Dedicated to the quit we love

[j-vo]

ssd, such a hard situation for you. If this is any consolation, you sound very strong. You're doing what you can for your sister. Letting her know you will be there when she is ready is the most important, I think. We can't do anything for anyone while they're using or aren't ready, no matter how hard we may try. Stay strong.

[j-vo]

In the past, I have not "protected my quit." I am thinking about this LAFQ (Byrdie's acronym, not mine) as something that is close to me. I need to cherish it, treat it with respect, give it the love it needs. My quit is a part of me. So if I protect this quit as a part of me, I'm protecting myself from dying. I'm giving myself the opportunity to live and love myself. I'm giving others a chance to love me as I really am.

How will I protect my quit? If it's a part of me, and not just something I have to do then I believe that I will take care of it and protect it. Protecting this quit means I will put it first before everything else. It's my priority. Nothing is more important to me right now. Well, the people I love are always important to me, but I won't have them and they won't have me if I don't protect my quit.

How will I protect my quit? I will always remember I am an alcoholic. I will always remember all of the bad things that happened when I drank. I will remember how my physical health and mental health deteriorated because of alcohol. And I will protect my quit because I want to be well.

How will I protect my quit? I will be grateful. I will be grateful everyday for the small yet good things in life. I will be grateful for all that I have. I will be grateful even when I'm angry. And happy. I will be grateful for sobriety, because I can feel all of these things.

How iwll I protect my quit? I will think of the people I love. I will put them before I put alcohol into my mouth. I will be there for them and them for me if I protect my quit.

How will I protect my quit? I will come here everyday. I will read, think, post, support.

How will I protect my quit? I will take life one day at a time or in smaller increments if needed.

How will I protect my quit? I will turn away from alcohol or run away if I need to run. I won't go anywhere if I'm feeling vulnerable. I will think of me first.

How will I protect my quit? I will call someone if I need to talk or cry. If I'm not feeling strong, I won't go it alone.

I will protect my quit.

[ssd858]

Thank you for your support NS & J-vo.
The visit to my sister's will not be until after the holidays. I really want to see her and if I have to I will rent a hotel room and meet her somewhere. I have some time to work out my plan and figure out what her situation is.
First I have to get through this vacation - a week in the Caribbean sans alcohol is going to be tough. So far eating out at restaurants has been the most difficult for me and that is all we will be doing most likely. On Sunday we went out for lunch and while my husband was talking about drinking on vacation I found myself contemplating it... which is true craziness! I have been feeling better than I have in years. Clear headed and calm. No, I am not crazy happy all day - sometimes I get a little on edge in the early evening and my energy goes down at the same time. But issues that I felt I just couldn't deal with before I am handling. And, without trying I have lost 9 pounds.
This is how crazy al makes us - even though my life feels better than it has been in years I still have this internal conversation going on!

I want to protect my quit and come to the point where I can say with resolve that I do not drink.

[NoSugar]

One thing to try is to list the benefits and downsides of drinking on vacation. Maybe share them here and get some feedback if you need to. But if you make an honest list, I suspect it will speak for itself.

That internal debate isn't crazy - it is actually a different part of your brain that wants you to make a different decision than the real you wants to make. The trick is to silence that part of your brain and the way to do that is not to feed it. I really hope you're able not to drink on this holiday. Just imagine how good you would feel signing on and posting your success story. Really see it!

I found visualization a really useful tool when quitting. You could visualize yourself (in your bikini :wink strutting by the bar with a fancy non-AL drink in hand. Or waking up early and heading to the deck or beach to exercise or watch the sunrise. You can do so many fabulous things when you don't drink poison! All the best, NS

[All done drinking]

ssd,

I lived for Friday and Saturday nights when I totally allowed myself to drink as there was always a little guilt on any week night. So, I have to say that was the hardest for me with quitting, with the second hardest thing being staying alcohol free on vacation. We always stay at a certain hotel that has an executive lounge with free quality liquor/wine/beer. What was so great is one night fairly recently I realized it was Friday night and it hadn't occurred to me all day that it was. A major triumph! The second triumph was getting through a vacation without drinking despite the free booze in the lounge. I did as NS suggested, made fun non al drinks or looked for interesting non al choices. At a fine dining restaurant they had a menu of very fancy non al drinks that I never would have known about if I hadn't asked. And how great to wake up every morning without a hangover ready to take on the day. I have always loved NS's mantra "I do not drink" and J-Vo, beautiful post about protecting your quit. You captured the essence of what this thread was designed to be, a place where we are dedicated to our quit and come to empower each other in how to keep making that possible.

Hugs to all,
Addy~

[abcowboy]

This is an interesting topic as it leads me to another question, when does protecting your quit become maintaining your quit? Or are they the same thing?

