Dedicated to the quit we love

[All done drinking]

NS,
As I've been mulling your post over, I wanted to add something else that may be on the same page as what you are saying. So often, people have opinions of words that are said. They imply different things to different people. In the 80s when I told select friends that I was a recovering alcoholic they raised their eyebrows and pictured the street side brown bagger, which didn't match the high functioning professional person that I was.

I will be asked why I am not drinking the next time I see a certain family member. I am not going to tell them I decided to go into "recovery". I will probably say something like my body just isn't processing alcohol like it used to and I've decided to quit. It is the truth as I notice that one should be enough but I crave more so why even put myself on that merry go round. Someone said this once and I agree "If only one, why not none."

Even the "recovery" phrase creates a stigma for some people. When I met a friends new boyfriend, the fact that he shared he had been "in recovery" for 20 years made me think of him differently than if he had just said "I don't drink" without giving a reason. So, there is the stigma of words as well but that's what I've experienced and maybe others won't agree that that's the case for them. Very interesting to share our different observations and stories. Thanks for posting.

Addy~

[All done drinking]

Why I won’t drink “even occasionally”

Most of us know the deal. We quit drinking for a period of time. Months, years for some. And then slowly but surely, this little voice starts creeping into our heads going, “Oh come on…just one.” You’ve been so good not drinking for “8 months”… , 7 years, etc.” It’s a big event coming up (son’s wedding, big class reunion, major anniversary). You can probably just have one at this point and be ok. You can probably drink “occasionally” as you’ve done so well these past months/years.

I believed that little voice once. After 7 years of sobriety, I allowed myself the thought that I could drink like a normal person. Just have one glass of wine at a family dinner or 1 glass of champagne at a wedding. Here’s what I’ve learned why I cannot.

According to learning theory principles (Pavlov’s dogs as an example) any learned behavior usually increases in frequency if it’s rewarded (treat when the bell is rung) and decreases in frequency if it is punished or not positively reinforced (no treat when bell is rung and gradually the dog’s would quit salivating when they heard the bell).

Simply put, dogs and people stop performing any given behavior when there is no longer any incentive to continue. This extinction however, will not take place when the given behavior is reinforced “on occasion” or on an irregular basis. This irregular basis (known as aperiodic reinforcement) actually strengthens the original behavior and makes extinction of the craving almost impossible. If we “slip” after a period of abstinence and then experience the desired effects of alcohol that are positive (the buzz, liking the taste, etc.) the compulsion to drink is likely to remain as strong as ever. Since one would never know when they would give in to their urges (which occasion would be an allowable time to drink?) the urge to drink will continue to plague the person as long as the possibility of an occasional drink would continue to exist.

For the extinction of craving to occur, we must always find a way to say no to alcohol, to avoid consuming it even on an “occasional” basis and this will weaken the hold alcohol has on us. With the ongoing avoidance of alcohol, the desire for it will weaken and the result will be its eventual extinction. If the urge to drink is NEVER satisfied, then it will have no longer have power over us anymore.

I am working hard to have alcohol loosen it’s hold on me. I am not going to give in to even the “occasional” thought of a drink. If I did that, I know I would start to battle with what warranted an occasion to drink and as I said on another post, “Hell, I’d be making up occasions!”

My name is Addy and I am simply All Done Drinking…Yes! Even done with the thought of an occasional one.

I welcome your thoughts, comments regarding this subject. :heartbeat:

[Guitarista]

I agree Addy. Starve the thing and never, ever forget where it takes us.

And re the previous subject, yes, words/terms like 'I am in recovery' can result in stigma. I don't need to tell everyone my story by my choice of words. I prefer to say 'I don't drink'. However, I am one who will share my story or reasons for quitting with someone who asks, purely for the purpose that it may assist that person somehow.

[NoSugar]

Hi, Addy

I wrote my feelings about your new topic awhile ago. I think a quick risk/benefit analysis makes it clear that it just isn't worth it. Alcohol is pretty much dead to me right now - there's no reason not to keep it that way!

NS

[Sunbeam]

I'm done drinking, done is done for good. No wiggle room there.

[abcowboy]

For me it's quite simple, I'm one drink away from death...that's how I look at it now..

[gingerspice]

For me drinking has had to die .I am hoping and praying that I carry on reinforcing my quit ,with education and self assessment.
I can truthfully say that my marriage, my relationships with my girls , and my health would not survive another wine journey. I find it very hard when we go out to explain that I don't drink. With my family it has stopped me being invited to things, as my brother and especially sister are heavy high functioning alcoholics ,and there life revolves around pubs and socialising and drink. -I make them and there friends uncomfortable.
take care x

[All done drinking]

With my family it has stopped me being invited to things, as my brother and especially sister are heavy high functioning alcoholics ,and there life revolves around pubs and socialising and drink. -I make them and there friends uncomfortable.
take care x

gingerspice,

That is one of the hard things about recovery isn't it? Every day that I tack on another day at the NN roll call becomes another day that I can tack on not seeing a few of my old drinking friends because I know they don't want to be around me as my non drinking make them look at their drinking, and they don't want to go there in their head. I have a beautiful little grandson and I am just trying to make day plans with friends who are also grandmothers where drinking would never come into the picture. Take them to the Pumpkin Patch or the Zoo or things like that. I also relish in just being with him and count my blessings that any day with him is so much better than any day I could have had drinking wine with a GF. But it is hard at times when we know we no longer fit in, especially in your case where the pub gathering is the big get together and if a non drinker can handle a setting like that with a non al drink, I find we get bored pretty quickly. Only ok to watch some people make fools of themselves for so long.

