Feeling paralyzed

[doveagain]

How do I get over the feeling of paralyzed in my own home? If the events of last weekend hadn't happened and keep adding up by hearing from other people...blacking out, being carried out of the bar, the cheating, being locked out of my house, waking up a neighbor I don't know to try to get me in, him calling my landlord at 1am and since finding that a door was broken (that my landlord found yesterday), a screen ripped, another window messed with as I tried to get in...if those things hadn't happened I would be wanting to be out and about doing things like I was last week...shopping, yoga, I would have gone to meet friends last night, I would be out of pajamas right now. But I can't. I feel I am just sitting here waiting for it to get dark like I have for three days now. But why? I have to go to work tomorrow and am actually of thinking of calling and just saying I can't be there. For no reason other than to just stay home. Alone. Inside my head is always the worst when I am alone. I have known this for a long time. Everyone says 'you have to learn to be alone and love yourself before you can love others'. But it is when I am alone that things are the worst...I think the worst and want to do the worst. But I don't even want to show my face in society right now...I feel that somehow everyone knows, everyone is judging me, everyone is talking about me. Like I can't look anyone in the eye.

How do I get over this? I know people will say I have to forgive myself but I can't. I just can't.
Dove

[abcowboy]

Dove, get on the phone right now and book an appointment with a counsellor for as early as you can get in! It's probably the best piece of advice I can give you right now. Seeing a counsellor the first week of my quit was a Godsend for me!

[Samstone]

Dove
you should maybe consider an AA meeting where you'll find you're not so alone. Definitely, ABCowboy is giving you sound advice. Being pro-active will help feel better just knowing you're doing something positive for yourself.

[Mentium]

I tend not to contribute to sobriety focused threads because I am still drinking (titrating on baclofen), but I will say that despite my reservations about AA, I was sober for ten months last year by attending meetings three or four times a week. It really does work well for some people and worth a go. It is quite hard for many people to build up the courage to attend their first meeting, but there is usually a little gathering outside meetings before they start and they spot a newcomer and always, in my experience are very welcoming. They all have been in the same position after all.

[doveagain]

I am going to see a counselor in an hour....have been to many in the past and they don't last. Will see how this one goes. Thank you all.

[briseus]

How did the appointment go, Dove?

[doveagain]

It was ok. She was really nice. Wants me to go to an MD to get some meds and go to some group therapy for alcohol specific counseling...I just have limited time and don't think I can go to all those appointments during normal working hours...if they were only at midnight. I can't find a doc yet with an appointment before June who will take my current insurance. So we will see how it all turns out.

[Samstone]

thanks Dove for keeping us posted, hope you can make it work for you, I bet it'd be worth it

[Choices]

Those are really good starts dove. I felt the exact same way my first week sober,. Like society knew and was pointing a finger. It is terrible... It luckily doesn't last. The world just keeps turning while we get ourselves on track. It's so surreal. Can you go to yoga still? I love it at this stage and pretty much need it daily to accept myself and feel balanced. Hope your feeling better today.