One Step at a Time - March 2016

[Lizann]

Hey, Pauly, just come here and talk about whatever you need to. I'm with red, how can we help you? Not sure I understand what you mean about you being worse than your mom? You've just had such a long stretch, you did great. Just keep going and don't beat yourself up about a slip. Look forward not back!

Rusty, I'm sorry you're not feeling well. Hopefully you'll be back to your old self soon. I'm glad you are getting a vacation soon. You sure have earned it

Mama, thanks for checking in I was worried about you.

[Lizann]

Oops, I hit post by mistake. Anyway mama, hope the tooth is feeling better. I've never had a root canal, I hope it's not painful!

Nora, how goes it today? Did I mention my daughter Erin and her hubby are in California. They went to San Fran and napa valley. They should be on their way home now, I have missed them.

I am still sick. I seem to feel worst in the morning and at night. Will take something to I unstuff me and probably just go to bed. Have been this sick in awhile. My hubby will have to pick up his baby girl from the airport:love:

Skendall, AG, mr v, techie hey how are you guys?

[red67]

I hate posting from my phone because it's too hard to write everything I want to say


Rusty, I am so sorry about your pain. I can't even imagine how much that hurts. I hope you feel better soon. And you definitely need a nice long relaxing vacation!

My home situation is better, thanks for asking!

I am feeling better today, just need a good night's sleep and I think all will be back to normal. Luckily, when I get sick it only lasts a short time and I was still able to work so that was good.

Big waves to Nora, Liz, Skendall, Mama, Techie, Blink and all who pop in. I promise to write more tomorrow.

Pauly, big hugs to you and please let us know what you need from us.

[techie]

Sending white light to all you sick and those in pain. Feel better folks. Well, I am in New Yawk after a miserable day of flying yesterday. Five hour layover in Denver as gusty winds threw many of the carriers off schedule. Made some progress getting things in gear for my moms move out west. Hope you all are feeling much better tomorrow!

[SKendall]

Pauly, no one tortures you more than yourself and if I tell you to stop it won't make a difference. Alcoholism shows no mercy on race, income, color, gender, etc. There are so many here who can relate and just because they are a.f. or in a state of grace doesn't mean they don't understand.

We all want you to get back to where you were and some here find sobriety very elusive. There is something in your mind telling you that you aren't worthy of sobriety, happiness, security or achievement. I don't know if you have an alcohol counselor available to you or just a counselor but anyone who has had al training looks for the root causes, rather than the result of al abuse. Many of us have fragile psyches that we aren't able to detect.

I can only imagine the countless hours you've spent banging your head against a wall. You have health issues and major stress in your life and I think you would benefit from a professional. Just remember you are not alone in this, especially on MWO.

Many here love you dearly and don't want you suffering from self-hating.

I wish you well.

[SKendall]

Hiya Blink and welcome! You are a very wise person.

[NoraC]

Hi all. Thank you all for checking in. It's great. I'm still on my kindle so excuse typos.

Techie - how long are you going to be back there this trip?

I hope that everyone feels better right away. :hug:

Pauly - Is the alcohol gone from the house now? I really hope that you get right back to it. The more days you drink, the harder it t is to start over. Take it from me, I could never string more than a few weeks together except once. Stop now. You won't regret it.

[actiongirl46]

SK, that was a beautiful beautiful post you wrote tonight to Pauly. I used to think I was the only one suffering from such deep self-hate before I learned on this site how connected that is to AL abuse. I'm going to copy your words into my journal, thank you (Pauly, I know they were to you but I need them too : )

Pauly - not only are you normal, you are very brave. It would be so easy to disappear or just not say anything about the truth. But you, my friend, have the strength and courage to reach out here to your friends that love you and be honest, even if you are not your best self or where you want to be. I admire that strength in you so much. What if you got yourself ready for some Day 1 pampering?? Ice cream? Movies? New nail color??

Thanks SK, I am feeling much better. Appointment with therapist today went very well. I've been with her a few years ago and back with her for my AL use since January. It was the psychiatrist that freaked me out yesterday. Anyway, I am much better today . . . I do plan on taking the Nal but not right now. We are traveling next week and I don't want to risk being nauseous. (Pauly, if you are reading this, I do find the therapy helpful . . . I hope you can find someone?)

I appreciate you guys a lot and really have come to depend on this forum for support. Thank you.

[NoraC]

The self hate does run deep.

[treetops]

Just lending a big hand and heart out to Pauly and reiterating that talking to a counsellor would seem like a good move. You need to get at the root of this and although the answer seems to be not to drink - there are much much deeper issues here. Doing that work will be really painful and provoke tears and anger - but if the counselor knows their stuff, this should really help. People on MWO have very mixed views about counseling and that sort of therapy (as indeed I do too) but I think it can be really beneficial if you want to do the work. Therapy is useless if you feel cajoled into this or are forced to do so, but if its self motivated, thats half the battle. The health centre you go to must be able to recommend a counsellor.
Take care and everyone else, take care of yourselves too.

[Lizann]

Skendall, that was a beautiful post. I love the "state of grace"! I will copy and save as well. I know it's for Pauly but it rings true for me.

Wow, Pauly, there's a lot of people here who love you:hug: a lot of great advice.

[actiongirl46]

I had a small insight this morning . . . I don't feel the self-hate when AF or modding in a healthy way. I am going to lump in self-hate with the BAD things that happen when I drink too much AL - hangover, self-hate, sluggish, murky head, tired, etc.

Happy Thursday wherever you are!

[mama bear]

Wow.....a lot of wisdom and kindness being shared...that's why I love our family.
I am working, but absolutely miserable with these damn teeth. I can't get into the endodontist till next Tuesday, so I am using Ibuprofen and I have three pain meds from my last root canal 8 months ago that help tremendously at night.
Pauly, I think therapy would be good for you. You are hard on your self when you are sober, and you shred yourself after you drink. A little self love would be good for you. And talk away about AL. I have tried to respect your wishes not to talk about it.....I'm good either way and love you unconditionally.
Hi Techie...always got some love and light for you, babe.
I have antidepressants for years and am terrified to stop taking them. They saved my life about 30 years ago.
Back to work.....and be a weenie about my teeth. Is 55 too young for dentures??

[paulywogg]

I just don't know what to do,everyone has been amazingly beautiful on here,Iwas sseeing a al counselor but he was a huge AA guy and I dunno, everytime Ileft there i wanted to drink? I'm the only one that can stop,its on me,I do shred myself, I'm all over the place with what I'm thinking, doing,I was sober but dealing with chronic exhaustion,these dumb allergies,an anxiety problem, Ijust feel stuck,iI want to be healthy, happy,not so worried all the time,drinking for me brings a break...for a bit, I'm only making more damn problems, shit,sorry this looks weird,I can't figure out why my format changed? I tried deleting some apps but it's still weird,much love to all

[SKendall]

Pauly, AA preaching can be a turn off and we have so much alcohol infor since the 1930's when it was established. There is now only single digit recovery rate. I like some of the slogans, but that's it. Look for a non 12 step person. GAD is awful, I have it, but better controlled not thru meds, but breathing and meditation.

You just want the option of drinking, a little like another member for relief.

Another study showed that people in AA would eat donuts, drink coffee and then go drink because of sugar levels. NS is an expert. Maybe a mostly protein breakfast.

There was a book written titled something like "alcohol cure in 21 days" or something like that and it's all about diet reducing and eliminating craving. Also diet shows up in Roberta Jewell's book. Hypoglycemia is a common condition with alcoholics and given some, we chase more.

I'm glad you are here and posting.