casualty of war

[little beagle]

I'm posting this here because I really need a bit of tlc today. I think that part of the reason my husband left me was that he couldn't face all the negative impacts his addiction caused. Looking at me, living with me was a constant reminder. This just isn't fair. I was in those trenches fighting with him.

[Rusty]

LB- I know we don't know each other well but I just wanted to lend my support and to tell you that you will be in my thoughts today. I commend you for your courage and resolve to stay sober through all this pain. I also wanted to share a similar situation with you. One of my co-workers, who has been very successful in business, divorced this 3rd wife because he wanted to continue to drink. By his own admission, he's an alcoholic, but blamed
All his problems with drinking on his past 3 wives. Never once did he admit alcohol was a problem in his marriages.
His 3rd wife was a lovely young woman who was very well-respected in the community but after 10 years, she was fed up with having to pick him up from the bar after night after night of drinking. The last time I saw him, we were in a morning conference together. His face was gray and he has the shakes really bad. Little did I know that he had been kicked off our Board of Governors for his drinking. He told me his latest wife "understands" him. My point is that while it is not fair to you that your husband left, you can't help him unless he takes ownership of his addiction. My co-worker still hasn't and he has been an alcoholic for 40 years. His 3rd wife told me that she thought she could change him as she lives a very healthy lifestyle and she thought he would see that. My co-worker drinks to numb the pain of losing his son to a car accident. He doesn't want to move forward. He wants to drink til he dies. Good for you for seeing the light! Hugs to you!

[little beagle]

Thank you. I know this will pass. And I will be better then.

[Byrdlady]

LB, my heart is bleeding for you. I know that you tried every single thing you could to think of to help your husband to get clean. You gave it every shot, but in the end, HE CHOSE to leave so he could continue with the addiction. I thought LOVE was more powerful than addiction but having been here so long and having seen and lived it, I can tell you that it isn't. I do hope he gets the help he needs, and I hope you do, too. It's got to be a helpless feeling you're left with...thinking that you could have done more. You could NOT have. You and I both know that the person has to WANT it.

I hope you won't torture yourself with what you might have done differently. You did everything you could have possibly done to help him.

Holding you close in my thoughts and prayers. B

[Pinecone]

LB, sending you love and support. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've read your kind and gentle words over the years and your family here knows what kind of person you are. Thinking of you.

[j-vo]

Lb, know I'm thinking of you, and you're on my prayer list. What byrdy said is true. It has to come from him. He has to want to get sober for himself. No one, no matter how hard we try to rationalize with them, will get sober unless they truly want it. It's not even an issue that a recovering alcoholic can reason with an active alcoholic because the disease has attacked the ability to thinking reasonably. Right now, it's about you and keeping the strength you have. Don't let it go. Take very good care of yourself and do some really nice things, eat some good food! Pamper yourself, and know that we are here for you.

[little beagle]

I really don't think I'm ever going to stop hurting. I can't eat. I CAN'T sleep. I'm just so tired I want to give up.

[little beagle]

Sorry. I am really trying here.

[NoSugar]

You're going to make it, LB. You've shown us over the last 3 years what an amazingly strong and resilient woman you are. It won't stay like this forever even though right now it feels like it will. I'm so sorry you've been hurt so badly. Please don't blame yourself. We all know what it's like to be addicted and I suspect none of us changed until we were truly ready - no matter what anyone else said or what damage we did. You tried to help him change and you can feel good about not giving up on him first. You have nothing to feel guilty about and you shouldn't feel like you failed. This can only come from him. xx, NS

[little beagle]

I know all of that. My brain does. But my heart doesn't. Sorry. I am going to get my hair done this afternoon. Maybe that will help.

[Rusty]

LB- I echo what everyone here has said-your husband has to WANT it....but he doesn't so you are doing your best to protect yourself and your 4 kids. Is there an NA group you could go to where you can vent to others in the same situation as you are?

[Eloise]

Oh boy, LB. I can only imagine what you are going through, bless you. And thank god you are strong enough to deal with this, because you are strong enough.
Good idea, pamper yourself. I am a pro at this, if I do say myself, and suggest a full body massage, 90 minutes. The longer the better.
Hot stones is good too. Sit in the sauna if you can?
And long walks? How are those doggies of yours? Pretty sure you have a least one wonderful pooch.
So sorry you have to deal with all this, and you are going to finish ahead of the game. I just know it.

[little beagle]

My dogs have been a big comfort.

[available]

LB i am so sad for you,knowing all that you tried to do to get your hubs clean whilst you were getting sober yourself. At the end of the day you are the priority in this. It is your life and your sobriety you must protect just as he protects his addiction. As we know we will push everyone away to get our fix and it doesnt matter how much we love them or how much we hurt them our drug of choice be it al, heroin, ice etc is our best friend and the love of our life. We as addicts get that but we also know as addicts that it is our choice only to give it up. Unless we want to no-one will stop us in our quest for our drug.

So many of us relapse so please be careful and look after you. It will get better in time and we all know one day, one minute, on hour is our motto.

You are lucky to be sober, i did a breakup and was drinking and it sent me over the edge completely and it took me 6+ years to come back from that hell.

No one deserves to be treated as you have by your hubs but you are a wonderful, generous person and who knows what the future holds for you. Lean on others, lean on us and one day at a time.

Your gift of sobriety to yourself is what you need to hold on to before anything else. Hugs dear lady xx

[Guitarista]

Yo LB.

Thinking of you my friend. I hope your husband can pull it together. Wishing you strength and peace. G :hug: