~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

[abcowboy]

6:50am in Alberta, 24 more please, and thanks...

In the past 24 hours, these people have signed in for24 hours of sobriety:
[MENTION=24080]Jude58[/MENTION] [MENTION=17650]paulywogg[/MENTION] [MENTION=17632]Mr Vervill[/MENTION] [MENTION=22409]Quit wining[/MENTION] [MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION] abcowboy

Hank has to go out, brb...

[abcowboy]

I had to step away for a few minutes [MENTION=7944]dill[/MENTION] to “process” your post, because it brought a few thoughts to me. I accept your apology, why, I have no idea, because I don’t think you have to apologize to anyone here because we’ve all done the same thing, drink, then apologize. What’s more important is what [MENTION=24080]Jude58[/MENTION] said, you didn’t carry on drinking, you were honest with yourself and us, and got back to the business of Day 1. So, we put the past behind us, learn from it, and move forward.

My second thought is that I’m a bit mad at myself for not being there for you, so it’s me that should be apologizing to you! Online forums seem a bit hokey to many people, how can anything that isn’t “real” be of any help? And it’s true in a way, we all have to rely on the honesty of each other to make it real. I remember a while back apologizing to [MENTION=17650]paulywogg[/MENTION] for not being there for her when she could have used me. You see, even if we’ve never met, I start to understand people on how and what they post. I start to feel a connection, and it’s almost like I’m standing right in front of them, listening to them speak. I almost pm’d you yesterday because you seemed “off” to me. Not because you didn’t check in yesterday, but because you haven’t been saying much at all lately. Maybe that pm from me would have been enough to help you get through yesterday. The thing is, I thought you might need a bit of extra help, and I brushed it off.

I know it’s always said that it’s up to us to reach out for help when we need it, but us alcoholics are a different breed. We understand what we’re all going through, we feel compassion and love for those of us still struggling, and we feel guilty when we didn’t reach out to help someone we thought could use a bit of extra encouragement.

So I’m going to ask your forgiveness, all of you, for being a tad bit afraid to reach out when I think you are struggling a bit. If you get a pm, email, or text from me checking in on you, it’s because I “felt” something was wrong, that I could help in some way….

[Mr Vervill]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

No apologizes needed here, ever. Thank you both Dill and Cowboy.
Got through the party just fine last night, many others, well let's just say I'm glad I'm not them this morning.
24 more please.

[Quit wining]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

No apology needed Dill. I think many of us are the same - if al is around, it’ll be consumed. And you’re handling things the way you need to.

Another 24 hours please & thankyou. Day 146 today.

QW

[dill]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Thank you all for your understanding. It's a comfort to me somehow.

[MENTION=24080]Jude58[/MENTION], you said it so well: "One minute I feel that there is nothing that could ever make me take a drink again, the next I'm yearning for just one glass. It's like there's another person in my head that says, "just one won't hurt, you've been good. You deserve this." " It's that way for many things. I know what I should do and I know what I want to do so I end up being of two minds. Just like there are two people inside my head! What I want to do is to be able to drink like a normal person and that simply isn't how I roll! But every now and then I will lie to myself and convince myself that this time will be different and I will be able to just have one or two then stop.

[MENTION=21602]abcowboy[/MENTION], that was very perceptive of you to notice I was "off". Looking back now I too see that I was. But you are in no way responsible for my actions! You have told me before that I can always pm you if I am struggling. You do reach out and I know that you are there for me and I thank you sincerely for all you do here at MWO.

[Jude58]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

[MENTION=21602]abcowboy[/MENTION] You're being too hard on yourself.....you really can't be everywhere at once. You are an inspiration to all of us here, a safe harbor when the waters are rough. I will always be grateful that you steered me to this site. When I was new here (guess that I kinda still am) you took me under your wing, always trying to guide me in the right direction. As you mentioned, just by reading and responding to the posts here, you start to get a feel for what all these folks here are going through. So many different personalities, life situations, and methods of dealing with this disease called alcoholism. I felt a bond with you right from the start....your open, honest, and willing to help anyone who is willing to help themselves. No apologies needed......

@ dill Hope that you are having a better day today.....please feel free to pm me if you ever need someone to lean on. Seriously....

[Quit wining]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Cowboy, you do so much for MWO and especially for the members who count on your words of wisdom and commitment, you have no need to apologize or beat yourself up because you feel you missed something.

I don’t know if you realize what a great job you do here. Just your offer to PM with folks shows how unselfish and caring you truly are. Don’t change a thing!

QW

[lifechange]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Dill, I'm so glad that you stopped when you did, came right back and were completely honest. :hug: What led you to drink yesterday? You said you can see in hindsight that you were a bit off.. can you pinpoint what the trigger was? We're all here with you for 24!

[dill]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

[MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION], I think it was a combination of things. I was feeling over confident for one. Like, "I've go this!" I can let up for awhile!" For another, I was with a friend that has been a drinking buddy for many many years and even tho we no longer drink together, she can still be a big trigger for me. I know that she still drinks daily and says she will never ever give up her dinner time drink. (I imagine it's more than one...) So in the back of my mind I was thinking, if she can drink 'moderately', so can I! It's not fair that she can and I can't. I know that's stupid, but it is what it is. Also, for some reason, I have been feeling more resentful lately, in general. I have been struggling to find my gratitude hat. I haven't been posting on the gratitude thread because of it. I am going to have to try harder. I have read on here of members, and I think you are one, that keep gratitude journals. The other day when I thought about doing that I thought it would likely just remain blank! I am not going to give in to the negativity. I will get back on track. Thank you for asking.

@Mr Vervil, I must say very well done to you getting thru that party last night without drinking! And you are so right about the gift of being hangover free because of it!

[MENTION=21602]abcowboy[/MENTION], the reason I felt the need to apologize to the group is because in some ways I think of us as a team. Each person on the team needs to bring their personal best to the effort so we all succeed. I didn't put in the effort I should have yesterday. I will today tho!

[abcowboy]

Okay Team CC (hmmm maybe not the best choice of names lol), I feel like we are a team as well! No one here gives or takes any more than anyone else. It may seem that I give a bit more than I take, but that’s just because I’m an outspoken kinda guy. There’ll be days that all of us don’t bring our personal best, and that doesn’t just mean it has to do about drinking. But even the professional athlete’s aren’t always on their game, or bring their best effort to the game. It’s then up to the rest of the team to help them out of the slump and even cover for them, that’s what being a team is all about!

There are many times one of you will say one sentence that really benefits me, makes complete sense to me, and helps me with my journey. I usually just coast along here reading and spouting out from time to time, but I’m going to start mentioning and quoting when y’all say something that really strikes me. We are family, and family sticks together no matter what!

[lifechange]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

hi Everyone! I also get so much from all of you.. each and every day. :love:

Dill, this gratitude journal has been one of my best tools this time around.. along with complete honesty to myself, sitting down and "forcing" myself to write down what I'm grateful for helps to get my mind in the right place. I borrowed my daughter's watercolours and crayons and it's become a two part project, as I spend some time painting the page first, and then when it dries writing my "list".. sometimes I can't think of much, but once I begin and clear my mind it becomes a stream of consciousness (when I'm lucky) and sometimes it's just "made up" with things I know I'm generally grateful for even if I don't feel it in the moment. Now it's become a habit and if I'm feeling restless in the late afternoon or early evening, painting (and I'm not the artistic type) or creating something/anything relaxes me.. I got the idea from this woman and I started off copying some of her stuff. it's fun! #tammisdailygratitudes217 • Instagram photos and videos

So today is my birthday! 48.. and I've got some banana walnut bread in the oven for us.. and I'd love to celebrate 24 more af hours with all of you here in the café!

[Jude58]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Happy Birthday LC! I think that I can smell that banana bread from here.......nummy!

[Jude58]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

It's 4:30 am here in NY.......calling for Lake Effect snow today. Might be the kind of day to snuggle on the couch with a good book. Here's to another 24!

[dill]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Happy Birthday, LC! May all your birthday wishes come true!

We have snow here, but not too much. Just enough to make everything look pretty! Pretty much every day is a good day to curl up with a good book, Jude!

Feeling good here this morning. Asking for another 24, please!

[Neo]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Here for 24. See if i can write more later