I'm going to rehab

[hoping4better]

Hi everyone,

It's been a long time since I've been an active member of this board, but some of you old timers might recognize me.

My husband finally had it with my drinking and filed for divorce. He was over all of my half-promises to quit (I just hid the wine and didn't drink in front of him. But duh, it's obvious.) I tried nal, baclofen, topa, AA, etc and nothing "worked." Meaning, I wasn't ready for anything to work.

My life has sucked for some time now. I wake up feeling like shit, can't get my act together before 11am, am unmotivated to do anything (find a job, clean my closet, etc...) -- hell, I'd divorce me, too.

It is heartbreaking that it took a divorce petition and my husband taking custody of our son for me to finally take action. For many years I've been selfish, self-centered and my world has become smaller and smaller because of my drinking. My kids have suffered.

Next week, I'm going to rehab. It's a 6-8 week (non 12-step) program and I'm leaving my 4 children (three are 18 and high school seniors), which scares the crap out of me. They are great kids but they can't even unclog a toilet, lol. I am so anxious but I have to do this for them. They deserve better.

I know some of you have gone to rehab, read both good and bad things. This place doesn't accept court-ordered rehab cases or anyone under 22. The director said they only accept people who are actively seeking recovery. Don't know if any of that matters.

I am sick and tired of the way I've allowed alcohol to affect my life and relationships.....but I never expected to do inpatient treatment. My husband is footing the bill for the whole deal.

Hope to report on my experience when I return....in the meantime, I wish everyone who struggles with this strength and resolve.

[available]

Hi Hoping. Al sucks everything out of us and asks for more. I think we all have our own bottom where we know we have two options. Give up our "so called best friend" and have a better life or drink ourselves to death and not care. I am sure your kids will cope and I am positive that they will support you as they want a sober mum. I know my children did and they are so proud of my achievement. I cannot let them down again and they keep me strong and sober.

I wish you the very best in rehab, go in with an open mind and a willingness to accept that this is your life to be. It will be better and it will have so much more meaning. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Let us know how you go.

[lex]

h4b- hope this is a new and exciting beginning for you! Keep us posted- we're all doing it one day at a time, so to speak. (Umm, whether we're in AA or not I guess we kinda are one day at a timers, right?) Anyway, best of luck and fingers crossed for you!

[Rusty]

Hoping, I am so glad you found a non 12-step Inpatient Program.:goodjob::yay: Congratulations on having the courage to say life is unmanageable for you. I bet when you complete this treatment program, that your husband will see the "you" he fell in love with and may re-consider filing for divorce. I am in your corner. Please let us know how it goes for you and the very best of luck to you.

[frances]

Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best in your rehab and afterwards. It is a difficult battle but you need YOU back.

Al sucks everything out of us and asks for more.

- so sad and so true. Al is a selfish f--ker.

[Lizann]

Frances, wishing you all the best as you take this step! Yes al sucks the life out of everything. Let us know how you are doing? Congratulations on taking charge of your life.

[Rusty]

Available, I loved your post. Liz, dear, it is Hoping:heartbeat:osteroops: who is going to rehab....not Frances.

[All done drinking]

My husband finally had it with my drinking and filed for divorce. He was over all of my half-promises to quit (I just hid the wine and didn't drink in front of him. But duh, it's obvious.) I tried nal, baclofen, topa, AA, etc and nothing "worked." Meaning, I wasn't ready for anything to work.

My life has sucked for some time now. I wake up feeling like shit, can't get my act together before 11am, am unmotivated to do anything (find a job, clean my closet, etc...) -- hell, I'd divorce me, too.

It is heartbreaking that it took a divorce petition and my husband taking custody of our son for me to finally take action. For many years I've been selfish, self-centered and my world has become smaller and smaller because of my drinking. My kids have suffered.

Next week, I'm going to rehab. It's a 6-8 week (non 12-step) program and I'm leaving my 4 children (three are 18 and high school seniors), which scares the crap out of me. They are great kids but they can't even unclog a toilet, lol. I am so anxious but I have to do this for them. They deserve better.

I know some of you have gone to rehab, read both good and bad things. This place doesn't accept court-ordered rehab cases or anyone under 22. The director said they only accept people who are actively seeking recovery. Don't know if any of that matters.

I am sick and tired of the way I've allowed alcohol to affect my life and relationships.....but I never expected to do inpatient treatment.

Hi hoping4better,

We have never met (although I originally joined in 08) because I was under the delusion I could drink moderately after having a 7 year quit and then returning to drinking for many years. Then I kept experiencing problems that made me take notice and I ended up coming here. The delusion of RJ's book that I could possibly "moderate" kept me in bondage for 7 years. As one person posted on a different nondrinking forum "virgins don't take pregnancy tests. The way I view it, if you are "trying" to moderate; then you have a problem. Normies don't even think about it." So, hoping4better, I had to finally face the fact that I was not a normal drinker, moderating my drinking was never going to work because I slipped up at least once a month and embarrassed myself or my hubby or worse (made a fool of myself in front of my teen sons and sometimes their friends). We started to have fights too where my husband would say things like "How would you like it if you had to live with a drunk?" And those mornings when I would wake up not quite remembering what I had done the night before and trying to read his signals "was he mad, did I do something embarrassing?" just became too much to bear.

You will have a wonderful experience in rehab. The rehab's rules make sense, we can't help ourselves if we're not willing to accept the help. At least you are finally ready. We look forward to hearing about your experience and any info you are able to bring back to give us better insight in our recovery process. The kids will be fine, I bet they are all so glad that you are doing this for you. Alcoholism affects the whole family. They probably will have some family therapy sessions that will help all of you as well.

Good luck. Keep us posted!

All Done Drinking...Yes! (Addy) :thumbsup:

[Sunbeam]

Hoping4better, I also wish you well. I hope you continue posting here when you are able. Gratitude and helping others are important parts of the healing process.

[hoping4better]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and inspiration. I am terrified to go -- leaving my kids that long, my home, the dog, all my creature comforts to go to an unfamiliar place and not know a soul. But it's certainly better than the alternative. I won't have access to my phone or ipad (grrrr!!!)but I'll update you all when I return home.

[Guitarista]

Embrace it H4B and go for it friend. Stick with it no matter what.

Congratulations on taking action. You rock!

[Byrdlady]

This will be the best gift you have ever given your yourself. As Ava said, leave your ego at the door and be open-minded. They do this every day and they know what works. I wish you all the best and look forward to hearing from you on the other side. You will be amazed at how much better you are going to feel! Hugs, Byrdie

[hoping4better]

Rusty, I hope you are right....but 1st thing is to get better for myself and my kids. I want to look in the mirror and like the reflection. Thank you so much for your kind words.

[hoping4better]

Guitarista, thank you so much for your support.

[hoping4better]

Hello Byrdie, thank you so much. I am ready. I'm not going to lose my son over a glass or two or three.... of Chardonnay. Seriously, when you look at it that way, it's an easy choice. Just never been faced with the choice until now. I am scared but I look forward to purging myself of this nonsensical addiction.