I kind of can't believe I'm alive.

[Eloise]

hey Choices... just checking up on ya. Happy to see you are plugging along there.
I have to say in the beginning my husband continued to drink but over time he drinks less and less.

I think it is great you started this thread to keep yourself accountable.
Every day without alcohol is a victory, so you should be feeling pretty good about yourself today!

[Choices]

Good morning. I woke up feeling great, and sore! But a good sore from my workout. Just about to jump into a whorl wind of getting ready for the day. I fell asleep pretty easily and stayed asleep. Someone is looking out for me! Sleep is the best thing in the world. My dreams are so lucid and filled with drinking buddies from my past and lots of temptation. Thank heavens it's only in my dreams. I'm probably actually dreaming again because I'm not passing out. Anyway feeling strong and absolutely loving my decision to dry up. :heartbeat:

[Choices]

TT, I love fish and chips! The chips are my downfall. Lol a crisp salad would be lovely with that... Hmm I think I'm planning tonight's dinner. I'm still not ready to go to my old bar aka the kitchen.

[treetops]

Morning choices. You sound perky. I also dreaded my old bar ie the kitchen but what I did was get a new one! Serious it was my reward for quitting and we desperately needed one anyway. I am not advising this costly route (although probably cheaper than rehab). I also bought a soda stream so I had fizzy water on tap. And no AL in the kitchen. It's not a problem anymore and I quite enjoy cooking. One tip is that I cooked a lot of Asian food that tastes dire with wine. I also always had to cook other food for my daughter but now she loves the spicy stuff. You will get there. Have a beaut day.

[treetops]

another option is to cook ahead of time when you dont usually drink. I was not much of a daytime drinker and that worked for me. Also manic cooking and freezing portions was something I could do when I was edgy and needed activity (and couldn't get outside). I also started to try out new recipes. I know this is starting to sound like a Kiwi Martha Stewart Horror movie -I am not really like that!
One of my hardest times ws a family holiday in Northland about 3 months into the quit. We had hired a flash house for one night - it was set up for 'civilized' entertaining - beautiful wine glasses, gorgeous outdoor patios, outdoor spa pool with views etc. I felt so miserable and angry that I couldn't partake of the facilities. Fortunately there was no AL on hand and I was able to post to my MWO friends. I ws horrible to my family that night.

[lex]

Keep it up Choices! :goodjob:

[Choices]

I love cooking. Please, I'm enjoying the kiwi Martha! I would f'n love a new kitchen. One day! Yep so I was perky as off to the gym.. Did my usual RPM class and felt pretty darn good. I didn't hit all the sprints as hard as I normally do ... I'm still so worried about damage I may have done when I drank last week.. It feels good to say LAST week. It's hard to believe I was in that same very class a week ago. The people all looked the same. The world just keeps turning. I have been doing things a little differently in my routine and I'm finding it helps. It's helping to take a different rout to where I'm going, parking in totally different areas in parking lots and even... Drum roll,,, buying different crackers. I'm not sure why but it's fun. The last time I quit I said it reminded me of breaking up form a bad boyfriend. Where you remember all the places you went together and have memories good and bad. Mixing things up this time in the smallest way is really helping. After the gym, I had a stream of stressful phone calls and just annoying things happen. Life stuff. Made me think how alcohol is such a crappy crutch. All it does is fool one into thinking you can't cope. Over the stupidest things. Build them all up for the day and not deal and no wonder it feels like you need a release. When really if you just tried to handle one thing at a time you would be done at the end of the day, and wouldn't have so much pressure. I'm wondering when I learned to put coping off this second time around. Just thoughts.

[Choices]

So... Dinner is cooked. Good advice. I'll get fish and chips on a sunnier day. Was thinking about Northland and your situation TT. What is it about Northland? I had a similar situation there first go around. I was miserable and felt pretty sorry for myself at a fancy restaurant. Woke up really questioning if I was really just being hard on myself for not drinking anymore... It was the day of the earthquake in Christchurch. And my mother in law phoned to tell my husband. I was so annoyed she was bothering us until my husband told me what happened. Kinda put things into perspective. But I think it is the 'glamour' that I struggle with too. It's interesting I have been buying really nice crystal glasses a little bit at a time. And that is what I've been drinking out of when I started again. Thinking, I will only buy nice wine and savor it. Not gulp just enjoy the taste. About a week before I lost total control I boxed all those lovely glasses up... Preparing myself for the big quit. I started just drinking out of an ordinary wine glass that we have a bunch of for parties. I think for me.. It unfortunately takes something awful to make me want to stop. And once I started drinking again our trips to Northland have been nice but I've gone way to hard out and suffered horrible hangovers at least one of the days. Feels like a waste getting away when most of it is painful in bed.

