~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

[dill]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Thanks for the brekkie, Cowboy. It was great!

I agree with you all that this is a very loving, kind and supportive place. I'm grateful to be here. I do seem to recall being invited over from another thread several years ago by Cowboy. It was a refuge, for sure!

24 more please and thank you.

And thank you all for being here. :heartbeat:

[BigAl]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Good evening cafe friends. Closing in on a sober Sunday today, and I took some time to reflect on happiness a little bit. I slipped on Friday, so today is the end of day two and I already can feel the anxiety lift a bit and the head clear. The crazy part to me is that Friday was a good day. I had a big project go out the door on Thursday, one little meeting on Friday morning and then nothing, basically a day off. I was in a good mood, happy that my stuff was out the door and I had a bit of respite at the end of a hard week. So I was already happy.

I decided (or it seems like my brain decided for me) that I would augment that happiness with more happiness in the form of a drink or 10. Here is the kicker. I tend to enjoy that first hour or so. I feel relaxed, confident, happy, without anxious feelings, etc, etc. That's really it. One hour. Everything after that is just kind of hazy, crappy, maintaining. Then I am disappointed in myself, and then my wife comes home from work and although she is a saint I can tell that she is disappointed. And that evening motorcycle ride, or ice cream run, or movie, or whatever is out the door because I am no longer capable. Then, the next morning I wake up with a hangover at 0300, I am VERY disappointed in myself, this starts the cycle of anxiety / self-loathing / non-happiness.

All of this really for one hour. It is the craziest thing. When I look from the outside in it makes absolutely zero sense. So WHY does my mind seem to think that this is not only a good idea, but a behavior that should be repeated. I then inevitably figuratively pound my fist on the table and say "I am never doing this again". I did that on Saturday, the fist pound statement anyway. Then today, my wife had to run into work for a few hours in the afternoon and my mind said "Hey, how about a solid hour of feeling like you are on top of the world". I beat the voice back today, but holy cow, it is just stupid that I go through this cycle.

But, I meant it yesterday. I need to stay back far enough that I can see my behavior for what it is, and try to let my logical mind convince myself that this is the stupidest thing that I could ever do. I feel good. I will feel better tomorrow. I won't feel guilty, or disappointed; only ready for Monday with a clear head.

Anyway, thanks for letting me get that out. Good day today. I want to echo some of the sentiments in the posts today about this forum, this place, that is occupied by people who know. Who don't judge. Who will probably (at least to some degree) nod their head as they read through my ramblings above. 24 more for me please and thanks. I hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday night.

[dill]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

BigAl, you wrote a perfect description of the struggle we here all know. It is mind-boggling that we can know what we know and still get sucked in. It naturally brings to mind the saying about alcohol: "cunning, baffling, powerful". We have to be cunning and powerful to defeat that pull. And it really helps to stay with fellow travelers. Thank you for that thoughtful post.

Rava, happy hour stopped working for me a long time ago. I simply know I cannot drink socially and that I will drink too much if I try. And of course will go home and keep the buzz going by any means necessary. I live in fear of making a fool of myself if I drink among others so I am afraid drinking in isolation became my habit. I'm so glad I no longer have those lost afternoons and evenings on a daily basis like I used to.
Congrats on your 30+ days!

Must pick sugar snaps from the garden today. We have a ton! You are all welcome to take some home with you!

24 more please and thank you.

[Jude58]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Great post [MENTION=24510]BigAl[/MENTION]! It's hard for many of us to think that we can never have a drink again. A better way to look at things is that we don't have to drink anymore. When I was drinking, it was a day long struggle waiting for the time when I could have that first drink. My anxiety levels were very high during my drinking days. Taking booze off the table really helped with that. Alcohol always caused me to have major bouts of depression. Still the mystery remains as to why we have these powerful cravings when we know the agony and heartache that our drinking causes us. I believe that for an alcoholic, knowledge is our best defense in overcoming the beast within us all.

Have a great day all, and join me in another 24 hours of freedom!

[Rava]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Good morning Cafe! Thanks Dill and you are absolutely right about drinking in isolation due to embarrassment. On the outside it looks like I have my shit together and I guess thats why my condo friends encourage me to drink. “Just one, come on”. I know better and know how it ends. Big Al, are you familiar the addictive voice theory through Rational Recovery. Its pretty basic and makes a lot of sense. Google it if you are not familiar. It really helped me quit 10 years ago. Hope everyone has a great day today. Another 24 please and thank you.

[abcowboy]

5:30am in Alberta, another 24 please, and thanks...

