Peace -Please Help us all to find Peace without drugs:

[Spiritfree]

Perhaps today is not the best day to create and share the following post and information, but maybe today is the best day.

Two nights ago, my middle son's girlfriend died from a drug overdose (most likely intentional). They had been together for almost three years and broke it off about two months ago.
Our entire family is so brokenhearted that we do not even know what to say or do next. I am most concerned for my son, although he seems to be coping better than some of the rest of us.

My son's girlfriend, Anna, was so full of love and kind spirit. Her love for animals, especially wolves (and turtles) was powerful and moving. What a kind and thoughtful person. She shared her love the best way that she knew how and she battled her past the only way that she knew how to (broken family, bio dad that left, etc.).

I knew that she might possibly have a drug related mental disorder, but I only mentioned it once to my son a few years ago and he said that he knew but that he was helping her. I acted as if that was a good thing that he was doing, but I knew that he was not the person to try and help her relative to drug/mental disorder. I feel ashamed and sad that I did not do more to try and help her at that time.

I am so sick and tired of mental disorders not being addressed in our country and world. When mental disorders are not addressed in the right ways, people (brains) look to find their own way to feel 'ok', and this typically means turning towards drugs of some kind. The huge negative stigma surrounding brain disorders has to stop someday or otherwise, we will continue to lose these beautiful young spirits.

If you took the time to read this, I thank you. Please help us all create a more peaceful world without people having to turn to drugs to feel ok to live.

Peace to us all.

--sf--

Edit: Does anyone have any thoughts on how I might be able to help my son (and our family) to overcome this tragedy? Please
(The morning -two days ago, that my son found out that she died from her OD, my son had called me 14 times 5:30 am and I never heard my phone ring. When I finally did hear my phone ring and answered it, all he could do was cry and say "dad I do not know what to do". Just damn heartbreaking.)

[lex]

SF- so sorry to read this very sad post. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your son. lex

[Wildflowers]

My experiences with early grief-tragedy, say very little. Just be there to listen, give hugs, comfort & support them.
Very sorry to hear of your loss!

What's your grief?

Do's and Don'ts for Comforting Grieving Families After a Suicide

[lizker]

So sorry about your loss, must be devastating to your son. Sadly, the culture we live in glamorizes this very destructive, dangerous lifestyle. We all to a degree are or were in the same boat, jus a different poison. I'm praying for God to strengthen, comfort and bring healing to your son. Jus be there for him.

[little beagle]

I'm so sorry my friend.
I can only imagine how devastating this is for you and your family. I too think just being there. Being sober. Being able to help take care of details as they are needed. Listening. Hugs if possible. Being sober is so important. You're present and that is a huge comfort to someone in need.
I'm here Spirit if I can help.

[Spiritfree]

SF- so sorry to read this very sad post. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your son. lex

Thank you Lex.

[Spiritfree]

My experiences with early grief-tragedy, say very little. Just be there to listen, give hugs, comfort & support them.
Very sorry to hear of your loss!

What's your grief?

Do's and Don'ts for Comforting Grieving Families After a Suicide

Hi WildFlowers -thank you very much for your post. You are/were very kind to take the time to send me these links to information. What great information to read and to help me and my family.

[Spiritfree]

So sorry about your loss, must be devastating to your son. Sadly, the culture we live in glamorizes this very destructive, dangerous lifestyle. We all to a degree are or were in the same boat, jus a different poison. I'm praying for God to strengthen, comfort and bring healing to your son. Jus be there for him.

Hi Lizker -I am very thankful for your thoughts and prayers. Thank you for taking the time to say what you have said.

[Spiritfree]

I'm so sorry my friend.
I can only imagine how devastating this is for you and your family. I too think just being there. Being sober. Being able to help take care of details as they are needed. Listening. Hugs if possible. Being sober is so important. You're present and that is a huge comfort to someone in need.
I'm here Spirit if I can help.

LB, once again, thank you for being so thoughtful. I can not imagine how much more painful and difficult this entire situation would be if I were still drinking. I am grateful beyond words for my sobriety -especially NOW.

[Spiritfree]

I would like to share with each of you a little more information and thoughts regarding this most difficult time -especially difficult for my son and all Anna's friends that she left behind. Please understand that I am thankful to each of you that have shared your kind words and thoughts. The words that I pass on now are not an outreach for sympathy or otherwise, but instead, are intended to share real time information relative to suicides and deaths relative to drugs such as alcohol AND to express the real pain that is suffered by all -including the victims.

First, as most all of us know, we as people (most of us) in this world suck at addressing, acknowledging, and help people with mental disorders. Most all of us have some form of mental (brain) mis-wiring, but I am talking about the type that eventually destroys a human being and drastically effects the family and friends. How long will it be before the majority of people in this world stop stigmatizing and eventually killing people because of mental disorders?

