2# 3 REASONS WHY YOUR BAD FEELINGS PUT YOU AHEAD OF THE GAME
This is the 2nd of 8 messages, in the 3 Principles Introductory Training
Reading time: 6 min
Realizing that the only thing that can be toxic about a “toxic person” is your own toxic thoughts can feel a bit weird to begin with. The feelings that can come over you – when you are in the other persons presence – seems really convincing: Cause and Effect. Person and Feeling.
Only…
Your thoughts come before the feeling.
This week we’ll look at the feelings. Especially the BAD feelings because those feelings really tend to make us forget – that the thought comes before the feeling.
After this lesson you’ll have insight enough to make your own choice to either:
believe that what your feeling comes from outside of you -
or choose to take a new route of “suspiscious understanding” that will let you defuse the negative feelings in the moment – via understanding.
YUCKY BAD FEELINGS
Bad feelings are one of the best helps you have when going about your life. They are particularly helpful when you – for real – take notice in the change of feelings, and understand the information.
Your bad feelings put you ahead of the game – because they give you information that helps you DEFUSE the bad feelings.
BAD feelings can HELP YOU – instead of have you chipping for air.
Too often it feels like we have no control over stressful, bad, scary or saddening feelings flooding over us. It happens in a milli second. It’s hard to see how our thoughts can be so fast – but, they are.
For some of you this is quite new thought – so let us break it down in something that feels more tangible.
What about a workplace you really don’t enjoy:
– If you really don’t like your boss, how s/he’s making decisions or the type of decisions s/he makes; if you don’t get along with your colleagues at don’t even like the small talk going on during coffee break, feeling a bit miserable comes as no surprise.
It’s easy to get ourself into the thought loop of: “I don’t like being here, I just wanna punch that Lily-person on the nose, how on earth could the boss decide to give Anders the new position in Operations! Nobody appreciates the hard work I’m doing and Thomas keeps backstabbing me infront of the Organisational Development Team which means I never get the chance to take lead on any of the new projects, it sucks, what am I doing here, I should have left years ago…
As our thinking progress we feel more and more discouraged and the bad feelings keeps adding on top of eachother. The more “bad feelings” we produce via our own thinking – the worse we tend to believe in the ‘horrible-ness’ of our CIRCUMSTANCES. But to back up: we are just making the innocent mistake again in attributing our bad feelings to the wrong source.
Time for YOU to turn your bad feelings to your BENEFIT.
UNDERSTANDING THE INFORMATION
To “get” the feeling – whatever the feeling is – is a good thing.
It contains valuable information – but maybe not what you are used to believe that the feelings are informing you about.
Your feelings COME FROM your thoughts, and…
Your feelings give you information about your THOUGHTS – about the QUALITY of your thoughts.
Your bad feelings put you ahead of the game – because they remind you to check in on the quality of your thinking.
The MORE uncomfortable, stressing, straining, angry the feeling is – the LESS you should trust your own thinking in that moment and how you perceive the circumstances in the moment.
Bad feeling ==> Low Quality Thought
= non helpful; non trustworthy; influenced by a lot of other negative thought floating around in your system, clouding your judgement.
Good feeling ==> High Quality Thought
= clearer thinking; much more trustworthy; coming from a lot of previous clearer thinking – with sound judgement.
When you start feeling really frustrated, angry, pressured, stressed out – just back off and remember what the feelings are informing you about and hoop the hording thoughts in that moment to the backburner for a while. You can always revisit them later if you at a later point think they ‘ll be a good help for you.
Better feeling, clearer state of mind, clearer thoughts = better decisions.
Make it a habit to question your QUALITY of thinking when you red lamp goes off into a feeling.
Become suspicious of your own thinking. Don’t analyse which thoughts you have – be aware of what feelings they GIVE you.
Remember also: Do not deem your thinking as good or bad! It does not matter if you just had bad feelings coming from something easily described as a “bad” thought.
There are no “bad” thoughts – thought at its core is inherently neutral – the next step in the equation is that we get into the mix and put labels on the thoughts.
But they are “nothing”, they are nor this nor that. They are neutral – until we believe otherwise by building them up with even more thought. It’s all just thought.
When the uncomfortable feeling is creeping up on you, just be curious:
Are my thinking in this moment really the best thoughts for me to make my decisions from?
Know you will be sure to be in, and act from a clearer mind when in the thoughts that carries good feelings.
Know you will be sure to be in, and act from a LESS clear mind when in thoughts that carries bad feelings.
Your bad feelings put you ahead of the game – because they help you see when it’s time to back off – if you wish to work and act from a clearer state of mind.
AHEAD OF THE GAME
When you get more suspiscious about your feeling you will automatically start to check in more often with them – to doubt their quality more often before you act on your thoughts. As you keep on remembering where your feelings come from in that moment; understanding that they are information about your THOUGHTS in the moment – you will be way ahead in the game compared to anyone not having this insight.
What if everyone new this? If all of us knew that we have a foolproof feedback system telling us when our thinking is not serving us well; when we should NOT make any decisions, when we should back off. Wouldn’t that be helpful when you are on the verge of acting out, burst out or stress out as a reaction to (the believed reason the feeling?
If you DO back off from the thinking by decoding it as “just low quality thought” – you will defuse them by not engaging in them.
A thought cannot stay in your consciousness if you do not attach other thoughts to it! If you don’t feed it, it will just move on, go up into smoke – and a new thought will take its place. Then you have a new decision – to ‘attach’ yourself to it or not.
As you choose to not feed the ongoing low quality thought – the negative, uncomfortable feeling will correspondingly let go. You will be left with a clearer head, clearer thought, better contact with your own gut feeling for what is the right thing in the moment – and a better feeling.
This will put you ahead of the game – anytime.
Are you getting the feel of it?
The 3 Reasons why your bad feelings put you ahead of the game:
Your bad feelings put you ahead of the game – because they give you information that helps you DEFUSE the bad feelings
Your bad feelings put you ahead of the game – because they remind you to check in on the quality of your thinking
Your bad feelings put you ahead of the game – because they help you see when it’s time to back off – if you wish to work and act from a clearer state of mind.
In the link below you have this weeks questions to keep your learning going. You can read them, put them on the backburner – and see what thoughts and insights might come to you during this week.
Click here for this weeks questions:
Week #2: Questions Bad Feelings
Let’s Stay Solid,
’til next week.
Elisabeth
Comment