In the last 24 hours, these people have signed in for 24 hours of wellness:
[MENTION=24080]Jude58[/MENTION] [MENTION=24196]Rava[/MENTION] [MENTION=22409]Quit wining[/MENTION] [MENTION=20929]Ginger999[/MENTION] [MENTION=11089]techie[/MENTION] [MENTION=7944]dill[/MENTION] [MENTION=24510]BigAl[/MENTION] abcowboy

Today is going to be a darn good day not to drink!

[Quit wining]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Another 24 hours please & thank you.

Back to the old stomping grounds for two medical appointments and darn it, a visit to my favourite butcher to order a side of beef which we’ll split with our family in Calgary.

We’re under a heat warning for the next couple of days so an early walk is in order. Have a great af Monday everyone!

QW

[Ginger999]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Glorious rain falling here at the moment. It won't last long but is so needed in this area.

Great post, [MENTION=24510]BigAl[/MENTION]! I bet everyone of us were nodding our heads at your description of the feelings one feels post drinking. Ugh

Rava, I'll be checking out that site. Knowledge is power and I need all I can get!

I have a busy day today that won't include AL. I'll take another 24!

[techie]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Good morning Cafe friends and side of beef lovers. Quick check in as I’m off for my Monday golf foursome. We have an earlier tee time due to tournament play. Another 24 for me. Have a great day. Wonderful post [MENTION=24510]BigAl[/MENTION]. Blessings x

[BigAl]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Good evening cafe friends. Made it through Monday. There were a several instances of that AV trying to talk me into things, but I came back on the forum and re-read my post from yesterday. It's just not worth it.

So, I will sleep well, wake up clear headed, and enjoy the evening with my family instead of making up reasons why I need to be in the garage all night long.

I hope everyone had a wonderful day today. 24 more for me please and thanks.

[Jude58]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Good morning cafe friends! Cool and rainy here this morning, which makes it a good day for house cleaning I guess. The hubby and I went strawberry picking yesterday. The berries were beautiful and delicious, so we picked way too many! That means much of today will be spent preserving strawberries.

24 more please and thank you!

[abcowboy]

5:24am in Alberta, 24 more for me please, and thanks...

In the last 24 hours, these people have signed in for 24 hours of wellness:
[MENTION=7944]dill[/MENTION] [MENTION=24080]Jude58[/MENTION] [MENTION=24196]Rava[/MENTION] [MENTION=22409]Quit wining[/MENTION] [MENTION=20929]Ginger999[/MENTION] [MENTION=11089]techie[/MENTION] [MENTION=24510]BigAl[/MENTION] abcowboy

Today is going to be a darn good day not to drink!

[abcowboy]

Great job on playing it forward [MENTION=24510]BigAl[/MENTION], and for coming here instead of the garage!

I spent the better part of yesterday string trimming the jungle down both sides of the lane and out by the road at the farm yesterday. It was a very hot day and I stopped every so often to fill the trimmer with gas and have some coffee, then kept at it until I got that much done at least. When I got back to Veg, I took Hank, his mat, our 2 lawn chairs, cold water for him, G2 for me, my book, and a few treats for Hank, and headed out to sit in the shade. Yes, going outside here is quite a production lol. When we finally got settled, I noticed our neighbor sitting out in the sun talking on her phone with a cold beer in her hand. After all the hours of being out in the sun, it was the only time that I thought how good a cold beer would taste! I looked at my blueberry G2, and said to myself, this is every bit as good as a cold beer, and I can drink as many of them as I want!

Today my day count is 2345, and I remember back when I hit 1234 and wondered if I'd see the next sequential day count. Well, here it is and the good Lord willing, I'll be around to see the next one!

[Rava]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Good morning. We had storms all day and night. Our property looks like a tornado hit it with leaves and branches. What a mess. I know what I will be doing today. Hope everyone has a great day. Ginger, if you check out Rational Recovery take the crash course. Its free and a simple slide presentation. May give you some pointers. Ok another 24 for me please and thank you.

[Quit wining]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Another 24 hours please & thank you.

Congrats on reaching that amazing day count of 2345 Cowboy! And I meant to add my thanks for everything you do for the Cafe and other boards on MWO.

Jude, one time we lived in southern Ontario, Mrs QW and our 2 boys picked strawberries, about 42 quarts as I recall. Our younger son would have been 2-3 at the time and I think he consumed his body weight in berries! His face was red with strawberry juice and when we checked out, I assured the owner that my son had only eaten a few! I think I paid for an extra quart as compensation.
The best part of the day was when we gave an elderly neighbour a few quarts. Made her day!

Medical appointments went well yesterday. One today, one more tomorrow and then a few days off until the next.

Great post Big Al. Glad you didn’t have to spend the night in the garage. I used to hide in my man cave. It’s a good thing I don’t need to do that anymore since our condo doesn’t have anywhere for me to hide!

Have a great af Tuesday everyone!

QW