Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[abcowboy]

I had quite the day today, I’m still chuckling a bit. Didn’t have a busy day lined up, I try not to on Mondays as my phone usually rings every hour from people with problems or questions. My ex drinking buddy, but still my buddy, Tommy from down the road, locked his keys in his truck and called me to see if I could get in for him.

So I grabbed my automotive lock picks and drove the mile and a half to his place to open up his truck. I could tell he was nursing a good hangover so I had to give him a hard time about what happened. His shop is 400 feet from his house but he drives back and forth because he’s usually had too much to drink to walk it, but never too much to get behind the wheel. I asked him how he got back to the house and with a big grin he said he took the golf cart lol. When I had his truck safely open, we went into the shop for a short visit. This was 10:30 this morning mind you, but he still offered me a beer lol. I told him I still wasn’t drinking, but that didn’t stop him, he poured a beer and clam for himself as I poured myself a coffee from my thermos.

He asked me when I thought I’d be able to drink again. I told him never again. He still can’t understand that even after I told him that I was an alcoholic, one drink would just lead me down that path that I had just came from. He said if I thought I was an alcoholic, what did that make him? I told him only he could answer that.

So tonight as Bubba, Hank, and I were relaxing on the deck, I started thinking about “never again” “forever” “till the day I die”, all the words us alkies hate. But it is what it is, and I’ve accepted that, and my sobriety is so much better that I’ve accepted that. I broke the chains of slavery to alcohol and found freedom in sobriety, and nothing on earth can change that.

On my fortieth birthday I got a tattoo, my first, and thought probably my last. I’m rethinking that decision about my first being my last because I saw a picture of this tattoo and just might convince myself to have it done on my 60th birthday, which would also be my 2nd soberversary, it depicts exactly what my sobriety means to me!

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[paguy]

It's interesting how many people think they need “liquid courage” to loosen up and be social. While it certainly increases the quantity of social activities, it decreases the quality. When I would talk to people while drinking, it was difficult to remember what’s been said, stay focused on the stories being told, or read body language. Likewise, I would repeat things I’d said because I couldn’t remember saying them or I was unaware of how a thing I said was interpreted or received. For every person that said I was fun while drinking, I’m sure there are at least a dozen who have less impressive memories of me while drunk.

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Cowboy - this post really resonated with me. Recently, I attended a reunion with some of my childhood buddies whom I had not seen in 35 years. I was the only one who was sober at the end of the evening and I was able to clearly keep track of all the conversations that we're going on! This would not have been the case in my drinking days and I can confidently say that I had a quality evening!

[abcowboy]

I hear what you're saying paguy! I find it refreshing to wake up after an evening out being able to remember everything I did or said the night before, and enjoyed myself while doing it without drinking! And I kind of chuckle to myself at all those who would be nursing hangovers just like I used to do lol! And a big congrats on your 6 years of sobriety, marvellous accomplishment!

[abcowboy]

I remember early in my final quit how I referred to my sobriety like a tree. When it’s first put in the ground as a seedling it needs a lot of nurturing and care. But as it’s roots begin to grow and develop, the seedling also grows and develops into a sapling. But we can’t stop nurturing it yet, it still needs watering and weed pulling around it. It needs to be fertilized every once in awhile, to make sure it’s getting all the nutrients it needs to survive. And as we look after it, continue to care for it, we watch it grow stronger and stronger till one day it matures into a tall, strong tree. But our job is never done, it will need constant care. Water in the dry spells, fertilizer every so often, and pruning and shaping till it becomes what we wanted it to be when we first planted it.

Once the roots of sobriety took hold in me, I did everything I needed to do to make it strong, to survive whatever the elements could throw at it. It’s full grown now and strong enough to withstand whatever nature can throw at it. Why not start today and plant your own tree of sobriety! Don’t pick up that first drink, water the roots of your sobriety instead!

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[fluff]

Glad everything is working out for you in your sobriety/quit.
I do think that Nora is right that you should quote the posts that aren't from you.
But whatever it takes - you sound good.
My quote- "Whatever gets you through the night, it's alright."

[abcowboy]

Hi fluff! How's things in your world? And to keep peace and harmony in the MWO community, I'll only be posting original material. And yes, thank you, my quit is stronger than ever. How are you doing?

EDIT: I just read your post on the other forum fluff, congrats on one week!

[SnoopyC]

Great Posts Abcowboy, your journey going AF and your inner journey are fascinating, thanks so much for sharing with us! Never again, I like that idea for a tattoo.

