"Friends"..

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Hi Justme Again,

I'm glad you could find some solace in my tragedy! See? I still have a sense of humour in there somewhere .

I can't reiterate enough that there are reasons why we (used to) drink (and do other things, as listed in this thread). I hope that it helps someone, cos that is what will heal you. Get to the root cause, solve the problem, fix yourself somehow, heal the shit, and i reckon you'd be hard-pressed to want those terrible habits again, because as Kuya pointed out, if you love yourself, your quality of life should be MUCH better!

:sohappy: :heartbeat:

Have you consciously taken time out from friends and family? Do you feel isolated?

[little beagle]

Hang in there. Congratulations on changing your life. Sometimes people just don't want to see you better yourself. Jealousy? Fear of being left behind? Who knows.

[aihfl]

This seemed as an appropriate a place as ever to relate my own experience with a past significant other. She kicked me to the curb because of my inability to stay sober. She has been a wonderful caretaker through my drinking and drug binges and professes a desire for continued friendship. During my binges when I would be passed out, she would come by my apartment and check on me to make sure I hadn't OD'd and even cleaned my apartment during my detox stay. In spite of this, she rarely calls or texts, does not want to see me socially, and when we are out at the same events, avoids me like the plague. Yet, she does things like drop by unannounced. I don't know what to do with these mixed signals. Honestly, it any interaction, even indirect gives me serious anxiety. It doesn't want make me want to drink (it did in the past), but last night I was so overwrought I broke down and took one of my Ativan. I never abused the benzos I'm prescribed, except when I drank, and it had the desired effect of sending me to a happier place, but I don't want to depend on a substance to help me do that. I would like to think I'm moving past her, but if she is still able to induce that kind of anxiety in me, I clearly am not.

[kronkcarr]

I've done nothing to 'offend' them. Me not being a shoulder to cry on (for them) is more about me setting healthy boundaries for myself so that i am more than a dumping ground for them, which i have allowed myself to be. I don't resent them, i am more disappointed by the faith that i put into other people to 'look after me', so to speak, when i look after them. It's a shift in expectations that i need, and i've got to stop taking care of people and thinking i will get the same back in return! It's a hard habit to break... Distance and lowering my expectations is the key i think. Oh, and setting boundaries for myself, eg, ' i will not spend hours listening to a friend dumping rubbish on me about the relationship they will not leave', when they would not give me the same energy back. Wake up calls are good, and i am definately open to making new friends with healthy boundaries, and respect for others.

The biggest blessing I got with being sober is that I was able to really know and respect how I felt. When I drank I didn't speak up and say how I felt, what I thought and what I needed. I let people use me and when I'd get drunk I'd be passive aggressive with them because it was the only way I was comfortable talking about issues. What a wonderful freedom it was for me when I realized I could nicely say I wasn't interested or that I couldn't help someone who really didn't want help.

It sounds like you're on your way.

[kronkcarr]

This seemed as an appropriate a place as ever to relate my own experience with a past significant other. She kicked me to the curb because of my inability to stay sober. She has been a wonderful caretaker through my drinking and drug binges and professes a desire for continued friendship. During my binges when I would be passed out, she would come by my apartment and check on me to make sure I hadn't OD'd and even cleaned my apartment during my detox stay. In spite of this, she rarely calls or texts, does not want to see me socially, and when we are out at the same events, avoids me like the plague. Yet, she does things like drop by unannounced. I don't know what to do with these mixed signals. Honestly, it any interaction, even indirect gives me serious anxiety. It doesn't want make me want to drink (it did in the past), but last night I was so overwrought I broke down and took one of my Ativan. I never abused the benzos I'm prescribed, except when I drank, and it had the desired effect of sending me to a happier place, but I don't want to depend on a substance to help me do that. I would like to think I'm moving past her, but if she is still able to induce that kind of anxiety in me, I clearly am not.

Hi my friend,

How about a simple, "Thanks for all you've done for me. I've built a good support system and would like to relieve you of those old duties"? In my opinion I'd keep it simple and not go into your anxiety and the mixed signals.

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This seemed as an appropriate a place as ever to relate my own experience with a past significant other. She kicked me to the curb because of my inability to stay sober. She has been a wonderful caretaker through my drinking and drug binges and professes a desire for continued friendship. During my binges when I would be passed out, she would come by my apartment and check on me to make sure I hadn't OD'd and even cleaned my apartment during my detox stay. In spite of this, she rarely calls or texts, does not want to see me socially, and when we are out at the same events, avoids me like the plague. Yet, she does things like drop by unannounced. I don't know what to do with these mixed signals. Honestly, it any interaction, even indirect gives me serious anxiety. It doesn't want make me want to drink (it did in the past), but last night I was so overwrought I broke down and took one of my Ativan. I never abused the benzos I'm prescribed, except when I drank, and it had the desired effect of sending me to a happier place, but I don't want to depend on a substance to help me do that. I would like to think I'm moving past her, but if she is still able to induce that kind of anxiety in me, I clearly am not.

Hi aihfl,

If you were passed out drunk during your relationship and she was not quite drinking, it was probably difficult for her. I dated a drunk once (before i was one), and after a while, i realised the only thing she was having a relationship with was her bottle of wine (i'm female, it was a same sex r/ship). It was quite sad actually, because she was an awesome person, but was caught up in this... Thing.

Anyhow, your ex girlfriend probably felt alienated in the relationship, but she did care about you, as she came over, checked on you, and cleaned your apartment.

Now, it is time for you to concentrate on yourself, and move forward, without worrying about the past.

You don't want to depend on a substance to help you out, which is a good thing. You should be proud of yourself!

You've also made me think of who my drinking had an impact on. So, thank you, because we've always got to try to see it from others' points of view