The Queen of Relapse

[hazeleyes]

The end of another day without drama. The thoughts of drinking come, but they are fleeting and I just let them pass like clouds in the sky. I am happy to be this far on, but I don't give it too much energy as my focus is to be a peace with myself and enjoy the daily tasks as they come.
Learning to go within and find the peace there is helping me a lot. Over thinking might be as poisonous for me as wine. Who'd of thought...

[starty]

Hazel I love following your progress. Your words are helping me too especially not overthinking stuff. I do that all the time and it is exhausting. Questioning my feelings, thoughts over and over instead of just being......

[autumn]

Morning Hazel,

A huge welldone for hanging in there and staying strong. How are you doing today? Another wonderful hanger & guilt free morning hopefully.

It's awesome that we are able to recognise that the power of thought is only that. Just a thought, without the physical action provided by us, the thought is rendered useless. I adored the the 3P videos. So blindingly obvious, but it was a lightbulb moment when I watched the videos. Powerful stuff.

I had a huge wobble yesterday, I had a massive row with my stepson, (he lives with us & is employed by us) and it made me so upset & bloody angry. The voices were screaming at me to spend the afternoon in the pub, getting drunk, just to show 'em I was hurting!! Absolute sodding madness. 18 months sober & it's still trying to control me!!

Thank heavens for the tools & the wonderful phrase I learnt here, "I refuse to drink at you." It does get easier to ride the urge & I am so much sronger and able to tell the voices to p*ss-off. I was in control, not the voices and Al!!

Hope your all dandy, and sending you hugs & strength for today xx

[hazeleyes]

Hi Autumn, thanks so much for sharing your struggle with me. AL can take a powerful hold over us if we let it. Good on you for overcoming and having the tools already in place to beat the urges. I know step children can be difficult to deal with as I have four that I no longer speak to. Definitely not ready to take that challenge on just yet.

End of Day 5 and I am all good. Not sure why this quit is proving so easy, don't want to jinx it but I'm just not interested in wine. I have fallen in love with inner peace and living life from the inside out instead of the outside in. It has completely transformed my world into one that I want to live in. This has never ever happened before.

When negative thoughts approach I let them pass and go inside myself where there is a stillness. A place I don't need to do anything, a place where their is no chaos, a place I've never felt before. It's not intense, it's just gentle light and I feel safe and at home. I have never felt safe or at home anywhere on earth before. It is hard to describe better than this.

I hope more people discover this place inside themselves because it is wonderful.
Whoops, looks like I'm preaching now. Anyway very happy to report no AL in sight, and no desire whatsoever. Crazy but true...hope you all are doing well also.

[Sunbeam]

Hazel eyes, that pretty much happened for me too. I was just ready to be done. After 30 days I did waver a bit, but that list I mentioned to you then was posted here, a gift from God perhaps, in the form of Mario. So whenever I felt tempted I retread the list, picked something else to focus that energy on. I don't want to drink any more, that is the simple truth.

[little beagle]

Glad you have a safe place. I will remember your words next time I am feeling overwhelmed.

[autumn]

Morning Hazel,
How was your day yesterday? How you doing on the no wine front?
I am hoping you are still floating in a little world of calm! Please just be mindful that in the early days it can give you a wee false sense of security if a wine wobble hits. The Al voice tried to use it against me to reward me for being so good, and to romanticise that all that was missing in my perfect calm world is a glass of wine! For me it was the 1 month and then the reward yourself voice started up! Sadly when I succumbed, it felt like a spectacular failure. If I couldn’t ‘get it’ after being in such a great space, what hope did I have? My AA sponsor called it the pink cloud. (OMG, I hated the AA, but is has been invaluable for others!)

Four step kids, blimey! Don’t beat yourself up over that one. If you choose to try to build bridges later, that’s up to you. It can be so difficult. Luckily, I have known my two since birth and I have always been in their lives, which helps. But boy, they have caused some stonking rows with me & DH. My stepdaughter has made me a granny, twice! That was odd as I skipped the children bit & went straight into being a granny lol. But thankfully my grandsons will never ever know or see me drunk!! For that I am so eternally grateful.

