Hi there,
Ok, i posted a couple of weeks ago to say i'm going on the wagon. Don't get me wrong, i had every intention of fulfilling my wish and i thought about how i am going to do this. My conclusion was to gently cut down my drinking and when i get to around 25% of my normal intake i would call it a day so it wouldn't be as much of a shock to the system.
While i did manage to cut down a fair bit and was doing pretty well(a few times i managed to hang on until 9 pm which is pretty damn good going for me!) i have slowly begun to return to my old ways. I can't explain it (and i'm sure i don't have to!) but i always seem to give myself an excuse to have a drink, wether i've had a bad day and i need to chill out or i've had a good day and i think i deserve a drink! I can't bloody win!!!(excuses excuses i know!) its catch 22, i feel like c*$p because i got drunk last night which leads me to wan't another drink when i get home to feel better.
I feel guilty and, ashamed of myself in a way for being so damn weak, my head is in absolute bits and i don't know what to do. i think i have just accepted that i will always be a drinker but it is a constant struggle to keep it under control. I look forward to the day when i am strong enough to do it and leave a post saying "i've done it!"
i hope it will be soon,anyway enough waffling from me, i just felt i needed to talk. Even if it is to a computer screen!
best wishes everyone.
Lj.
Ok, i posted a couple of weeks ago to say i'm going on the wagon. Don't get me wrong, i had every intention of fulfilling my wish and i thought about how i am going to do this. My conclusion was to gently cut down my drinking and when i get to around 25% of my normal intake i would call it a day so it wouldn't be as much of a shock to the system.
While i did manage to cut down a fair bit and was doing pretty well(a few times i managed to hang on until 9 pm which is pretty damn good going for me!) i have slowly begun to return to my old ways. I can't explain it (and i'm sure i don't have to!) but i always seem to give myself an excuse to have a drink, wether i've had a bad day and i need to chill out or i've had a good day and i think i deserve a drink! I can't bloody win!!!(excuses excuses i know!) its catch 22, i feel like c*$p because i got drunk last night which leads me to wan't another drink when i get home to feel better.
I feel guilty and, ashamed of myself in a way for being so damn weak, my head is in absolute bits and i don't know what to do. i think i have just accepted that i will always be a drinker but it is a constant struggle to keep it under control. I look forward to the day when i am strong enough to do it and leave a post saying "i've done it!"
i hope it will be soon,anyway enough waffling from me, i just felt i needed to talk. Even if it is to a computer screen!
best wishes everyone.
Lj.
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