the toughest battles ~ the anxiety thread

[briseus]

I decided to start an anxiety thread...because only by the grace of God or some higher power am I still here and sober. I know it's very early on, but I have never dealt with such resistance against all my being before to go back to unhealthy ways of dealing with the severe anxiety I am undergoing at this point in time.
I sometimes sit and think to myself "maybe it was a bad idea to stop drinking right now", we all know that's a load of bull. It's a test. Right? I mean, I HAD to quit. I knew I had to. And I did it in the middle of my mini meltdown which only seems like is growing and am afraid of falling into a depression now.
I HAVE to find healthier ways of dealing with all the bullshit going on in my head. Other people do it without self-medicating and so can I. I'm not special. There is no special "drink your face off because you're special and you don't need to deal with your problems!!" card. 😒

I have good days. I have really bad days. And then I have days in between.
I have to be sober in order for my pdoc to see me and deal with my issues of anxiety and OCD. But I wish he threw me a damn bone as I feel like I am drowning sometimes.

Although the thought of drinking seems seductive and like my savior from these intense feelings of never-ending doom and gloom, it'll only be there tomorrow. I need to start somewhere to get rid of these feelings...
I know that booze is NOT an option.

But I am feeling pretty lost right now.

So I have decided to start this thread for anyone dealing with anxiety. For me, when I write out how I feel, the anxiety tends to lessen and I usually feel a little better. Especially when I receive support and know I have people in my corner that know exactly how I feel.

So vent your anxieties here. Big or small. Even if you think it's stupid...trust me, to me nothing is stupid as I deal with OCD and irrational thoughts and fears is my middle name.

I know I keep saying I am suffering from these things, people might be sick of it "oh here is Bri again with her anxiety and OCD" - but this is why I drank. I never admitted that fully. And I always said I would quit and blablabla and I always went back to it but this time I can't use that crutch anymore. I can't drink over it or it'll get worse.

Thus this sounding off board. Please join me in airing out your frustrations. Alcohol related or not. I know I will come here whenever my anxiety gets the best of me - all to avoid going back to that poison which only perpetuates the cycle of insanity.

Thanks for listening.
I feel a little better.
Nothing like severe anxiety in the middle of your work day. 😏

God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers.

Bri

[All done drinking]

Hi Bri,

I have a lot I can share on anxiety. I had my first panic attack a very long time ago (was a flight attendant at the time and plane problems prevented sleep so I had been up 38 hours or so). Was so exhausted and went to sleep and woke up in sheer panic. Claustrophobia set in...it was awful. Didn't have another one until many, many years later and out of the blue it just hit. Then the fear of having another one sets in and it becomes a vicious cycle where your fear of having one creates it! So I have done a lot of reading and research on it. Want to share a few medical things about it and will share more later.

Vitamins
The neurotransmitters involved with treating and preventing Panic Disorder, as well as the body's adrenal glands, require vitamins and other nutrients to function properly. During times of stress, our bodies use up and excrete greater amounts of vitamin C and magnesium than usual. Vitamin C and magnesium are two key nutrients which also are crucial for stress regulation. Magnesium blocks excitatory (stress-promoting) neurotransmitters from over-firing, thus being 'Nature's tranquilizer". The adrenal glands, which buffer stress, contain some of the highest concentrations of vitamin C in the body and can shrink when vitamin C levels diminish. This can become a vicious cycle as far as Panic Disorder is concerned, if these nutrient depletions are not addressed. Additionally, stress-regulating neurotransmitters such as Serotonin rely on Amino Acids, such as tryptophan found in foods such as turkey for synthesis. Events leading up to Panic Disorder can heighten Serotonin excretion leading to depletion. Without replenishing the precursor nutrients for the neurotransmitters that are being used in excess, the disorder will continue perhaps even intensify.

Other Factors
The propensity for panic can run in families since so much of our brain chemistry is inherited. It does not mean that there is a genetic link for panic disorders but the likelihood that they could occur generation after generation is very real. If a family tends to run with excitatory neurotransmitters in greater quantity than inhibitory neurotransmitters a panic situation could occur.

Medications
Often, patients dealing with Panic disorder are prescribed medications such as anti-depressants (Prozac) or anxiety fighting medications such as benzodiazepines (Xanax). Anti-depressant medications such as SSRI's, (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) prevent reuptake of Serotonin and leave this neurotransmitter lingering around longer in the synapse of the nerve cell. SSRI's take the Serotonin that is already there and alter its uptake mechanism, in order to produce the desired effects~ that being mood regulation. The amino acids which are the natural precursors to these neurotransmitters do not affect uptake mechanisms. Instead, they increase the total pool of the neurotransmitter. Depleted levels of neurotransmitters are often the reason why symptoms and conditions arise in Panic Disorder and medications are used. Amino Acid therapy can get to the root cause of the problem.

More to come...
Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes!) :love:

[All done drinking]

Bri,

I wanted to add that when I quit drinking, I have not had any anxiety issues whatsoever. I noticed that when I drank too much and had a slight hangover, I ALWAYS had anxiety. Now, without drinking I am getting fabulous sleep and have absolutely no anxiety whatsoever.

Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes!)

[Dutch1988]

Bri I like the idea of this thread. I have some days where my anxiety is better and other days when I don't want to go outside. I started having panic attacks when I was 19, and it really was a terrifying experience. I would wake up in the middle of the night having a full blown level 9/10 attack and think I was going to die. Did all the heart tests and found my heart skips beats every now and then and I believe that is what started it off. I was able to get off my benzo's and resume normal life, and research and reading on panic attacks has really helped me.
I know my mindfulness practice as well as exercise have really helped me. I am with you though, some days I just feel anxious. Like today, I have a longer work day, but it's nothing that I should feel anxiety about, yet i still don't want to go in and go through the motions.

When I feel a panic attack coming on these days I always go straight to the bathroom and splash my face with cold water. It kind of resets my brain and helps me focus on something else.

AL always helped with my anxiety and stress, and I know it acts on gaba similar to benzo's, so it has always been helpful to drink in the past. I'll post my anxieties here when I can actually figure out what the heck it is.

[hazeleyes]

I've been worrying my way through life since I was 17 and ran away from home. My psyche uses worry as a protection mechanism to warm me of danger, and now I can't turn it off. AL was the only way I had to relax and turn off the worry.
I often feel the people in my life are working against me, and I create drama by over reacting. So yep, anxiety is definitely an issue for me that I will need to solve to stay AL free.
I'm grateful for the opportunity to share my feelings on here. Thanks Bri!

[briseus]

I have a feeling my posts are going to be a little long-winded on this thread so will try to keep it brief.

ADDY ~ thank you for all that information that was really helpful, not only for me but for others that will read on this thread. I had no idea about Magnesium and will make sure to check into that. Do you think a cal/mag supplement would work? Or should I look for a straight up magnesium pill?
I was never one that wanted to go on medication - but I really am seriously considering it as each day has become a struggle for me.
Unfortunately for me, when I quit drink, it feels like the anxiety is worse...no...I KNOW the anxiety is worse and so is the OCD. But I need to persevere until I see my pdoc in a few weeks...I think he thinks my anxiety/ocd is only a withdrawal result...he doesn't know that I have been struggling with this even before I started drinking.
I am sleeping fine and everything, it's just this constant anxiety and spikes throughout the day...it's really beginning to frustrate me. But at the same time, I should change my frame of mind too, right?

DUTCH ~ how are you feeling today? did your anxiety spike at all? I was doing okay for most of the day and then I got home and it started all over again. I never used to get anxiety at home...so this is a game changer for me, and I'm trying to figure out how to relax as much as I can in this situation.
I began getting anxiety attacks around the age of 18 as well...I was able to deal with it somewhat...but as I got older, and the alcohol came into the picture, I know that I only made the entire thing worse. :/
For me...I haven't had a full blown panic attack in quite a while...but there is a constantly gnawing anxiety sitting in my chest and belly...it has a lot to do with the OCD...with the thoughts that won't go away...when they do, or when I keep busy, it is a different story...but lately I just feel like I can't control them at all. I'm not supposed to, I know...but...damn, this is just hard.
Please do post anything and everything on here if you feel like it.

HAZEL ~ welcome to the thread and please share as much as you can! i think that it'll help all of us when we know that we are NOT alone. i think that's one of the biggest problems...that this illness is so isolating and scary.
i overreact a lot as well...and i also feel like no one understands me...even though they try...


Well...my day was going OK...after I posted on here earlier it helped...but then I got home and it started all over again - damn intrusive thoughts that spiked the anxiety...now I sit here, tight as a spring...if an unexpected noise or whatever happened I would probably be off like a shot.
I have no appetite...I think I will have a bath and try to meditate...maybe journal some more.

Oh I want to say one more thing because you mentioned benzo's, Dutch...have you been prescribed them? I have a 'script but really don't want to take them...but sometimes I just feel like I'm going crazy. :/ And yes, instead of taking them, I drank over the anxiety/ocd...I wonder what's the lesser of the two evils at this point...but I won't drink.

I need to go and ponder...for some reason I am just sitting here in intense fear...of nothing...
Sigh...

[little beagle]

Bri I'm so sorry. I had intense anxiety when I was drinking. Just sudden, jolts throughout my whole body. Slowly it ddiminished, the longer I went without alcohol the better it got. I still have days when it bothers me, but I take a few really deep breaths, hold in the oxygen, exhale slowly, and tell myself sternly. "Don't feed the monster." I make myself think of something else.
It usually works.

[briseus]

Thank you Little Beagle...
Sigh - I keep trying...everything that I can...to the point where people are saying "maybe it's time for a little help?" - meaning, most likely medication...which I am not against, it's just that I really wish I could take a 'natural' or holistic approach to this whole thing. Orthomolecular, maybe?
Everything sets me off lately...every....little.....thing....
For example, I take Melatonin every night...well, I took it tonight - a new one, with L-Theanine and 5-HTP...and lo and behold, wouldn't you know I'm on the verge of panic because I noticed my breathing was a little labored (was just stuffed up) but that was enough to send me into a tailspin.
The belly breathing does help most of the time. I really need to start meditating and SIT with my thoughts...I think that's pretty important for me at this point.

