~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

[Orimus]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

GMAE all! 21 F here in Jersey at 10:30 am and the sun is shining. Committing to another 24!

[Quit wining]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Another 24 hours please & thank you.

Colder than a polar bear’s ear this morning, windchill -31C or -24F. Only 18 days until Mexico!

My 4 legged buddy hasn’t let me out of her sight since I got home after 4 days away!

QW

[dill]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

I know this will sound odd, but I don't like being 'sober'. I have always had trouble with thinking of myself as sober. I don't feel comfortable referring to myself as sober. I first react negatively to it because of its long standing association with abstinence and it is an admission that I once wasn't so. That I was an drunk. I don't like referring to myself that way and most people in my world would be surprised to know drink was even an issue for me. I drank in secret, like many here and many before me, especially I think women. Anyway, I looked up synonyms for sober, hoping I could feel better about using the word as applied to myself. Here are the top synonyms listed, according to thesaurus.com: calm, restrained, sedate, serious, abstaining, . These words, other than 'calm', don't really feel good to me. That is why I have always preferred 'alcohol free'. But, I am not really happy with that description either. So I looked up synonyms for 'simple'. The top synonyms listed are: clean, elementary, plain, quiet, smooth, straightforward, transparent, uncomplicated. Now, those somehow feel more like me, or at least like things I feel are positive. Still, it doesn't feel right to call myself 'simple'. Sigh. Oh well. Back to the drawing board! LOL! I guess when you come down to it, they're just words!

Less talk, more action!

I'll take 24 simple hours today tho. I like the sound of that!

[Jude58]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

[MENTION=7944]dill[/MENTION] Just think of yourself as someone who doesn't drink anymore! :happy2:

[Jude58]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Good morning all! 5 degrees F at 7:25 am. Another 24 here please.....

[abcowboy]

"Life is so ironic. It takes sadness to know happiness, noise to appreciate silence, and absence to value presence."

6:45am in Alberta, another 24 please, and thanks...

In the past 24 hours, these people have signed in for 24 hours of sobriety:
[MENTION=24080]Jude58[/MENTION] [MENTION=7944]dill[/MENTION] [MENTION=17632]Mr Vervill[/MENTION] [MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION] [MENTION=20895]Orimus[/MENTION] abcowboy

[paulywogg]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

5:46 am in Vegas another 24 please

[Orimus]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

9:30 here in the bunker and it's 13 F and shining. Really have to get in the habit of remembering to grab my gloves. lol Committing to another 24!

[MENTION=7944]dill[/MENTION] - Sober never worked for me as a description of an alcohol free life either. To me sober, being sober is just a state as temporary as the weather but not a good description of the climate. When I started to think of myself as a non-drinker it seemed more descriptive of the climate of my new identity. I pondered defining myself by a negating terminology but the tumblers of that lock fell into place and it just made sense in defining what I was even if it was by saying what I was not.

That being said I think you're right in that the terminology of our self-talk is less important than the content and the direction in which we're heading. To me it seems the terms, if we keep walking, will slip into place.

[abcowboy]

Hmmm, I read your post Dill, and wondered…. Does she want to be able to drink normally, or does she just not like the terminology of being alcohol free? And does it have to do with her, or is it all about what other people think of her.. What I’m about to say is only my thoughts on this…..

Can I be a normal drinker? Nope, just that simple! Do I wish I could be a normal drinker? Sometimes, but when I get those thoughts I banish them to the far recesses of my brain. Letting those thoughts linger can only eventually lead to one place, a place I never want to revisit. I can’t remember who asked me, but someone asked me if there was a pill I could take every day and it would allow me to drink normally, would I take the pill? Maybe in my first year of sobriety I would have, but not now. Why not you ask? Because I’ve proved to myself that I don’t need alcohol for anything. I don’t need it to celebrate. I don’t need it to cope. I don’t need it to escape, because there’s nothing I need to escape from anymore. I love my AF life, I’ve accepted it and embraced it.

What is the right terminology? I guess that depends if I’m talking to myself or others. When I think about it to myself, I’m a drunk or an alcoholic. I use those terms to myself because that’s the harsh reality of it. When others ask me, I never use any terms, I always say that alcohol took over my life, I never knew when 1 would turn into 21, so if I don’t have 1, I can’t have 21.

