One Step at a time - July 2015

[Dottie Belle]

Hello all,
Long day. Church then went to feed my friends cat. Then Dave came over for a while. We had a nice chat. This evening I went to Jerry's for dinner. We watched a movie. Now I am home and tired. NEVER again will I attempt to have 2 dates in one day. What was I thinking...
Tomorrow is laundry. Tuesday date with Dave for a dance lesson. Again with him on Friday for dance lesson and dinner I guess. Somewhere during the week I guess Jerry will fit in.
I am having fun and doing so much. I plan to take some private dancing lessons for myself. I am just taking the ones with Dave because he wants to be able to go out dancing and do something beside sway side to side...LOL I am a much more experienced dancer which is fine but I plan to continue for ME....
Being able to do what I want has some definite advantages. Just need to watch the budget.
Going to watch TV and chill.

[All done drinking]

I'm mad and I just don't want to take it!

Hi all. I am Addy (All done drinking...yes!) and new to the threads in the AF section. Really, really, really, thought I could moderate my drinking and have come to the conclusion that I just absolutely will have a happier life if I just quit drinking altogether. I have never been a daily drinker but am a binge drinker. What is scary is I can control it at times and not at other times and I never know (with all of the variables in life) when I can control it and when I can't. Being this thread is entitled one step at a time, I decided to start posting here (rather than creating a new thread) as I am taking baby steps with this new venture of totally abstaining. I am just so done with believing that I can control it to only two or three at the most the next time I drink. I am so tired of embarrassing myself, my DH, my kids and making a fool in front of family and friends when I overdrink. This is only day 3 for me and I am feeling angry. Angry at the people who can drink and don't have a problem, angry at my best friend who is worse than I am but refuses to face her problem so continues to drink and is now offering me support in the fact that she won't drink in front of me. PLEASE...have all of the drinks you want in front of me. It won't make me want to drink. But it makes me angry that she isn't ready to face reality that she has a problem too as this would be so much easier to do with a friend fighting the same battle. I am just going through a period today of feeling angry and sad as I visualize the situations where I really enjoyed drinking (wedding coming up and there will be champagne to toast)...things like that. And I know that if I start to believe I can only have that one glass of champagne and I'll be ok, there will be another excuse as to why I should have one, and I will find myself in the same sad situation. Any advice of fighting the anger?
Addy

[mama bear]

Addy - we have all been there....trust me. You are welcome to join our little family. Talk to us and we will be here for you.
Back to work for me......wish me luck. Still hacking my head off, but getting better.

[Rusty]

Welcome, Addy! It's great to have you here! Please also check out these threads: Newbies Nest under the "Just Starting Out" Form...and the AF (Alcohol-Free) Daily Thread under Monthly Abstinence. Excellent, active threads that focus on trying to quit and staying quit.

As far as the anger and how not to be jealous of normal drinkers, especially at a wedding where there is champagne (one of my favorites) my addiction therapist gave me this advice, "it is NOT what is in the glass. It's the people we are with...focus on the joy of being with people you love." Like you, I had an inconsistent off switch when it came to alcohol. I was also a binge drinker. Sometimes, I could stop, and then sometimes, not. This helped me...and maybe it will help you, too. Google "Celebrities Who Are Teetotalers." For some reason, it gave me great strength to know that J Lo (Jennifer Lopez), Donald Trump, and other famous and successful people can have happy and rewarding lives and they don't drink. Also, try to look at AL the way I look at one of my favorite treats: Corn on the cob. I live in America's Dairyland, Wisconsin, and we have THE BEST corn on the cob here in the summer....and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. Well, I CAN'T CAN'T CAN'T eat it. I have Diverticulosis, and if I eat it, I will be in agony for a good 3 days!!! Believe me, I thought I could outsmart my colon. I took probiotics, etc. thinking that it would help and I could eat my favorite summer food. Um, WRONG-O. Do I miss it? HELL, YES. But the pain I feel after eating it is NOT worth it. Do I get envious when I see someone loading corn into their shopping carts knowing they're going to be eating it at a BBQ? YES. The reality is, it causes me PAIN. Just like AL. I don't know if you're from the US, but here in the states, a guy named Don Imus has a TV/Radio program. Imus has been sober for about 30 years, and he said it best, "there is not one thing that drinking alcohol will do to make your day better." He was right. Regarding your best friend, you can't control what she thinks. This is YOUR journey. Not hers. Focus on you. Set an example for her and she might come around. Stick close. :-) We are a friendly bunch. But I am the friendliest. Ha Ha. Just kidding.

[Lizann]

Thank you rusty! I needed that this morning!

[Rusty]

Lizzylou!!! You're back!! No more vacations for you. NOPE NOPE NOPE!!!! I HATE it when you're gone!

[Lizann]

I missed you too rusty. Feeling depressed after vacation. It always happens and I miss my boy terribly. Your post hit home with me today. I did drink on vacation but kept it to one glass. Not even everyday. I'm unhappy about that too, because I did want more.
Avail Lucy is better. She's still on the chicken and rice. I may mix in a little of her dog food today. Thanks for letting me vent.

[techie]

Thinking of you all

[paulywogg]

Hey guys, hi Techie Rusty,I never received your pm?maybe my box was full but I cleared it now,hi Addy,I seen you on the umpteenth quit thread,Dots,dance class sounds fun,what is your favorite kind? Mama,hope you feel ok at work, I woke up with congestion again but I think its just the weather cuz I was fine yesterday, today is dark and cloudy and when its like that i get heaviness in my head,doc says its barometric pressure, Nora,hope you check in ladybug Liz,glad you were able to control your drinking on vacation which you haven't really told us about!! I think with Lucy being sick that was your focus but I want details, it sure looked like fun in the pics,hi Skendall,K9 I think I got everyone? Hope everyone had a Mojo filled Monday

[All done drinking]

Thanks everyone for either the written reply or the mental good wishes when you read my post. Yes, I totally recognize I am going through the stages of grief in this beginning process of truly surrendering and admitting I can no longer fight this battle of thinking I can drink moderately and maintain control every time I do. Looking at the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance I totally know that I have been in denial for a long time. I have worried for a long time that I could stay on the path of believing I could drink here and there. It started to get downright worrisome of impending gatherings (wedding, reunion, etc.) wondering and worrying if I could get through them without embarrassing myself and others. So, the denial has been there for a long time but I think I went through the bargaining first, before I reached the anger stage. There has been a lot of bargaining these past many years to myself and God: "Please, one more chance and I promise I won't make a fool of myself or drink over my designated number of 2!" That went on for too long.

Here I am now at the anger stage and I really felt angry last night because I have wanted to believe for SO long that I can just go to dinner and have 2 or go to a wedding and have the one glass of champagne. It sounds like everyone here isn't 100% abstinent as some people are still slipping in the glass or two but today that thought is too scary for me to think I can do that as it hasn't worked in the past when I try to slip in a glass or two so the anger is there for me in wanting to fantasize I can still do that. It's such a slippery slope as they say and before you know it, that one little drink has a person having "just 2" the next time and then you find yourself you're back to where you started.

I will definitely keep posting and want to thank everyone (on other threads too) for their support and kind words of wisdom. I am considering an AA group as well as coming here only for the fact that I am a people person and feel it will be helpful to make new non drinking friends that I can socialize with. Off to work. Thanks again everyone.

Addy (All done drinking...Yes!)

[Dottie Belle]

Morning all,
Welcome Addy. As Rust said the Newbies nest is a fantastic place to start. I think it really helped me and the support is great for the beginning feelings.
Have a pedi appt later today. Need a little me time. I like being out on dates but time to chill and reflect.
Hot and humid again. Hate to even take the dogs out. Bleh
pauly I love the latin dances and swing. But I know most of the popular ballroom dances. But want to improve and learn new patterns and steps. They say it will keep the mind sharp.

[SKendall]

Welcome, Addy! As Mama said we've all been there. If possible, I would try to turn that anger into gratitude. Grateful that you have found some sobriety before things got worse or something dreadful happened. Anger is very destructive.

Maybe you could stop envying your friend - This is your journey and it will be your success and comparisons will lead to failure. You got here and that's a good thing. It took so many tries for me to get it but I will never regret it and always grateful.

We will help you in any way we can. Newbie's Nest has some members who are great.

Good luck on this very important journey.

[Lizann]

Well Pauly you want details. It was just beautiful. We kayaked in Dubrovnik Croatia. We went to see Ephesus in turkey. Super crowded and hot. People were so nice. Did some shopping and then a carpet making demonstration where they fed us. On to santorini Greece where we relaxed on a black beach and then explored a breathtaking town on the too of a hill! Last port was Olympia Greece, we saw where the Olympics started. Then to a gorgeous winery where we have a light lunch under the pine trees!! Trip of a life time! Kids all had a great time and we just have fun together. Once back in Venice we dropped Mark off at the train then headed to the airport. My seat was the last row, the seats don't recline. We had to pay for iPads to watch movies I sat by the bathrooms and that's when the tears came! For some reason air canada won't let you book seats. Turns out ok, no one sat next to me so I stretched out. Thanks for asking!

[Rusty]

Liz-a trip of a lifetime...so glad you shared with us.:love::happy2:

[NoraC]

Hello everyone..........

Addy - I'm so glad that you found us over here.

Liz - what a fantastic trip. Oh my goodness!!!

Love & hugs to all - I called in sick today and am just lazing around. I am going to make an appointment with my Dr and see about adjusting my meds or something. Anxiety is thru the roof.........no reason for it and if I'm sober I'll be fine! So, just need to put one foot in front of the other and keep on keeping on.

xxxxx