Thank you, LB. I am also glad to hear that your anxiety lessened.
I know when I was 8 months sober last year, I had bad anxiety (not as bad as this time around) but that's why I slipped up again...because I couldn't take it anymore...then again, I realize now there were other ways I could have dealt.
The plan is not to make that same mistake again.

[paulywogg]

Bri, I've tried L-theanine and it gives me anxiety for some reason, I read somewhere that it increases dopamine, who knows, I'm also prescribed a benzo and to me its the lesser of two evils,I'm not out of my mind on the benzo,on booze I am,also if you get magnesium, try to get citrate,its very calming,skip the calcium supp,our bodies can't absorb it,I take my mag with a cup of unsweetened almond milk thanks for starting this thread

[paulywogg]

Oh and exercise, even just walking is ace,I feel creepy on lazy days

[briseus]

Hey Pauly! Thank you for posting.
I have been going back to the gym...and usually that has helped me before, but for some reason it doesn't seem to calm me. :/

The intense panic feeling has passed..so the Theanine didn't work for you? Did you take it on it's own? Is an increase in dopamine a bad thing? Look at me, I should know these things studying it...grr. I'll have to look into it. I just ordered two bottles of Theanine, so I hope it doesn't trigger my anxiety, I just heard it helped anxiety!

I think for me, the reason why I call the benzo's an evil is that I'm not a big pill person or med person...I dabbled with that stuff in the past which didn't end well, this was when I was a lot younger. So am very wary. And a little scared to be honest.
What benzo are you prescribed if you don't mind by asking? I have Ativan. I actually kept my last bottle which I recently disposed of since 2012 because of the effect it had on me...I mean, I never took it, but just know I had it had a calming effect on me. Then I panicked when I called for a refill (just because I figured it WAS getting old) and it turns out that even if I did panic and take one it probably would not have done anything because they were long expired!! Talk about a placebo effect...
I am definitely going to look into the Magnesium Citrate though, thank you!!
I had no idea that Calcium isn't absorbed by the body - why is that? I was recently told my a doc that I had to supp with Cal because of my brittle bones....maybe better to get it from food?

I must admit, I just spent a BUTTLOAD of money on herbal supplements, vitamins and minerals.
Let me know your thoughts on any of these, I am curious - not sure if maybe this should go into the holistic healing board...but I also know that all these apparently help with anxiety and stress....

Kava Kava
Ashwagandha
L-Theanine
Tryptophan
Holy Basil (in tea form)
L-Glutamine (for AL cravings)
Phenibut
MRM Relax All

I could cancel these at any time...just wondering what you all thought...
I have also heard it isn't a good idea to take straight up GABA...that you should always take the precursor to it, thoughts on that as well?

PS. I am not talking to take all of these simultaneously, am going to see my pdoc about this, discuss with a pharmacist and my naturopath. Just to make sure I am on the right track and don't go crazy and overdo it. I would prefer to try this route (natural) then start the meds again.

Okay. Rambling now. Glad you guys are on here!


EDIT:
Forgot to add Inositol as well, which I hear is used frequently in people with OCD.

[paulywogg]

Bri,I have klonopin,and I understand that you don't want to swap one addiction for another, I've read benzos are a bitch to get off of,L-theanine works well for a lot of people, but for me it is paradoxical, I really want it to work and I do still take it sometimes cuz it helps my brain fog,5htp works for a bit but conks out,lemon balm us a good one but I've ran out and forgot to get some, I haven't tried kava,phenibut or any of the others you mentioned,passion flower sucked for me,and sometimes i think the more i throw at anxiety,,the worse it gets,so i just try and ride it out,anxiety wont kill me,beer will,Lav was talking about the calcium just last week, I'll go back and find the post

[paulywogg]

I guess she takes a plant based calcium supp,also she posted a link to "save our bones" just Google it,talks about better bones,without drugs,have you tried self hypnosis for anxiety? There's some great ones on YouTube, try it

[All done drinking]

https://www.anxietycoach.com

Everyone, the above is a very good site to go to for anxiety, OCD, etc.

Got lots of good info from there and I don't recall needing to pay for anything for the information. It may be an option for more info (can't recall as it was so long ago) but I remember getting lots of good info that was all free.

Addy :love:

[briseus]

Thanks Addy! I have a tun of bookmarks on sites that I think I should share with you all too! Great idea. And I have been on that site and it was helpful in the past!
Here are some other good ones...
This site has a lot of good information, particularly on anxiety...

http://psychcentral.com/lib/living-with-an-anxiety-disorder/

I love this site too, in general with re: to psychology...lots on anxiety too.

https://www.psychologytoday.com

The more I find, the more I will post....
Hey, would anyone be interested in myself posting books that have helped me in the past regarding anxiety/mental illness?