Dedicated to the quit we love

[Spiritfree]

Mental cravings can be a very phenomenal and unexpected experience. In the beginning of one's recovery, mental cravings are a way for the brain to try to deal with emotional occurrences that one is not yet accustomed to dealing with. As time passes, even up to two or three years later, a mental craving can all of a sudden kick in because the brain is trying to change the way that it is feeling or thinking.

Research PAWS (Post acute withdrawal syndrome)

Earlier, I had mentioned on another thread that resentment (in some form or shape) lead most alcoholics back to the Firewater. Just trying to mask or hide your resentment winds up catching up to you and leading you to that 'just one or two' and things will be fine. Funny thing is, you never really understand that resentments or what are actually leading you up to that next 'first' drink.

Just a thought.

--sf--

p.s.; Alcohol does not trick your brain, instead, your brain is trying to trick you into using alcohol/other to 'feel' better.

[little beagle]

I have been working on resentments myself Spirit. The gratitude has really been helping with that issue. Focusing on what is right in my life, and SO MUCH IS RIGHT, instead of what's wrong. It really does work.

[All done drinking]

Went to my third AA meeting today. Have been trying to go once a week but have missed a couple. Subject today was about changes and when it comes to discussing controlling urges, I can certainly see some changes I have made to try to stay abstinent. I have an easier time than others who drank daily as I usually only tried to drink Friday and Saturday nights with a week night built in for the unexpected girl party or out for a glass of wine with a friend. So, being I wasn't in the habit of coming home and having a drink, I am not bothered too much with craving a drink when home. My trigger however, was going out to dinner where I would ALWAYS have a glass of wine (usually two). I have to admit that although I haven't completely quit going out to dinner, I haven't done so as much because it is a trigger to crave a drink and I'm trying to avoid that in these beginning stages as much as I can. Another change I have made is not calling the friends who drink too much. Definitely have the GF whose ulterior motive to get together is to have a glass of wine as well as another couple who thrive at meeting at wine bars. Every facebook picture she posts is a joke about drinking wine. How so much truth is told on facebook sometimes. The biggest lies...but yet the biggest truths sometimes when one reads between the lines.

Ch-ch-ch-changes! Can hear that song in my head. Have a good night all.

Oh, a few tips to share to help control those nasty cravings:

• Distract yourself until the urge passes. Go for a walk, listen to music, do some housecleaning, run an errand, or tackle a quick task.

• Remind yourself of your reasons for not drinking. When you’re craving alcohol, there’s a tendency to remember the positive effects of drinking and forget the negatives. (Remember Blue Sky's story!) Remind yourself that drinking may make you feel better temporarily - but not in the long run. Seems there's always that price to pay the next day one way or another. Just wrecking my quit would be enough to make me very depressed the next morning.

• Accept the urge and ride it out, instead of trying to fight it. This is known as “urge surfing.” Think of your craving as an ocean wave that will soon crest, break, and dissipate. When you ride out the craving, without trying to battle, judge, or ignore it, you’ll see that it passes more quickly than you’d think. Remember that 15 minute rule. Tell yourself you'll wait 15 minutes...by then the craving has probably subsided.

Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes!) :love:

[abcowboy]

Addy, some good stuff there! My counsellor told me that cravings last about 7 minutes for the average person. She said that holds true for most of our emotions. If you don't hold on to any of those thoughts, the brain will process them, then move on, all in 7 minutes...

[All done drinking]

My counsellor told me that cravings last about 7 minutes for the average person. She said that holds true for most of our emotions. If you don't hold on to any of those thoughts, the brain will process them, then move on, all in 7 minutes...

Now, THAT's encouraging. Thanks for the info!

Addy

[briseus]

Now I wonder if that's true for ALL thoughts and not just for cravings....something I am going to look into.

[abcowboy]

August 22nd, day 222 sober for me, a new mile marker for me on my road to recovery, the longest period of time I've been sober, but a mile marker that will grow and grow as each day, week, month, and year passes. I was going to post this on my journal thread, but decided to post it here as this quit is the one I'm dedicated to!

We all have to deal with cravings, triggers, life situations that we think could be oh so much easier with a drink or two. But we all know those drinks don't help or make things easier at all. It's when you realize that, admit it, and accept it that your road to recovery gets less bumpy, less detours.

So join us on this thread and start putting up new mile markers for yourself, it feels great pounding that post in!

[daisy45]

All the 2s...well done Cowboy!

[All done drinking]

Excellent job abcowboy. I appreciate you posting here where we are a thread dedicated to quitting, and vigilantly aware of the dangers of relapse. Two quotes I picked up in AA yesterday..."If you don't pick up the first drink you can't get drunk". And as you lead us with your example of 222 days..."Don't let your past become your future".

