The Queen of Relapse

[YouKayBee]

"Sometimes I have failed but I am not a failure

I have made mistakes but I am not a mistake"

I got this quote from some AA literature, I think it's in the book which is made up of tales of member's spiritual awakenings. I found it during a rehab stint in I think 2008, and I have it framed at home.

I hope it's of some use to you.

[hazeleyes]

Thank you Kaybee...it's true we all tend to beat ourselves up emotionally.
A great reminder that even though I fail, I am not a failure unless I give up trying.

Making mistakes is also the best way to learn, grow, and eventually succeed.
Thank you for pointing this out! I must admit to being really bad at loving myself and feeling good enough. Woah is me, is a common theme to my thoughts.

A new year, a new beginning, I will make a decision to be kinder to myself and stop judging others. Always easier without wine in my bloodstream.

H

[autumn]

Morning Hazel,

How are you doing this morning? Weekends can be a toughie.

Please don't beat yourself up over anything! Just try & try until it sticks. The best way to start to conquer this IMHO is to go easy on yourself, and throw in some kindness and add alot of cake and sleep when needed!

The Pathway left or right turn thing, only worked for me when I started saying it out loud to myself. Sometimes infront of a mirror if I was really wobbling badly. Then it made me feel as if I had to listen to me, and not the chattering voice screaming at me to drink. I also replayed constantly the final drinking drama in my head, to remind me how badly it ended! No romance there!

I just had to keep reminding myself that Al = poison which leads to nothing good, only pain & heartache!! All fluffy thoughts of how lovely a glass of wine would be, had to be replaced with cold hard facts. Wine = divorce! Did I love wine more than my DH?

We all know that we will not be magically cured and turn into a 'normal' drinker after a sober spell. Every relapse will get bloody worse & harder to stop & stay stopped. That was a reall tough thing to get my head around. The Al voices did not want to hear that. Every time I saw a glass of wine out & about, or on TV etc, the Alky brain fluffed it up! I could almost hear the soft music, and taste the good times lol! I had to replace it with the true horrors of the stark cold reality that went with drinking. Hence the right path.

I hope your having a good weekend and going easy on yourself. You can do this xx We are all here for you sending you hugs xx

[hazeleyes]

Hello Autumn, and thank you so much for your post.
Somehow your way of putting things hits me in my heart and I know you speak from a similar path to mine, except you have succeeded where I have failed. I will try the idea of voicing my choices out loud as you suggest. The voice in my head is a nagging menace at times.
I have made it to the end of day 2 without any bruises, so to speak. Water is my drink of choice, even at a party I have just come home from. So that's a good start as I did not have a good time and it did cross my mind that wine would get me out of dealing with this situation.
I told my hubby how kind you have all been to me, and he was amazed and grateful to you all for helping me.
Tomorrow is Day 3 and I feel better knowing wine is no longer an option for me.
Thanks everyone for helping me get here...
H

[lizker]

Hi Hazel, I am a chronic relapser as well. I've been here for several years. I have had the same struggle, a few months here and there, I am 3 days away from my 7 month mark. This has been the first time I really, truly know that I can overcome alcohol. This is always a controversial subject, and it may not be for you and I am not trying to preach here, jus sharing what worked for me. By finally realizing that I can not concur alcohol on my own, that only the power of God could set me free, I started to defeat daily temptations as I clung to God, seeking, praying, studying the word of God and basically surrendering my life to God. Most addictions are due to spiritual brokenness. We are a body, mind and spirit. When we neglect our walk with God, evil entities can attach to us and lead us to this darkness. I also started nourishing my body and exercising regularly.

[Pie]

There truly are many ways out, Liz. Thanks for sharing what's working for you.

[hazeleyes]

Hi lizker, thanks for your comments which I understand and appreciate. My personal faith is also important to me and a constant struggle to live up to. I hope to honour God by my life but drinking is not so good. Hopefully my pathway to finally staying sober will lead me closer to him and a more peaceful spirit. Congratulations of reaching 7 months - great job!

[hazeleyes]

So the end of day 3 for me, and so far so good. I have done more exercise in the past two days to sweat out the poison and this may have made the withdrawal symptoms less. But I am doing good...I have decided to plan my future and take steps everyday to achieve my goals, and I am trying to be more tolerant when people annoy me.

I have a long way to go but great to have made a start. Quitting is definitely worthwhile and the best thing I have done for myself is many months.

[JeffRob887]

Well, here I am again.
I joined 5 years ago, vowing to quit as my life was going down hill from drinking so much wine. Now looking back I see my quits have happened every 6 months or so, which means I went back on my word every 6 months.
I'm writing this after swallowing another bottle and a half of wine last night, and then throwing it up.
I guess I did not learn my lesson and I am still stuck in the same rut. What a failure I am.

So yet again, I am taking up my sword and vowing to fight again against the evil drink. I will take another vow to be free of alcohol in my life, to choose instead drinks that support my health and return me to being happy again. Tea, Coffee, and Sparkling Water will be my new choice of beverage.

I am ashamed of myself, but I will not give up. Tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity for me to start again. I will start exercising every day, I will eat more vegetables, I will read and post on here with a view to helping others quit, and I will ask God to help me be a better person.

Thank you to everyone who has helped me in here before. Sorry I let you down...I will work on being better from now on.

Hi hazeleyes, well relapse doesn't mean that you have failed. There is another chance for you. Life offers us a second chance and it is called tomorrow. You just have to be very serious about it. Keep us updated! Good luck!

[little beagle]

Check out the 3PS thread. Pretty interesting, helpful stuff.
Just know you are never intruding. Posting and reading helped me get it through my head that I had to take the option of even one drink off the table.

[actiongirl46]

Great job Hazel!! One day at a time . . .

[hazeleyes]

Check out the 3PS thread. Pretty interesting, helpful stuff.
Just know you are never intruding. Posting and reading helped me get it through my head that I had to take the option of even one drink off the table.

Hey little beagle, thanks so much for the heads up on 3PS thread. I watched the Michael Neill videos and got the point immediately. There are no monsters out their, they are all created by our thoughts and the more stressed we are the less likely we are to recognize our wrong thoughts are creating the stress. This could be a life changing moment for me as I could have called this threat "-The Queen of Over Thinking Everything"

Thanks heaps
H

[spiderwoman]

Hi Hazel

Make if for you this time Hazel, that was the approach I took, I quit on 9 December, just as party season approached and anybody who dared to question it got told it was for me and my decision which was final. The fact I would have to go back on what I said and admit defeat publicly kept me on track until it became second nature. Then as time went on if I was offered the stuff I admitted I would love a glass (wine was my poison too) but it I loved it too much so no thanks. I went out and spent my "wine money" on expensive scented candles and bath stuff and spent my evenings in the bathroom at first, the exercise and diet can come later.

Be nice to yourself

Sylv

[YouKayBee]

Thank you Kaybee...it's true we all tend to beat ourselves up emotionally.
A great reminder that even though I fail, I am not a failure unless I give up trying.

Making mistakes is also the best way to learn, grow, and eventually succeed.
Thank you for pointing this out! I must admit to being really bad at loving myself and feeling good enough. Woah is me, is a common theme to my thoughts.

A new year, a new beginning, I will make a decision to be kinder to myself and stop judging others. Always easier without wine in my bloodstream.

H

There's always something to learn and take from any situation.:hug:

[little beagle]

Hope your day was good.