The Three Principles Discussion Thread

[lifechange]

Loved! Marilyn's story, for anyone who hasn't seen it..
Thanks, NS!

Physical Illness - Three Principles Movies: Three Principles of innate health and wellbeing

[narilly]

I am going through this thread and trying to catch up. On page 15 right now. There is some good stuff here. I like thinking of thoughts as clouds passing by. Dwelling on the past is the story of my life. Now its time to re write my story and change the way I think!
I like that.

[NoSugar]

It's hard for me to believe that the anger/hurt/resentment/etc. I'm feeling at the moment isn't due to some people outside of me. I understand that it is what I am thinking about what they are thinking and therefore, doing, that is the issue but ... I can't NOT think about it because I have to decide whether I'm going to do A or B in response to what they are doing. Doing nothing isn't an option - I either have to go or not go on a trip.

So the 3Ps haven't made me feel any better (then again, they never promised they would...) but what did happen is that I recognized I was in a "low mood" (crying in the shower is a clue ) and so am not trying to deal with the people involved (or, worse yet, other people who are pretty innocently caught in the middle) at this time. I'll wait until I feel better.

The other thing is that I don't have to figure this out right now - I can wait until I'm not so emotional about it. And, I've tried to stop the running narrative of: If I say this and he says that, then I'm going to say Y but if he says this other thing, I'm going to say Z... and on and on playing out this stupid conversation that I'm not going to have anyway. I'm just mad and hurt and want to get back at the "culprit" at the moment. I'd be mortified later if I actually said the things I feel like saying now.

Actually, I felt most of all this about an hour ago. I'm pretty much ok now (although I know I wouldn't be if I let my thoughts get going again!). The problem isn't solved and I'll have to deal with it but maybe I'll be lucky and a solution I haven't thought of yet will present itself. And at least I don't have the all-day stomach ache I typically give myself in this type of situation.

I sort of feel like knowing how our thinking/feeling works helps us fix the equipment before it totally breaks down. The 'job' still has to be done but it's going to go a lot better if we're functioning as well as possible.

[j-vo]

NS, hope you're feeling better now.:hug:

[starty]

The greatest thing that the 3 ps have given me is a knowledge that I should not react to my low thoughts. If I leave them where they are, and allow them to pass they change. I tend to worry about work situations and outcomes to the point of it actually changing how I feel on a daily basis. I am learning to allow any fears to "park" themselves for a while then revisit them later and I find that they are not so awful if that makes sense. Giving myself permission not to react on negative thoughts immediately is really helping.

[SatyamHair]

I am so happy to be sharing this journey with you guys.

[Pie]

Hey, NS. Here's hoping that an "un-thought of as yet" solution will fly your way quickly. :hug:

[NoSugar]

NS, hope you're feeling better now.

Hey, NS. Here's hoping that an "un-thought of as yet" solution will fly your way quickly.

Thanks, guys. I am thinking and feeling much better :smile:. In fact, I really had just the one bad day and when I really look at it, it was an ok day with a few tough stretches. All the talk about how thoughts pass is true - I was only truly upset while I was actively thinking about the people who I felt were "hurting" me - in both my personal and professional lives.

In my personal life I attributed choices to people that they didn't actually make - it just looked that way to me. An upcoming trip is now going to be different than it would be if I ruled the world :wink:, but it will be fine - and in the greater scheme of things, the whole thing isn't that really important. In terms of work, when my husband suggested I quit and go out on my own, I realized I'd much rather change how I think about my job! The stress I was feeling seemed to almost melt away when I had that thought. I was thinking/feeling trapped until my husband reminded me that I have the key. That thought was enough to free me - amazing!

The greatest thing that the 3 ps have given me is a knowledge that I should not react to my low thoughts. If I leave them where they are, and allow them to pass they change. I tend to worry about work situations and outcomes to the point of it actually changing how I feel on a daily basis. I am learning to allow any fears to "park" themselves for a while then revisit them later and I find that they are not so awful if that makes sense. Giving myself permission not to react on negative thoughts immediately is really helping.

I agree, Starty. On my crummy day last week, understanding the 3Ps helped me remember not to fire off an email to a colleague I would come to regret or make a phone call to a family member that would have ended up with someone in tears -probably me. And it doesn't take long for the low thoughts to lift. They came back a few times that day but they really did come and go. And the less attention I gave them the more they went. The other 3p message that helps me is to realize how unimportant so many things really are - we don't need to take ourselves or our "made up" lives so dang seriously all the time.

Have any of you come across any helpful articles, books, or videos? Please share if you have - I love getting different perspectives.

:heart: NS

[kuya]

I have been continuing the training slowly.

Last week I was very busy at work. Is it a coincidence that we are twice as busy at work compared to this time last year BUT I dont feel at all stressed.

I wonder if I have stopped self sabotaging at long last.

To be continued.....

[kuya]

It's hard for me to believe that the anger/hurt/resentment/etc. I'm feeling at the moment isn't due to some people outside of me. I understand that it is what I am thinking about what they are thinking and therefore, doing, that is the issue but ... I can't NOT think about it because I have to decide whether I'm going to do A or B in response to what they are doing. Doing nothing isn't an option - I either have to go or not go on a trip.

So the 3Ps haven't made me feel any better (then again, they never promised they would...) but what did happen is that I recognized I was in a "low mood" (crying in the shower is a clue ) and so am not trying to deal with the people involved (or, worse yet, other people who are pretty innocently caught in the middle) at this time. I'll wait until I feel better.