Yesterday was another stressy day. We talked about the row the day before and how to go forward. Till the next time…………We have had couple counselling on how to deal with the aftermath of my drinking. It saved my marriage. So we able to talk (mostly) calmly.

Do you work? Are you down under? If so where? I am in the UK.

Heres to another AF day, sending you hugs all the way :hug:

[starty]

Hazel eyes, that pretty much happened for me too. I was just ready to be done. After 30 days I did waver a bit, but that list I mentioned to you then was posted here, a gift from God perhaps, in the form of Mario. So whenever I felt tempted I retread the list, picked something else to focus that energy on. I don't want to drink any more, that is the simple truth.

Hi Sunbeam. What is the list you mentioned? I would be very interested to see it if you don't mind reposting?

[starty]

Hazel, how are you doing today. I had 2 months then fell hard due to some warped thinking that I was missing out on something. Of course the first drink feels blissful but what comes after is not so much and how conveniently we forget that when we want to lose ourselves in our drug of choice.

Autumn I love the pink cloud analogy, sadly I have not really felt it this time funnily enough, but my first stint I loved it....until it blew away

[autumn]

Morning Starty,

How you doing? I have always loved your cheeky squirrel look. For me it was like the Charmin loo roll ad, when the cloud ‘pops’ from under the koala. Only it doesn’t come with a soft landing, more like crashing to earth!

[Guitarista]

Hi Sunbeam. What is the list you mentioned? I would be very interested to see it if you don't mind reposting?

Starty, I think this is the list Sunbeam alludes to (?). From the toolbox.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/monthly-abstinence/24253-tool-box-post1263023.html#post1263023

This ain't bad either. From the toolbox.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/monthly-abstinence/24253-tool-box-post1283625.html#post1283625

Hope you also find this of use Hazel!

[starty]

Morning Starty,

How you doing? I have always loved your cheeky squirrel look. For me it was like the Charmin loo roll ad, when the cloud ‘pops’ from under the koala. Only it doesn’t come with a soft landing, more like crashing to earth!

Ha ha yes! I can relate to the Charmin loo roll add too!! I am doing lots better thanks. I think movement is the key to my sobriety. Just keep walking, exercising and planning. How about you?

[starty]

Starty, I think this is the list Sunbeam alludes to (?). From the toolbox.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/monthly-abstinence/24253-tool-box-post1263023.html#post1263023

This ain't bad either. From the toolbox.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/monthly-abstinence/24253-tool-box-post1283625.html#post1283625

Hope you also find this of use Hazel!

Thanks for this Mr G. I need to revisit the toolbox. I think I underestimate the power of words sometimes. Thank you x

[autumn]

I'm good thanks starty. It helps so much when you have a plan & know what works for you best. Keeping moving and busy is a great tool. I used to swim most mornings at the start of last quit. It gave me half an hour of peace and quiet to reflect before my day started. It really helped to keep me focused.

I am in a great place thanks to a hypno CD I use religiously, the very thought of Al wants to make me gag!! Even the smell of wine now make me heave lol! And I can smell stale booze a mile off. Oh my, I must of stank in my drinking days!

[hazeleyes]

So great to read all your personal stories about how life is going for you. I try to imagine you all and where you live and your words help me fill in the missing pictures. It would be great is we could all get together, but it's also great to share without fear.

Thanks heaps Mr G for your links and encouragement. The 100 tips list is great for me. If I ever get stuck for ideas I have no excuse on where to go.

Hi Autumn, thanks for checking in and sharing. I'm in NZ being really down under. At the end of Day 6 I am still going strong. Super strange that I'm not freaking out, and wanting to drink, but it's this 3Ps thing has got a hold of me. I even found a Don Williams song about inner peace inside of us all called "heart to heart". I love Don Williams and sing and play his country songs almost every day, his music is so peaceful and honest.

So happy to report all good but thanks for the heads up on the Wobblies being just around the corner. I promise to let you know before I cave!

Thanks everyone for checking in. Love all your comments and hearing how your going as well.

Thought of the week: happiness comes from inside you, it's not out there in people or things or drink.
H