I know when I started on this quit I tried to distance myself from alcohol and alcohol related events whenever possible. But as a bit of time went on, I discovered that being around alcohol didn’t bother me all that much.

I no longer think about protecting my quit, but I find myself doing the things I need to do to maintain it. Things such as gratitude, prayer, sharing, and service to others.

This change in attitude will come at different times for different people so there’s no need to rush it, your time will come.

We are all the same, it’s one day at a time, that's all we have and all we should worry about. My next drink will start me back on the road to a hospital bed again or on an embalmer’s table. Neither of those options appeal to me so I’ll just maintain my quit and enjoy and be grateful for my AF life!

[All done drinking]

This is an interesting topic as it leads me to another question, when does protecting your quit become maintaining your quit? Or are they the same thing?

I know when I started on this quit I tried to distance myself from alcohol and alcohol related events whenever possible. But as a bit of time went on, I discovered that being around alcohol didn’t bother me all that much.

...I no longer think about protecting my quit, but I find myself doing the things I need to do to maintain it. Things such as gratitude, prayer, sharing, and service to others.

Interesting question abcowboy. I personally don't think there much of a difference. I guess in the beginning of quitting we are more cognizant of things. More aware that we need to avoid places and things that may trigger us. Relationships change as we find ourselves not calling or texting our old drinking friends or making get togethers completely different...Starbucks rather than the wine bar for example. As time goes on, we may feel stronger to get together with people or go to places where we didn't have the confidence to do in the beginning in order to "protect our quit". And maybe the terminology changes in our heads that we don't need to "protect" it like in the beginning. We are now more comfortable being in places or with people that used to trigger us. So, we may think in terms of "we are now "maintaining" our quit" as time goes by and things are running fairly smoothly. Posting can become more about "lifey" things and not necessarily relapse prevention which is front burner stuff when abstinence first happens. We probably quit posting here daily or almost every day as we feel stronger. I know for me, the moment I knew I was doing pretty well was only recently when I realized it was a Friday night and it hadn't even occurred to me, as I used to "live" for Friday nights as my pass to drink.

But if one becomes too complacent and forgets that they are on an ongoing maintenance program, relapse may be just around the corner. Too often we have heard about the folks who resumed drinking after long periods (years) of time. I think the biggest mistake a person can make is to feel so confident in their sobriety that they leave their support group, whether it be here or AA or wherever they were getting support. Much too easy for the "stinkin thinkin" to gain control. All of a sudden the little voice is going, "that wine sure looks good, I miss it." "I was never THAT bad." or "I've been abstinent for SO long now that I've proved I can go without drinking. So, that must prove I can have one drink and now be able to handle it." And the chatter continues and continues until day 130 or day 565 or 7 years, become day 1.

Maintaining a quit must always mean protecting it.

Addy ~All Done Drinking...Yes!

[abcowboy]

It’s a pretty short week coming up for my American friends, for some reason I thought it was last week, but idefineme pointed out the mistake to me lol, thanks idef!

There’s been lots of talk about protecting our quits and getting a plan together before heading into weekends, long weekends, holidays, and the upcoming holiday season. Those are all real life situations, but what about outside forces such as advertising. Up here in Canada the Christmas alcohol commercials have hit the TV networks already. To be honest, I find some of them to be quite good when the message is more of a “responsible” message rather than a party message. The ads don’t bother me as long as they contain a drinking responsible message. Cigarette commercials were banned in Canada and all cigarette retailers have to keep the cigarettes behind closed cupboards, so why not alcohol? Should alcohol advertising be banned as well? Do the commercials bother or trigger you? Should the windows or shelving units that contain alcoholic beverages be covered? And how would it affect you if they were?

Enjoy your upcoming extra long weekend my American friends, make sure you have what you need to stick with your quit!

[NoraC]

Interesting topic Cowboy.

Most ads don't bother me - but, ads with champagne do bother me (drink of choice for many years). Every time I see one, it hits that little part of me deep inside that is trying to hold onto the illusion of being able to drink. But, even the shelves in the grocery stores have set up the bottles all pretty now. Trying to convince you that no holiday is complete with the booze.

But, with that being said - this is MY problem. I don't think that the alcohol needs to be covered. Probably so many people just buy a bottle or two during the holidays and they are done.
I think that there are many things that are sold that aren't healthy for us and are being displayed to entice us to buy. All the sugary treats that have 20 g of fat, the diet drinks (my diet coke that is so awful for me), fast food restaurants - who needs a jumbo combination meal.

So - I think it is up to me to realize what is healthy for me and what isn't. Even though I know Diet Coke is awful for me, I would be furious if it suddenly was prohibited. So, I am working to reduce my intake of Diet Coke and looking towards healthy alternatives. That is my responsibility.

