~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

[Jude58]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Good Morning all. 6:15 am here in N.Y. Another 24 on my plate please.....

[dill]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Hmmm, I read your post Dill, and wondered…. Does she want to be able to drink normally, or does she just not like the terminology of being alcohol free? And does it have to do with her, or is it all about what other people think of her..

It wasn't so much about what I want as related to drink. It was just about words and how they apply or how I feel about them when they are applied to me. If I am to be honest, yes I would like to be able to drink normally! But I accept fully that I cannot and I no longer am troubled by that, rest assured [MENTION=21602]abcowboy[/MENTION]! I am growing comfortable being a person who chooses not to drink!

If a word must be used, and of course one must, I agree that "clean" is a good description. Thanks for joining in [MENTION=6034]caysea[/MENTION]. I think that I am more comfortable not labeling myself at all, but just referring to my choice of not drinking as simply that. I am a person who chooses not to drink! In that one choice I am able to keep my life simple and clean.

"@dill Just think of yourself as someone who doesn't drink anymore!" Thanks for the simple statement [MENTION=24080]Jude58[/MENTION]. I think it hit the nail on the head!

[MENTION=17632]Mr Vervill[/MENTION], I read your Christmas Eve anecdote twice. It was really sobering, if I may say! Twenty years clean and then boom! Back to the start! We all must keep that cautionary tale in mind and take it one day at a time. I'm really glad he was able to get back on track and that he had found the support to help him get and stay there.

"To me sober, being sober is just a state as temporary as the weather but not a good description of the climate." That's a really good analogy, [MENTION=20895]Orimus[/MENTION]! You really have an interesting way of framing things. I always like hearing your thoughts and ideas.

On to another 24!

PS, [MENTION=21602]abcowboy[/MENTION], I need a refresher course on how to insert quotes. You told me once a year ago, but I haven't done it in a while so I forgot how! Please remind me. I promise I will keep the instructions written down in a place I can refer to them in the future as needed.

[abcowboy]

"I used to say, 'I sure hope things will change.' Then I learned that the only way things are going to change for me is when I change."

6:30am in Alberta, 24 more please, and thanks...

In the past 24 hours, these people have signed in for 24 hours of sobriety:
[MENTION=7944]dill[/MENTION] [MENTION=24080]Jude58[/MENTION] [MENTION=17650]paulywogg[/MENTION] [MENTION=20895]Orimus[/MENTION] [MENTION=17632]Mr Vervill[/MENTION] [MENTION=22409]Quit wining[/MENTION] abcowboy

-33C here this morning, good thing it's not very windy cause it's only -42C with the wind chill!

Great to see you dropping by and getting in on the conversations [MENTION=20527]Marylou123[/MENTION] and [MENTION=6034]caysea[/MENTION]!

[BetseyG]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Hello all

(Hello especially abcowboy who is so very supportive on another forum I use. :thumbsup: )

I love this discussion and thank you all for your input.

Here's my experience of recovery. Twenty three years ago - I joined AA. It was meetings mostly and a 'light handed' Sponsor. I did the Steps but to be honest, I mainly did them just so I could say that I had. I saw them as just as exercise that had to be done.

After ten years happily sober, I relapsed over a tiny, unremarkable incident.

I could not ever get back to where I had been in AA.

I thought my own failure was made much worse by the way I thought my AA friends 'perceived' my failure in AA. My drinking sporadically continued. I then thought ' to hell with AA'. I joined 'Women for Sobriety' (WFS) on-line. This group was set up by a woman who relapsed in AA and, like me, could not get back. WFS is more focused on positivity in recovery and on the 4 Cs - as soon as we are in recovery we strive to be competent, capable, compassionate and caring people. Instead of 'I'm Betsy, I'm an alcoholic' - I introduce myself as 'I'm Betsy - I'm a competent woman'. Instead of the 12 Steps, there are 13 positive Statements that we live by every day - eg 'the past is gone forever, happiness is a habit I will develop etc.

I still drank.