[Choices]

One week AF. Last night was fine. Hubby came home quite late because he had to travel yesterday. He was a little sad that we couldn't have a drink together. After a big stressful day he would buy me a bottle of wine and himself a six pack. It was a nice time to be honest. I felt a ping. But, thank goodness I have been logging in here to keep me really honest about my alcoholism. Most times he would just end up having two beers while I always finished my bottle and sometimes the rest of his beer. I just said, he'd get use to me not drinking again. And it was a black and white thing. I reminded him of the crazy abusive lady the week I was before and said I just couldn't ever let us see her again. I think he is good with it. But it will be a challenge for me in the upcoming weeks... While he gets use to me not drinking.

[treetops]

Morning. You both have handled this tricky bit really well. Me and my partner also had a lot of adjusting after we couldn't unwind with our 3rd partner. But to be honest the impetus mainly came from me. I used to concoct these little at home drinkies just for the two of us and our young daughter. It would be pre- dinner nibbles for her and a non AL drink. This would be when we played sophisticated middle class families. It wasn't often. Sometimes it was good but too often towards the end of my decline I just became very messy. Why? Because I would have been drinking before the charade, I sneaked drinks during the drinkies and I didn't nibble. dinner sometimes ended up being very late along with an argument.
Sorry to give you my memories but you brought it back.
Just give you and hubby time and maybe you will find other ways to unwind and chat. The important thing which you both seem to be doing is to keep the channels of comunication going. It's great that he is supporting you but also that you are aware of his side of things too. Have a good day.is it the gym today?
Wow - one week already!

[Choices]

No gym today. Just hung out with a friend 'power relaxing'. She has a high stress job and took the day off..., so I went along for the ride it was really fun. We had one pampering appointment after the other to where we were actually running trying to make them.. Quick lunch and not a lot of talking. We normally go for long walks talking or at the beach. So this actually was perfect for me on the not talking front. I want to just resume status as a non drinker. Your evenings with nibbles and drinkies sounds lovely. It is a shame alcohol can turn the whole thing to custard. And it does SO often.. Even if my husband and I didn't end up arguing I'd black out and not remember the evening.. Even if yeah.. Kinda crappy to forget good stuff too. And we'd both be hungover the next day which is just flat out work to manage with a kid taking turns and relieved when we felt better. Back when I did my first quit he actually needed to do it too.. 6 months after I started. So I think he did 3 years. And yes, I am the one who started the whole ball over again. He so far has managed it better then me. But I wouldn't be surprised if in a few months he decides to go on the wagon. He probably will get jealous of how great I feel and remember. What I have learned really painfully at times... Is that as long as I take care of my side of the street I can count on him to as well. Not all the time but in general.

[Choices]

I think the week took an eternity. Especially the first 3 days. Hard yards... Whew

[Choices]

Just checking in. Feeling good waking up with a clear head. Slept well. I think going to bed early is helping and cooking dinner or at least doing the bulk of it earlier is working too. Drawing in a coloring book with my daughter during 'happy hour' is working to engage me with her, keep my hands and mind busy but relaxed as well. And it's a little social too. I've signed up to do a hot yoga class this morning so I wouldn't be the least bit tempted last night. I felt small pings but I think it's just remembering the fun part about it. Which doesn't measure up to the bad part. And I don't have control at a
L when I drink. It has control of me so that's not fun at all at the end of the day. I'm really excited to see my girls swimming class after yoga. I'm a bit nervous for the hot yoga... But excited too.

[Choices]

Just checking in again. I liked the hot yoga, but I am exhausted. Hubby is in a bad mood. It happens a lot on the weekend so it kinda sucks. Just breathing. Today feels like a ODAT thing so I don't get overwhelmed trying to navigate his mood and not get in a bad or defensive mood myself. I am so sore from yoga. It feels good but I wish I could sleep for a couple of hours. Apparently hot yoga is quite detoxifying. Maybe that is what's making me tired. I'd be through the detox part now I'd think?hope everyone is having a good day or night wherever you are.

[satz123]

Just checking in on you Choices - you are doing great.
Don't let that hubby of yours undermine what you are trying to do. He has a short memory
He sounds like my husband in that he was disgusted with me when he found bottles but then thought it was ok for me to drink like a 'normie' 'cos it suited him.

They can't have it both ways ...