I kind of can't believe I'm alive.

[Choices]

I don't think he'd be keen lol. But, he is bring Carl's Jr. Back for me. He got me a voucher for a spa a long time ago that I think I'll redeem on Tuesday. I'm glad your feeling better shambles. I look forward to getting there in the next couple of days. I love meditation etc... I think that's why I haven't gone crazy the past 24 hours.

[Choices]

Sorry for the play by play...but just finished lunch and feel nauseous. I probably ate too fast. So, back in bed. Probably for the day I reckon. The only responsible thing I need to do is watch my girl when my husband goes out to play poker. That is hours from now and we can just watch movies tonight. I'm bummed I missed swimming but won't next week. Hubby and daughter are totally playing downstairs and sound happy. It's strange not to be with them. But I think it's best not to push myself. We were going to buy a nice bbq after swimming today but we will just have to do that next weekend. I kind of can't believe I am safe right now. That I could screw up so badly and still have created such a net for myself. It wasn't always this way. Every mussel aches.

[NoraC]

Choice - really glad to see you posting. Please keep us updated. :hug:

[Choices]

Well, I still feel pretty rotten physically. I can't get comfortable.. My daughter is taking a nap which means she will be up later full of beans. I wish it wasn't poker night but he only plays every 6-8 weeks and so... Well, I'll be fine. Some embarrassment is starting to creep in, so hubby and I have been dealing with it through a bit of humor. It's hard not to just keep saying sorry. But it's up to me to forgive myself now.

[treetops]

Just take it easy and have a few cuddles later with your daughter & watch some movies maybe with her. Of course kiddies are unpredictable and can sometimes be cranky (when we expect sweetness & fun) - so just try to take that in your stride if it happens. I expect your nerves will be on edge so just bite this off and look after your daughter as best you can. Don't expect too much from yourself.

[Pavati]

Hi, Choices:

Welcome back. I'm glad you're feeling better. Come back to this thread any time you feel like drinking - read what you wrote and remember how these last two days were. That should keep you healthily scared of touching the stuff again.

Pav

[Choices]

Thanks. Yeah, taking it really slow. Toddlers are really unpredictable that is for sure. I am looking forward to the cuddles. I don't want to sound overconfident but this was it for me. My resolve feels strong... When I finally feel better I definitely will post here to remind myself. It has always been strange that recovering from a hangover is so tough, and when I feel better a drink sounds like a good thing. But I'm confident I won't do that this time. My husband is letting me know how abusive I was to him that night and I can't stomach it. It's as if I was in a nightmare that I pulled him into. I only wish it was me who remembers not him. And now that I've become accountable to him on exactly how much I've been drinking ... It would be the beginning of the end of my little family. I feel relieved he knows my secret now. I don't feel as alone. He was relieved when I told him I wanted to quit again, because he was going to tell me I needed to. And was really glad I came to the decision on my own. It has been my desire to quit again for a long time. But I didn't really want to. It's different now that I need to.

[Choices]

Things are going well. We are cuddled up watching a movie. My girl is being really Good and extra cute so making me smile a lot. I'm really getting tired of feeling this physically crappy. And a bit of anxiety is sneaking in now but I'm just hanging out with it and not freaking out. I'm only going to feel better and better. I'm glad my husband is at poker, so he can unwind after a couple of terrible days. I'm just praying to be able to get out of bed tomorrow and face a real day.

[satz123]

Very best wishes to you Choices
- listen to the wisdom here and keep posting every day.
You've done it before - you know both sides and you know which one you prefer.
I suspect your husband is being kind when he previously told you to moderate - mistakenly thinking you won't suffer as much.
We are not normal drinkers -that is why we are here.
We all instinctively KNOW that - some take longer than others - but that's ok.
- moderating is for mugs not us !