So I did myself a psychology degree, completed a professional qualification in Addictions therapy. I still drank. I then looked at this 'Spiritual experience' required by AA ( as advised by C G Jung) to get long term sobriety. I wanted that more than anything so I completed a Master's Degree in London on the writings and teachings of Jung.

I learned a lot but I still drank.

I joined SMART recovery on-line. I went through all their literature and again I found it interesting and convincing but I still drank alcohol.

I then started to focus on Mindfulness meditation and Buddhism. I loved that and still do. I still drank. I then got very interested in the 'Third wave of CBT' and studied a course on 'Acceptance and Commitment Therapy - which is a mixture of CBT and Mindfulness. I now have the certificate to practice this with clients in accordance with the British Psychological Society.

Again I learned a huge amount from this but I still drank.

I did all of these things and while they were very helpful to me and helped me to help others - I still was powerless over alcohol. I gave up nicotine, sugar, got fit with the help of all this but I was still obsessed by alcohol.

Three years ago, I went back to AA Meetings. I always loved AA Meetings. I did no more Steps and I am a complete atheist but I just love the people in AA. I idled along and stopped drinking. I made some great friends.

Earlier this year - I had yet another relapse. I was absolutely at the end of my tether. I went to AA on-line in a kind of half hearted way. I asked for a Sponsor and got one. Man, the whole thing completely changed my life. She's terribly tough - no 'ifs or but', no crap, no excuses, no this and no that. It's just me and my Sponsor and the 12 Steps through the Big Book. No interest in things like the 12x12 or anything else. - just the Steps and the BB. I wanted to explain that I did not believe in God but she just said 'Do the Steps'. No sharing, slogans, whining, chatting, coffee, service, - just THE STEPs and the instructions in the the BB.

OK - I am such a people pleaser and approval seeker, that I did not tell her how much I had studied addiction and how many academic qualifications I had on Jungian psychology, CBT, social pschology, schema therapy, mindfulness based CBT, etc. etc. etc. I sat down and I did the Steps. She was tough - she started out by asking me to actually write about the 'Contents' page of the BB. She made me cover the BB line by line. I had to read and digest absolutely everything. She made me write lists of gratitude, lists of resentments, lists of fears, lists of surrenders. As the beginning I was so bored by all this that I used to just copy and paste earlier lists. She knew but she never mentioned the corners I was cutting. She always just said that she knew I was doing the best that I could.

And I knuckled down and everything got easier and I got into the flow. I found myself really thinking about all the things I COULD be grateful for in a day and I began to look forward to writing the list. During the day I would find myself noting things that were really good and making a note of them to put on the list. It was the same with the other lists. When I started to resent something - it helped to distract me from anger or retaliation by getting out my notebook and making a very self-righteous entry.

And so, I continued focusing on praying (what me???) and focusing on doing the Steps. No excuses for lateness, procrastination or other 'important business' were ever accepted. She just said - 'doing the Steps was the number one priority in my life' and what could I do - except keep going?

Any now I have finally, finally stopped drinking for a long time now. What is more I have no more obsessive thoughts about drinking and no desire to drink whatsoever.

Two things stay in my mind about AA.

1) Recovery from alcoholism is the responsibility of each one of ourselves. Say , for example I want to cross the Grand Canyon on a tight rope. I need to get myself together and work out how I can do this. The Steps of the crossing gives me the instructions on how to do this and if I am lucky enough to find a great guide and teacher - they can keep me on track with my learning on how to get across. So I must throw the rope and get up on that rope and learn how to balance on that rope holding my pole to help me keep my equilibrium. This is the core message of AA and the Steps. I must learn how to do a new thing - link living sober with a changed attitude to life.

In my crossing I can get a safety net under me. These are people who have completed the journey across and are there to tell me how they did it, how to encourage me to keep going, how to show me that I am not alone in my journey and how to try and catch me if I fall. Like this safety net in the Grand Canyon, AA meeting are there - to help and encourage me and share about my fears. Into this I would gather slogans, service, sharing and all the fellowship of AA but that is NOT the main event. THe main event is that I get equipped to live a sober, valuable, meaningful life - and make the best of this one short life that I have.

