People with OCD

[briseus]

Hi...

Where are my people with OCD...anyone?
I wrote a post a few days ago...thank YOU for sharing your opinions...and it has helped and made me think.
But...this OCD is rearing it's ugly head...it's making it feel almost impossible to stay sober sometimes. I don't know.

Where are my people with OCD? How did you get sober?

[Spiritfree]

Hi Briseus -in all likelihood, I am not one of your 'people' although I have traits associated with OCD. In fact, evidence suggests that most all people afflicted with alcoholism are OCD in some way.

For many, many years, I suffered from consistent negative thought patterns that would not leave my mind -without alcohol- and then they would only begin to get worse when I did drink. This pattern of anxiety induced negative thinking began in my early childhood. Baclofen has been the only thing that has ever helped me in this area -removing the negative cyclical thought pattern.

I do hope that others read and understand more about Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder (OCD). There certainly are many varying degrees of OCD, but if you are an alcoholic, then you have OCD -like or know it or not. This in no way implies that you wash your hands 30 times a day or etc, it only means that you have become chemically (brain and/or body) addicted to alcohol and this is all that your brain can think about -over and over and over.

[briseus]

I am not entirely sure if I am misreading the way you meant your post to be Spirit.

Because I deal with pretty bad OCD. And no, the alcohol didn't give me the OCD. I have had it since I was young. May you share with me where u heard that it's consistent? I am trying to educate myself on it as much as I can...always.
I personally have never heard or read that if you are alcoholic that you have some form of OCD. Or that it was the cause of it...I could be wrong. I'm not a doctor.
Have you been diagnosed with OCD Spirit?
Am curious what might have worked for you when you were having difficult times.

What I meant by my post and sorry for writing "my people"....
Was that to those individuals that have dealt with or are dealing with OCD....how are you dealing with getting sober?
I am finding it difficult when my OCD flares up or when I relapse with it.

[briseus]

Ps. Only tried to find a part of the forum where I could relate to people that have the same problem. I'm having a particularly difficult time and looking for somewhere to turn to. That's all.

[Sunbeam]

Hi Bri,
I think not just people with OCD but also those with other types of anxiety turn to alcohol for comfort. I have two siblings who have also abused alcohol and have these issues. My sister has anxiety and depression, she continues to drink; and my brother has OCD and was once diagnosed with manic depressive disorder, he is working hard to stay sober. You would find a lot of posts if you searched for anxiety.

[briseus]

Thanks Sunbeam. I am going to look into this.
I am just having a particularly hard time with my OCD/anxiety lately and guess just wanted some support as I have never tried to deal with the extent of it completely sober and it's terrifying at times.

I will search and read more up on it. Thanks.

[Eloise]

Briseus- first I am very sorry you are having a tough time of it. If I may make a friendly suggestion, I am no healthcare professional and you may need medication to calm yourself down enough to move forward, but maybe look into mindfulness training, yoga and even herbal sedative teas? Find some alternative tools in addition to working with your doctor?
I have been dealing with my anxiety issues and find I need a lot of tools to help me cope. I have even taken up horseback riding. I wanted a new sport (gotta workout and get rid of that anxiety) but riding is teaching me even more about how to deal with my anxiety of the unknown. Fear of what might go wrong & the desire to hide at home. The horses teach me a lot about myself and how I view the world.
When the times get tough then the tough get going, right? You can do this!

[LavenderBlue]

Hi there! I'm afraid I'm also not diagnosed OCD - I've had some of the traits since i was a kid, but I'm primarily diagnosed with depression/anxiety. Drinking definitely made those issues worse, and harder to deal with, but like you I've had them since before I ever drank. I can tell you that stopping drinking was something I had to do before I could sort out and get to a doctor for the first time since I was a teenager, but in your case it might be worthwhile to see a doctor now?

Getting sober when your brain is fighting you on other levels is difficult, it's helped me to remember that there are many many people out there with my issues who manage them without drinking, so I know it is possible. I'm also working with a doctor to figure out the best balance of medication for me - it's worth remembering that if I was drinking I couldn't take the medication that actually helps me.

i've got to get ready for work here, but sending good thoughts your way and I hope more folks respond!

[Spiritfree]

I am not entirely sure if I am misreading the way you meant your post to be Spirit.

Because I deal with pretty bad OCD. And no, the alcohol didn't give me the OCD. I have had it since I was young. May you share with me where u heard that it's consistent? I am trying to educate myself on it as much as I can...always.
I personally have never heard or read that if you are alcoholic that you have some form of OCD. Or that it was the cause of it...I could be wrong. I'm not a doctor.
Have you been diagnosed with OCD Spirit?
Am curious what might have worked for you when you were having difficult times.

What I meant by my post and sorry for writing "my people"....
Was that to those individuals that have dealt with or are dealing with OCD....how are you dealing with getting sober?
I am finding it difficult when my OCD flares up or when I relapse with it.

Hi Briseus -Please understand that I am thankful that you are trying to use this site for support. Furthermore, I am very sorry that you have to endure what you are going through right now relative to OCD/Anxiety and thoughts of alcohol.

My point regarding alcohol and OCD. If one is an alcoholic (AUD), then you automatically have some form of OCD - because the alcohol is the only thing that your brain can 'think' about -obsessively and compulsively. I am in no way trying to imply that one had OCD before the alcoholism, but alcohol in and of itself can eventually create an OCD.

One definition of OCD: (Mayo Clinic)
"Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder characterized by uncontrollable, unwanted thoughts and repetitive, ritualized behaviors you feel compelled to perform. If you have OCD, you probably recognize that your obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors are irrational – but even so, you feel unable to resist them and break free."

The above definition should explain why I said that all alcoholics suffer from OCD and here is my take:

(1) Anxiety: Pre-existing or caused by alcohol or other
(2) Uncontrollable, unwanted thoughts: No true alcoholic wants to have these continued, uncontrollable, unwanted thoughts regarding alcohol
(3) Ritualized behaviors: All alcoholics have a true pattern of finding/hiding and drinking their drinks -every single day. They become very upset if this pattern is
broken.
(4) Most alcoholics realize that what they are doing (drinking) is irrational (and harmful), yet they keep repeating the same actions -over and over again.
(5) Most alcoholics find it extremely difficult to resist the urge (need) to drink and break free from the OCD regarding alcohol.

Bri -No, I have never been formally diagnosed with OCD -I never needed a formal diagnosis to understand the fact that I suffer from a brain disorder that causes me to repetitively do things or think things -over and over- without being rational- in order for me to realize that I had some form of OCD.

My particular form of OCD has served me very well in the past and it has also created much harm for me in the past. As an example of the positive side of my OCD, when I become obsessive-compulsive about a particular positive project (work/etc.), then it is "Katy-bar-the-door" so to speak. I am all out and will obsessively and compulsively work on that project until someone says that it is completed (and I have had to learn to do this myself). Very few thoughts outside of this project have access to my brain when this happens (or used to happen). On the negative side of my OCD, I can become so immensely involved in negative activities or thoughts that they then become extremely harmful to myself (alcohol, gambling, worrying, etc.)

Again Bri, the only real thing that I ever found that truly changed my brain's way of processing information in a more rational way was baclofen. Other people have found other ways to cope. Baclofen affects and changes the brain (gaba-b) in a way that very few other medications can. I do not know the science behind it or even why it happens. All that I do know is it/was the only medication that eventually gave me the opportunity free myself of most anxiety and to stop the negative-repetitive thought cycles.

Bri -please understand this; I never intentionally write a post that is purposely meant to be harmful or demeaning to anyone. I have been told before that I do not always come across this way -but please know that I am not a person that is not trying to help others (and myself) in some way.

Thank you for your post and I think that those who read your thread might become more knowledgeable about OCD, alcoholism, and relate to the same type of journey that we all seem to be on.

--sf--

[briseus]

SF -- I am sorry if I didn't make myself clear - which seems to be the case here...I am not seeking support or advice on my OCD regarding alcohol....I am seeking support or advice regarding my OCD/anxiety.....and the only relief I get at this point is from alcohol.
I was 8 months sober once...and had to deal with my OCD and anxiety without the appropriate tools (for example, CBT perhaps) until I literally was unable to deal with it on my own at all. Alcohol was my only relief.
I was nearly 30 days sober...before the OCD/anxiety flared up...nothing to do with alcohol - it had everything to do with pure obsessional, intrusive thoughts and rumination/compulsions...to the point where it began to interfere with my daily life...and the only relief that I got...was from alcohol. Because at that point, I literally didn't think...which was a relief!
It doesn't necessarily have to be AL...it could have been drugs...or it could have been benzo's (that I am prescribed) but I am too afraid of drugs....and alcohol is just 'familiar'.

I understand you aren't intentionally posting anything harmful or demeaning...but I think we are both not on the same page.
I completely understand what you are saying...because there have been moments where my own OCD can definitely play on the "wanting" alcohol...or finishing everything in the fridge because it's there and it feels like a compulsion...but I am talking about clinical obsessive compulsive disorder...that feels like is taking over my life...without alcohol...and the only relief I got...albeit temporary...is with alcohol.
Until I see my psych...I would like to know what "my people with OCD" did until they were able to get the meds they needed, or the help they needed, without having to resort to these sort of behaviours...
I hope that made sense.

LavBlue and Eloise - thanks for your posts.
I went to see a doc over a month ago - who said wouldn't see me until I got at least 30 days sober..unfortunately at the time, I was at a loss..if you're going to take my crutch away...that i used for 4-5 years, what am I to do? But I was going to do it...because I thought I could...until a very stressful life event happened (and my OCD/anxiety usually flares up then)...that life was pretty crippling the last week....I couldn't leave the house, I couldn't be near people...work was 10 hours of never ending, constant panic attacks and obsessions and compulsions (not surrounding AL) were irrational and terrifying to me.
I made it 25 days...and then I couldn't take it anymore...I didn't want to take my benzo's (they are addictive enough as they are)...so...I went back to AL...an excuse? In the past if I didn't try it could have been....but I literally need a bit of extra help...
I know it's a mental disorder...
I never wanted to be on meds..but know that I need to be on them. I keep long periods of sobriety going...until I crack and can't deal with the mental issues any longer...because I never was given the proper tools to deal with them in the first place.
But I am considering them. And will be seeing a doc next week (I honestly can no longer wait)...so hope to be put on something to help....so that dealing with sobriety (which seems to be going well enough for me and I do enjoy it) will coincide with dealing with the OCD/anxiety.
Because at this point...it's the only thing that is keeping me going...the panic has been so bad....I feel like I am drowning.

Thanks for listening.

[LavenderBlue]

briseus - I just want you to know that I hear you and I'm sorry you're in such a tough place. My saving grace while quitting drinking was that I was unemployed at the time. It was mostly the anxiety that had been keeping me from applying anywhere, but still, at least it meant I had some breathing space to start putting my head back together. When my anxiety was at its worst (and that was while I was still drinking) I'd have panic attacks just trying to go the gas station, just trying to buy a soda.

It SUCKS being in that position, and I guess I just want you to know I hear what you're saying. What you're going through isn't the same as me, but I still hear you.

When people say the AL doesn't actually help, they're telling the truth; but I also know how it feels to not have anything else that you know to do, or nothing else that at least seems to help. I'm glad you're seeing a doctor again, and I hope they understand just how stuck you're feeling and can give some helpful advice.

I don't want to say the wrong thing, because I do 100% believe that getting the AL out is super important to being able to find real solutions for your other issues...I just also know how it feels, or at least close. Sending much support your way - you're very brave for trying to find a new way to cope, and I hope you continue to try. I truly believe you'll find a way to both get sober and find other ways to deal with the rest, so long as you keep trying. "It can get better" sounds so lame, but I wish I could tell Past-Me those words, and have me listen!

[briseus]

Thank you LavBlue - and for just listening too!
Anxiety is pretty crippling, eh?
I guess in a way I am grateful that I am working while going through this...well for now anyways it hasn't gotten to the point just yet where I have had to take time off work for it (although I have had to step away) but I feel like sometimes it definitely doesn't help.
The days can get pretty difficult to get through. This week was one of them.

In the past when I have seen a doc it was always "here are your benzo's, cut down and go to AA (or see an addictions counselor)". Which helped get and stay sober for longer periods of time but the anxiety and OCD was never worked on.
Until one day a counselor said to me "you'll only ever go back to drinking because that's your only coping tool and no one is helping with the underlying issue".
That's when I went to see a psych.
I am very serious of quitting alcohol, and I can see how some people may see it as an excuse to continue drinking - and if only I didn't wish this illness particularly of OCD on anyone for you to see just how much of a struggle it is to constantly go against your brain that is so obviously missing a piece of the puzzle.
I am determined to do anything it takes this time as alcohol does make it worse and it's very important to omit that. But at this point I'm at a loss and just really hope that we are able to come up with a game plan so that we can work on all these issues.
It's not a chicken and egg theory for me here.
The OCD and anxiety were there, when I began drinking when I was younger it was because I was too afraid to explain to anyone how I was actually feeling inside. Terrified because I thought something was inherently wrong with me. My only way I knew how to cope was to have some drinks to relax. I didn't know at the time I was making it worse until it then became too late and I was in the fly trap going down down down.

I have good days and bad days. I guess I just wanted to start a thread for people that feel helpless and are going through something similar.
Too afraid to ask for fear of ppl thinking they are crazy. You're not. And I know how hard it is to ask for help. I struggled with OCD for a very long time and only until recently has it been actually recognized by my doctors.

It truly is a vicious cycle to deal with not only the state of your mental health but your demons and addiction too.
I am off for a couple of days which in the past I would use to blot myself out. But instead am going to try yoga and meditation to help. I'll let u know how it goes and thank you again.

[abcowboy]

Bri, I think you are doing what you need to do, opening up and talking about it! Now, every time the anxiety starts to get overwhelming, come here to your thread and share your thoughts, work through them, not against them..

[briseus]

Thank you Cowboy. That's a good idea.

[Spiritfree]

Hi Bri -again. Thank you very much for your response to my latest post.

Would you please let me and/or others know the form of OCD that you have. In other words, what thoughts or actions do you take that define your OCD. I certainly understand if you prefer not to share this information.

My OCD was primarily an unstoppable cycle of negative thoughts combined with thoughts of fear -and this occurred since I can first remember (4/5 yrs old). As the years progressed, my OC actions/thoughts would lead me to being so focused on "one" thing, (good and not so good), that I realized I had to do something to change.

LavBlue - You brought up a very important valid point. Before my alcohol use disorder got so bad, alcohol was a great medicine to help me in my younger days -at least I had something to help break the OCD thoughts/actions. In some ways, I will always be thankful that I had access to alcohol in those 'days'.

thanks again -

--sf--