Dedicated to the quit we love

[All done drinking]

Nora,

Thank you SO much and I am so glad you are still following 10 days behind me. Together we CAN do this! I of course did feel compelled to write a special 100 day post. Here is the link to it. If I can just help one person who has struggled with the delusion of thinking they can moderate when they really can't, or having a bad day where they are tempted to drink and something I have written gives them the power not to do that, then my time and effort here has been worth it. I am proud of my new name, and becoming Addy, because I am simply and profoundly, All Done Drinking...Yes!

https://www.mywayout.org/community/general-discussion/91624-keeping-delusions-winning-2.html

Addy~

[j-vo]

Congratulations to Addy!!! You always did have thoughtful posts and posts that really made me think hard. Thank you.

[j-vo]

my power was not taken away last night. Out with friends and family, I enjoyed nice conversation, partaking in the conversation because i was not three sheets to the wind. What an awesome feeling to be a part of that. I had the power to be myself, to contribute, to laugh, and not sit in the background trying to pretend I know what's going on or what they're talking about. And not worrying why no one else is ordering another glass of wine, and I really want another glass! No. Cheesecake for me.

[All done drinking]

my power was not taken away last night. Out with friends and family, I enjoyed nice conversation, partaking in the conversation because i was not three sheets to the wind. What an awesome feeling to be a part of that. I had the power to be myself, to contribute, to laugh, and not sit in the background trying to pretend I know what's going on or what they're talking about. And not worrying why no one else is ordering another glass of wine, and I really want another glass! No. Cheesecake for me.

J-Vo,

I have noticed truly how present I am in the conversations when out and not drinking now. Went to a son's friend's wedding and sat with the old karate instructor and his wife. There are very health minded and it was easy (as I wasn't that far into my quit) that they didn't drink any alcohol either. I started to think of how the conversation would have gone if I had been drinking. I know there would have been a time of sitting back and not saying much as I would be concerned my speech would be slurry. So eventually, I would remove myself from the conversation or leave early as it would get boring knowing I couldn't have more and I would get tired of white knuckling it. It is just such a gift now to have that power. I watched a crazy wife swap show once and the guy drank a LOT and was trying to encourage the woman to drink. She stated she hated alcohol because she didn't like anything that made her feel out of control. As a drinker at the time, I could not relate. I'd be scarfing up that big glass of wine with him! But now that I know how great it feels to keep the power and the control, that glass of wine just isn't worth it anymore.

Addy~

[j-vo]

Addy,
I was always worried about my slurry speech. When I noticed it coming, I also wanted to leave and go somewhere with just my husband. So many times, we turned down going out with others because I didn't want to be bothered with controlling myself. I didn't have to control myself as Al controlled me.

[abcowboy]

You Want Me to Commit to Abstinence…Forever?

“When a client in early recovery, still reeling from the deleterious impacts of substance misuse, commits to a lifetime of abstinence, what is really happening? Are such clients actually able to fathom, at that early point, the meaning of “forever abstinent”? Whether or not they are, we know from clinical experience that most clients who strive for a lifetime of abstinence fail to achieve that goal in any particular treatment episode, thus establishing a likely moment of treatment failure, disappointment, guilt and other negative repercussions when relapse occurs. For these reasons, J.P. Foster takes a different approach, asking clients to commit to brief periods of abstinence that hopefully set the stage for a longer-term recovery. His article also highlights a caring and creative young therapist grappling with his own assumptions about addiction and his approaches to treatment. We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again: ‘Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.’ Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever. If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol…Dr. Richard Juman”

A commitment to lifelong abstinence is often more than any of us are honestly willing to make, and may not be able to even comprehend. Who can honestly fathom what a lifetime of anything will be like? We all say it’s just one day at a time, and it really is, but do you find yourself thinking about next month, next year, the next ten years? I know for me when I started, I set a goal for just one week. That was the only goal I needed to set, after I got through that one week I knew that this was my final quit. I knew that the rest of my life would be AF, and I didn’t worry about it anymore and didn't worry about the amount of days behind me! I have an app on my phone that tracks my days, but I never look at it unless Bubba asks me. The only two days that are important to me are yesterday and today. Grateful that I made it through yesterday, and hopeful that I will be granted the strength and courage to get through today. What about you? Is counting days important? Is it important that your milestones/birthdays are acknowledged?