The other thing is that I don't have to figure this out right now - I can wait until I'm not so emotional about it. And, I've tried to stop the running narrative of: If I say this and he says that, then I'm going to say Y but if he says this other thing, I'm going to say Z... and on and on playing out this stupid conversation that I'm not going to have anyway. I'm just mad and hurt and want to get back at the "culprit" at the moment. I'd be mortified later if I actually said the things I feel like saying now.

Actually, I felt most of all this about an hour ago. I'm pretty much ok now (although I know I wouldn't be if I let my thoughts get going again!). The problem isn't solved and I'll have to deal with it but maybe I'll be lucky and a solution I haven't thought of yet will present itself. And at least I don't have the all-day stomach ache I typically give myself in this type of situation.

I sort of feel like knowing how our thinking/feeling works helps us fix the equipment before it totally breaks down. The 'job' still has to be done but it's going to go a lot better if we're functioning as well as possible.

One of the best aspects of my recent changes is that I have all but stopped running these conversations in rebuttal to people in my head. I used to do it a lot and it is only when I read this I realise how little I have done this recently.

It is like having a cold... we rarely notice when it stops.

Last week I put my foot down with my son... we were at a family gathering yesterday and his behaviour was wonderful... he was a joy to be around.

He has only changed when I changed my reaction to him... I have been allowing him to bully me due to guilt over his childhood... taking the new position of "sorry, but get over yourself" seems to have sunk in.

I know he will try it on again soon but I am resolved that I deserve to be happy and I am not going to allow his victimhood to feck up any more of my life

[Spiritfree]

Last week I put my foot down with my son... we were at a family gathering yesterday and his behaviour was wonderful... he was a joy to be around.
He has only changed when I changed my reaction to him... I have been allowing him to bully me due to guilt over his childhood... taking the new position of "sorry, but get over yourself" seems to have sunk in.
I know he will try it on again soon but I am resolved that I deserve to be happy and I am not going to allow his victimhood to feck up any more of my life

Kuya -I enjoyed reading your post. It reminded of my behavior several years back. As I am sure you already know, none of your words to your son or others really mean much or will change anything about them. What will change with your son is him seeing you change and becoming a better person. As much as would like to think that we can "change" people with our words -it just 'ain't going to happen. I only speak from my own experience having had the opportunity to raise three sons and eventually realizing that they were their 'own' persons. Finally, I realized that the only person that I had to "get over" was myself. --sf--

[NoSugar]

It's so good to hear that how you are thinking/feeling about work and family life are better now than they were, Kuya. It seems to me that it follows from the 3Ps that none of us really are victims, even when it seems that way.

Here's a different take on the topic than I've seen before: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=U6CK7x...ature=youtu.be

I've come to realize that in many ways, my husband seems to innately understand the 3Ps. He literally forgets his bad past experiences. We used to joke that he better never go into therapy and dig out his repressed memories because it might get kind of ugly. But because I bought into the notion that people need to deal with all that past stuff, I thought maybe he should get counseling. Now I'm starting to think he's been on the right track all along.... He also doesn't try to read unspoken meaning into what people say or have those made up conversations in his head that somehow seem to take on their own reality. He doesn't hold on to resentments or make people pay for their past behaviors. What sometimes looked to me like denial may have been simply living consistently with how our minds work. If I could convince him to learn about the 3Ps (which all sounds way too "psychological" to him), I wonder if he would think it is all pretty obvious. The family joke is that he has "sh*t for brains" - maybe that is something to aspire to :wink:.

[NoSugar]

This talk clarified something for me: we don't have to let our unhelpful or unpleasant thoughts go, which would be to take an action, we just need to understand that our thoughts will go. That confusion kept pushing me to try to use the 3Ps as an application. Principles are just descriptions: Gravity says things will fall and the 3Ps say thoughts will pass. Those things are good to know as we make our way through each day!

This is an especially moving talk by Gabriela Maldonado.

[kuya]

This talk clarified something for me: we don't have to let our unhelpful or unpleasant thoughts go, which would be to take an action, we just need to understand that our thoughts will go. That confusion kept pushing me to try to use the 3Ps as an application. Principles are just descriptions: Gravity says things will fall and the 3Ps say thoughts will pass. Those things are good to know as we make our way through each day!

This is an especially moving talk by Gabriela Maldonado.

There really is nothing to do!

It is the hardest thing to be advised to do nothing and it flies in the face of decades of "Do this, Do that" books.

Knowing that we ALREADY contain the skill to be content and happy

[NoSugar]

On another thread there was a discussion yesterday and something came up about cravings that I thought I'd share here:

I think the cravings are "real" for only about a week or so when the physical addiction is still active. After that, they are more habits or thoughts. I remember being at my parents' home, where there is no alcohol, and just about going crazy b/c I had no wine. I had brought/sneaked 4 of those little bottles with me for Fri and Sat evenings, planning to have 2 each night but of course I drank all 4 on Friday... Anyway, a mini-emergency occurred that totally re-directed my thinking and like magic - the overwhelming cravings were GONE. They were just thoughts and once I stopped paying attention to them, they disappeared. I can't remember the last time I had what I called a "craving". It's crossed my mind that a glass of wine would be nice but given what I know now, it is really easy and natural to not give that another moment of my time.