So proud of you!:welldone:

Addy :hug:

[abcowboy]

Howdy everyone, another week gone by, another week AF! And time for a new discussion. I thought about this topic, whether I should bring it up or not, but I personally feel it could be a good discussion topic.

When is support not really support?

OK, imagine this. A good friend of yours (or a partner) tells you that they have quit drinking for three months. Then the next day they drink and say they are going to start over, so you are supportive and tell them they can do it. They go for three or four days and then they have a 'bad day' at work. In truth, that bad day was only someone getting snarky with them over a job they hadn't completed, but they had to have a bottle of wine to get over it. Then it was the weekend and they were going to a party, so they might as well not bother with sobriety until Monday. And so you are supportive and say that you understand. So they start again on Monday, but have a crappy day on Wednesday and drink again, and start over, and you are supportive...But there comes a point at which you either just think they are never going to crack it, or you give them a real kick up the arse.

I am in a weird place with MWO at the moment. I see people who admit that they keep falling off the wagon for one reason or another - and while in some cases, bad shit has happened, in most cases life has happened. And while at first I try to be as supportive as I can, it gets a little dull after a while when the same people are going back to drinking. They get support from new MWOers who tell them to be strong, and I get that... I do... but here is the thing...

I read a really interesting article in the early days of my sobriety that said if people constantly get 'affirmation' of their relapsing behaviour, then they may begin to see it as 'permission' to keep falling off the wagon. Every time someone says that it's not a problem, that they should pick themselves up, dust themselves off and try again, then they know that there is no 'penalty' for straying. As much as many of the people on MWO are taking a break from alcohol for themselves and their families, they might not be under any pressure to stay sober, so in reality they perceive there is no price to pay if they don't - so they can keep falling off the wagon. But all that is going to happen is that will get support from people in their efforts and beat themselves up about it. I don't know how healthy this is. You are being told it is fine to start over again, but are being hard on yourself at the same time, it's not a pretty circle. So should a MWOer be giving fellow MWOers a real kick up the arse by telling them that such repetitive behaviour is not good for them and maybe they need to get help?

The question is: Is MWO really the forum for that? As great as MWO is, as more people come on here, its role might become a little less focused. Is it somewhere for people to come to just post, is it somewhere for support, is it a place for frankness and honesty, is it a complement for other forms of 'therapy', is it place of self-discovery? Is it all of these?

So when is support not support. By telling people that a 'slip' is OK and that they should just pick themselves up, are we actually doing more harm than good? I am in no position to be judgemental - I was the worst kind of relapser, it took me a long time to sort my shit out. But by the same token, I'm not like an ex-smoker who sits and tuts. Just because I have achieved over 7 months of sobriety doesn't mean I think I am better than anyone. I know how really hard it can be to quit booze and stay off it.

I understand that we are all in different places with our sobriety and are all on here for different reasons. That is why it is sometimes difficult to know what is the right thing to say, even if you have been 'following' someone for a long time. In my personal opinion, getting tough with someone can be more productive than simply offering support when someone keeps slipping (and I mean regular slipping, not just once in a while). And I absolutely accept that being tough can be the wrong response in certain instances. This is the dilemma. There are MWOers who would readily admit that they slip more often than they would like and could do with some tough love. And there are those for whom it would not work.

Believe me when I say that I only have people's best interests at heart and I always try to offer really constructive advice. This is not about 'judging' other people - it's trying to give people the RIGHT support. And yes, if I can't find the right thing to say, then I do keep quiet, because sometimes it is better to say nothing at all. Being tough or suggesting that people seek help is not being judgemental (at least not in my case). Indeed, it may just be the message that some people need when they find that they keep slipping time and again.

If you are reading this, what would you like after continuous 'slips', a pat on the back and another "keep trying", or a kick in the butt and a "no more excuses!"

[Sunbeam]

AB Cowboy, I have sometimes thought that this is the wrong site for serious quitters. It's foundation is moderate drinking. It is kind of in no mans land. Many battles have resulted from the different philosophies. My conclusion is that it is not up to me to enable someone to quit. I will support whatever choice they make, even though it might not look like the right choice to me. It is important to find a group with your shared attitude. The existence of these various groups has enabled me to shift gears several time, and allowed for my ultimate success. That said, if you make supportive statements for frequent slips, you may at some level be thinking about drinking again. Take care of yourself first, and use your success to help others. Tailor your comments to the group where you are posting. For example, this thread I believe would not be the place to offer support for those slips.

[NoSugar]

Cowboy, in my opinion, the language you use matters. I don't believe there are slips - there are choices. When someone chooses to drink and then expresses regret, you might be able to help them make a different choice next time. If people dismiss their "slips" as no big deal, they probably aren't going to be open to your suggestions. I guess the thing is to try to help only people who you are pretty sure want it. It's better for you and for them. NS

[Spiritfree]

PURPOSE OF THREAD:

• Weekly discussions: A single topic relative to abstinence will be the primary focus for discussions
• Sharing positive experiences relative to abstinence or becoming abstinent
• Comments and sharing about all other previous topics (or new topics any poster wants to bring up)

The thread is meant to be "all" inclusive -meaning that no one should refrain from posting for any reason (other than posts to create turmoil). Of course this is only interpretation of this thread and I believe that has the ability to be a long running, active, participatory, helping kind of thread .



