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    #31
    Total humiliation and shame

    Hi Happy,

    Ditto everyone else - you're amongst friends here who understand, have all been there and want to help. You look at others as having so much more to deal with and wonder how...there are people who look to you in the same way - you certainly inspire me with your dedication, thoughtfulness, care for others, strength... We're all allowed relapses or 'time outs' from being that perfect, cope with everything life throws, model person and just be human! And please don't look at 1 relapse as negating everything that went before - I agree 100% with St Jude - it's all part of the same climb - continue from here - you've not gone 'back' anywhwere!

    Many congratulations on the walk! - I can imagine it was emotionally draining as well, though, all of which takes its toll. With regards to hubby could you talk to him about it?- I was actually the enabler in my ex's drinking situation - I always picked him up, put him to bed, make excuses to the girls, drove, - all because I didn't know what else to do - looking it from a drinker's perspective now, it is of course the worse thing I could have done, but I didn't know what else to do. Is there any councelling you could go to as a couple so he can understand a bit more how he can help rather than enable?

    Take care of yourself and look forward, not back -it's a new day - you are a courageous, brave and capable woman and you're going to be fine! Lots of :l until the pain diminishes...
    :rays: Arial

    Last first day - 15th April 2012
    Goals:
    Days 1-7 DONE
    Days 8-14 DONE
    Days 15-21 DONE
    30 days DONE
    60 days
    100 days

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      #32
      Total humiliation and shame

      HC

      Everyone else here has offered so many wise words I have not much else to add other than to say I admire you so much for posting what you did. Just fessing up to it is the first step I think. You'll be ok honey. We've all done it. I have done so well myself but am going through the worst divorce (husband is a psychotic loon) and caved in last week and then had to get a train home alone. I will spare you the details but suffice it to say I had to rely on the kindness of strangers in a railway carriage at midnight. Impressive stuff for a 40 yr old mother of 3.

      (Top tip, 200mg topa + lots of wine = BAD combination, in case anybody is thinking of giving it a go)

      So, my point is, this is an ongoing struggle. Who knows what tips us over the edge sometimes. If we have more good days than bad, we are doing ok in my book.

      Stay strong. Rip xx

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        #33
        Total humiliation and shame

        Happycamper, you are a muched loved member of our community:l

        Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again

        You'll be stronger for it!

        Hugs,
        Rachele
        :h :h :h :h

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          #34
          Total humiliation and shame

          Happy Camper,

          Hope you are feeling better today! Don't waste too much time trying to figure out your intentions when you got in the tub. I don't think any of us is thinking too clearly when we have too much to drink...

          My brother put himself in the tub years ago and covered himself with the bath mat. Maybe you were trying to use the curtain as covers...who knows and it doesn't really matter.

          Just know that most everyone on this site has done something similar. As a couple said, use it to move forward. You will get back on track!

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            #35
            Total humiliation and shame

            It's all in the past - don't let it become your future. We all slip up, but you need to look to tomorrow, get back on track, forgive yourself and stop the self hating (I should know, I'm the queen of that!) YOU CAN DO IT and we're here to support you :hug:
            "Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense." Ralph Waldo Emerson :rays:

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              #36
              Total humiliation and shame

              Good Morning StarShine...a new day...I am so glad hubbby is being this way...maybe he knew you really needed to unwind & was there in case such a thing happened. As I said before my experience is that those other pills are the things that really put us over & under & blank out the memory.

              Just as you desperately needed to relax that night you desperately need to take up some healing activities for yourself -- you know like massage, or chiro, or yoga, etc, anything "just for you". I really think that will help your nerves and the physical addiction part of this & maybe even a little bit the emotional.

              Of course you need a Mom. We all need a Mom. It is hard without one. It's lonely. Sista's are good though.

              Well, so you have to be a Mommy to you also. You have to start being nice to you. Be kind & gentle to yourself as you would to Sophie. "You are fine." More than fine". Remember that line in 28 Days (Viggo M. says it to Sandra Bullock at rehab). I memorized that movie because I knew I had to go into a rehab for afew days. Funny.

              And so, everything happens for a reason. A scare like this serves a real purpose.

              Everything is still intact. Your husband is there & still trusts you. Your daughter is fine. Your job is fine. God & the Universe are still with you. I really believe this about you dear.

              Breathe. Make a plan.

              Much Love, ~C

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                #37
                Total humiliation and shame

                Thanks guys,

                Not as sore today which is good. Going to do some nice long stretches and take a legit bath when my daughter takes a nap. Took my Stress Be Gone (it rocks by the way) that Prest suggested I get (I hate the All One), and I also got Calm Powder (the raspberry lemon one is really tasty) so can make some nice tea later (it is supposed to make you sleepy), that'll get some magnesium into me and I'll take my L-glut now. Oh and some Advil for my aches and pains! I do have a gift card for a massage that I've had since Mother's Day, so i will make an appt for a couple of weeks away. Right now it'll hurt too much!

                I am also going to watch my tennis today- The French Open- reruns today- my man Federer is playing the finals tomorrow. He's still on the photo gallery if anyone wants to see my dream man.

                Guy thanks for all the support. It really has been a help. Oh and Judes, you are VERY lucky to have been blessed with nice in-laws. My FIL is a great guy but my MIL is pure EVIL! :argh:

                :h Camper
                Sunny days, sweeping the, clouds away. On my way, to where the air is sweeeet!!! Can you tell me how to get, how to get to......LOL

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                  #38
                  Total humiliation and shame

                  Camper, Not that this is gonna make you feel any better and I hope not worse. But my ex-inlaws alone were for me to drink myself into a bathtub stuper. For sure a "calgon take me away deal". Ease up on yourself sweets.

                  Some of our worst fights were over the evil MIL. Whew.....man am I glad thats over.
                  Gabby :flower:

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                    #39
                    Total humiliation and shame

                    (((Happy))

                    Glad you are feeling better. We all have horror stories to tell. I'm so glad you are okay and that your husband was there. You ARE a loved person in MWO. I wish you a speedy healing of all your aches and pains and to NOT beat yourself up! That's an order:catroll: I didn't have any reason to put that smilie there, but I like it.

                    Seriously, glad you are okay.

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                      #40
                      Total humiliation and shame

                      I love you girl.
                      Chin up.
                      Yesterday is gone...let it go and forgive yourself.
                      Get up tomorrow with a new resolve.

                      Nancy

                      Ditto....

                      Love & Hugs, BB xx
                      sigpicXXX

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                        #41
                        Total humiliation and shame

                        Campy
                        Sorry I got in on this thread so late - I've been very busy lately. Ditto to what everyone has said above. Please love yourself, forgive yourself, and just chill as much as possible for a few days. You will feel better. In the meantime, think of all your blessings - including your husband, Sophie - oh yes, and all your wonderful friends who have posted here. You will do this. Remember we are all climbing a mountain that we never actually reach the top of. It's the climb that counts and you are definitely climbing up.
                        Many hugs. :l :h :l
                        Rest in Peace, Bear. We miss you.

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                          #42
                          Total humiliation and shame

                          Happy, I can't remember a time when my in-laws were her that I didn't get smashed! You have a great deal of stress, the autisim walk ,new job in-las. new therapist for Sophe trying to juggle life is stressful. It's over start again. New day, I hope you feel better today. Pools and hot tubs are my thing when drunk. Last summer while on summer vacation with my husbands family. I got drunk went skinny dipping in the pool and hot tub, then decided to stroll nude down the beach in front of the house. A huge hotel was next door. no one saw me or so i thought. MY FIL was watching me in the pool and hot tub on the house securiuty camera. Old Perv! You haven't done anything I can't top. Chin up and eyes bright today sweetie.
                          Smiles & Big hugs
                          Mar

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                            #43
                            Total humiliation and shame

                            "It just makes me sad because so many other people have had it so much worse, and are having it really badly right now, and they don't cave, on this site, right this very second."
                            Happy.....everybody here is a work in progress! Don't be sad....you were very brave to fess up!

                            "I go through these waves where i feel like i am 5 years old and so weak and just want to be taken care of and I am not getting it (taken care of, I need my mom who is gone). BUT, I need to grow up (38 hello??)"

                            We ALL need to feel thet we are "taken care of"....
                            This is a very basic human need! No matter what your age.

                            "and be more positive about what i do have but when i try to make the list i cannot. My life used to be a lot better and it isn't only about "being younger". I am sure we can all say that I guess.."

                            Maybe you could get a "Gratitude" journal. I have one that is titled "The Simple Abundance Journal of Gratitude" It's by Sarah Ban Breathnanch. (Amazon.com: Online Shopping for Electronics, Apparel, Computers, Books, DVDs & more)
                            I've had it for years and every now and then I get it out and reread what I've listed. It has dates to make daily list. Some of my list are VERY simple like:
                            Air
                            sunshine
                            rain
                            my kids
                            clean water
                            a flower
                            a smile
                            clean laundry...folded LOL
                            a bird I can hear sing if I "still" myself.


                            It just helps my brain to meditate on possitive things..
                            Lord knows there's enough negative things to drive us ALL to drink in excess.

                            :l Nancy
                            "Be still and know that I am God"

                            Psalm 46:10

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                              #44
                              Total humiliation and shame

                              Wishing you a great day today Camper, as far as what happened...."just forget about it"
                              Meow-Meow
                              MonaKitty

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                                #45
                                Total humiliation and shame

                                Thanks Nanc, and Mona, and everyone!! I am also going on the Recipe Corner and am going to get all the ingredients for Lushys lemon potatoes and D's Greek Sole. Oh and maybe nancy's velveeta chicken. :H
                                Sunny days, sweeping the, clouds away. On my way, to where the air is sweeeet!!! Can you tell me how to get, how to get to......LOL

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