One Step at a Time - September 2015

[fennel]

Dottie, I'm glad your date went well. Did the guy look like his photos?

I'm sorry about your little doggie. That's so scary! I hope the vet visit goes well.

I finally went ahead and contacted a couple of attorneys who specialize in collaborative divorce this morning. I have been procrastinating, but I feel much better. Now I'll just wait back to hear from them and hopefully set up some consultations. This is honestly the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

[fennel]

SKendall, Pauly, where you girls be at? Check in! Mama, too.

[Rusty]

Good Mid-Morning Friends,

Fen-you didn't scare me away:hug:, I have just been busy....I had a 3.5 hr. ride to work yesterday...I work really long hours like mama, and when I get back to my hotel room after dinner, I just crash, so my apologies for not posting.

Nora and Pauly-thanks for taking the time to tell us how you're feeling. Nora, GREAT job on driving past the liquor store. Pauly, I hope you are feeling better physically and mentally. Pauly, when I had a day off at home....I would say to myself, "Ah, I can RELAX. Well, that almost always lead to me opening a bottle of something because I didn't have to be with a client, etc., and my drinking was my "relaxation" time. That was until I didn't stop the drinking, and then it wasn't relaxing anymore. The "downtime" at home on my days off were dangerous waters unless I had a plan for the day...a plan to get together with a friend, back to back appts., etc. something that would prevent me from just sitting there and drinking. Now when I have a day off at home, I have things scheduled...a list of tasks I want to accomplish. I used to say to myself, when I was drinking, "well, a list of TASKS on my day off is NOT relaxing, it's my day OFF." I really did think that way until I started looking at projects to do on my day off with the pride of accomplishing something that made my home look nicer, more organized, or made ME feel better...like writing a letter to a sick relative, etc. ANYTHING that is healthy for you is better than drinking. Maybe if you made a list of what you wanted to do on your day off you may be able to dodge that Day Off Drinking Bullet? Just some thoughts...:hug::happy2:

FT-great job on the bloodwork! Hooray for you!

Mama-I am glad Nana is doing better.

Liz-is your co-worker back to work now?

Skendall-you are going through hell with this divorce and I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you.

ABC-thanks for checking in. :-)

My client has returned so I better get back to work. I hope you are all having a nice hump day!!

[SKendall]

Hi everyone.

Sunny and crisp here, and I slept really well.

No biters on the house and had to reduce it another 20K. I don't expect to sell it during the winter.

Peggy still doing well.

Nora, when you said that once you were committed to drinking you walled in against advice not to. So true, your self awareness has been growing about this disease. You are doing so well.

Boring chores loom ahead.

[fennel]

Hi everyone.

Sunny and crisp here, and I slept really well.

No biters on the house and had to reduce it another 20K. I don't expect to sell it during the winter.

Peggy still doing well.

Nora, when you said that once you were committed to drinking you walled in against advice not to. So true, your self awareness has been growing about this disease. You are doing so well.

Boring chores loom ahead.

SKendall, I doubt that our cabin will sell before winter. : ( I wonder if Mrs. Fen will drag the divorce out until the cabin sells. She wants to be free of me, so I imagine she'll give me some settlement $ for that.

I am thrilled that Peggy has recovered! That was terrifying.

[fennel]

I went to P.T. today and I've been officially released. My therapist doesn't think I'll be ready for work until November, however. I've been pretty dedicated to performing my exercises.

[NoraC]

Fen - is the pain better? I'm glad that you are released but I hope that you are better. I'm sorry about having to hire an attorney. I'm glad that you are though. It truly surprises me when you mention that Mrs Fen wants to get rid of you & not drag out the divorce. I just keep thinking that she'll wake up and realize what she is throwing away!

Rusty & SK - thanks for the words of encouragement. Really feeling down today so it was nice to hear.

Hope everyone is having a great day.

[Lizann]

Hey guys! Not much going on here. Worked today, one of my coworkers was waiting for a kidney transplant for the longest. She finally got it yesterday. Everybody was in a good mood. Dinner, than off to a meeting at church.

[paulywogg]

Hey all,so glad that Peggy is better Skendall ugh,ate leftover chill for breakfast and lunch,let's just say I'm chilli'd out!! Sounds like everyone is doing good back later

[fennel]

Nora, I meant to say earlier that I am so proud of how you are addressing your cravings right now. You are playing the tape ahead, as they say, and realizing how things will end up if you drink.

My pain is greatly reduced. At one point, not so long ago, I wondered if my shoulder was ever going to feel okay...nowadays, it doesn't hurt unless I am actively stretching it, playing basketball, etc. I can only lie on my right side for a while at night, but it has greatly improved. Of course, I will continue to do my exercises and gain more mobility as time passes. My P.T. thinks I can regain complete mobility.

As for Mrs. Fen, even if she feels she made a mistake with this divorce, her personality dictates that she would go through with it anyway. She will never change her mind. At this point, too much unkindness has been directed my way for me to change my mind. It's horribly complicated, but I think I will emerge a happier person in the end. She was never home...and I need for a partner to be home, at least most of the time.

[fennel]

Hey guys! Not much going on here. Worked today, one of my coworkers was waiting for a kidney transplant for the longest. She finally got it yesterday. Everybody was in a good mood. Dinner, than off to a meeting at church.

Liz, that's great news about your coworker...was she on dialysis? How long was she on the list? I used to work in dialysis and it was so disheartening at how few people were able to get transplants. I fully support the people who took matters in their own hands and started their own donor lists for trading organs between spouses, etc. The traditional list is so cumbersome and so many lives were lost waiting for kidneys.

[NoraC]

Liz - that is great news about your coworker. I just can't even imagine what the patients and the families go thru while waiting.

Fen - I'm sorry but I'm glad that you are thinking positive about the future. :hug:
Also, great that your shoulder is definitely improving! Is your Mom feeling ok about the driving test? That has to be scary.....I would be scared and I drive all the time.

[NoraC]

So, I tried to find my old journal so that I wouldn't waste space here but I haven't found it yet. So.............

I have not had many cravings in the past month. I do have thoughts but nothing like the white knuckle, going insane cravings. But, I am really worried about the f***k it feelings coming on.
I guess I am just curious if the thought ever goes away.......the thought of 'alcohol'. I mean is it something that I have to constantly 'think' about to make sure that I remember that I can not drink? It seems to me like it is going to be something that I am always on my guard about. When I went to AA, there were people that still attended several times a week and had been AF for 20+ years.
I know that I'm rambling but I guess I just hope that there comes a point where it's not such an issue that it has to be worked at. I'm sure it will ease up....it's just that right now, I am keeping 'alcohol free' very close to my mind and staying connected as much as possible. So, it just seems in my face all the time.
Ok - enough rambling for the night. Actually, I came home & talked to hubby (and had a little cry) and that helped me feel better. Then coming here and venting helped.
So, thanks for letting me vent. I will start a new journal.

[Lizann]

Nora, I was wondering the same thing. I'm so tired of thinking about it. It's exhausting at times. Vent away here. Crying helps me sometimes too. Glad hubby is there for you.
Fen, I don't remember how long she's been on dialysis. I want to say at least five years if not more. She actually knows quite a bit about the donor, which kinda surprised me.

[NoraC]

Wow - we just got a tsunami warning. There was a terrible earthquake in Chile - it was an 8.3!!!!! I am going to check the news.........