Is it just me or....????? IJM has gone ape crap

[ItsJustMe]

Is this normal or am I just weird? I’m 40 days in today. I have no real cravings apart from just the thought that a drink would really be nice. But there are times that I am really mentally down. Like now. The slightest things piss me off. Here is a good one. A small event will occur. I will play it over and over in my head – then add to the story in the most negative way possible. Pretty soon I’m mad at something that hasn’t even happened – or never will. Here is another oddity – I used to watch tv every night with my rum and diet cokes. In the past 40 days, I have not even turned the tv on. I get up around 4:30AM, go to the gym. Run my guts out - to the point of total exhaustion. Go to work and run my guts out. Come home, eat dinner, go to bed and read for an hour then sleep and ditto. I think that if I didn’t do this, that in the evening I wouldn’t be tired enough not to drink. Ok, as I re–read this, I think I am really messed up in the head. I’ll blame it on years of al abuse rotting my brain… Oh, and I’ll admit that I am scared crapless of the weekends. I end up running myself ragged each weekend day just to keep from being idle. I used to look forward to the weekends. Now I dread them.

So this goes back to my original question – is this a manifestation of alcohol? And if it is, does it end and I get back to “normal” or do I get to look forward to this to the end of days – because that is a little bit of a depressing thought in itself.

Sorry, didn’t mean to be a downer.

IJM

[starty]

For me, my life before sobriety revolved around certain activities e.g mindless TV. When sober those things seem boring so we need to bring other activities in. With you it is running/working. I think (and stop me if I am wrong) you are feeling a bit lost with your sober life? Maybe afraid to relax and do something else? With the moods, it could be the same, you are not doing anything different and and maybe afraid to try?

40 days is early on in sobriety, Once the initial withdrawal has calmed then it is time to start forging into new routines, activities and finding out what you really enjoy.

Try having a look at the 3 Principles thread. That might be a start to help you with your mental health and the rest should come a bit easier. Good luck IJM I don't think you are alone in this.

[kuya]

IJM this is completely normal, honestly.

It will calm in time so don't obsess on it just do what you gotta do to stay sober and one day soon you will realise you can drop some of the manic 'doing' without being afraid you are going to drink.

As Starty suggested do some 3Ps reading , it will calm your mind and help you see what all this controlling thinking is about.

Hang in there....this too shall pass

[Mr Vervill]

I think this is pretty normal, and actually a little beneficial, because you're trying to figure out how not to be idle. And when you're idle, that's when the AL voice starts. I think things will calm as you find other things to do with your time. I've been doing stuff around the house that has been neglected for years. Hang tight my friend

[ItsJustMe]

Thanks all! You guys are great. I actually slept later this morning than I have in the last 40 days. I don't know where my head was at last night but I am in a much better place this morning. It was crazy - a very small issue occurred. In less than an hour my brain had mangled it into something that was huge and I was beyond pissed.

I think you all are right - I have all this extra time now (which is a damn good thing) but this is huge blocks of time that I have not had in over 15 years! Now it's thrust upon me. And oh by the way, if I can't find something to do with that time, Mr. Bacardi is more than happy to step in and help out. Again, I am not physically craving al, and mentally, I go for days without even thinking of al - but I know he is right around the corner just waiting for me to drop my guard once. My guard has been down several times and he has shown up with "suggestions".

Thanks for your words of wisdom. Time to get happy. I'm headed to the gym. (BTW, I have lost over 10 pounds so far since I started my journey 40 days ago - I'm gonna be a stud muffin by the time I am done!)....

[j-vo]

IJM,
Keep doing what you're doing. I think, in time, you will calm down. What you're doing is what you have to to keep AL out of your life. One day at a time, one hour, moment. Keep doing what's working for you.

[Sunbeam]

One of the early quit strategies is to get out of the house: go shopping, to a park, to the library, anywhere alcohol isn't available. It sounds like you are using running like that. It took me quite awhile to get past that, several months I think. Now I can either use or waste my time with ease, every day. It is my choice.

[Mentium]

Bored, restless, irritable, down, poor concentration. I'm going through all of those too a few weeks in. It reasonable to assume a major readjustment when alcohol has been so much a part of our lives I guess. I, like you, try to keep busy and tired, thus the gym four times a week here.

I've also read a bit about so called PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome) which lists these sorts of symptoms as usual. I'm personally not keen on bundling these symptoms up into yet another diagnosis, there there is quite a lot out there available on the subject.

[ItsJustMe]

Mention – sounds like we are on the same pathway. It is just really strange though. I was stuck in the house all day (office closed due to weather). I tuned a seemingly simple issue into the big, complicated thing. By the end of the evening I was having the thoughts that life just didn’t seem that great so why screw with it. (yes, you are right and I can’t actually type the thoughts I was having). I woke up this morning the same way. Went to the gym and started running. About half way through it I started wondering where the hell those thoughts came from. I was in a much better place and the big complicated mess I had conjured up was back to the insignificant occurrence that it started out to be. That is pretty freaking scary that my mind can do this to me. I’m freaking 51 years old with an awesome family that loves me, and great job where I’m respected, and my health while not the greatest is getting better every day that I work out.

