Total humiliation and shame

[happycamper68]

I had in-laws in town from Sat-Tues, the autism walk Sunday, first day of work Tuesday. Strange stressful week but no excuse for below.

I got so drunk Wed night that I took a bath with my pajamas on. My husband had to bust in the bathroom door. He thought I was dead because I was sleeping. Now I feel like my ribs are bruised or broken from him lifting me out, I was dead weight, my shower curtain fell and I don't remember any of it. It's definitely from the combo of the campral/naltrexone and booze. My whole body hurts and I am so ashamed. My first week of work and I have managed to still get there and be productive. What the F is wrong with me? Why do I hate myself so much? I have been crying every chance I get for two days and am in a lot of physical pain. I know nothing is broken but it must have been a lot of trauma. And I have pinkeye. I screamed into a pillow tonight for the first time since my mom died. I was doing so well but I really blew it. I have to start all over again. I had been af about 70-75% before inlaws showed up. Once I drank almost a week straight the pills stopped working, or I STOPPED trying. The physical cravings have been horrific for two days now and i caved in today. i feel like such a f-ing loser. 1 day AF after all I had done.

[gabby]

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Ahh Happy....big hug to you.

[AAthlete]

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Happy, I'm so sorry that you are hurting....

Nothing I can say right now if going to make it any better, but all you can do now is focus on the future. It's amazing how things can sneak up on us - but I guess that is the power of alcohol. Put your plan to get back on the AF track together, and once you got those first couple of days together you'll feel so much better.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[SKendall]

Total humiliation and shame

Here comes a big hug from me too. You'll feel better in a while. Poor you.

[Guest]

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Deep breath sweetie and sending a HUGE, gigantic hug from me too. Been having bad cravings myself due to really stressful week...have not caved yet. Trying real hard! BUT, it is hard! Start again...you can do it...you have been doing so well. Lots of love to you...

[lucky 2.0]

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Camps,

That sucks. I am so sorry. It is a new day. You cannot do anything about the past but can make good choices now.

xoxo

[Beaches]

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Happy, That's tough and I know how you feel. I was in that state one night and my husband had to "escort" me to bed. It's terrible.
However you know that you don't want to be there again and you are here. We will be behind you HUGS:l

[southernbelle47]

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{{{{{{Happy}}}}}}

I love you girl.
Chin up.
Yesterday is gone...let it go and forgive yourself.
Get up tomorrow with a new resolve.
Nancy

[rottrod]

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Happy, We've all done it. I'm glad your husband was there to get you out of the tub and safe to your bed. I don't know you well but would hug you anyway. Put it behind you and start tomorrow fresh and new.

[Preciouspinot]

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Big Hugs right now my friend!!! Somehow you denied how much stress you were under and it all caught up with you. I am the queen of that. "I'm OK ...I'm OK...I can handle anything you dish out "...and then Wham...you get side swiped. :h :l :h :l

[tawnyfrog]

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Camper :l

[Breez]

Total humiliation and shame

Oh sweetie-

Been there done that....well I never took a bath in my pj's & the only bathroom incident I can relate to is falling off the toilet seat & wedging myself between the toilet & the wall & bruising my ribs against the toilet paper holder. Sorry...just trying to make light of the situation.

Bring yourself back & remind yourself of who you are: a strong, wonderful woman who no longer wants to live this way. You can't change yesterday, so let's not dwell on it. All of us have a today to make things better. Be proud of yourself for having the courage to be 70-75 percent AF. When we relapse it's helpful to figure out why it happened. The bigger the mistake, the bigger the lesson learned. It's also important to maintain your future motivations. Believe you can succeed & you're a giant step closer.

Honey, I drank on Campral yrs ago. I drank with Topa my first stab at it. This is my 3rd try with meds (Topa again) & it's my charm. No one gets it right the first time.....or second...or third. We are all works in progress.

[Determinator]

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Camper please don't call yourself a loser. Would a loser be on this forum trying to better themself?

xoxoxo

[happycamper68]

Total humiliation and shame

I guess the thing I am most worried about it what my intentions were in the tub at that time. I remember nothing but it scares me that I could have died by accident. It is pretty horrifying.
I don't know what my thought process was.

Hubby is being good, too good as usual, chalking it up to my being too smashed but kind of pissed at same time, yet still not cutting me off. He is too much of an "enabler". I know everyone hates that word but if he put me in that position I would be throwing the booze out the window. I would be sooooo pissed at him. I don't know what to expect of him anymore but I obviously was not in a position to be responsible for myself that night. I would think he would be more scared to leave me alone with our child but he isn't. I guess on some level I did it when he was home because i knew I could. I never would have done that if i were alone with Sophie, I truly believe that. But why do it at all??? Did I just forget to undress?? ????

[SKendall]

Total humiliation and shame

Camper, maybe all of the pressure of the new job and the in-law visits just created a situation for you to relapse.:l