Don't know if any of this makes sense.

[All done drinking]

NoraC,

Your post makes perfect sense and I agree with it. Although I wouldn't agree either to ban the alcohol advertising, I do have to say that the ads that romanticize alcohol bother me a little. The happy Christmas scene and "no home is complete without the Baileys and coffee" or fine champagne or wine makes me cringe a little. So, it does cause a little uneasiness but then focusing my thinking on what happens after I have those couple of drinks snaps me out of it. I want to be so present for my kids and grandson, a good role model to them, not some tipsy drunk. Sometimes I have a hard time in the grocery store with all of the various wine bottles, especially when I pass one of my favorite ones, but as time goes on, that is getting easier too. Putting distance and time between ourselves and al really does help.

~Addy

[All done drinking]

Do we see ourselves the way others do?

So, I was at work yesterday making plans with one of the female doctors for our work party. She made a comment to a group of us doing the party planning, "I was told we can't do the wine tasting event again because a few of us drank too much last year" Haha with a friendly kick to me. So...this is how other's see me. The girl who goes to a party and drinks too much. Doesn't matter that my 3 drinks make me look stupid compared to someone who drinks 10. If you look stupid, you look stupid, no matter how many drinks you've had.

Sometimes I wonder who knew or was aware that I had a problem. Since I have quit I am noticing I have a much better rapport with my grandson's mom and her dad. Perhaps they had concerns about me watching the baby (especially on a Friday or Saturday night) because I always gave myself permission to drink those two nights. No matter what, if it was the week-end, I was drinking. I am noticing my teen son and I seem closer. You can't really talk seriously to someone when you've had a few, so teenage confessions or discussions aren't going to happen with someone who is tipsy or drunk.

Hubby and I go to a potluck even once a month through our church. There is a lady there who is old enough to know better (probably late 60's). She was at the table next to us bragging about how she had to be carried to her car because she had drank so much. Everyone was laughing especially when she said she woke up next to somebody and was wondering who it was because it wasn't her husband. Roars of laughter as if that dysfunction was SO funny! My husband told me once that the impression she gave him the first time he met her was that she was a drunk. He said "Once you have that impression of somebody, it doesn't really change, that's who they are to you." Of course a person in recovery could redeem themselves, but for hubby and her now, he chooses to have nothing to do with her, thus the choice to even sit at a different table than she was at. Yet, she goes through life apparently seeing herself differently than we see her. I am grateful that I have quit drinking, grateful that I can go to my work party this year and show a different side of who I am because I will not be the girl who drinks too much this year. I am finally ready to have others see me the way I now see myself...enpowered, strong, and in control. Alcohol no longer controls me.

~Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes!)

[All done drinking]

It's so nice that people come here and share their stories, downfalls, near escapes... as you never know when you're story will make someone strong. Read a post a while back about how someone was offered a drink and they drank it! Was just there in front of them and it was so tempting they just drank it. So, last night, the hostess (the one who kicked me because she and I drank too much last year-see above post) said "You have to try this punch! She put a sugar rim on the champagne glass and poured the most beautiful punch (made with wine or champagne) that I had ever seen. It looked so good I know I salivated. But then I did like Byrdie shared once. It became a hot potato in my hand and I couldn't get rid of it fast enough. I walked away and immediately offered it to a friend saying it looked a little too sweet to me. Beads of sweat later, but still AF, I walked outside and poured a nice non-al drink.

~Addy

[abcowboy]

When I read the topic for discussion “Do we see ourselves the way others do?” my first thought was it’s none of my business what other people think of me. Then I took a step back and realized my thought pertained to who I am today, not the man I was a year ago.

And I’m not sure I knew the way others looked at me, I was too drunk to notice or care. And only 2 people commented on my drinking, Bubba and my son. I’m sure there was lots of gossip behind my back, but no one had the courage to confront me about my drinking. I know I wanted everyone to see me as the happy-go-lucky life of the party, who always had a joke to tell or a funny story to make them laugh. But maybe in reality they were laughing at me, not with me. I just didn’t care. That was the plain and simple truth. If people didn’t want me around, I could go and drink by myself, and towards the end of my drinking career, I much preferred to drink by myself.

Now that I’m sober enough to wonder what other people thought, I stopped wondering and started to prove to them that I’m not the man I used to be. If they’re not happy with that, well, it’s none of my business.

I have new goals in life, stay sober, follow what God wants for me, and try to help others understand that there is a better life out there for them. Now I do care what others see and think of me. I want to be an example that addiction, any addiction, can be overcome, by anyone! And if they saw me as some old drunk guy, they’d now look at me and realize that anyone can change their life around for the better if they wanted too, and not because of what others saw and thought of them, but because of what they see and think about themselves….

