One Step at a Time - September 2015

[Lizann]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Pauly!:sohappy: Doing anything special today?
Rusty, I'm doing better. You are so kind. Thanks for asking. Mark and I were fine yesterday. I'm feeling stronger today and every time I read your kind words my resolve gets stronger. I don't know, just thinking out loud here, no one here at home says anything when I get a good long stretch going, but when I falter I feel like that is all they notice. Enough with the pity party.
Dottie, you go girl. You really are something else. You just picked your self up and moved forward. Thanks for being here and for your incredible example.
Well off to feed the masses. 25 or 26 coming over today for our annual summer send off. I was so thrilled when Mark was born in the summer! My girls are both winter babies and parties always were inside. So we do a big family thing just to get it out of the way.
Have a good one guys. Again I love each one of you and thank you for your support:thanks:

[Ginger999]

:hug:Happy birthday, Pauly!! Hope you have an amazing day.:hug:

[blue1]

I'm much better today. Since I'm not in the house any longer, the cat's absence won't be as sharp a pain in my heart, although I do know she's gone. The vet brought her ashes back to me today. Mrs. Fen is going to the twin cities this weekend, so I figure I might as well have the ashes for a bit. The first twenty four hours in a Boosker-less world have passed. I will miss that little cat!

Dottie, you inspired me today. I went out and got a new bra and underwear. Who knows? I may date again at some point in my life and I don't want to be wearing my worn out skivvies if I do. Some dude tried to chat me up today- I can't imagine what if anything about my appearance would have been appealing to him!

I worked out, went to a meeting and went to sign the papers to file for divorce. Wouldn't you know it, Mrs. Fen pulled in to the parking lot just as I was leaving and seemed crest fallen that I didn't want to chit chat in the parking lot with her. I mean, really?

I then went to the Technical College, explained my situation to a student advisor and now I have an appointment with a career counselor next week. Went to mom's, went bra shopping, came home and met the vet. Now I am chilling (in hot and humid temps) as best I can.

Awwwwwww Fen...sorry to hear about the kitty....

[blue1]

Hey all

Obviously, I need to go buy some panties & bras. ROTFL Dottie, see what you have started!! :rotlf:

Pauly - how are you feeling?

Fen - don't really understand Mrs F. She wants a divorce so why would you want to sit & chat with her? Just doesn't make sense to me. So, what did you sign? You didn't sign off any of your rights or money did you? I'm worried that you are too nice and are going to be taken advantage of.

Liz - I understand! Really great job on coming right back here. I always went into benders. Do you know what caused you to drink? Were there safeguards you had in place that didn't work or were you just to the point where you said F***K it?

I have been trying to examine what is going on when I start having those 'cravings'. Quite often, it is stress. So, for me, I must find a healthy way to deal with stress. I'm hoping that will help.
Fen & Pauly, thanks for that info about depression in the early stages. It makes sense. I'm trying to learn to live again in a way that I haven't for a very long time. No wonder there is an adjustment period.
I've been thinking about other times - I would have over 30 or 60 or 90 or even 100 days and then I would drink. I wonder why that is.....Oh well, I'm not worrying about the future - I am not drinking right now.

Mama - are you home?

Rusty - are you home? We finally had a luncheon and it was mentioned that we passed the audit. Seriously! How many months ago was that? Wouldn't it have been nice to make an announcement back then? Oh well, August was the end of our fiscal year so we had a nice lunch and we got to leave early. So, I'll stop complaining.

SK - How's Peggy today?

FT - So good to see you here. You make me laugh!

Blue - did you have a good birthday?

Think I'm going to challenge hubby to a game of Blokus. I'll be back.

Yeah Nora I did! Everything worked out...not the way I planned...but fun!

[blue1]

Aw dear sweet rusty. Just anxiety I think. I don't even know. Like you I'm thinking at some point I will be able to moderate. Sadly I know this is not true. Yes I did have quite a few sober days, 53, but who's counting? Licking my wounds, onward and upward.

That's great Liz!!! Wow!!!!

[Lizann]

That's great Liz!!! Wow!!!!

Blue, thank you for seeing my accomplishments and not my failure. It means a lot.

[abcowboy]

Happy Birthday Pauly! :hug:

[blue1]

So I slept till 11:30 today! Think I am tired?
I am not in my happy place as I requested to take Tuesday off for travelling all day Saturday and my boss said no. I worked my ass off last week and travelled Saturday and thus bitch says no? I am seriously pissed off right now.

Mama that's awful!!! What kind of person is she?????? You need some rest!!!

[Rusty]

Posted by Liz:

I don't know, just thinking out loud here, no one here at home says anything when I get a good long stretch going, but when I falter I feel like that is all they notice.

I felt the same way you did, Liz. I would gently remind them of your AF stretches. Unfortunately, Mark, and my family felt the same way...that rehab was THE MOST EFFECTIVE treatment and the only way to go if you're serious about being AF. Well, yes, it CAN be effective, but you really have to WANT it to work, and there was no way in hell I was going to rehab. I really wasn't committed to quitting. I never promised them I would, either. Finally, they stopped suggesting it...and they kept asking me for 6 mths after the intervention..."well, Rusty, you have some free time in March (2009), how about going to rehab?" Oh yeah, that's exactly how I want to spend my March. NOT.

[Rusty]

LIZ-Check your PM Inbox.

[fennel]

Liz, we've all been there where disapproving family members are concerned. I'm sorry. :hug: And yes, 57 days is amazing!

Rusty, I hear you about rehab. I did a stint at one in upstate NY and it was awful. People were up in the wee hours with the t.v. blaring, totally disregarding house rules. Maddeningly, I complained frequently to the staff but none of the rules were enforced. I became completely sleep deprived while I was there. We were allowed to have our cell phones and Mrs. Fen called me frequently to complain about me. Of course, she assumed I was having a great time.

[fennel]

Awwwwwww Fen...sorry to hear about the kitty....

Thanks, blue...so weird to walk into J's house and not see her.

[fennel]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PAULY!!! :welldone:

[Rusty]

Liz-wow, 57 Days AF!!! All right....way to go!! :welldone:

Fenny-thank you for your input on rehab. How long were you AF when you got out of rehab? Sorry if I'm being too personal. I value your input.

I know why my family was so concerned about me. They were certain that eventually, the AL would take over and I would lose the business I had worked so hard to build. One of the problems was that when my drinking was at its worst, I lied about my drinking, and so even when I WAS telling the TRUTH about my drinking habits, they didn't believe me. I had to prove to them that I was serious about addressing my drinking, and so I saw this therapist, and I came to MWO.

[Rusty]

Fenny-SO sorry you are going through this tough time-especially on a holiday.

Skendall-I read your post about losing the most of your 401K with your divorce...and the fact that your ex wanted to be "friends" even though he had someone on the side. GRRRR! I don't know how you put up with that!!