One Step at a Time May-2016

[NoraC]

Oh Rusty - I'm sorry. I thought you were sounding down. I absolutely understand why you were upset with your mom. I have always said that we would have had major issues if we lived near my husbands family. My MIL was good at that.
I hope that you can reschedule some of your work appointments and get some time for you. Sounds like you really need it. :hug:

[Glass Half Empty]

Darling Rusty - I’m so sorry you’re having a bad time. Things really must be bad if you’re actually complaining – I honestly don’t ever remember hearing you do that before!

Gee, the people we love the most can really push our buttons sometimes, can’t they? My mother did the same the other day. She had a serious fall but didn’t tell me “because she didn’t want to worry me”. AAAAARRRRGGGHH!

I desperately need a break too, but I can’t say that Vegas does it for me (Sorry Pauly). If you need a river to float down I could do the Mekong if you’re interested!

Anyway sweetheart - know that you are very loved here and I hope you feel better very, very soon.:heartbeat:

[sunshinedaisies]

Sunni - every single time that I see your name and avatar, I get a big smile on my face.

Oh Nora - I LOVE that picture of WTP and the daisies - two of my favourite things! I am so happy for you and your sobriety - isn't it great? It took me some time though to get my head around it for me, and also to make changes in my life - it is weird the way I changed and was not sure how to deal with it, but things are slowly coming together.

HUGS, Sun xx

[paulywogg]

Have a great Saturday everyone!

[Rusty]

Well, Classy Glassy and Nora...you really made me cry hard this morning and I am so thankful for that. It was so cathartic!!

Glassy, I can't stand being around chronic whiners and negative people...they drag me down, and yet I feel like that's what I have temporarily become. Thank you for your sweet PM....it was the kick-off to my tears this morning but I could feel your virtual hug, and man, did I ever need it.:love: Is your Mom OK? You said she had a serious fall. I hope she doesn't have any broken bones. My mom does the same thing to me....falls, but then tells us 3 days later when we see the bruises. Vegas is not really my cup of tea as I am not a gambler...but there are dozens of direct flights there and it won't take me 12 hrs. to get there. So glad your foot is healing...but what a drag that it has slowed you down so much. I forget that we're in different seasons....baby girl sundresses are out of this world here as summer is only a couple of weeks away. Lucky grandbaby with you as a "Mimi." Some women don't like to be called "grandma" so they use Mimi.

Nora, I don't know HOW you do it....since your husband is disabled, you work full-time AND take care of your mom. You NEVER complain. At least my mom can drive. Then you come on here and post such cool pictures and cartoons...you always make time for people. I would like to be more like you but I don't think that is possible.

I feel so badly about myself today, I really do. I feel so unworthy of any praise because I don't feel like I deserve it. Fortunately, drinking did NOT occur to me, and I am grateful for that. Anger and resentment were my two big triggers for drinking. Oh how I know the depressant nature of AL and how it sucks any APPROPRIATE decisionmaking ability right of my head.

Sunny! So good to see you here! You said you had to make some changes in order to reach the AF lifestyle. Please tell us what you did to accomplish that goal. We can all learn from you. HUGS AND THANKS AGAIN AND AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel like we need a new thread here at MWO...a thread about people in recovery (us) who are dealing with aging parents and in-laws...the way it really challenges our sobriety and our choices. I want to know how other people (like our dear Nora and Classy Glassy and lovely Mama Bear) maintain a calm presence and not blow up like I do!) I know people here talk about their kids and the stress of raising teenagers, etc., but when you are dealing with parents, you are dealing with YEARS of behavior, things you wish you had done differently for that parent...un-doing years or months of drinking to drown and forget....only to wake up and find that drinking manages NOTHING. My mother has ALWAYS been the glue that has kept our family and extended family together....I put her through hell when my drinking was at its worst. Now I have the nerve and the IMPATIENCE to tell her off...yell at her. Imagine the many times I let her down where she probably wanted to choke me and tell me off, and never did...because she knew the shame I felt would just exacerbate my drinking. God, why can't I just go with the flow like everybody else?

Please let me know your thoughts.

Hi Pauly, Mama, Liz ( miss you, honey...enjoy Poland), AG, Red67, Techie, Mr. G., Pauly, and anyone I missed.

[NoraC]

((((((((((((((((RUSTY))))))))))))))))

You are such a sweetie. I am sorry that you are down. You are a wonderful, supportive person. Please don't be hard on yourself - you need to take care of yourself too. :hug: I seriously hope that you will give yourself a break. :hug:
San Diego is a fun place to visit. I went with my girlfriend years ago and stayed at The Hotel del Coronado.

I have to agree on a thread where we can talk about our aging parents and the guilt. I have many things that I feel guilty about. Things that I wish that I had done differently.
I will be honest that I feel like I vent here all the time about it and I don't want to drag everyone down here. Things are hard at times and I feel overwhelmed.

