Dedicated to the quit we love

[NoSugar]

I'm not sure how you can keep science out of it when you're discussing genetics, Cowboy :wink:.

I'm the only person in my biological family (parents, sister, children) who has had a problem. However, I am the only one who ever consumed alcohol with any regularity. Without the exposure, it doesn't matter if you're wired for addiction.

[Lizann]

Definitely' hereditary, in my opinion. Not the drinking as much as the reason why I drink. My mom has anxiety as do my sisters and I. I'm the only one that has used al as an escape. I had a grandfather on mom side that drank and an uncle on dad's side that drank. Glad I gave you the topic cowboy.

[Sunbeam]

I have four siblings, all have struggled with alcohol. But our parents did not drink, so you can't say it came from our family culture.

[j-vo]

My grandfather, dad, and one of two sisters have had problems. My father's side of the family, many alcoholics. Moms side, don't know of any. I've had severe anxiety and depression in the past, to the point I could not sit in lunch with others, sit in meetings without turning blotchy red all over my body including my face. I'm grateful that's in the past and I can get on with sobriety.

[All done drinking]

My dad was an alcoholic (bad one) and so was his grandfather. Skipped his father and my brothers but I got the damn gene or whatever it is that makes me react differently to alcohol than normal people. On my mother's side her sister was a bad alcoholic and my mother struggled with loss of control of drinking in her 40's and 50's but pretty much quit drinking in her 60's saying it interfered with her medicine...but I think she knew it interfered with her life.
~Addy

[j-vo]

I don't think I answered the question...I believe it's hereditary in my case, but can be due to outside issues for others as it's an addictive substance.

[NoraC]

Very interesting topic - thank you....

I don't know family history prior to my Dad - but, my Dad was an alcoholic and thank God stopped drinking for the last 10 years or so of his life. My Mom has never drank or smoked. My brother smokes a ton, drinks to excess, eats too much, gambles too much. I am an alcoholic. I know that my Dad used alcohol to reduce his stress. I think that I used stress as an excuse and I increased my drinking.

I just bumped another thread today regarding turning to another addiction. I am really being aware of that because I think that I am wired to be addictive. I remember a LONG, LONG time ago when I was in my 20's.....I exercised to excess. Then there was a few years of speed. Then alcohol. So, yes - I think that somehow it is genetic but that it is something that can be controlled.

j-vo - I had the same thing about turning blotchy red all over my face & chest when I would get nervous or upset. I thought I was the only one in the world that had that!

[j-vo]

Nora, it happens infrequently now, but nota to the degree or severity in the past. I would always drink heavily after episodes.

[All done drinking]

Even though I think alcoholism is a disease and people with problems inherit a gene that makes them process alcohol differently (which can cause the crazy cravings that non problem drinkers don't experience), I do think some people can get into bad habits or environments where alcohol abuse can occur, and if they don't have the alcoholic gene, they can possibly quit by changing what they are doing. For example, we lived in a resort community and the only social activity that the adults had was going to each other's bars and drinking. Although one could label them all alcoholics, I think there could be some (if removed from that environment) who could quit drinking without a problem or not drink so much. The"not drink so much part" would have to be the fact that they didn't have the alcoholic gene to begin with.

Just my opinion and this one may definitely be one other folks don't agree with it.
~Addy

[NoSugar]

It seems to me that there are many people who drink way too much - some even more than some addicts - but like you said, it's their environment, lifestyle, and habit. But when they get a DUI or are prescribed a medication they can't take with alcohol, they quit drinking. Just like that - no 12 steps or online support groups. They might miss it or wish they could still drink with their friends but it's much different to what most people here have experienced.

[abcowboy]

I agree ladies, those kind of people I refer to as "problem drinkers" my problems were much deeper and more severe!

[All done drinking]

We were invited to a wedding this week-end. I had mixed feelings about it. One was relief that I would not have to worry about drinking too much or making a fool of myself, or waking up the next day with regret or remorse from the night before, because I don't drink any more. So, that burden was gone. The other feeling though, was one of a little sadness. I can't say that I am beyond feeling a little bad here or there that I am not a normal drinker. The bride's parents have money so I knew it would be quality and expensive wine and champagne (my drinks of choice). So, there were fleeting thoughts of "I wish I could" but it was always easy to rely on the memory of what happens when I do drink. Plus I know how true it is to re-create cravings whenever alcohol is reintroduced. See my earlier article here on why I won't drink occasionally. https://www.mywayout.org/community/ge...t-love-14.html #138. Nobody wants to get on that craving merry go round again.