WEEKLY DISCUSSION: WEEK 01
• TIPS AND TRICKS THAT CAN HELP AVOID RELAPSE

WEEKLY DISCUSSION: WEEK 02
• KEEPING BOREDOM AT BAY

WEEKLY DISCUSSION: WEEK 03
• FIGHTING OFF CRAVINGS
• **(Added Topic): WHEN IS SUPPORT NOT REALLY SUPPORT

[Spiritfree]

ABC -Perhaps I find myself viewing things just a little bit differently than you do when it comes to supporting others who seem to be on an indefinite quit-start cycle. Maybe, I am just more selfish than you, but for me, it only ends up helping ME when I can try and be supportive to others -regardless of their circumstances.

Obviously, it does get tiring after a while responding to the same person who is constantly exclaiming to want to be free of alcohol and then just begins back a few days later. For too many years, I was this same person -off three, back on for a week. It did help me at the time for people to tell me, whatever you do, just never stop trying to quit. They would not say much more than than that, but eventually, the words "Never Quit Trying to Quit" stuck with me.

This site is doing no more harm or less harm than any other site or group setting -in my opinion. It is only when a person reaches a certain point in their life they know they must change -and the opinions and support/lack of support really are irrelevant. Also ABC, I have to try and remember that we all are dealing with a true disorder of the brain -a misfiring so to speak. Regardless of how we eventually rewire our brains, a brain in alcohol turmoil does not perceive things the way that a somewhat normally functioning brain does.

Again, I am probably very selfish in this way, but I am primarily posting and supporting others in effort to help myself -and hopefully help them. And ABC, please do no not get up set with me when I tell you (my opinion) that tough love is not love at all. Tough love -so to speak- only helps the person who is being affected by person who is suffering the brain disorder -it does not help the person with the dysfunction -and of course this would only apply to those who believe that it is a brain disorder and not a 'moral' disorder. (Does tough love apply to others who are dying from a disease and who continuously complain about their disorder?)

A funny side note to this (maybe not funny to some), is the fact that I use to try and decide whether to give a street person asking for money - money -because I was concerned what they might do with the change money that I would give them (alcohol, food, drugs). I finally reached a remarkable -happy point in my life when I realized that it was none of my business what they did with the money -I was either going to help them or not help them -the choices they made were out of my control anyway.

Thank you for the topic.

--sf--

[All done drinking]

What do you say when asked _"Would you like a drink?"

Wanted to post something for our weekly discussion although I am a day or two late due to travels. I am currently in Peru and these keyboards in other countries are not the same. The @ key is not on the keyboard, one has to press alt and the numbers 64 so if anything looks a Little strange as I type, you´ll know why.

The topic I´d like to bring up today is Telling Others About Recovery. There was such a social stigma back when I quit in the early 90s. Telling others that you were a recovering alcoholic was like putting a scarlet letter on your chest. People´s perceptions of alcoholics were the Brown bagger bum on the Street, and granted though there may be someone like here like that at MWO who is thankfully in recovery, the majority of folks with dependency problems are high functioning who hold Jobs, take care of families, etc. The problem is their drinking is out of control on occasions and those out of control times interfere with the quality of their work, family life, friendships, etc. So, when you meet someone new, what do you say to Friends, or new aquaintances, etc.? If you are a person with a total comfort level to say you are a recovering alcoholic to everyone you meet, do you have any stories to share to enlighten the rest of us?.

I just spent a fabulous weekend at a high school reunion. It was interesting when the classmate who took my order didn't bat an eye when I ordered an O´Douls. Later on another classmate offered to buy me a drink and he didn't flinch when I ordered a seltzer water and lime. So, it was interesting this time around to see so many people so much more socially acceptable of non al drinkers. On a plus note I felt so good being fully present for everyone I talked to. That part of recovery is just awesome. I remember one reunion where I slurred my words with one of my classmates and even though it was funny and he laughed because I pronounced his city he lived in as Turdwood and not Girdwood, looking back it was embarassing that it happened because of drinking that led to slurring. It was also nice to stay through the whole night because drinking would either make me tired and I would have to leave early or because I can´t handle too many drinks because my body processes it so poorly (totally too drunk on 4) hubby would have to scoot me out of places before I became too much of an embarrassment to him or to myself. Please share your stories. So, when someone offers you a drink and they are implying an alcoholic drink, what do you say?

Addy (All done Drinking...Yes!)