Secondly, our young people (teens, twenties). We have got to begin paying much more attention to our young people these days. It is difficult enough to be a young person (teen/twen) and trying to find his or her paths. Just stop and think about how much more difficult it is for some of these young folks to have a mental illness/brain disorder, sometimes with broken families, and try to find their way to a contented life. More often than not, these super-at risk young folk turn drugs to help battle their pains and feel 'ok' -even if just briefly. They typically have no other answers or hope. Please, please, reach out to young people even if you don't know that might be struggling.

Next, the rest of us. Many of us who have suffered from AUD or other drug addictions realize just how painful it is or becomes. Some of us know the darkest ends of addiction that lead one to believe that life is hopeless and not worth living. Most of us who end up abusing addictive substances are doing so in an effort to ease or change our brain's mental disorder. In other words, we have pre-existing mental challenges that lead to the newly formed substance abuse disease. Bottom line is this; too many human lives are being destroyed as a result of brain disorders and the addictive chemicals are being totally blamed.

As far as me and my encounters with family member deaths resulting from AUD/addictions, this is the third time. It does get any easier for me as each death occurs, and in fact, only becomes more realistic and more saddening. I am still unable to accept death but I do accept moving on with life. One might think that he or she would be in a better position knowledge wise or otherwise to help prevent this from happening, but it has just not been the case for me. Perhaps the only thing that has beomce a little better for me each time is that I no longer feel 'as guilty' as I did with the first death.

If you read this, I thank you. If you find yourself possibly more willing and able to reach out to a young person who might be hurting, then I am truly grateful (and please remember this; reaching out to some of these young people that are hurting can be VERY difficult; some are withdrawn and won't talk much and others can seem mean as hell).

[Spiritfree]

I made this same post on the med section of the forum. I found a song that matches my son's girlfriend's situation.
If you are a younger person and you feel all alone, please just ask for help -outside of your family (usually). If you are an older person and feel that you are at an end road, please just ask for help.
There are so many people out here that want to help you. As dark as it may seem or feel, there IS a new and better life waiting for you down the road.

This just not have to be the way that it is -dying before your time.

It just so happens that I found a song tonight that perfectly matches the way son's girlfriend felt in her final hours before she died.
I hope that if you are reading this that you will get a chance to listen to the song. I know that it certainly applies to a lot of young people, but it also applies to a lot of older people as well.
Ironically, the song is titled "My Way Out":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SQVKqkbgz4

Lyrics: David Usher -"My Way Out":

Standing at the edge
Edge of it all
Spitting off the top
Watch the day unfurl
Cannot see the view from this place
Clouds are on the rise world is out of faith
Took another pill to find my way
Hope that you'll be there

Cause this is my way out of it tonight
And this is my last chance to ease the fire
And this is my way out of it tonight
How about you how about you

Borrowed from a dream
That I used to know
All my friends were there
We watched the world explode
Took another drink to find my way
Just hope that you'll be there

Cause this is my way out of it tonight
And this is my last chance to ease the fire
And this is my way out of it tonight
I might find one way to get through
How about you how about you how about you

And if I could remember
If I could find a place a time the space to see another way home
And if I could forget you
Maybe there's no other way out
No other way out

Standing at the edge
Edge of it all

Standing at the edge
Edge of it all
How about you
Cause this is my way out of it tonight
And this is my last chance to ease the fire
And this is my way out of it tonight
I think there's one way to get through
How about you

Cause this is my way out of it tonight
And this is my last chance to ease the fire
And this is my way out of it tonight
I mind find one way to get through
How about you

Cause this is my way out of it tonight
And this is my last chance to ease the fire
And this is my way out of it tonight
I might find one way to get through
How about you how about you how about you

[Sunbeam]

Spiritfree, I am sorry for what you are dealing with right now.

[kuya]

Spiritfree, this is so tragic and I do understand how devastating this is for your family.

A year ago my son's best friend had a girlfriend who was 17 and a bit mixed up. They had a daughter of 18 months, both young parents had only a minor history of drug abuse/legal and social problems but they were both from very dysfunctional and unsupportive families.

The young man was then 25 but when he was 14 I had asked to foster him from his adoptive family but they refused saying that all he needed was 'tough love'...... He went from bad to worse over the intervening years.

On that tragic night this young couple had a row and he stormed out to cool down....he went to the local shop for cigarettes. While he was gone she decided to tie a belt round her neck and hang herself in the wardrobe.....it was simply a tantrum, a need to be heard.

He came home and sat in the living room sulking. Their daughter came in and said

"Mummy is sleeping in the cupboard".

She was dead.

The mother's parents refused to allow the young father to attend the funeral. He had done nothing wrong other than be young and dumb. The child will grow up without her mother and alienated from her father. She is a statistic waiting in the wings.

Teenagers are naturally full of drama and melodrama, crises and ultimatum. This is the age they learn to hide in drugs to escape their feelings.

I am so sorry your family had to suffer such a tragedy. I hope you can intervene in a positive way.

This may sound trite but, no matter what, time will heal.

[frances]

I am very sorry for all your family and your son are going through, I will keep you all in my prayers.

[j-vo]

Spirt,
That is such a terrible situation and I'm sending thoughts your way. Being there for your son is the best advice I can give. Hug him lots. :hug: