Dedicated to the quit we love

[abcowboy]

Hmmmm, guess I'll have to start copy & pasting some of the posts that get mysteriously deleted.....

[All done drinking]

Getting back to the question at hand for this week's thread...and that is "what was different about the day you quit?" We have a long time poster at MWO who has had years of stopping and starting and stopping and starting and now all of a sudden something is different. She has quit and every day adds another day of abstinence to her list. I am so proud of her but am wondering what made that last quit for her different. If you have a similar story or maybe have my story (trying to moderate forever, getting fooled by the good days thinking they could and would all be good) what was different about the day you quit? And/or, what are you doing differently to make this quit stick?

For me it was back to back episodes of overdrinking with the 2nd one just two nights after the first where I really blew it. I promised self and hubby I would never have more than 2 drinks in an evening again and then totally blew that. I woke up in desperation just absolutely KNOWING I had to quit drinking after 7 long years of trying to control it. As I shared with Reggie, I hadn't posted in a long time. Not sure if that made a difference when the site moved but I couldn't get in under my old name as I hadn't posted for so long. I was desperate to private message old friends here (who I didn't have emails or numbers for - just my connection here). Luckily I could reinvent my myself with a new name that seemed more fitting as I was finally and simply All Done Drinking. What helped me was reaching out to old friends, and making new AF friends.

What helps me prevent relapse is to post daily on the roll call, post here often (daily the first month I think), attend AA weekly (when possible) and read stories of others here and on other sites as it always feels good to hear someone else's story that either reminds me of my own or educates me in some way. What was different for you?

Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes!)

[NoraC]

Wow - I love this topic. I was talking to my therapist about this just this morning. I am just heading out to the store but I'll be back soon. (My future daughter in law is sick & I am getting her ginger ale. Yes - I am able to drive and help somebody because I am not drinking! Huge steps. )

[NoraC]

Addy, your previous post could have been written about me. Maybe it was written about me! I have been here since 2009 so obviously I have had a drinking problem since before then. Wow - that is a long time. I have stopped, started, stopped, started. Had longer days than I am at right now.

I was talking to my therapist this morning about this. Some people have PM'd me and told me that I sound different this time...giving me support and encouragement. But, I still can't say this is my last quit. I can't think about that - I just have to get thru each day AL free. Deal with life AL free. I can handle a day at a time. But, I do feel different this time. I can't explain it and I don't want to dwell on it but it's a good thing.

I had been buying, drinking, hiding, disposing of bottles of tequila. That is something that I would never have dreamed in a million years that I would do. My husband came out of our bedroom carrying a bottle a few months ago. Whoops. That was awful. I stopped for a while. Then, back to the routine. This time, I poured it into water bottles. So innocent. Again....something that I would never have done. Well, I obviously had too much because I left a water bottle sitting in the living room. I had gone to bed and my husband picked it up to take a drink. Well, needless to say - it was awful. He woke me up, yelling at me, asking me where it was. Banging his head against the bedroom door. Screaming at me that I was killing myself.

The next morning, he was so sweet & loving. He told me that it was the past and we were going to get better. We were going to move on. The support that he gave me just helped. He was able to put aside his anger, hurt, disappointment and reach out to me.

Maybe that was what has helped? Maybe because I post on the Newbies Nest Roll Call daily? Maybe because I am going outside of my comfort zone and reaching out for help on the bad days? Maybe because I am opening up myself to HEAR what is being said? Maybe because I finally UNDERSTAND what someone means when they say they don't know if they have another quit in them?

I don't know the answer but today I am not drinking.

[All done drinking]

Thank you NoraC. I remember you saying once you didn't moderate or abstain, so didn't really know that you quit and started as you mentioned. You have been doing so great and I know we always tease that you are 10 days behind me. I do think the NN roll call helps with accountability. The drinktracker never quite did it for me. Seems if I had a bad time, then I just didn't post. NN roll call is different. You have either obtained another day or are back at day 1. I really struggled last night with missing some of the things about drinking rather than drinking itself. Posted on NN about it. I also felt very uncomfortable to tell a co-worker I had quit drinking as we always enjoyed a glass of wine or two on after work occasions. I knew and know the fact that I would be posting on the roll call defintitely helped me maintain my quit.

Thanks for responding here. We enjoy a weekly topic just to jog memories of certain things regarding our drinking and recovery (a subject most can relate to) but are always open to wherever the discussion leads us to. Also, open to any suggestion anyone wants to talk about for the week.

Addy

It is crazy about drinking but it seems that many people really catch themselves in that last year of their drinking on a spiral staircase going down. I noticed a frequency in drinking during the week and a frequency in the number of drinks in an evening.

[NoraC]

Yes - I do think that the Roll Call has helped me. And to be honest, whatever little psychological games help me then the better.

My drinking absolutely spiraled. It it scary how bad.

[NoraC]

Addy - I don't remember saying that about not moderating or abstaining but it sounds like me. I think that I always, always have thought I would go back and be a 'normal drinker'. Meaning that it wouldn't matter, I wouldn't care about it, go for weeks/months without it and be offered a drink. Oh sure - I'd love a beer......
I wanted to be that person. My friend that will have one drink or will go months without one and then have a glass of wine. Well, I think that my thick skull is finally beginning to understand that is not going to happen. 4th of July - we deliberately did not buy any beer even though it was a block party. I had my hidden bottle and then I ended up going down the street and being offered beers. Have a beer, come home and have a shot. I was smashed. Hubby was so mad at me the next day. You think that would have made me stop. Nope - I kept going.
So, I am not going to be a 'normal drinker'. If I drink, I am going to kill myself.