Rusty - hang in there :hug:

[NoraC]

[NoraC]

Powerful story - this is about the son of a woman I know. This is from around 6 years ago. So her son is probably 32 or 33 now. I can't remember. She is a remarkable woman and her son is amazing.

Generalizations about people can cut both ways << Access Press

[Glass Half Empty]

I had the strangest thought this morning. And that was that so often we wish we could go back in time and do things differently. And then I realized that we do actually have that power, because today is the day that tomorrow I might be wishing I’d changed. So tomorrow, I might be wishing I could be back here changing things and here I am today with the power to change them.

EDIT: ok that sounds crazy, even to me

[NoSugar]

You guys helped me have a good today. I'm visiting my parents and had the chance to take my mom shopping at Menard's. She isn't very mobile and almost never shops but today asked me to take her as she was feeling good and wanted a couple things my dad never thinks of getting. We went up and down the aisles slowly - her with a walker and me with a cart. Reading what you'd written reminded me to walk slowly, look and talk about all the stuff she was interested in, and just be patient. So, thank you.

[actiongirl46]

Hi! I hope you guys are having a good weekend. Its cold and windy here, ah well.

RUSTY. Hugs. Why can't we just talk about aging parents here??? Mine are 75 and I am just starting to see some real decline. I had my mom out today for her Mother's Day lunch and I thought I was going to come out of my skin. Yep, I felt ungrateful too. It is truly a different stage of life. Here is something I've been thinking about: It seems to me that aging parents (well, perhaps of an active age still) are very self-centered again. Just like teenagers! Its all about their appointments, their friends, their day to day activities. Interesting . . . I'm not sure if that is just my experience or if others have noticed that.

I'm home here tonight and going to start on the book about Nal. Hubby is doing better but still very very sore. He doesn't want to do much which is probably a good thing.

Nora . . . you crack me up. Loved the seagull picture, where do you find this stuff? Awesome.

SK, hope you are better . . .

Need to go cook for the fam, I'll be back later. HUGS to all - AG

[NoraC]

I just got back from a few hours with a couple of friends. I NEVER do that and I had such a good time. I don't have many friends. You can count them on one hand. Except I do consider so many of you all here as my friends. I really do. I care about you and think about you - so that is friends, right?
Anyway - it was so nice to get out. It was with my best friend who quit from my work 3 months ago and with another woman from work that I've known for 20+ years. We had lunch and walked around the mall.
Of course, I got home and Scott must be feeling bad today. He looks like he is in pain and also seems very crabby. I started taking that all on me and wondering what I had done - oh, he must be upset that I went out for so long or did something happen or this or that. But, I gave myself a little talk.......I just walked in the door. I had a great time. I do not need to let him bring me down. I am sorry that he is in pain. I will be happy to listen to him or get him anything. But, I am backing off until he decides to share. I am not asking him again how he's feeling. I am not going to try to get to the bottom of it. I am just letting it go.

[NoraC]

I found the tattoo that I want by the way.

[NoraC]

Glassie - that makes perfect sense to me. Wow - I can make today something that I'll be happy with tomorrow. Thank you for that! :heartbeat:

NS - I'm so glad that you had a good time with your Mom. It gives you a good feeling. Yesterday Mom was antsy, nervous. I had just got home from work and was finally going to sit down and read my book. I looked over at her and could tell something was wrong. She just said she was nervous. I asked if she wanted to play a game of Yahtzee and she thought for a minute and said that she thought that might help. I started to get the game but then asked her if she would like a manicure. So, I just spoiled her rotten. A bowl to soak her fingers in. Cuticle cream. Clipped & filed. And then polished pink. She was happy. Yep - I wasn't in the mood to do it. But, I had fun, she had fun and it's a good memory.

AG - that's an interesting point about elders being self-centered. I do know some that have been that way so I understand exactly. Back to the in-laws again. But, thankfully, I don't have that problem with mom. We truly are blessed. She is such a sweet, loving person. I thank God that she didn't lose that part of herself along with her memory.
I thought that you were in your 30's. I was surprised to learn that your parents are 75.

Rusty - I've been thinking about you all day. I hope that you take some ME time today and do something for yourself.

Pauly - what are you up to? How's Louie doing?

Mama - I've been thinking about you so much too!

[actiongirl46]

Thanks Nora . . . I'm 52 :eek-new: but emotionally about 25 . . . at best. Just kidding. Yes, I think it depends on the elders and I was really referring to the ones that are still going about their daily lives and just starting to contemplate aging. Or that aging is becoming real. My dad just retired in January from his own business so they have a lot of adjusting going on. I've also noticed my mom's drinking has increased a great deal . . . sigh.