One Step at a Time - October 2015

[SKendall]

Hi Pauly, maybe it's b/c you post often, but I knew you were coming up for a relapse, re mood changes, etc.. I didn't know if anything I could have said would have prevented it. Your cycle is a factor and when I was at "that" stage years ago, all I wanted was a large straw in the wine bottle. Hormonal swings are DEFINITELY a factor.

As Nora said, if we are determined to drink we isolate from everyone's advice. If you can narrow it down to the aforementioned maybe you can find a solution to the &*&* like reading the Toolbox and vits/supplements/etc. Let's focus on that instead of you feeling bad or beating up on yourself. I used to spend hours/days/weeks, etc. feeling bad so I made a life plan eliminating all of the wasteful time from hangover recovery, feeling of regret and the mental turmoil of abusing alcohol robbed from me.

Pauly, you are a very good person and you CAN do this. You are not in denial and never lie, so you have a great head start.

Appt. with lawyer went okay, but maybe will get a consult from another one. I was hoping I could sue for "wasteful dissipation of assets", but WA state doesn't allow that. However, if I can prove with credit card charges that he charged his dating with the Trollope to OUR accounts, which he did - and forcing to pay for 2 separate homes b/c of his philandering, I can sue for more than the 50% split. I have a LOT of homework and leg work to do. Over $100K is involved there, maybe more.

The lawyer had 4 dogs which were occupying the chairs and couch I was sitting on. She asked her secretary to walk the dogs while we had the consult. Too funny.

Wishing everyone a good night.

[red67]

Pauly, I wanted to respond to you on the Who am I thread but it is closed.

You can and will get back up. Have you ever tried Smart Recovery? It is a group meeting that works on changing thoughts and behavior. It helped me so much when I first quit. I had no idea how to live day to day without alcohol when I quit. Just one month of those meetings changed everything for me. If you google them in your area I bet you will find one. It is not religious, although I am religious I didn't want to depend on something besides me to conquer this.

You are an amazing woman and you just need to find what works for.you. I tried so many things before it finally clicked. You will find the right combination to make this stick. Just don't ever give up.

[Rusty]

Good Morning and Happy Hump Day!

I am enjoying my time "off" but I am still doing a lot of paperwork and it feels really good to maybe get ahead in that dept. It seems like I am always trailing behind a bit.

Pauly-I think Skendall hit the nail on the head :

Maybe it's b/c you post often, but I knew you were coming up for a relapse, re mood changes, etc.. I didn't know if anything I could have said would have prevented it. Your cycle is a factor and when I was at "that" stage years ago, all I wanted was a large straw in the wine bottle. Hormonal swings are DEFINITELY a factor. As Nora said, if we are determined to drink we isolate from everyone's advice. If you can narrow it down to the aforementioned maybe you can find a solution to the &*&* like reading the Toolbox and vits/supplements/etc.

I wanted to add that Vitamin B REALLY helped me with regard to cravings, and I think it is because my body was so starved for nourishment because when I felt those cravings, I wanted to snuff them out with wine (and then vodka or scotch once my drinking progressed). Of course, booze was the WRONG answer. That just made the cravings worse the next day. Once I started filling my body with Vitamins B,C,D, E...the cravings really decreased. When you know you're getting towards that time of the month, you'll want to take action beforehand....knowing those f*&! it feelings will be there. I've mentioned this before, but I think the key component that is missing in your plan is exercise. Exercise boosts your endorphins, and when I changed my morning exercise routine to evenings after work (when the witching hour would hit me)....by the time I got home from the gym, I didn't feel like eating or drinking. It was...and still is...a wonderful feeling. I know you don't live in the safest area and you don't always feel comfortable walking, but is there a Planet Fitness nearby? It's only $10/month. If you don't drink, you could probably afford a membership, right? ;-). I also think Red67 has excellent advice in going to a SMART Recovery Meeting. Several years ago, there was an MWO member who struggled with her sobriety, but she was able to stay sober when she went to SMART meetings. She lived in AZ and found them very helpful. I also know Lavande suggested asking the doctor for some meds for depression. I think that is a very good idea as well, because whatever you're on now (if you are....I am not sure) doesn't seem to be working as well as it could. We all care about you, Pauly, and we hate to see you miserable. BIG HUGS.

Skendall-absolutely go for that $100K because your ex paid for the town trollop's needs and wants with YOUR money. Re: the dogs sitting on the lawyer's furniture in her office...I am not impressed, but that's just me. Glad you got a laugh out of it.

Liz-glad you got to play checkers and hula hoop, too! ;-)

Nora-how are your knees feeling today? Hey, thanks for getting in touch with Mama for us. :heartbeat:

Waves of hellos to everyone else!:heartbeat:

[fennel]

SKendall, definitely speak with another attorney, just to get a feel for different ones. I can't believe that WA won't allow you to go after hubs for blowing through your retirement! I hope you'll pursue proving the money he spent on that strumpet. This divorce business is not for wussies, that's for sure. I don't know how anyone ever goes on to re-marry!

[Dottie Belle]

Morning all
Pauly sorry you are feeling down....anything we can do to help???
Need to read back and catch up. Been with Jon so much I feel like I am losing touch with all of you .....
Yes I am spending a lot of time with him but am enjoying his company so I am just going to enjoy and see where this goes.

[NoraC]

Hey all. I'm at work today. I honestly think that my body is just tightening up from stress. I must start exercising every day. It will help me mentally & physically. Now that the painting is done in the living room, and we can move things back, it will be easier to get to the exercise bike.

Pauly - how are you doing today. I hope that you are feeling ok. Sending you lots of hugs.

Ok - back to work for me. Have a fantastic day everyone!

[Rusty]

Hi Nora, how did the painting turn out?

[SKendall]

Nora, I think we have to move at whatever level we are able to. My left foot/ankle is mostly metal of some sort and 1-1/2" shorter than right foot. People have told me to get handicapped sticker etc., but I refuse to consider myself handicapped. I limp if I am lazy, but with full focus I walk normally. I am grateful to Peggy for having me walk over an hour per day. My neck carries my tension and if I walk moving my arms it goes away.

Does anyone know how to delete notifications?

[SKendall]

Pauly, I looked for you on the other thread but it's closed (?). After I read about your mom's last visit, no darned wonder you are stressed. I don't know if the vitamin therapy will kick in before her visit, but I agree with Rusty on the vitamins. In her book RJ emphasizes them too, as healing and preventative. Sober Recovery - same thing.

You will conquer this Pauly.

[abcowboy]

Sken, when you're logged in the main site, not mobile, at the top right is a button "settings" click on that, the page that opens go to the left side about 1/2 way down and click on "general settings" you should find all your user options there. Hope that helps!

Upon further investigation, I'm not sure if the actual "Notifications" can be turned off

[Rusty]

Skendall: I tried to find out how to delete notifications but I don't think there is a way unless your Inbox gets too full. Sorry I can't be of more help.

[mama bear]

Well...I am driving around Atlanta in my little rental car like a little old lady!! Ya'll know the feisty me..not the scared as shit in 8 lane traffic Atlanta me.
Pauly - I am here...I always have been and I always will be. Smart recovery sounds like a good way to go.
I am well....working my butt off and moderating...some days better than others. Hotel rooms are very lonely, so I need to find a way to entertain myself.
I an off to dinner and some more work.
BTW...we got hold of Nana's meds and sorted them and she seems better. She seems to really like oxycontin :-(
backinabit

[paulywogg]

I closed my thread cuz I'm soooo tired of that whiner! If I took a look at myself from outside, I'd think this person is nuts! I accomplish things,I work,pay my bills,keep a half way decent house,love my family, grrr,this one thing has a hold on me and I hate it,told hubs I just needed a beer,he said" cuz you're normal!!" I dunno,maybe I don't drink and it builds up,but I'm scared of moderation cuz then there will always be an excuse to drink

[fennel]

I closed my thread cuz I'm soooo tired of that whiner! If I took a look at myself from outside, I'd think this person is nuts! I accomplish things,I work,pay my bills,keep a half way decent house,love my family, grrr,this one thing has a hold on me and I hate it,told hubs I just needed a beer,he said" cuz you're normal!!" I dunno,maybe I don't drink and it builds up,but I'm scared of moderation cuz then there will always be an excuse to drink

Pauly, only you can say if your drinking is normal or not. For alcoholics, it's easier to abstain than to moderate. I always said that alcohol is my "gateway" drug for more alcohol. Once I have one drink, it's off to the races with me.

With that said, it has to be so hard for you if hubs has booze in the house and is actively drinking. I went through the same thing with Mrs. Fen.

[fennel]

I do hope you will re-open your thread. Trust me, we have all been at or are going through the exact same struggles that you are. :heartbeat: