My name is Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes!) and I am so proud to say I have accomplished my first 30 days of being alcohol free (AF).
Dear friends,
I knew my 30 days AF was approaching and I became curious to peruse old posts back in my days of believing I could moderate my drinking because I thought I could control it if I became more observant. It was interesting how so many of my posts had the concern regarding my ability to moderate successfully, whether it was blatantly stated or in a hidden message. One paragraph sums up my worrying about it pretty well: "My concern always with modding is what if that ONE time a person goes over their limit, that becomes the time they end up destroying their life by getting a DUI (I personally wouldn’t drive but I know some would), have a major fight with their spouse, or end up doing or saying something where an important friendship is ruined because of drunken stupidity?"
Well, when I decided to quit on 7/16/15 I had almost ruined a friendship because of drunken stupidity, I had a husband who was expressing disapproval with my drinking behavior and how I embarrassed him in those rare times I totally lost control, and I felt I had made a fool of myself once when I had to have hubby pick me up from a “girl party” as I had drank too much and didn’t want to risk a DUI. To clarify, this didn’t happen often. Only about once a year where it was something bad as described. The other times were about once a month where I had gone over my limit where I paid the price the next day with a headache, self remorse, or anxiety. But still, any of those times could have been the time I ruined my life because of my inability to stop drinking once I started. Then I came across a response an AFer had given me to that particular post.
"For me, the risk of even one drunk episode a month, or one a year, is too much to take, because I have a history (not recently, fortunately) of driving drunk, and of getting so drunk I am really quite physically ill; I also have embarrassed myself in public, being much drunker than I thought I was, and letting others see that I have a serious alcohol problem and a lack of control over my drinking.
So, for me, even if I can, or could, drink moderately 95% of the time, and only rarely lost control... that would not be "modding." That would maybe be "trying to mod." And for me, that's just not something I want to be involved in. Too much risk, too much worry, too much thinking about alcohol... when I am AF, I have the enjoyment of realizing that alcohol is just not that important a thing to have in my life. It really is a relief to put all that behind me... I am betting my life on the proposition that I am much, much less likely to start getting drunk again if I do not embark on another effort to drink (or "mod") again
It is ironic that my life became exactly like she stated effective moderating was not. I had one drunk episode a month, one over the top drunk episode a year, and I was so tired of that worry that went on in the back of my head of “what if I get too drunk at this party and embarrass my spouse, sons, etc.?" because once I started drinking, usually I could control it, but not always. The scary part was I never knew when I could and when I couldn’t. It was simply time to quit deluding myself and face the fact that “moderating” did not work for me and it wasn’t worth the risk to think that it was a safe thing to keep trying to do.
These last 30 days have had their ups and downs. There have been times where the social situation was hard to say no to. Times where I didn’t get together with girlfriends and socialize because it would have meant wine after work and I felt a little bad that I had to make that choice. Times of being a little bored with "time" on my hands as I haven’t figured out what to do when I’m not thinking about drinking or going to happy hour and wasting my time that way.
On the bright side of it, it has been the “Time of my life” with being fully present for family and friends, sleeping better, feeling more motivated to work out and do chores (getting things done because I can literally pop up in the morning feeling well rested and rejuvenated), looking better (brighter eyes and complextion – thinner face) and connecting with online friends here at a deeper level. I have to say it feels like a higher level of consciousness as things seem so much clearer as I enjoy so many little things that I seemed to miss somehow when my brain was in a fog. I am so proud of my 30 days and grateful for all of the folks that I have here who spend many hours and give of themselves so wholeheartedly encouraging others to be successful. You know who you are!
I have my eye on the next prize and that’s the 100 day club here. Be seeing you folks in 70 days!
Addy (All Done Drinking…Yes!) :love:
Dear friends,
I knew my 30 days AF was approaching and I became curious to peruse old posts back in my days of believing I could moderate my drinking because I thought I could control it if I became more observant. It was interesting how so many of my posts had the concern regarding my ability to moderate successfully, whether it was blatantly stated or in a hidden message. One paragraph sums up my worrying about it pretty well: "My concern always with modding is what if that ONE time a person goes over their limit, that becomes the time they end up destroying their life by getting a DUI (I personally wouldn’t drive but I know some would), have a major fight with their spouse, or end up doing or saying something where an important friendship is ruined because of drunken stupidity?"
Well, when I decided to quit on 7/16/15 I had almost ruined a friendship because of drunken stupidity, I had a husband who was expressing disapproval with my drinking behavior and how I embarrassed him in those rare times I totally lost control, and I felt I had made a fool of myself once when I had to have hubby pick me up from a “girl party” as I had drank too much and didn’t want to risk a DUI. To clarify, this didn’t happen often. Only about once a year where it was something bad as described. The other times were about once a month where I had gone over my limit where I paid the price the next day with a headache, self remorse, or anxiety. But still, any of those times could have been the time I ruined my life because of my inability to stop drinking once I started. Then I came across a response an AFer had given me to that particular post.
"For me, the risk of even one drunk episode a month, or one a year, is too much to take, because I have a history (not recently, fortunately) of driving drunk, and of getting so drunk I am really quite physically ill; I also have embarrassed myself in public, being much drunker than I thought I was, and letting others see that I have a serious alcohol problem and a lack of control over my drinking.
So, for me, even if I can, or could, drink moderately 95% of the time, and only rarely lost control... that would not be "modding." That would maybe be "trying to mod." And for me, that's just not something I want to be involved in. Too much risk, too much worry, too much thinking about alcohol... when I am AF, I have the enjoyment of realizing that alcohol is just not that important a thing to have in my life. It really is a relief to put all that behind me... I am betting my life on the proposition that I am much, much less likely to start getting drunk again if I do not embark on another effort to drink (or "mod") again
It is ironic that my life became exactly like she stated effective moderating was not. I had one drunk episode a month, one over the top drunk episode a year, and I was so tired of that worry that went on in the back of my head of “what if I get too drunk at this party and embarrass my spouse, sons, etc.?" because once I started drinking, usually I could control it, but not always. The scary part was I never knew when I could and when I couldn’t. It was simply time to quit deluding myself and face the fact that “moderating” did not work for me and it wasn’t worth the risk to think that it was a safe thing to keep trying to do.
These last 30 days have had their ups and downs. There have been times where the social situation was hard to say no to. Times where I didn’t get together with girlfriends and socialize because it would have meant wine after work and I felt a little bad that I had to make that choice. Times of being a little bored with "time" on my hands as I haven’t figured out what to do when I’m not thinking about drinking or going to happy hour and wasting my time that way.
On the bright side of it, it has been the “Time of my life” with being fully present for family and friends, sleeping better, feeling more motivated to work out and do chores (getting things done because I can literally pop up in the morning feeling well rested and rejuvenated), looking better (brighter eyes and complextion – thinner face) and connecting with online friends here at a deeper level. I have to say it feels like a higher level of consciousness as things seem so much clearer as I enjoy so many little things that I seemed to miss somehow when my brain was in a fog. I am so proud of my 30 days and grateful for all of the folks that I have here who spend many hours and give of themselves so wholeheartedly encouraging others to be successful. You know who you are!
I have my eye on the next prize and that’s the 100 day club here. Be seeing you folks in 70 days!
Addy (All Done Drinking…Yes!) :love:
Comment