Fragmented Feeling

[trixietrack]

It has been a while since I posted or started a new thread . I am finally in a place where I can admit that the way I have been abusing alcohol has really changed me and has also caused me an awful lot of pain.
It was difficult to break from the denial, as I have this ability to make myself believe that all is well when it is not.
I am still drinking more than I should. but now there is a certain awareness of the causes of my heavy drinking.
For instance last night I drank almost 2 bottles of wine by myself (boyfriend drank a few himself), because I was stressed and tired. I woke up this morning feeling helpless bloated, and with this strange feeling that I call fragmented.
I can't concentrate I feel fragile insecure and vulnerable. It's like everything is ending and a sense of melancholy takes over and shuts my spirit down. the term falling to pieces really describes this feeeling well.
Is this the alcohols long term side effect? or am I merely going mad. Really trying to take control :upset:

[Beaches]

Fragmented Feeling

It's the alchohol and you are not mad. There is nothing worse than the feeling the next day when I have had too much drink. All the thoughts, the regrets etc.
I am up and down all the time. Sometimes I do great with drinking and others not so good at all.

You are fine!

[Guest]

Fragmented Feeling

Is the the alcohol, you are not going crazy. I agree completely with Beaches, sometimes the next morning is horrible, sometimes it is not. We are all here to deal with this together, it's not easy and it's not an over night cure (I wish it was..we all do), but we can do it. You can do it.
xoxoxox

[Flip]

Fragmented Feeling

Remember that alcohol is a poison - it has poisoned your brain and your body is desperatly trying to get rid of it..... no wonder you aren't thinking straight. WE are all masters of denial , dont think you have a monoploly on that feeling!

Use this awareness to face whatever it is that is driving your need to drink.

You will beat this if you want to. Really.

F.

[Guest]

Fragmented Feeling

It is the alcohol. I have spent entire days crying, feeling such depression, and so sick and shakey that I could barely stand myself. I felt I was going mad too. I felt I needed to be commited, even told my Mama to commit me. Think God she didn't. She knew it would go away by the next day or two dependant on how long my binge had been.

[happycamper68]

Fragmented Feeling

It is the booze and falling to pieces fits it perfectly.

[Padme]

Fragmented Feeling

"It was difficult to break from the denial, as I have this ability to make myself believe that all is well when it is not. "

Brave, brave girl for taking the first step. ((many gentle hugs being sent your way)) Remember these words you just wrote. You'll be okay, it shakes out and you'll feel stronger and better -- practice some intense self care for the next week, okay sweetie? Do what you need to do to save yourself. Alice Sebold, the woman raped, stabbed and left for dead in Central Park is quoted as saying: "You save yourself or you remain unsaved." That has always helped me stay strong.

[imatree]

Fragmented Feeling

Trixie,
I am sorry you feel such, though I am grateful that you posted your feelings. I could have written those words, and reading yours brought me to yet another level of acceptance of fears and insecurities I have been stuffing away and denying. Facing up to these feelings helps to motivate us to heal. This is an example of the gift we give each other in opening our hearts and sharing everything, even the uglies.
Thank you, and best wishes to you.

[Bella]

Fragmented Feeling

Trixietrack, everyone has said it and i will say it too....no, you are not going mad and yes it is the alcohol. But it sure as hell feels like youre going mad doesn't it. I am so familiar with what you have said and it has brought back some memories. One day after a night of binge i spent the whole day in my bed crying, shaking, feeling like I was having a break down, totally unable to cope with anything at all. The next day i was a bit better, so started drinking again. Madness, but that is the disease i supose.
Anyway, you WILL get there, I believe that. Take care and remember, you are not alone. Love, Bella xxx

[goingsobermum]

Fragmented Feeling

The madness is caused by the alcohol and can get better without the booze and a good supplement regime to replace all the goodness we have been destroying for years.
You also need to believe in yourself that you are not mad, the alcohol is mad and you can throw that away.

[Guest]

Fragmented Feeling

Trixie, I agree that it is the alcohol, but also the internal dialouge you have with yourself who you think you should be VS. who you are. I have done just what you said drank heavily, felt awful about doing it even knowing I was going to hate myself next morning. It's the why can't I be normal thing, and yes you feel like your loosing your mind. Just write it down what you want in terms of drink whether it be ABS or MODS. Study it and create your plan. Supplements and a game plan, that was what did it for me. This sounds strange but it did work for me write repeatidly with your non dominate hand I want to drink over and over again until the urge subsides. I read this gets in touch with a part of the brain in which controls thoses urges. I dunno, I used it and it worked for me,
All the best
Mar

[headbanger]

Fragmented Feeling

trixietrack,

You sound just like me on the morning after. Just add self loathing and fear that my loved ones will desert me for how I've acted. I thought I was alone until I started reading these posts, but now I realize that we almost all have certain predictable feelings after abusing alcohol. I find remembering that feeling helps me avoid drinking past my limit much of the time. I wish you the best.

[Saint Jude]

Fragmented Feeling

Trixietrack,
That self-loathing is the worst. But try not to beat yourself up. It will get better. Just know that you're not alone, we've all been there.

I've hid out in a dark bedroom for days at a time... not able to eat or sleep..just worrying about the mess I'd made of my life...

Give yourself some time... you will start feeling better.
When you feel up to it, maybe take a nice soak bath, and a slow walk outside... listen to some favorite music,.. just be kind to yourself... your worth it!
Remember alcohol is a depressant. Don't listen to it when you've had too much of it. You're more special than that.:h
:l
Judie

[southernbelle47]

Fragmented Feeling

Alcoholism: A Physical Disease

Trixie........hang on.....Honey...there IS help!

This site was posted by cv down in "Research" awhile ago.
Check it out.

I find that it helps me to understand what I've been doing to my brain and body...then there are things available from MWO to help.

Keep reading!

:l Nancy Southern "Belle"

[toughintexas]

Fragmented Feeling

I could've written this too, many times, add fretting, wringing hands, wonder what I said, did, called, etc., wondering why, why, why...did I do it AGAIN...knowing you just feel sooooo awful you want to die! You are not mad, the booze makes you mind and body maddingly depressed! Just do take it easy, drink alot of Gatorade, get some Emergen-C powder, and just take alot of deep breaths, and try to calm yourself...don't beat yourself up, you are taking a huge step forward, thanks for sharing, we have all been here many, many times....keep posting and get the book downloaded, and get the supps/etc....this is the best place to get a-ok!