Keeping the delusions from winning?

[All done drinking]

100 Days for Addy~!

Rather than create a new thread, I thought it was more fitting (and hopefully more helpful to other newbies or those struggling) to pull up this old thread when I was only 3 days into my quit. Scary to quit? Yes. Worth it? ABSOLUTELY.

How wonderful to wake up each morning feeling refreshed and unhungover. No remorse, regret, or shame. No looking for cues from hubby to refresh my memory as to what I did the night before. Did I say something stupid? Is he mad at me? Is somebody mad at me?

I managed to fool myself for years because I was a binge drinker. I didn't drink a lot by most standards. 3 drinks were a lot and I would chastise myself the times I drank that many. But usually (at least one time a month) I would have 4 or more (whole bottle of wine for example) and then the stupidity would really come out. "crying in my beer" so to speak. Wanting to die, feeling worthless, feeling like I didn't have friends or no-body cared about me. Just drunken stupid thinking that happens when one takes a depressant who already may start out with being depressed. The combo doesn't mix.

Today, I am celebrating 100 days of being alcohol free. There have been ups and downs this past 100 days. My closest friend (who is a high functioning alcoholic) has not made time to get together because my non drinking reminds her of her own drinking and she doesn't want to go there in her head. I have not been as social as I have wanted to be, in order to protect my quit and have avoided situations that could make things difficult. So, I have avoided the work happy hours, the casual "let's get together for a drink" with friends (as alcohol can bond people in that way, giving them that excuse to get together) so there have been times that I have felt lonely.

But the plus side has been having my power back as I am in control and fully present with whomever I interact with. I have learned to make get togethers different, chai tea at Starbucks or a walk in the park. I am grateful for the times my grandson's mom picks him up or I drop him off, for the fact that I have not had a drink or two. I am thankful for all of the people here who have supported me and shared with me their triumphs and struggles and have helped me to feel less lonely when I have needed a friend. I am also thankful that I can be a better role model to my sons and show them that alcohol can be a negative thing in people's lives when they have a problem with it. Yes, dad is a normal drinker. Mom is not. Mom wanted to be and tried really, really hard to be one. But maybe it's not so bad to be the example of someone who should not have alcohol in their lives. They are young men now and will be facing that choice to drink or not. Maybe my quitting will make it easier for them to make that choice too if they see they have a problem with it. I bought a plaque that sits in my kitchen. It says, "Live in such a way that there will be no REGRETS when someone else follows your footsteps." I am so grateful that without drinking I am now the person my sons would be proud to follow.

My name is Addy and I am truly All Done Drinking..Yes~!

[Sunbeam]

Congrats on your 100 days! It seems like it went quickly, though I guess it is always 100 days. By the time I quit, that whole bottle of wine routine had become a weekly event, time to actually quit for good. My life does seem to go by faster now, all for good. When I was drinking I was too often thinking about the drink, instead of just enjoying life. Don't forget to post on the 100 days thread, under long term abstinence.

[All done drinking]

When I was drinking I was too often thinking about the drink, instead of just enjoying life.

Sunbeam,

That is SO true, especially when we were both working so hard on trying to moderate. So much thinking and planning on how to try and make that work. I feel so free now without that worrying or thinking about when I'll drink again or angst about "what will I say, what will I do?"

Thanks for the post and for the congrats.

Addy~

[NoSugar]

Way to go, Addy!

You're such an asset to MWO - your willingness to share why moderation didn't work for you and your enthusiasm about AF living can help others who are struggling to moderate and are so afraid to quit entirely. You're showing everyone here that it can be done - and done well!

See you over in the 100 day thread! :heart: NS

[Guitarista]

Congratulations on 100 days Addy! Very cool job.

[autumn]

A Huge Congratulations on your 100 days! Stick with it, it just keeps getter better!

:sohappy:

[Mr Vervill]

Congratulations, Addy, a huge accomplishment!

[All done drinking]

Pauly,

I am bumping this one for you as we have similar struggles in the fact that I struggled so hard to come to terms with the fact that I shouldn't drink. I posted here for 7 long years as Eve11 trying to moderate my drinking. I failed every month in meeting my goals but I kept trying and trying. You keep trying to quit, get stuck on day 4 (as you've said) yet you keep trying and trying to make quitting happen. This thread was started on my day 3 of quitting. I finally came to the conclusion that I NEEDED to quit. I was all done lying to myself and deluding myself that I could be a normal drinker just because I could control it most of the time. It was those times that I couldn't that made me fearful I would lose respect, friends, possibly even my husband as he would get so disappointed when I embarrassed him "yet again".

There is some great advice from long termers that came to my aid and maybe you will gain something that will help you be successful this time. I really believe posting days on the roll call helps. Also, have a quit buddy. NoraC and I didn't announce that we were, but it was always inspiring to see she kept her 10 days behind me constantly, IamMary, always 2 behind. Post day 1 today or whatever day it is, hopefully 5 and you made it past the dreaded 4 and hang with folks who are really strong in wanting to make "this" quit work.

Addy