[NoSugar]

So, I am not going to be a 'normal drinker'. If I drink, I am going to kill myself.

Just because it's common, doesn't mean it's normal - alcohol is, after all, a toxic substance that does damage each time it is consumed. If there were a substance with the same chemistry (but without the buzz-factor), no one in their right mind would ever consume it. Alcohol can kill an addict because of the high doses but it isn't doing even those "normal drinkers" any favors. I think we're fortunate not to even have the option to drink it.

I love seeing your posts on roll call, Nora. NS

[abcowboy]

I agree with what NS said, there is nothing "normal" about drinking... socially acceptable maybe, but nothing I would consider normal. And it's not out of jealousy that I say that, those around me can drink as much or as little as they want, but it doesn't mean they are having more fun or enjoying themselves more than I am. And I'll bet I feel a lot more "normal" the next morning. But yet we still feel embarrassed when we can't or don't want to have a drink along with everyone else.

I no longer feel embarrassed, I feel freedom! And not just from the chains of addiction, but also from what the general population has been mislead into believing, everything is better when alcohol is involved. That is the ploy of all the breweries and distilleries, flood our thoughts and senses with advertising till we think it's socially unacceptable not to drink. Once we no longer worry about what other people think about us being non-drinkers, the easier it gets to stay alcohol free!

[NoraC]

Cowboy - about 35 or more years ago, my parents went out to dinner with another couple. My Mom has never did drink (never has had a drink and she's almost 90). Well, the other 3 ordered drinks and my Mom ordered a coke. The waitress actually said to her - Why don't you want a drink? Are you sure you don't want a drink? She's drinking (pointing to the other woman at their table).
I was furious when I heard that story. How dare somebody push alcohol at someone, what if she was an alcoholic, or it was against her religion, or anything. Absolutely no excuse to push anything on a patron but especially alcohol.

[Sunbeam]

Nora, I'm glad to see you posting here and feeling that something is different this time, you are doing different things. I will always appreciate the support you and Mama Bear gave me during my final quit.

[All done drinking]

I have always loved the following poem about addiction. Wanted to share it for the folks that have never seen it.One important way to continue your success is to do things that will solidify your decision not to drink. It is time to get rid of liquor in the house, not taking the same way home where you may have triggers that make you want to drink (seeing your favorite liquor store) etc.

There Is a Hole in My Sidewalk
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
By Portia Nelson

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep whole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit…but,
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately,

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

We know that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result. For those of us with an alcohol problem, time to face reality and quit hitting our heads against the wall. With that being said, it's very easy to want to reward yourself for finally choosing to walk down another street. The more you reward yourself for walking down different streets, the more likely you are going to feel better about your decision to no longer drink. We all know we're saving money with not drinking. I spent about $20 every time I went to dinner ordering my 2 wines. Enjoy spending it on other things now.

How do you reward yourself?

Addy

[little beagle]

The day I decided to quit drinking was really like any other Sunday morning. Being a weekend binge drinker ment I drank steadily from Friday night to as late Saturday night as humanly possible. And during any other free time, vacation, days off work, etc. I woke up and thought, I just can't keep doing this to myself. I feel so crappy and anxious I'd rather be dead. Knowing the anxiety was going to increase as the day went along. Trying desperately to remember how much money I spent over tge weekend, how I was going to pay bills. How I was going to face another work week with a hangover that lasted until at least Wednesday.
I decided I would do anything it took to never have to feel that way again.
Well I had been abusing myself so badly it took almost a week to be able to sleep. Almost a month for the full body anxiety to subside. But by reading and posting here as needed, I read for hours that first few months. The toolbox, the newbies nest, the 100 day thread, the fun threads. Anything I could really. And that's how I found my way around MWO.
I've been able to keep that promise to myself. I have never felt like that again. No matter how bad I've felt, nothing has come close to that miserable awakening Sunday morning. And no it's not all peaches and cream. There have been really tough times. Life can really SUCK! But nothing I face sober can compare to that all out, total feeling of desperation. I have NEVER regreted not drinking. Never once have I woken up wishing I had something to drink the night before.

[All done drinking]

little beagle,

So many folks suffer from anxiety. I really believe alcohol increases it. I have had a lot of family problems this last year with a very troubled teen we adopted at age 3. Have always hoped environment could change him but I think a lot of his difficulties are more genetic and we have really beat our heads against the wall trying to help him do the right thing. His bad behaivor escalated this last year and I believe my drinking and anxiety did as well. I have found that without the depressant of alcohol, my anxiety has gone away. Sometimes that is what helps me the most, just thinking I don't want to have that anxiety back. And how wonderful it is, to sleep well now. Better complexion, just lots of good things going on. The saving money part is nice too. Enjoy going out to dinner where we are paying about $30 or $40 less for dinner when we're not each having a couple of glasses of wine. The stuff adds us. No wonder servers push alcohol. Definitely makes their tips higher. I remember too many hangovers too little beagle where I would say to myself "why did I do this to myself again!" So nice to not have to go there in my head. Best part is not dreading any social event as I would secretly worry if I could keep the drinking to a mininum. I like your last line "I have NEVER regreted not drinking. Never once have I woken up wishing I had something to drink the night before. So true.

Addy:love:

[abcowboy]

Howdy all, looks like we have a good topic for the week, how do we reward ourselves for not drinking. Addy, I'm presuming you meant with the money we saved by not drinking?