Hello All—
I haven’t posted in many months but I pop in now and then… I am moved to see how many people are benefiting from this amazing site. I don’t know most of you (hello to those I do!)—but I DO know what you’re all dealing with because it’s my story too….
I just want to let you know that there really IS hope! Today I am celebrating 14 MONTHS AF!!! I first visited the former version of this site in April 2006 —right after I’d spent a couple of weeks in rehab. I had been drinking for 10 years AFTER I had been AF for 11 years….yeah…I thought I could moderate after 11 years and I ended up drinking like a fish for 10 more years.
BUT—here I am now…AF and feeling more than okay. I achieved the goal I set a year ago—I graduated from seminary!!
Let me share a little story:
For a year our fridge has featured this silly little crayon drawing of “where I see myself a year from now” that I had to do in rehab. I imagined where I hoped to be and drew a picture of the grounds of my seminary populated with little stick “graduates” and entitled it “Graduation Day 2007.” Well, on May 18th 2007, I carried it with me when I actually graduated!! The whole thing looked remarkably like my scribbled drawing come to life! You CAN manifest your dreams!
Well, I just want to share this not only because I’m pleased with myself (and I am!) but also because I am so grateful to RJ and all the folks I “met” here and, most of all, to encourage all of you who are here now and struggling or just starting out and feeling anxious and afraid….
Dealing with our drinking does mean being committed to make big changes in our lives—basically giving up the idea that the way we are drinking is “okay.” I can’t believe that I actually had convinced myself that it was okay to drink around the clock—sometimes 3-4 bottles of wine, supplemented with a pint or more of vodka….I mean, I had to have a slug of wine/beer/vodka when I got up…I sometimes got up in the night to drink…I couldn’t even go a few hours without doing something to maintain my blood alcohol level. Odd thing is that for the past ten years I was rarely visibly drunk—I was just never, ever completely sober….but I was depressed, anxious and suicidal…I spent days laying in bed wondering how I was possibly going to get through the rest of my life…
Anyway, good people, keep on keepin on—it is so totally worth it! My life has changed in so many positive ways since last year….my relationship with my beloved partner of 15+ years is totally revived, I’ve lost about 20 lbs (many more to go…), my blood pressure is greatly improved and I’m no longer diagnosed as being diabetic….AND I’ve finally got my M.Div (Masters in Divinity/Theology) and I’m on the road to ordination! Quite obviously, my ministry will be with those who have suffered and are suffering with this whole alcohol/drug thing….
Congratulations to everyone who is here—YOU CAN DO IT!
:h
Best, susan
I haven’t posted in many months but I pop in now and then… I am moved to see how many people are benefiting from this amazing site. I don’t know most of you (hello to those I do!)—but I DO know what you’re all dealing with because it’s my story too….
I just want to let you know that there really IS hope! Today I am celebrating 14 MONTHS AF!!! I first visited the former version of this site in April 2006 —right after I’d spent a couple of weeks in rehab. I had been drinking for 10 years AFTER I had been AF for 11 years….yeah…I thought I could moderate after 11 years and I ended up drinking like a fish for 10 more years.
BUT—here I am now…AF and feeling more than okay. I achieved the goal I set a year ago—I graduated from seminary!!
Let me share a little story:
For a year our fridge has featured this silly little crayon drawing of “where I see myself a year from now” that I had to do in rehab. I imagined where I hoped to be and drew a picture of the grounds of my seminary populated with little stick “graduates” and entitled it “Graduation Day 2007.” Well, on May 18th 2007, I carried it with me when I actually graduated!! The whole thing looked remarkably like my scribbled drawing come to life! You CAN manifest your dreams!
Well, I just want to share this not only because I’m pleased with myself (and I am!) but also because I am so grateful to RJ and all the folks I “met” here and, most of all, to encourage all of you who are here now and struggling or just starting out and feeling anxious and afraid….
Dealing with our drinking does mean being committed to make big changes in our lives—basically giving up the idea that the way we are drinking is “okay.” I can’t believe that I actually had convinced myself that it was okay to drink around the clock—sometimes 3-4 bottles of wine, supplemented with a pint or more of vodka….I mean, I had to have a slug of wine/beer/vodka when I got up…I sometimes got up in the night to drink…I couldn’t even go a few hours without doing something to maintain my blood alcohol level. Odd thing is that for the past ten years I was rarely visibly drunk—I was just never, ever completely sober….but I was depressed, anxious and suicidal…I spent days laying in bed wondering how I was possibly going to get through the rest of my life…
Anyway, good people, keep on keepin on—it is so totally worth it! My life has changed in so many positive ways since last year….my relationship with my beloved partner of 15+ years is totally revived, I’ve lost about 20 lbs (many more to go…), my blood pressure is greatly improved and I’m no longer diagnosed as being diabetic….AND I’ve finally got my M.Div (Masters in Divinity/Theology) and I’m on the road to ordination! Quite obviously, my ministry will be with those who have suffered and are suffering with this whole alcohol/drug thing….
Congratulations to everyone who is here—YOU CAN DO IT!
:h
Best, susan
For those of you who are wondering what we're talking about...it's this weird night eating syndrome where you actually get up and eat stuff in the night and often don't remember doing it at all....for me, sometimes I have a vague memory of doing it--but other times I just find the "evidence," like a bit of bread on the counter or an empty container... Actually, being AF has made me slightly more aware at the time that I'm doing it--but hasn't had any impact in terms of me actually not doing it...it's truly like being in an altered state.... I even tried hypnosis but it didn't work either....I probably need to go back for more sessions but at $250/hr it's a little beyond my means.... So, sadly, the last full night's sleep I had was over a year ago, in rehab when I was zonked out on whatever med they gave me for withdrawal....
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