Need help

[southshoregirl]

I need help with this issue. I usually go to 2 AA meetings a week. Some people in AA are giving me a hard time saying this isn't enough and I need to go everyday. I honestly am too tired most nights to go to AA. They say "well you weren't too tired to drink". How does that even make sense. Right now I'm working full time, plus there's other things I do to stay sober, I go the gym, I go to church, I stay on top of my errands and bills, I visit my extended family every weekend. When I was drinking I wasn't doing any of this, I was barely making it to work and I called in sick a lot. So yes I have more things to do now that I'm sober. When you wake up at 5 am and get home at 6pm yes you will be tired and not want to go to an AA meeting at 8pm. When I was working part time I went to meetings every day sometimes twice a day. I understand if you are retired, working part time, unemployed etc you can go to 1 or 2 AA meetings a day but I just don't think it's realistic for everybody.

Last night I almost drank because of an argument with a family member. I could have forced myself to go to an AA meeting but I realized if I left the house I would probably just drive to the liquor store so I went to bed instead. This morning I no longer feel like drinking and I realize the argument yesterday was no big deal. But certain people in AA would have said I should have forced myself to go to a meeting.

If anyone here has any experience with AA please help. How do I respond to people in AA who say I don't go to enough meetings.

[Sunbeam]

Just tell them you are being successful with what you are doing, and you plan to continue your success. People will continue to tell you that you have to do what they are doing because that has been successful for them. This site is all about finding and living along your own path. There is a MWO specific program, at least how to start out, but most of us here don't follow it. We have found our way out of alco-hell. Don't fault them, they are giving you the best advice they have, but you need to just stay strong with what you are doing.

[NoraC]

Sunbeam is right. Some people need to go everyday. I think that you need to do what is right for you. Just like Sunbeam said.

[NoSugar]

Hi, South

It is hard not to think that what FINALLY worked for each of us is what the next person needs to do, also. I probably used to come on a lot stronger than I do now about checking in here and posting frequently - because that's what worked for me. But over the last 3 years I've noticed some people's numbers growing and growing on Rollcall even though that is the only place they post. And if that works for them, Hallelujah!

There are probably many people at AA who don't think you need to go everyday but they aren't so passionate about that idea as the ones who are pressuring you. Like Sunbeam said, they probably mean well. Most of us who've gotten free just want everyone to have the wonderful experience and can become too dogmatic in our enthusiasm.

One thing I like about a forum like this is that you can find individuals and threads more on your wavelength. That would be tougher to do at in person meetings. You probably would have to go to many, many meetings to find your tribe!

You're doing really well now so why not keep it up until you feel like you need a change? You'll know if you do. It's not your responsibility to meet expectations that others put on you - just the ones you've chosen for yourself.

Take care, NS

[Byrdlady]

SSG, I have a dear friend who is an AA'r. I admire her tremendously. She was sober for 10 years, fell for 10 years and has now been sober for 15 years. Each time I talk to her, she tells me that I need to find an AA group if I want to keep my sobriety. She says (in no uncertain terms) that unless I do Im doomed to fail. I have told her that Im active in an online forum and its working for me. If I think about it, Im really logged in all day and I check the site all throughout the day, but I can do it at my convenience, which is very important to me. If I had to leave the house every day, well, I just cant see myself sticking to that. This is working for me and I am accountable to many folks on this site, many I 'talk' to every single day. I agree with the others, take what you need from each resource and leave the rest.
Once you get your sober legs, your confidence will grow and the words to respond to these well-meaning folks will come more easily. Keep up the great work! Byrdie

[Eloise]

Gosh I would NOT want to hear this, that I am doomed to fail unless I go to AA (or anywhere else).

My goodness.
That would be a fast and furious way to drive me away.
Not a very kind and emphatic approach.

How does one deal with this? I would run away. Glad there are more experienced folks to reply to you Southshoregirl. I can only empathise with your feelings and say 'good for you for going to bed early.'
Good indeed! Today is a better day because you are still sober, ah... feels good!

[southshoregirl]

Thanks everyone I guess I just have to remember that the people giving me a hard time about this in AA are just trying to pass on what worked for them.

[Eloise]

Yeah, and are probably talking as much to themselves as they are to you.
I don't mean this in a negative way.