[Choices]

Thank you. Satz,
It is 4:30 am here, just woke up because my girl wanted some milk. I don't ache as much. Thank god. I think most people mean well when they suggest moderation. Ultimately only we know the truth about all of that. Sometimes people really can't understand how vulnerable a person is around alcohol. I ran into that a lot while sober, people would say well maybe in time you can have one or two etc...I also ran into it once I drank again, It always felt like a mean joke. I'd be encouraged to drink, then end up drunk and judged. It truly is a weakness for me a compulsion once I start. To put the breaks on is so extremely difficult and painful. There is nothing that pulls me in such a way. It is powerful. One of the best things I learned while sober was to do what was best for me anyway. I can't say I've regretted my whole life the past 18 months, but I do regret taking that drink on the plane. Ever since then I think I always knew I'd need to quit again so was kind of saying goodbye by drinking too much. Or whatever dangerous game my head was playing or telling me while I was doing this. I felt like I was at least keeping it to myself this time etc.. But that was all a lie. I got wasted last Christmas at my in laws and at a wedding. Both times were embarrassing but both times everyone was so glad I was drinking again... So bizarre. The thing is I know better, it starts and stops with me. At the end of the day it wouldn't matter if I drank or didn't people pleasing is always hopeless. Thanks for listening to my rambles!

[Choices]

I finally felt like it was safe enough to take a pain killer. I was so worried about adding anything else to my system. I took a tynol pm. Hopefully this will help with some anxiety and pain. I just keep looking forward to being able to go to my yoga class. I signed up for a mums yoga retreat a few weeks back that is at the end of November on the beach. Im So excited that I'm sobering up now. So I can feel really healthy for it. There is so much to look forward to.

[Choices]

Okay. I finally feel somewhat normal. Still really tired, but the aches are gone, no headache etc. I had a dream that I was drinking wine last night and I'm relieved to wake up. Husband is taking my girl to the park. I still haven't gotten out of bed. He kind of joked and said to me it's time to get up into your life. I'm glad it is Monday tomorrow so he can go to work and I can take my girl to school. Only so that if I need to lay in bed more I can. Not that my hubby is making me feel guilty but... Quite frankly I'd be the same if the situation was reversed. It's hard to carry the ball for everything. I'm actually not sure what to post. But know that I need to.

[NoraC]

Hey Choices - glad that you are feeling better! I know it is easier to lay in bed if hubby is not hovering around. Even though he is being nice sometimes it's hard.
Good job on posting. Even if you don't know what to say -just start typing. Keep your brain and fingers busy.

[Choices]

Thanks Nora,

So, yeah..I feel a little productive. Got out of bed and tidied up the downstairs. I haven't cooked since this happened so it wasn't too hard. We've had take always each meal. Which has actually been really, really nice. I love to cook but don't have the energy or brain power. I was up for maybe 30 min and got really tired, started really sweating and dizzy so back in bed. But that's ok. Baby steps was some good advice. I kind of started to beat myself up but stopped and opened all the windows to air out any bad energy left over. I think I'll take a bath now. The light and air feel very similar to when I first found MWO 5 years ago. I'm thinking that is a good sign. I found my other profile so I can check in on different milestones when I get confused. One thing I need to remind myself is the early days are the hardest I think.

[treetops]

One of the reasons you probably want to lie in bed is because your sleep is probably broken at the moment - and you do need rest. TRy to get up for short stretches of time and get some fresh air (not sure where you live so can't comment on the weather). Exercise is good but I would say go gently. Getting back into a routine will help but make sure you have plans for those dangerous times and zones. For me it was often after I picked my daughter up from school and knew I didn't have to drive again that afternoon. I also found cooking the evening meal a trial for several weeks after I quit - cos that was associated with wine and manic cooking. In fact in my drinking days I found housework so much easier after a few glasses (or more) and also when I knew I was no longer doing my paid work that day/evening. So its building new patterns and associations and treats. It really helped for me to have the support of my partner and daughter - i.e. simple meals and I might retire to bed very early in the evening. Seeing me in my pajamas early in the evening. Lots of ice-cream, non AL drinks, soup. Lots of DVDs to watch in bed. A dumb magazine for when I couldn't sleep.
You will have your own ideas - but make sure you have a plan and the non AL supplies at hand. No emergency trips to the store when you get a craving. (we often hear about the pull of the Bar for alcoholics but these days (and esp for women I think) its the pull of the store).
And keep posting - its great to know you are getting on your feet (even if not literally!). Drinking dreams BTW are normal.