And for me - I have this thought about AA from TS ELiot :

We shall not cease from exploration.
And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started
and know the place for the first time.

Love to all and thanks

Betsy. xx

[abcowboy]

I really enjoy the conversations we have here, someone says something and it gets good ideas and opinions going! Caysea brought up a good point with the word "clean". This coming July recreational marijuana will become legal in Canada. Years and years ago when I was 14 - 15 years old, I experimented with most drugs; pot, hash, acid, and LSD. When I turned 16, I left the drugs behind me and just stuck with my Budweiser. I couldn't afford to have a car and use drugs and the car was more important. Should have left the drinking behind as well, but that's water under the bridge. Anyway, I thought how nice it would be to be able buy a joint every once in a while just to relax. But as Caysea said, I'd just be trading one addiction for another! It wouldn't be long before I was stoned all day, every day. It's who I am, an addict, so I'm going to stick with being clean and sober.

[abcowboy]

I missed you on the x-post [MENTION=23428]BetseyG[/MENTION], great to have you here! Stick around and share, the more we share, the more we help ourselves and others!

[paulywogg]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

6:14 am in Vegas another 24 clean please

[abcowboy]

Looks like you did just fine [MENTION=7944]dill[/MENTION] with the quote! I never use the "quote" button at the bottom of the post, I prefer to do it manually. So in a nutshell;

Type [QUOTE=exact member's name ]insert words you want to quote[/QUOTE ]

I left a space between "name ]" and /QUOTE ] for explanation purposes only. There should be no spaces when you want to quote someone.

insert words you want to quote

Make sense to y'all?

[Mr Vervill]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Cold, crisp and sunny here this morning. Not Cowboy cold, but cold enough!
Good to see a few new, and old faces this morning.
24 more please.

[Orimus]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

10:07 on a cold and bright Friday morning. Like Mr V not cowboy cold, only 11 F, but that's cold enough that it took my fingers a bit of time to work once I got to, well, work. :happy2: Committing to another 24.

Do like that T.S quote [MENTION=23428]BetseyG[/MENTION]

[lifechange]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

It's 8:34 here and I'm looking forward to 24 more af hours for all of us!
Great conversations going on here.. I think I might be the only one who likes sober/sobriety as a way of describing myself and my new way of life. For me, it's been something I've been striving for, for so many years. Something I always wished that I had or wanted.. and now it's still work, hard work sometimes to beat the cravings and to find new ways to deal with Life, but I really don't want to drink at all, ever again. For me, sobriety is a very positive word.. something I'm working torward because it promises me something better. Having said that, I don't use it, "sober" to describe myself around people who aren't in the same boat. To the outside world I just say, I don't drink anymore (mostly I add that I finally noticed how bad it was for me) and I've been surprised at the overall support I'm getting with that.. two people have even told me that I'm lucky that I don't have to make the choice anymore..?

Wishing everyone a happy Friday..

[Quit wining]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Another 24 hours please & thank you!

It’s freezing here too Cowboy, current windchill -31

My birthday is next Friday. For the last 40 years I’ve barbecued a steak for supper on my birthday. I’ve grilled in temps as warm as +7 and as cold as -40. In case anyone is wondering (Cowboy, you likely know this), to cook a 3/4” thick Tbone to medium rare at -40 takes an hour!

Happy POETs Day everyone!

QW

[Marylou123]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Hello from Florida - 9:25 pm and chilly for us. I won’t mention the temperature out of respect for all our northern friends. But I’ll take 24 more please. Stay warm, and sober/clean/free wherever you are. Hugs, ML

[Jude58]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

Good Morning all!

@ Marylou 123 Thank you for not mentioning the temp in Florida....us Northerners appreciate it! :eek-new: it's 13 degrees F here in N.Y. (at least we're in the double digits today) with more snow on the way.

Please grant me another 24!

[paulywogg]

Re: ~cattleman cafe~ & another 24...

5:27 am in Vegas another 24 please