and was too scared to access the services.

By grabbing every life line available I finally kicked Al out of my life. Never ever give up, there is hope and it can be beaten.

[autumn]

I forgot to say...................

I had to see my GP for the usual bloods for my liver count. He had all my hospital records.
I was sat there very teary and feeling really sorry for my self when he opened up and told me he had battled a prescription drug addiction as well as AL. He explained how he was had been suspended whilst he got his life back on track and was able to practice as a GP again.

His sharing and reaching out to me really helped me and made me feel less alone and broke down another barrier and stopped me feeling so alone in the battle.