drinking dreams

[briseus]

***This may be triggering***

So...33 days sober......and of course last night I had a pretty intense and vivid drinking dream.
I did a lot of my drinking in the privacy of my own home...and 70% of the time it was hidden. I hid it...because it gave me a 'thrill'...even if my partner knew that I was drinking, I would still 'sneak' away and drink in a separate room because I thought I was being sneaky - or at least, I don't know what I thought but looking back on it now it was so dumb and it makes no sense now in my sober mind (I know what he must have been thinking now at the time).
ANYWAYS...
Haven't had a drinking dream at all yet until last night and in the dream I was in my home...and again, was hiding it...and chugging it...and there was one bottle...and I wanted more.
When I woke up...all those feelings I had when I was drinking flooded me for half a second until I realized it was just a dream.
I was relieved that I didn't throw it away...and it cemented my resolve in not throwing it away either -- my sobriety, that is.

I hate those dreams...they're not particularly frightening...I guess it just scares me that looking back on it, it was really sad...what it was that I was doing and putting myself and loved ones through.
Feelings of shame and disgust...guilt...feelings that I just don't want to feel but have to. Then again - feelings that are not, in any way, helpful in my recovery...so need to work past them and move forward.

I guess that's all I have to chalk it up to...
It was just a dream...

[Lizann]

I'm glad it was just a dream. I get that whole sneaking thing. I don't know why we do that?

[briseus]

I don't know why either. The thrill of it? Who knows.
At least that's what I got from it.
It wasn't as fun just drinking where people could see me.

[lizker]

I do get them once in a while. I noticed that wrestling with cravings through out the day gives me the drinking dreams. I rarely wrestle or think about drinking so the dreams are fewer. I have had one dream recently where even though I didn't want to drink, the compulsion to was so powerful that I gave in and I could feel the gut wrenching feeling of defeat come over me...I woke up a little disoriented and was so thankful that I was dreaming. Makes me want to hang onto sobriety even more.

[shambles70]

The last couple of nights I've had dreams that, whilst not strictly drinking dreams, involved hundreds of people turning up at my house uninvited and turning it into a carnival, with plenty of debauchery going on and me being helpless to stop it. Ridiculously vivid.

I guess it doesn't take a psychoanalyst to figure those ones out! :egad:

[Dutch1988]

I had a drinking dream two nights ago, probably thinking about alcohol too much coming up to half a year without it. I wake up and usually have cravings that day, strong one, like I actually drank the night before and it's day one all over again. I always feel relieved but I am always so fine with drinking in my dreams it's like come on brain, at least show a little remorse.