I have been AF for 120 days now and I know that many drinkers who stop for short periods seem to lose their momentum and cave in to their old habits. I don't want to become one of them. So, to prepare myself for an event where I knew there would be a cocktail hour and a champagne toast, I came here daily and read posts about relapsing, articles and posts on triggers, & read various posts where members shared why they slipped. I know that a person can be doing very well, feeling very good about themselves and then suddenly the urge hits like it’s never hit before to drink again, and 120 days overnight could be back to day 1. It can happen to me as easily as anyone else, that's why it's so important to find strength in groups and talk to folks with the same struggles, sometimes the same thoughts or concerns, and the same little bit of sadness that we're not normal drinkers but have the ability here to remind each other that life can be so much better without it if we just give it a chance.

The wedding also brought up a little fear as sometimes running into an old drinking friend can be difficult because they remind us of old times when we had fun drinking (and our mind plays tricks on us) and makes us forget about the consequences or negatives as we reminisce about those old times.

I know that to deal with these special events, one must learn to think about them before they happen. One needs to plan ahead and decide just how they will deal with these situations when they come up. My plan was to leave before the toast if they didn't have non-al champagne as that one would just have been too hard for me personally. I found myself in a problem like this once at a party, where the hostess provided a lot of alcohol but nothing non-al that was enticing to drink. I made a plan to never attend an event or party again without bringing my own non-al drinks. I didn't find it important enough to bring my own fake champagne in this case, but did plan to leave if they didn't have it. My question for this week for folks to ponder about and give feedback if they choose, is what plans do you make to protect your quit? Any personal stories to share that would help someone else protect their quit?

Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes!)

[NoSugar]

Good job, Addy, getting through that wedding with your quit intact. I think that tune-up of our rewired brain is needed in general and critical anytime you know you'll be in a tough situation.

I grew up in a family of non-drinkers so perhaps that is why this seems normal to me now but I don't take non-AL beverages with me like I did at the beginning. There are always non-AL alternatives such as soda water available because half the population actually doesn't drink alcohol (hard as that is to believe!).

"I don't drink" is a core part of my identity now so I no longer have to struggle with choices about what or how much to drink. But I work daily to maintain that identity because I value it so much.

[ssd858]

I definitely have it in my genes. I lost my father to al and my mother to cigarettes. My dad died before he turned 50 in a devastating way. My mom died at 69 not able to breathe - this was 4 years ago. Losing her has left a big emptiness in my heart.

Before my mom took ill my sister had been on the downward slide for over a year. Drugs, al, cigarettes and an abusive boyfriend. I tried all I could to help her. So many trips flying out to see her. I also have a brother that has a history of al-abuse who I have had to rescue from his early years.

They both live in different states from me so it is hard to do alot - especially since they isolate when they are using. I saw a counselor during this time and she helped me to at least draw some boundaries with my sister. Sadly we are now estranged. She cannot seem to even talk with me when she is using. We have always been very close and I feel such a tremendous loss without her in my life.

During this time I found myself turning to wine to block out the pain. Being the oldest child and caretaker in the family I did not think it would happen to me. Who would imagine it would happen at 50? I believe it was just waiting in my genes for me to become vulnerable to drag me down.

This is day 17 for me and I have begun to feel more like myself. I have been taking the supplements and being kind to myself. My head is clear and I have been trying, gently, to reach out to my sister. Though we have not spoken, we have texted and I am planning a trip to see her and trying to figure out the boundaries so that I can make it a positive experience for both of us. I sense that she is in some sort of trouble, most probably legal. Another dui ...?

My husband jumped on my quit after the first day but plans to begin drinking once our vacation begins which is Friday. I am working hard now trying to form my plan. He is offering to go back to the quit after the holiday week for some limited amount of time.

Sorry for the long ramble.

[NoSugar]

You've got a lot on your plate ssd. I hope you can re-establish a connection with your siblings but remember the old saying to put on your oxygen mask first :smile:. Quite a bit of time AF often is needed before we're ready to focus energy outside ourselves. It feels selfish at the time but in the end, it's the best thing for those we care about as well as for ourselves.

Maybe you could share my mantra on your vacation: "I don't drink". I say it to myself all the time (when I see an ad, when I'm out w/ friends, or when a fleeting thought comes into my mind) and out loud when someone offers me alcohol. The more you think it and say it, the more it becomes your reality. And believe me, it is a much better world!

I was kind of old when I became addicted, too. I didn't drink at all until sometime in my mid to late 30s and it wasn't a problem until sometime in my 40s (its all such a blur now -- I can't say when I'd had sufficient consistent exposure to become addicted but I know by the time I realized there was a problem, it was firmly established). I felt really embarrassed because I couldn't attribute the problem to the excesses of youth and felt like I should have known better. I still feel that way but am learning to give myself a break for consuming something that is encouraged and considered normal and beneficial. And that "everyone" does. I'm mad that I followed the flock, though.

I hope you have a great vacation - get that first sober one behind you and your confidence will soar!

All the best, NS