When I finally knew that quitting was my only option, my biggest fear wasn’t what I was going to do without alcohol, it was how I was going to explain to my friends what I’d hidden for all those years, I was a drunk, an alcoholic. Just saying those words somehow made me feel like a failure, less of a person. I was very careful to try and hide the fact that I was drinking non-stop. So how do I now admit doing something that I had carefully hidden all those years, by being honest, that’s how…. The truth really does set us free….

As Jude said, it can be as simple as “I don’t drink”. Then that little voice tells us that they will still think we have a problem with alcohol. With all the “frees” in the world; sugar free, gluten free, salt free, fat free, why not just be alcohol free? No matter how we say it, there will always be people who push us for a better answer, and we will always wonder why they need a better answer. The bottom line is, it doesn’t matter. If people think less of me because I don't drink, I don’t need them in my life, no matter who they are.

What I can say is this, if you keep having these thoughts, you’re setting yourself up to drink again. It’s all about acceptance, and when you accept that you can never drink again, start changing your life and your lifestyle to be in line with that acceptance, it will make it all the easier…..

[abcowboy]

Great to have you back [MENTION=17650]paulywogg[/MENTION]! Just one day at a time eh....:hug:

[Mr Vervill]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Interesting thoughts today on sobriety. I too don't like the word sober. Maybe because of it's negative connotations, which means I'm a drunk.(and all the shameful baggage that comes with it) Maybe because of its temporary nature, as Ori pointed out, I could fall off the wagon at any time.
I see my self now, as a non-drinker. Alcohol free.
My mother never drank, only once or twice in her whole life. She never used the word sober, only saying, I don't drink. If pressed she only said, I don't like it.
Now, I don't drink. Why? It's nobody's business but my own. I just say it's bad for my health, which is true, mentally and physically.
On another note, an interesting thing happened Christmas eve. We were eating at my nieces house for the annual party, and I was talking with her dad, and a friend of his. Her dad has been sober, or is it non-drinker, (LOL), as long as I've known him, going on 30 years or so. I was looking for something to drink, non-alcoholic, and the only thing available was water or Coke. I don't drink soft drinks either, just don't like them, too sweet for my tastes. My wife mentioned that I didn't drink any more. He asked how long it had been, and I said about seven months. He said, "great job". My wife asked how long he'd been sober, and he replied, 3 years. We were both a little shocked. He said he relapsed in 2012. He was at a business function, when a waitress handed him a bourbon and coke, instead of just plain coke. He said he looked at it, and just drank it. After 25 years! He said it was no problem at first, at least the first few weeks, then things spiraled out of control again, and two years later, his friend, who was with him this night, took him back to AA, and to the hospital for a medical detox. He said he could not stop shaking. And like many of us, he never lost a job, never had a DUI, car accident, and never ended up in jail, but was in prison just the same. I never knew.
His friend is also in recovery.
Wow, 25 years!
So, here's to another 24 AL free for all of us!

[Jude58]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Loved the quote today cowboy!

[Quit wining]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Another 24 hours please & thank you.

My little buddy and I braved the cold yesterday and walked, plan to do the same today. A 2 1/2 year old border collie needs to run!

QW

[Marylou123]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Hi Everyone — checking in after a wonderful Christmas. I’ll have the diet plate please Cowboy. Gotta get rid of some new lbs! I haven’t read back far but I say, “I don’t drink.” I don’t mind “sober or alcohol free” at all - to me that’s like a basic LBD. (Little black dress) And, like Cowboy, I can easily refer to myself as a drunk, alkie, lush, etc. but in general, I don’t like those terms publicly, except at an AA meeting or around friends. TTFN and hugs, Marylou

[caysea]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Hi All
Just some thoughts on Dills discussion of the words used for being sober. We only really discuss the aspects of af on this site but one of the words dill found was Clean. Most recovery programs don’t just stop at the idea of being sober and not drinking they also consider other drugs used to escape daily life. Many refer to themselves as being clean which means drug and alcohol free. Substituting another drug for al is just changing your drug of choice. What ever terminology you use the goal is to live life sober and drug free. Clean works for me. As far as drinking. I am just thought of as someone who doesn’t drink. No big deal.