Army Ring in the New Year!!

[kuya]

Really Kuya? That was exactly me too! Got through Christmas and the relief tipped me over the edge! We really are all the same aren't we? Yet we all think we are alone in these thoughts.

We ARE all the same. I definitely suffer from post success reward syndrome ( my first relapse was jan 2 after 9 weeks sober) and I think the high sugar intake at this time of year doesn't help.

The only thing that separated us yesterday Starty is a single thought....you thought you WOULD relapse, I thought I wouldn't. I took myself to bed early, felt like shite, ate even more chocolate (in masochist mode by then! Lol)

Woke up and felt better today until this evening when the desire to 'get out of my head' came knocking again. ATE a HUGE salad and I am pretty sure I will feel better tomorrow.

What is important is for you to really internalise that having these thoughts is NORMAL for most people. It does NOT mean you are always going to be a relapser, it simply means you bought into that lie last night.

Back into the saddle. It will be easier this time.

hey well done you ..you are right...its a thought thats all...you are only a shoplifter when you nick it ..not when you look!!

Thanks for caring Mick....this is always my tricky time of year!

[starty]

I think you are right Molls. I must brainwash myself which is what is good about here. We talk a lot about sobriety and it needs to fill my every waking moment just now.

I was once called sanctimonious by a previous member here. I don't think I was but can see that someone who had long term sobriety could come across that way especially to someone who is struggling.

[starty]

We ARE all the same. I definitely suffer from post success reward syndrome ( my first relapse was jan 2 after 9 weeks sober) and I think the high sugar intake at this time of year doesn't help.

The only thing that separated us last yesterday Starty is a single thought....you thought you WOULD relapse, I thought I wouldn't. I took myself to bed early, felt like shite, ate even more chocolate (in masochist mode by then! Lol)

Woke up and felt better today until this evening when the desire to 'get out of my head' came knocking again. ATE a HUGE salad and I am pretty sure I will feel better tomorrow.

What is important is for you to really internalise that having these thoughts is NORMAL for most people. It does NOT mean you are always going to be a relapser, it simply means you bought into that lie last night.

Back into the saddle. It will be easier this time.



Thanks for caring Mick....this is always my tricky time of year!

Thank you Kuya, you are right it was my thoughts that 1 gave me permission, and 2 allowed me to carry it through.

How many times did you relapse when you came here ?

[satz123]

I hate to tell you this Starts - that was your LAST hurrah.
Write down how you felt pre, during and especially after.
Keep it on your desktop to refer to and let's move into 2016 ....... :llama:

[starty]

sounds like you have a gift that I also have - there is no 'I wasn't that bad' -- cos for sure I WAS and from what you say so were you -- and the obsession returning is the horriblest part --- but each and every day that will diminish -- christmas is a damned hard time to try and do anything monumental rather than just get through it -- now it's over and you've a clear run months and months of days that ordinary peeps think are dull and dreary -which for us alcoholics in early recovery is precisely what we need - no events - our friends and colleagues often on health kicks anyway for the new year -- get a good run at it Starty - and jaysus in JIG time you'll be flying -- I found with the cigarettes that 3 weeks was a period of time that the obsession died and certainly alcohol in my case wasn't that dissimilar -- but don't even think 3 weeks -- just today


and yep -- we all have to go back to square one when we relapse -- my heart sinks when newbies are greeted with 'it's not easy but it's worth it' ---(not sayin you're a newbie but you get my drift?) I'd have been galloping for the hills with my flagon of whiskey if I'd heard it 'wasn't easy' --- but I do think it helps to put in some work on it -- formulate a plan and determine to stick with it - and in my view a plan in the early days CAN be as simple as 'I'm going to watch movies from 3-6 then eat dinner and then go to bed' --- it doesn't have to be running marathons etc.... I know the only time I had a CONTINUOUS sort of craving was the 10 days between quitting and going into rehab -- I think like you I wanted to say my goodbyes to the bottle - in fact - not think - I KNOW that's what it was -- but I watched Pollyanna twice in one day -- not very mighty, not self improving -- none of those things -- but d'ya know what -- I didn't drink that day and the next day I wanted to drink just a little bit less and the next day and the next day ---- and then a day came when I looked at the sky when I was walking to work instead of the pavement... ( I didn't drive in those ten days) --- I just ..... got.... a ..... glimmer.....of .... my ....life coming back.....

I am under no illusion how bad I am. Thankfully! Yes it is a gift and I am grateful. I am also grateful that I know I can live a good sober life. Now that christmas is over I am so very very glad. How come you didnt have a last hurrah before rehab?