[All done drinking]

The Monsters on Maple Street

The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street was originally an episode of the 1960’s television show The Twilight Zone. The story deals with human nature, (fear & suspicion that can turn normal people on each other), prejudice, and paranoia.

The story begins on quiet, suburban Maple Street. A shadow passes over, accompanied by a flash of light, a whooshing sound, and followed by a power outage. Immediately, people are in the streets speculating, and extraterrestrial visitors is mentioned. One resident, Peter, volunteers to take a look around. The characters believe that the aliens could be living as a family in the neighborhood who appear human. Hysteria takes hold, and residents start to accuse their neighbors. Everyone is a suspect, and the neighborhood is growing uneasy.

Panic of monsters steadily builds until, one night, a shadowy figure appears. Charlie, a main character, grabs a shotgun, and shoots the shadow in fear. Unfortunately, it is Peter Van Horn, returning from his scouting mission. He dies instantly. Suddenly, the lights in Charlie's house come on, and he panics as the crowd begins accusing him of being both a murderer and the monster responsible for the power being out. A witch hunt begins, and the neighborhood turns into an angry mob. Terrified residents produce weapons, a riot breaks out, and fear drives residents to shoot each other.

The ending scene reveals that the object that had flown overhead was indeed an alien spaceship. Alien observers watch the riot on Maple Street knowing they created the mass hysteria through the manipulation of the power. In the end, the residents of Maple Street were the real monsters. The aliens conclude that conquering Earth will be easy; the humans will destroy themselves.

The theme of the topic this week is to remind us that in this online world, we can misunderstand each other, misconstrue what we read, or have our words interpreted incorrectly by someone else. We can make prejudgments that are often irreversible. Once a thought is put into someone's mind, it is hard to root it out. This is why prejudices are so dangerous. Using the above story for example, the residents' search for a scapegoat, and their suspicion and prejudice lead to dire consequences.

In this online world, we must always remember too, that it is human nature to be kinder to someone whose face we can see. Think of the annoying telemarketer who is so easy to hang up on because you can’t see him. If he looked like your teen son working his first job, you may feel differently.

The same goes here. Easy to say hurtful things to someone or post painful things about them because they aren’t completely real to us. So, the point to share today is for us to remember that it is harder to support each other in the online world rather than in the genuine world like an A.A. meeting or SMART where people are tangible. Faces can be seen there, smiles can be appreciated, and non verbal gestures or tones can prevent folks from going overboard before totally offending someone. The bottom line is we are all real people with real feelings. For those who have a comfort level to not remain completely anonymous, posting pictures on your profile page, or becoming friends outside of here can be extremely helpful. For those who don't feel comfortable with that, online chatting is a way to get closer. I have noticed Byrdie keeps inviting folks to chat. Haven't done it myself yet, but may put it on my list of things to do to get to know folks better. We have a bigger challenge here to support each other, but it's a great support system when it works right.

Peace,
Addy

[All done drinking]

Forging My Own Path

I edited the first post here as time has gone on and there have been some changes with the frequency I will be checking in. Thus, the site (since Jan 1st, 2016) will become more of a "blog" with some of the new info that I (Addy) glean from a face to face group I will be meeting with where I live, and another forum I will be posting on. I value the many people I have met here since 08 and want to keep sharing some of the good info I come across in order to enable us to all be strong in our quit.

Addy's blog:

As a child and a teen-ager, I would awake each morning to the sound of the bottle cap popping open. Dad had to have his eye opener to start his day. Our life was living with a man who was an alcoholic who never ever could admit that he was.
I have written poems about him...painful, poetic pieces.
Two paragraphs that sum up one poem go:

"When does fatherhood happen
When you never have control?
Fragmented lives were mine and yours
And never could be whole."

"Cause you were watching
Something else
That you thought much more dear
Your reflection in the bottle
As you downed another beer..."

It was so easy to be mad at him my whole childhood. My dad...the dad with a drinking problem. The father who never came to a game I cheered at, my homecoming queen crowning or even my high school graduation.

So easy to judge him back then.

But then I grew up, became a young adult who partied too hard, became a wife who drank too much, became a mom who's kids were too young to notice but then started getting bigger and started to become more aware of what was going on. "Mom, you were stumbling last night!" "Mom, I told you that LAST night...can't you remember?"

And one day I realized the reflection in the bottle wasn't his...it was mine.

I don't want to be a role model like he was. I want to be the best role model to my kids that I can be. I have a plaque that reads "Live in such a way that there will be no REGRETs when someone else follows in your Footsteps.

So dear dad, I forgive you. It's kind of like Mother Hubbard who went to the cupboard and the cupboard was bare. There wasn't anything in your cupboard that you could give to me. But mine is overflowing...and I'm just not going to keep following in your footsteps.

I'm forging my own path.

~Addy