Hubby shared how his brother had spilled some family dirt to the cousin about the cousin's father's indiscretions when he visited him this summer. I thought to myself, "Oh no, I know BIL had been drinking when he did that." Loose lips sink ships. So glad I no longer have that to worry about, saying something stupid and then paying THAT price later. So glad I am all done drinking.

Addy :thumbsup:

Note: Sorry gang, I edited the post above #145 and it got deleted. The post was about giving our power away when we are drinking. I shared a story about the Native American belief that the soul leaves the body for about 4 days when people drink, and that is why people feel lonely (especially the day after drinking) because they are missing their soul. They then try to replace the loneliness with friends but it doesn't work because the body is longing for the soul. A woman replied to the facebook post: "One of my sons came to me at the age of 15, to ask when should he be old enough to drink. I told him, when he was prepared to be at the mercy of people."

So, my question to the group was asking to share if they had memories of giving their power away when drinking and to share what they were.

[abcowboy]

Well Addy, I think you brought forward a topic that should get some great discussion, power or lack of it. I had to think if I even wanted to comment for fear of upsetting the AA'ers but since I started with AA, then dropped it, I felt I wouldn't offend too much.

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

Hogwash I say, alcohol only had the power that I gave it, and all I had to do was get it back! That was and will always be the root of the problem. How to control the effect alcohol has over us. If we believe that turning our life over to something greater than ourselves is going to solve our drinking problem, then we enter into the whole "faith healing" discussion.

But that all said, I do believe in God and praying! But I don't pray to God to fix things for me, I pray to Him to give me the strength, courage, and wisdom to fix them myself and that's where the real power is!!

[Sunbeam]

Cowboy, you said something that bothers me about church, which I attend regularly. People are always praying for God to heal, when if fact His plan may be different. Makes me crazy, but my faith is strong. I continue attending for lots of reasons. God did help me during my quit, continues to support me. But He helps those who help themselves. We must do the actual work.

[abcowboy]

Sun, I agree with what you said. I don't think most of us pray the right way, if there is such a thing, probably there is no wrong way to pray! But if we keep praying to God to fix everything for us, we may have a lot of unanswered prayers! We have to do the work, with His help and guidance, that work becomes bearable.

I think of God and Church as 2 entirely different entities. I was a regular church-goer, chairman of the Parish Council, Lay Presider, Eucharistic Minister, etc. etc. Then my divorce outcast me, maybe rightly so, but now Pope Frances is starting to make changes that will allow my divorce to finally be annulled. We shall wait and see. But the Church to me is wood and stone, my Church is what's in my mind, heart, and soul. If people have trouble believing in God, my sobriety is proof that small miracles do happen and that there is power in prayer. Don't ask God to fix everything for you, just ask Him for the tools you need to fix them yourself...

[All done drinking]

"What intrigued me the most was one of the replies to the post. The mother said "One of my sons came to me at the age of 15, to ask when should he be old enough to drink. I told him, when he was prepared to be at the mercy of people."


I guess the real question for the week (as religion and politics can be too varied and big a debate) is did you ever feel at the mercy of people when you drank? Did being out of control with drinking take your power away, and if so how? I had an old classmate who everyone thought would be one of the most successful people when we grew up. He did not fulfill that prophecy because he was alcoholic. The last time we were at a reunion together my husband (who had never met him) was actually quite angry because Wayne was a little too touch feely with all of the women and just socially out of control. Not impressive to see what and who Wayne turned into. He was not in charge or in a power position, that's for sure. Alcohol can rob so much from us, even our dignity when we give that power away.

Addy

[j-vo]

Did out of control drinking take my power away?

All of the time. Besides being extremely vulnerable when drunk, we lose our real selves, we become someone else. It's not who we really are. I've been in so many situations when drunk, where I felt less than the person I am when I am sober. My self image is so sad, my self-confidence in the trash, and I have no power over anything. Over the years, it has happened many times, where I say or do or act and embarrass myself while in a drunken state, and that feeling carries through the next day, week, month. It brings me down, brings on depression, and I have literally no power. I hate that feeling and I hate alcohol. I will not let myself be vulnerable like that anymore.

[All done drinking]

J-Vo,

I like your signature statement too. It is scary to finally face facts that we should quit when we know we have a problem. For those of us who have tried to moderate, who know deep down inside that we never keep it to one or two drinks in an evening every time we drink, but lose that power of control and have the 3rd, 4th or more, more times than we want to admit.

I was driving this morning after bringing grandson home and I thought to myself, "I am so glad I am not beating myself up saying, why did you do that to yourself again?!" So powerful to wake up feeling good, able to talk clearly to grandson's mom without a headache or anxiety from a hangover. I am so happy I have taken my power back!

Addy~

[NoraC]

Addy - congratulations on 100 days. It has been a n honor following your journey. Always such thoughtful posts. Thank you. :dancin::balloons::sendflowers::congrats: