The Queen of Relapse

[autumn]

Hi Hazel,

Just a quick line to say, you are doing brilliantly, well done to you!! What instrument are you learning? I have inhertided a saxohone which I keep meaning to learn to play!! But I probably need to quit smoking first! I am not quite ready to ditch the fags just yet! Especially as it is so stressful at home and work at the mo, I'm like a sodding chimney! But at least I'm not a booze addled wino and hangover free!!

What line of business are you in? I'd love to hear more.

Sending you hugs and YAYS!! You are doing brilliantly xx

[hazeleyes]

Thanks Autumn, I sent you a private message.

Just checking in to say I have made it past 3 weeks and very happy to be AL free and getting on with life. No cravings, no headaches, would love to lose more weight but not really bothered. Still loving this new way of thinking and happy to have a new coping tool when stress comes along. Beverage of choice...a cup of tea! Happy Days.

H

[autumn]

Hi Hazel,

Firstly, a HUGE WELL DONE, you are really kicking Al's Ass!! It's a brilliant achievement.

So sorry I've not PM'd you back, I will do so shortly. I've not been in a great place the for the last week or so. Things here are uber stressfull and testing me to the limit. I am even 'seeing' vodka bottles every where, it's like my brain is holding up flashcards!! I'm affaid to confess I have a ball of anger. I have hated me, and so has my DH and stepson!

I am not sure if it's a PAWS attack or I'm just plain losing it! Please be on your gaurd for PAWS or any mood glitch, they can strike any time. My brain has been screaming at me to drink, and tempting me with full blown mirages of vodka and bloody wine! But on a positive note, I have no desire to drink, not even a snifter! Jeeze, no way could I cope at the mo drunk or hung over. At least I end every day knowing I gave it my best sober :happy2:

I really hope your doing well and slaying this beastie, I'll PM you soon xxxx

[hazeleyes]

Hey Autumn, what's caused all the stress. Maybe we can help you with it.

We don't want to see you choose the wrong option and sometimes we all need support and encouragement to get through. AL is a choice, but it is definitely absolutely, no ifs buts or Maybees, the wrong choice when under stress. You need to step back in your mind when those thoughts come and let them go passed, like clouds in the sky drifting on by. Not just the thoughts of drinking but also the stressful thoughts about your life.

I think if your struggling then maybe you have too much on your plate, too many problems to solve, something is out of balance and it's time to address this. Whatever is troubling you is based on thoughts you are adopting...let them pass. Close your eyes and find the peace within you.

Life is a battle that can be won, we have the tools inside ourselves.

Thinking of you and wishing you courage to climb this current uphill challenge ahead.

H

[starty]

Hi Hazel,

Firstly, a HUGE WELL DONE, you are really kicking Al's Ass!! It's a brilliant achievement.

So sorry I've not PM'd you back, I will do so shortly. I've not been in a great place the for the last week or so. Things here are uber stressfull and testing me to the limit. I am even 'seeing' vodka bottles every where, it's like my brain is holding up flashcards!! I'm affaid to confess I have a ball of anger. I have hated me, and so has my DH and stepson!

I am not sure if it's a PAWS attack or I'm just plain losing it! Please be on your gaurd for PAWS or any mood glitch, they can strike any time. My brain has been screaming at me to drink, and tempting me with full blown mirages of vodka and bloody wine! But on a positive note, I have no desire to drink, not even a snifter! Jeeze, no way could I cope at the mo drunk or hung over. At least I end every day knowing I gave it my best sober :happy2:

I really hope your doing well and slaying this beastie, I'll PM you soon xxxx

Hey Autumn, I am sorry you are feeling the heat just now. Anger is sometimes the worst thing to get past as you just want to explode with it or put the fire out with an unhealthy option.

I do hope you can resolve some issues soon, it is awful to have continuous pain like that. :hug:

[autumn]

Hi Hazel and Starty,

Thank you both for your kind words and hugs.
How are you both doing? Hazel are you still staying strong? Starty I hope life is treating you well too.

Sorry I've been absent, but work & stress have been crazy! But it is all calming down now.. and we are getting back to normal.

I had a hideous drinking dream last night, I hate those!! They leave you so diss-orientated when you wake up! But it was only a dream. And I didn't have to lay there waiting for the hangover to kick in!!

I hope every one is good and having a chilled out Sunday,

Hugs to you all xx

[autumn]

Hi Hazel, am I right in thinking that you are getting so close the the magic 30 days?? I dont want to miss it :thumbsup:

Hi Starty, I wasn't too sure where you were on your journey, but I see you just whooped 35 days!!! Absolutely brilliant, you should really be starting to feel a difference and sleeping better! Yay to you too xxx

A huge WELL DONE to you both!! :sohappy:

[starty]

Hi Hazel and Autumn Thanks for the congrats, I do feel wonderful and full of positivity. I have even started running again !!

I still have drinking dreams and using dreams too. Disconcerting but wonderful to wake and realise it is just a dream!!

Hope you are doing well in your journey both of you. :hug:

[autumn]

Hi Hazel and Starty,

Hazel I havn't heard from you in a few days, are you ok? I'm sending you :hug: just because. How you doing? I'm hoping you're in a great place and too busy to catch up. But if your not and things aren't so good, please post as we are really missing you :love: We are here to support you all the way :hug:

Starty glad to hear your doing great, and things are going well. Running has never been my thing. But I must start swimming again. I think I really need it for my sanity! I am still so mad at every thing! But I am not in any danger of drinking, thankfully. If I drink I will lose my marraige and my business, it's just not an option. I am so glad your on a positive high, it's such a great place to be, the waking up guilt free is the best feeling ever!

I'm with you on the drinking dreams, they freak me out but it soon passes thankfully. And yes the relief that is was just a dream is huge.

Hazel I hope your all ok, sending you :hug:

[starty]

Hi Autumn. yes I totally recommend the exercise. It just seems to change how I feel. That and clean eating is a must for me. Its so easy to take the other road though and vigilance is key plus keeping healthy snacks on hand.

Hazel I do hope you check in soon, yes we miss you so just a quick word to let us know how things are would be great

[little beagle]

Thinking of you Hazel

[autumn]

Mornin Hazel, please check in, I hope your well, we miss you! xx

Morning Starty, I hope your well. How you doing today?

Has any one heard from Hazel on other threads in the last few days?

[hazeleyes]

Hi all, sorry about the long delay. I actually typed a big message to Autumn and an update a few days ago, and when I finished this website kicked me off and I lost my post. I got a bit peeved at this and got busy on other things instead.

Thanks to everyone for wanting to hear from me. You all are great.

So my update is, it's all good. I'm well passed my first month and no sign of a problem ahead. I fully understand now how I got into the drinking trap, and I have no need to return. Life still gets hard sometimes, but I use different tools to manage the negative pictures with the full realization that I create my own reality. I laugh more easily, I find listening to people a pleasure, and I still have the drive to go after things that interest me.

Staying away from pubs, and people that drink is probably helping me, but also I notice lots of older people are very moderate or light drinkers, and no one ever hassles me about my choice to be AL free. Sometimes I don't even drink water, just enjoy people's company without the need for a glass in hand.

I remain shocked that this last month has been possible, as I tried and tried and tried so many times to quit over the past 5+ years and nothing worked for me. I was an emotional wreck and rarely laughed. Whereas now I laugh freely and feel happy often.

My most valuable asset is the secret place inside me heart where I go for peace.

I wish you all the same happiness...
H

[Sunbeam]

Glad you are doing well, you are ready. But do stay in touch, it is too easy to get over-confident.