[starty]

I hate to tell you this Starts - that was your LAST hurrah.
Write down how you felt pre, during and especially after.
Keep it on your desktop to refer to and let's move into 2016 ....... :llama:

Ha ha! Yes I am going to keep a bit of a journal so I can keep it fresh.

What was your defining moment Satz?

[JackieClaire]

Morning, please bear with me MWO's moving at treacle speed for me.
There ya are, Starty.
I've got my last day and defining moment in the Our Story bit. I'll rake them out if you like.

[Guitarista]

Thanks Satz. I KNOW how I want my life to be and I know for sure it is a sober one. Although I did enjoy the drink it will and already has taken over the last few days. I drink from morning to night given the opportunity and it would simply ruin my life The depression would set in and I would be lost. I know for a fact that is what would happen. As ever the first one felt good, then the others are purely because I had given myself permission to do it. Funnily enough, the obsession is back immediately

This was me exactly Starty. And would be me again if I went back to drinking. It is always a downward spiral and a slow self inflicted suicide of body, mind, spirit, and soul. I wish for you a good day today my friend. X

[kuya]

Thank you Kuya, you are right it was my thoughts that 1 gave me permission, and 2 allowed me to carry it through.

How many times did you relapse when you came here ?

I joined MWO just after that Jan 2 relapse. From then until the quit that stuck I must have quit twice a week (I kid you not) for eight absolutely terrifying months. Memory of that hell keeps me sober because I thought I was NEVER going to do it.

and this is also another reason this site can be amazing --- I said to Starty yesterday that I was so much in awe of some of the long-termers when I joined the site and I just knew I could never be like them - they seemed to have it so easy - never needed to talk about struggles or cravings or relapses -- and there you are speaking up -- I would have had you strongly in the 'well SHE would never think about alcohol -- she wouldn't understand' back in the day -- that is a powerful post and thank you for sharing it x

I think everyone has (or will have) a weak spot... For me it is Xmas because that was when I first relapsed. It is also why I keep Xmas low key to avoid over stressing myself.

Whilst the person you know got and stayed sober I had 20+ failures behind me....I am simply lucky that my thoughts rarely go there these days....but they can, and do, and always will from time to time.

My thoughts also stray to .....

Wanting to slap my son/daughter for being selfish little shites
Kick the dog for shitting on the living room floor
Pack my suitcase and disappear to the Bahamas
Hide all the cash I take in my business to avoid tax



They are only thoughts, no power with no legs.....

[JackieClaire]

I think the disappointment and fear would come back for Mr JC and the kids.......that would cripple me.

I'm thinking at the moment, Starty.............just keep it simple.
You used to swear by the L-Glut..........get guzzling.
Eat little and often
Plenty fluids of the non-alcoholic variety.
Rest when you can and do it often as often as you can.
Then routine..........I'm sure we had our routines when we drinking............then replace that with a new routine...........mine back in the day was clicking the kettle on.

These next few weeks are all about plodding............plodding through the daily grind.......and you know it will get better......I promise

[sunbird2]

https://www.google.co.za/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwivioyItI3KAhUJPxQKHZqIBi8QFggcMAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.goodreads.com%2Fquotes%2F80785-there-will-come-a-time-when-you-believe-everything-is&usg=AFQjCNEORCQDn1kwVLvqahRvLIA75ll8ow&sig2=SrYCcC-_-Onf-29SJrWheQ&bvm=bv.110151844,d.ZWU

[kuya]

I think the disappointment and fear would come back for Mr JC and the kids.......that would cripple me.

I'm thinking at the moment, Starty.............just keep it simple.
You used to swear by the L-Glut..........get guzzling.
Eat little and often
Plenty fluids of the non-alcoholic variety.
Rest when you can and do it often as often as you can.
Then routine..........I'm sure we had our routines when we drinking............then replace that with a new routine...........mine back in the day was clicking the kettle on.

These next few weeks are all about plodding............plodding through the daily grind.......and you know it will get better......I promise

Totally agree, keep it simple, keep to a routine.

[IamMary]

Morning Army..
Wow, fantastic posts here today. I concur with the brainwashing, it has definitely got my this far. It was the bit missing during my previous attempts, I was able to stop for a time with books and desperation, but it was the constant posts here that carried me over the humps.

What are you up to today Starty? Is Mr Starty off the booze now?

[littlepinkcat]

for me my consciousness would cripple me, my soul would be damaged if i drank again

[sunbird2]

What I actually wanted to post was:
lous l'amour music video there will come a time

Well said Jackie, I agree totally. And Mary, about the constancy...it may be brain washing, but it is very positive and keeps me on the straight and narrow. I wish with all my heart that I had done this years ago, when the children were still home and my Darling Tony was still alive!

I would hate for any of my friends here to have the same very painful regret!