[Mentium]

You know while I don't agree with much (actually nearly all) of the AA approach they have a point about 'recovery' often being more than managing to stop addictive drinking. I think that those of us who have used alcohol to oil the wheels, mellow the mood, find an hour or two of peace and relaxation - even make life doable at times with it over a long period, have quite a lot to do to find ways of replacing the function the booze served. The first step (if you will forgive the reference) is stopping, but there are several more to take I think if we want it to stick and it not just be a detox. Excercise really does help me in this respect. More than I ever thought it would, which is great!

[Freedom3]

PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome)

[Baclofenman]

Hi All

I have been AL free for 22 days now - During this time I have definately become more aggressive - I think I have left my inhibitions behind - I know I am doing it but I feel justified at the time and unlike IJM still feel my point is right - (cos it is lol) - Why is this? - Could be several reasons

Alcohol withdrawal
Baclofen
Not being pissed all day
My true personality shining through again

Any of the above - Some of the above - None of the above ? - Who knows - What I do know is I dont know

What I do know is I am thinking more clearly, my eyesight is better, I am more organised (in a OCD way) and my brain is thinking more clearly - Cant be bad

What some of the posts do prove is there is no "one size fits all"

Thats my penneth worth

Regards and good luck to all


Bacman

[ItsJustMe]

OMG - just read about PAWS and it is a textbook description of me:

"One of the most common symptoms of PAWS is the feeling that the individual is on an emotional rollercoaster. They might swing from feelings of happiness to despair in a matter of minutes. These intense fluctuations in mood can be quite disturbing for the individual who is not used to dealing with feelings. In the past they will have been able to turn to alcohol or drugs to escape uncomfortable emotions. Now they are left to face them and this can take a bit of getting used to.

One of the common experiences that people have in early recovery is pink cloud syndrome. This is where they go through a period of feeling exceptionally happy. The pink cloud is an enjoyable experience, but there are also some hidden dangers associated with. One problem is that people can feel so good about things that they begin to neglect the work they need to do in order to remain sober. There is also the risk when the pink cloud ends the individual will feel terribly disappointed and they will use this as an excuse to return to alcohol or drug abuse."

[Guitarista]

OMG - just read about PAWS and it is a textbook description of me:

"One of the most common symptoms of PAWS is the feeling that the individual is on an emotional rollercoaster. They might swing from feelings of happiness to despair in a matter of minutes. These intense fluctuations in mood can be quite disturbing for the individual who is not used to dealing with feelings. In the past they will have been able to turn to alcohol or drugs to escape uncomfortable emotions. Now they are left to face them and this can take a bit of getting used to.

One of the common experiences that people have in early recovery is pink cloud syndrome. This is where they go through a period of feeling exceptionally happy. The pink cloud is an enjoyable experience, but there are also some hidden dangers associated with. One problem is that people can feel so good about things that they begin to neglect the work they need to do in order to remain sober. There is also the risk when the pink cloud ends the individual will feel terribly disappointed and they will use this as an excuse to return to alcohol or drug abuse."

Hi IJM.

The above description has been true for me. I am finding at 5 mths sober, as I continue to pursue stress free thinking and living as best as possible, the emotional rollercoaster starts to settle. I know the time frame can be different for everyone. Great job on your AF time friend. Keep it going.

[little beagle]

I went through a time where everything just felt flat. Emotionally, physically, mentally. But it passes. I think it's a time of transition for us. A huge change in our lives. Finding ways to feel emotions we have not felt in a long time. Time feels different at first. There's just a lot more of it. By the way, I still am busier then I ever was when I was drinking. But down time feels good and comfortable now too.
Transitions can be a bit frightening. But hang in there. I'll take feeling a bit flat for awhile rather then totally wrung out from drinking. For me, this passed around 6 months. It actually felt like breaking through a barrier. More energy. More emotionally stable. More mentally alert.
And I too recommended checking out the 3PS thread. It's a great way to look at and understand those overwhelming thoughts. I use to start my day off with a huge array of negative thoughts. But understanding how thought works has helped me shift into a much more positive thoight process. I'll catch mysrlf turning a small, sometimes imagined, thing into a huge depression. But since listening and reading about the 3PS I've learned how to stop doing this. I still have times..... but it's nothing like it use to be.
For me sobriety was a huge adjustment, getting to know who I am again.
Hang in there. It's a wonderful thing. Honestly the best thing I ever did for myself. I have never regretted not drinking. Not once have I woken up wishing I'd drank the night before.