[All done drinking]

You Want Me to Commit to Abstinence…Forever?. Grateful that I made it through yesterday, and hopeful that I will be granted the strength and courage to get through today. What about you? Is counting days important? Is it important that your milestones/birthdays are acknowledged?

abcowboy,

What a great article and gives food for thought for lots of discussion. I did notice that you don't post on the roll call but submit every week that you've reached your goal of another week. Have also noticed some of our real long time successful folks don't post days either so everyone is different. For me, after relapsing years ago after a 7 year quit and then being stuck in the delusion for too many years that I could moderate, I am trying to guard this quit with kid gloves. Even going out for dinner last night with a high school friend of hubbys. It crossed my mind how easy it would be to try and rationalize one drink as they are both non problems drinkers and both chose to have only one drink with the dinner and they were all done. That NEVER would have been me. I always wanted two and prided myself on the fact that I used to always have 3 so 2 was an accomplishment. But what I kept doing was reintroducing alcohol into my system and I could never get rid of the craving for the stuff. So my mind still and always looked forward to when I could have a couple of drinks again.

Posting daily (if able) on the roll call gives me personally the drive to not cheat and have a drink because it's really important to tack on another day. I also go to AA meetings (once a week if able) and have been super proud to pick up my 24 hour, 1 month, and 3 month chips. The 100 day club was what I kept my eye focused on because it is hard to get through those first 3 months without relapse. What I learned from my first quit many years ago, is it's so darn easy to get complacent when one quits for a long time, cravings are gone, and life is pretty wonderful without alcohol. Then all of a sudden some event or some person pushes alcohol into our faces and we think because we've been doing so well, we could handle it if we "only had one". I always think it's a dangerous thing for folks to get super comfortable in their quit and stop coming here or somewhere else for support. I even wonder how many haven't returned back to drinking as it's so easy to do that without other like minded people reminding us why we shouldn't. Yes, I will shout out the important days, and keep tracking the number of days and patting myself on the back. I will also keep working on the short term thinking and not let my mind get boggled with the long term thinking. Forever, seems, well...forever. I choose instead to think, "I will not drink today, if tempted, I will remind myself that one drink will never be enough, and I will definitely think about my post #138 (posted here) where I shared why even an "occasional" drink is bad for us because it gets us back on that awful merry go round of thinking when we could have another. Yes, drinking is off of the table today and I will say that every day.

All Done Drinking...Yes! (Addy~)

[abcowboy]

That's great Addy! It's kind of like quitting drinking, what works for one doesn't always work for another. What is important is finding out what works for us, then sticking with it! Whether it's counting days/weeks/months/years, AA chips, or the partner asking how many days are racked up, if it's working, why change it!

[j-vo]

I try to think about today, and just today. I tend to worry a lot about future things, and when I do, I'm turning my mind towards my higher power. But...I do like to be acknowledged and encouraged/praised for a job that is freaking hard. So counting my days is important to me.

[All done drinking]

HOW DID MY PARADYM SHIFT HAPPEN?

I guess I truly realized that my brain has done a paradym shift. Have been AF 100 something days now and yesterday was a remarkable day in many ways. First it was a Saturday. My old thinking would be "Yeah, I can drink on Saturdays" but the new me didn't even connect Saturday with drinking.

We were invited to my grandson's house for his 2nd birthday at 4:00. The old me would have thought, great...a party...(excuse to drink) and it's almost 5:00, (another excuse to drink!). The new me hoped (this time) the other grandpa wouldn't offer any alcohol. He didn't because why? Because he is a NORMAL drinker. 4 pm is too early, and a 2 year old's birthday party doesn't call for alcohol. In fact, it's a dangerous thing, adults who have been drinking supervising toddlers. But the old me would have thought nothing of it and the wine would have been presented if the party were at my house.

Halloween in the past meant handing out candy while sipping the hot toddy. Was so nice to be so fully present for all of the little halloweeners without seeing things through a fog or getting tired from the alcohol. Many of us have heard the phrase paradym shift. The best analogy I can give is the picture that can either look like a beautiful young woman or an old ugly one with the big witch nose. They are both there in the picture - just depends on how you look at the picture and which one you see. Interesting that my life has become that way now that I am alcohol free. It used to be the negative picture, now it is the picture with the beautiful and positive future ahead, one that does not include alcohol.

Which picture do you see and with recovery or hoping to be in recovery what picture for your future do you hope to see.

Optical Illusions - Young lady or old woman illusion



Addy~

[NoraC]

I am going to bring up the past two topics here. We were talking about counting. I am posting in the Roll Call every morning. I am not using it so much to count the days as I am using it to make a commitment. When I post my Day on Roll Call, I can't drink that day. I have already come here and said I am AF for this day. But I absolutely am not telling myself never again. It's not something that I even allow myself to think about because I do not want to be overwhelmed.

But, I do think that things have shifted or begun to shift for me. I have heard people mention that their final quit was different. I do feel different but am not sure that I have totally reached the shift. Addy, I am so happy that you can feel that shift in yourself. I do try to look at the positive picture and it does help.

[All done drinking]

I am going to bring up the past two topics here. We were talking about counting. I am posting in the Roll Call every morning. I am not using it so much to count the days as I am using it to make a commitment. When I post my Day on Roll Call, I can't drink that day. I have already come here and said I am AF for this day. But I absolutely am not telling myself never again. It's not something that I even allow myself to think about because I do not want to be overwhelmed.

But, I do think that things have shifted or begun to shift for me. I have heard people mention that their final quit was different. I do feel different but am not sure that I have totally reached the shift. Addy, I am so happy that you can feel that shift in yourself. I do try to look at the positive picture and it does help.

Nora,

Thanks for sharing how roll call works for you. I like that you are posting in the beginning of your day making it a commitment to not drink that day. I have been doing the opposite (at the end of the night when I have proven to myself I would not drink) but with folks being many hours ahead of us in other countries, a new day has started for them when I post too late here. So, I am going to apply your philosophy and post early by making it my commitment not to drink as well.

I also like your honesty with possibly feeling overwhelmed with the big picture of never drinking again so it's hard for you to tell yourself you'll never drink again. Funny (in the ironic way) how we're all so different. I guess for me I have to surrender to that fact (that I won't) drink again in order for this to work for me. So, I need to shout it out that I won't. However, if you just keep making that commitment day by day on the roll call that you won't, then...hmmm? I think you'll keep staying 10 days behind me.

Hugs,
Addy~

[abcowboy]

Hmmmm, I’m pretty simple minded, had to google “Paradym Shift” to figure out what the weekly topic was lol. After reading 3 or 4 webpages, I’m still not sure my reply will be correct haha.

My uncle (51 years sober) told me that one day I might feel that special moment when everything “clicks” and my whole way of thinking about sobriety would change. That I wouldn’t think anymore about not being able to drink, to why on earth would I want or need to drink. I thought he must be on drugs lol. But I also remember what a 35 year AA’er told the group one meeting. Now, he doesn’t believe in God, is not religious, and considers his AA home group as his higher power. He told us one day after being sober about 4 years, while driving home from work he had to pull over and stop, something happened to him and he couldn’t see the road through his tears! He sat there for a good 15 minutes crying his eyes out as vehicles drove around him. He didn’t know what happened, but after that “moment”, his sobriety became so much clearer to him. He won’t admit that it was spiritual or some act of Divine Intervention, he just “knew” his struggles were over and he’d never crave alcohol again.

I had that same moment, that “click” almost 10 months ago! It is not something you can describe. It is just an awesome empowering feeling that all my struggles would be over if I just kept my heart, mind, and soul open to help. Both of them said that not everyone will experience it, but that also doesn’t mean that they can’t get sober, because as we all know, what works for one doesn’t always work for the other. Just as what happens to one doesn’t always happen to the other. But I continue to pray and be grateful, reminding myself to keep my heart, mind, and soul open to help. It seems to be working, and we all know Robert’s Rule of Black Boxes…….

[j-vo]

Well, I've been in recovery off and on for about 8 years now. I can honestly say, I think something has shifted in this blockhead of mine! I can't exactly pinpoint it, but like cowboy said, it's an empowering feeling. I haven't had the feeling of deprivation since I quit, and I keep thinking that maybe it's going to rear its ugly head and surprise the shit out of me. I believe in my heart, that I have surrendered to this disease, or monster, and I can be thankful it won't take up anymore of my life. This life I have is brand new. I will learn how to walk and get stronger with all of you at MWO. I won't leave my support group, and if I would, then I know I'm insane. It would not make sense for me to drink ever again, having experienced the pain and suffering that I have endured the past decade + years. I accept now, that I'm just a person who will not drink, because it does bad things to me. I accept that I can have a full life, and why would having a full life be that terrible. Nope. It's a great, wonderful opportunity as I see it. Thank God I don't have to drink. Thank God there's another part of life that I will get to know. I won't fool myself into thinking it's gonna be perfect, but I will take things one day at a time, knowing I have given myself a gift.

[abcowboy]

I was trying to come up with a topic last night for this week and my mind was drawing a blank. So I figured I'd sleep on it and let my mind come up with something. Then I got reading the posts this morning and a conversation came up in the Cafe that hit me for a topic.

Are you the only problem drinker (AUD sufferer) in your family? Neither of my parents were drinkers, nor any of my 3 brothers. Oh sure they had a few, and my brothers let loose every once in a while, but just what I would call "normal" My grandpa on my mom's side, and a couple of uncles on her side, as well as a few cousins on from her side as well drank to excess, but none on my dad's side. So I'm not sure about AUD being genetic or hereditary. I think I made myself into an alcoholic with the emotional issue I had. What about you, are you the only drinker in your family, do you think it's genetic or hereditary? Let's keep science and medicine out of this, I'd like to know what you think...