interesting conversation with my sister

[roxane]

brief background-
father (finally absent) alcoholic, mother drank alot but not as bad. older brother and sister, he very alcoholic, sister the 'mother' to us both.

both are calling me regularly as we are in different parts of the country and my DH has terminal cancer.

so, sis calls me today and i had told her before that i was trying to not drink. i ask her about her drinking and she finally admitted that she had a problem! blow me down i was suprised. i have never hidden my problem from her, neither had my brother. she intimated that she wanted to cut down a few years ago but said that she had days of not having a drink, some days that she did, and rarely went on a binge. to me and my brother, this is moderation lol.

she said to me me today that when she opts not to drink she has a strong urge and has to try and talk herself out of it, rarely succeeds. sound familiar?

this is the first time i asked her straight and she gave me an honest answer. thats all three of us with a problem.

i suppose that i put the information at the top to say that perhaps genetics/upbringing has a major effect on us.

anyone else had an eye-opening conversation with anyone?

roxane

[cke123]

interesting conversation with my sister

Hey Roxane-

I don't have a lot to add to that, but my sister has alcohol issues, (not that she would ever admit it) My mother and father both had drug and alcohol issues, both my grandparents have/had alcohol issues, and my uncle has been sober for 9 years. (but had major alcohol issues)

How do I stand a chance! LOL

I drink to omuch too, but just try to be better every day...ho hum...

[roxane]

interesting conversation with my sister

cke (is that alright?)

you have a chance because you are aware. your sister like mine wouldnt/wont admit it. my sister finally did, and believe me thats incredible. as i said, she felt she needed to mother us and as such hasnt been able to admit to not being in control. i didnt ask her outright, i just said this is how i feel, how about you? she was ready to tell me.

[Guest]

interesting conversation with my sister

Rox, my Sister won't admit it, she has a seious problem. I have mentioned it to her and she says "I just have a few beers on the weekend" No way, she get lit almost everynight. She is in denial, my Mom and I were talking about this subject this morning. Because yesterday my husband and I went to the vineyards and I had 3 glasses of wine over 9 hours. I felt I should have stopped at 2 and was feeling quilty. Mom said you girls must get it from your Dad. He was an alcoholic but stopped cold turkey at age 41. My Mom has never drank. I know little about my Grandparents drinking history. I have often said it's genetic as for my other 2 sisters One I know for sure dosen't drink the other possibly. Were not close. I think though we would be surprised at who drinks that we belive dosen't.
Smiles Always
Mar

[roxane]

interesting conversation with my sister

simeybear, you said you and your mum were talking about you sister, i think thats great! often family doesnt talk, whether your sister will admit it or not is for her to decide. you know and your mum knows. your mum sounds great and open to what has been going on.

roxane

[soccermom]

interesting conversation with my sister

My family has had a lot of drinking issues.
But we all have successfully managed to bury our heads in the ground and never speak of it.
We have even managed to carry this over into our adult lives and never bring up when one's behavior gets out of hand.
We're just very mature like that. Heaven forbid anything should be discussed out in the open.

[roxane]

interesting conversation with my sister

all you need to know soccermom is that you have recognised that you have a problem. from one of the threads recently, it might be an idea not to say anything anyway, just do what you need to do to help yourself. anything that follows that may help your family is a bonus

[zincityzen]

interesting conversation with my sister

Roxane, this very subject has been on my mind for days now. It is wonderful that you were able to talk to your sister about drinking. I wish I could have an eye-opening conversation with my oldest sister, but I have a strong desire not to go there.

Alcohol has put a miserable blot on my family life. Both parents problem drinkers/alcoholics - worse than I am or ever have been, but still responsible adults whose lives were cut short by their stupid health choices, esp. smoking and drinking. I remember trying to talk to my middle sister about how much Mom drank when we were teenagers and she said since Mom was never really "drunk", then she couldn't be an alcoholic (4+ glasses of wine a day, every day). She has continued with a HUGE propensity for denial, now with our Oldest sister's drinking ("she can't be an alcoholic because sometimes she only has ONE drink" when they go out for dinner).

Oldest sister gets drunk and annoying as hell during any get togethers so much that I've made it a point to only visit once a year and have been happy to work at the spa on Christmas Day because then I have a convenient excuse for not driving to CA where I will be on edge, silent, and miserable waiting for the holiday "house arrest" with family to be over.

Our last get together in April had Oldest sister drunk, having real-time blackouts, and picking on us in such a mean, rude, snotty way that it spoiled my trip and my middle sister's birthday that we were supposed to be celebrating.

I haven't spoken to her since.

She's abrasive, even when sober, and would not be open at all to hearing out my concerns. I'm too pissed off to put any words in a nicey-nice lovey sort of way. I'm no angel myself, but I usually drink less than usual while visiting so things don't get too volatile - it absolutely makes things worse to stand up for myself - so I've been telling myself that once a year I can deal with, but it's looking like even that is too much.

This makes me sad.

With both parents dead, my sisters are the only close family I have left. Overall I've been much happier living away from them, and I feel like I should make an effort to open up communication.

Still, all I can work on is myself, so here I am at MWO.

[roxane]

interesting conversation with my sister

i'm sitting upstairs watching Darcy Busell doing ballet and not getting it. it on tv, giving it a try, but no understand.

zincityzen, thats a hell of a post and i need to think about it (i'm not *uhum*sober) maybe its my state of being but could you break your posts into paragraphs, it makes for easier reading.

[ducky]

interesting conversation with my sister

I can only echo what you have all said. Seems to run in the family, though that is no excuse. There are six in our family and only one is not a problem drinker (most of the time). The rest of us overdo it every time we get together. It's how we were raised and what we know how to do. I am trying to change that for myself.

[cassy]

interesting conversation with my sister

Hi all yes i come from a long line of catholic irish drinkers!!!
Determined to make the changes using every strategy i can and lay no blame on others.

I believe change is possible and many of the family have returned to moderation or abstaining.
I no longer wonder about genetic links ..i,ve read enough books on the subject though.

We need to deal with making changes to our own lives and let others tread their own road, not in a selfish way but neither can we be rescuers!!( a trait i am trying to shake off)

Heres wishing for changes in our own lives//regards Cassy

[SKendall]

interesting conversation with my sister

My father was raised in a pub in England - his side of the family has no drinking problems.

My mother was raised in a God fearing teetollating household (I remember my grandma sending me to the off-license for brandy for "heart reasons"). My mothers side of the family sprouted the drinkers.

Out of 4 siblings 3 have the drinking bug.

[ScoobyDoo]

interesting conversation with my sister

Cassy, our thoughts share the same page

When it comes to alcohol issues, I have come to realise that everyone is different and must travel their own road as to when/how they admit their problem and whether or not they choose to act on it.

Roxane, it must be such a relief for your sister to be able to talk with you about it... especially seeing as she was the acting parent in her younger years. Sisters are the best! And it must be such a relief for you too, so you can support each other.

I am the only one out of my sisters (no brothers) with a drinking problem, although we all recognise that we are all vulnerable to the lure of alcohol. I;ve also talked a lot with my sisters about my drinking and what I should do about it.

Scoobs