[abcowboy]

I think all of us undergo a fascinating journey SnoopyC when we finally accept that we can't drink, not one, not ever. And when that acceptance "clicks" the journey makes sense and becomes a whole lot easier. I think little beagle's post pretty much sums it up!

I have never regretted not drinking. Can't say the same for drinking.

[bobby boy]

Hi abcowboy... Wow I have just spent a good hour reading through this thread and I can only say THANKS for taking the time and making the effort to get your point across .. I personally am not fazed where all that very valuable info comes from , just happy that I found it here !! I have read a couple of books since I decided to give up alcohol one being an auto biography by a local radio personality . I laughed and I cried as I related so well to so many of her stories . She swopped her alcohol addiction for a food one and then she went on to an exercise addiction , ended up swimming from Robben Island to the Bloubergstrand . Its a 7.5 km swim in an average temp of 14 degrees .... ADMIRABLE to say the least ... Her book has inspired me as has your thread ! I will leave you with a quote from her book ... " Sometimes it gets you later, long after adolescence and crazy student drinking days. Its like a virus. You cant tell who is carrying it , not unless that person is close to the end of their life, whether it be their drinking life or their physical one . The people in my support group were all bruised and confused . We had come to the fire pit by different roads but were all sitting in the same ash " . Written by Sam Cowen .. From Whiskey to Water . An excellent read . Abcowboy ... please don't stop reading and posting . So grateful . Happy vibes from South Africa .

[abcowboy]

Hi bobby boy, and thanks for your kind words! A journey to sobriety can be as easy or as tough as you make it, it can take as long or as short as you want it also. The biggest determining factor is that your want to quit is way stronger than your desire to drink, it really is that simple. If you want to get and stay sober then those triggers and cravings will start to become less and less important to you. When you think of picking up a drink, the desire to stay sober will overcome those thoughts of drinking.

I see you have 17 days behind you, congratulations! That is a big accomplishment, the first few weeks are the toughest, but you’re not out of the woods yet. I found that the more you read and the more support you get, will help you when those triggers and cravings hit you. By reading and getting inspired by others who walked the same path as you will do nothing but strengthen your resolve to stay on your journey.

There are lots of different ways to get and stay sober as you can see by reading here, you have to find the right solution for you. But getting help and support is very, very important. This journey is dang near impossible to do on your own, and why would anyone want to?? There’ll be days when you wonder if the hard work is worth it, maybe it’s just easier to drink, but that isn’t the answer you really want. The answer is to stop, turn your thoughts to something else. Think about what you’ve already accomplished, how your life is better without the GSR of the night before, the hangovers, the wasted money, and many, many more reasons for staying sober. It does take time to fully appreciate sobriety, and you’ve probably already thought of a few reasons for being grateful for not drinking. Don’t let those thoughts disappear, keep them fresh in your mind every day, and choose sobriety over drinking whenever the going gets tough.

Stay close to MWO, read and post, ask for help, rant and rave, vent if you have to because we’ve all been there, we know what it’s like, and remember, when the going gets tough, the tough get going!

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[abcowboy]

If you’ve joined MWO in the last little while you’ve been able to witness a few 1 year AF birthdays. They can affect you in a few different ways, they can be an inspiration knowing that if others can do it, so can you. Or you could view them as a failure in yourself, why can’t you seem to get there. It took years for some of the long term members to get a quit that sticks, some did it in a shorter period of time, and others are still trying to get there. The amount of time it takes is up to you, no one can determine that for you. The important thing is that you never give up until you find your quit that sticks!

A couple of years ago I attended my Uncle’s 50th sobriety birthday party, 50 years sober, simply amazing to me and many of the others that attended that meeting. He had the floor for the whole meeting, sharing his life and his journey. But one thing he said, and it really struck home with me, is that he didn’t consider himself any soberer than anyone else in the room. He said that we shouldn’t dwell on the past, it is over and done with. We shouldn’t worry about the future; it will unfold the way it’s meant to for everyone. All we need to worry about is today. And whoever got out of bed first this morning has the most sober time because we can only do it one day at a time. None of us knows what tomorrow will bring.

So if you’re new here and struggling, just remember that the rest of us are doing the same thing you are, getting out of bed each morning and trying to get through the day AF. At the end of the day we are all the same, just one drink away from starting over….

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[bobby boy]

Great Post Abcowboy .. Thanks for the good advice .. Going to conquer this mountain one step at a time . I have read a book by Allen Carr .. Stop drinking now ... it comes with a hypnotherapy CD and I have to give this book a huge thumbs up as the words keep resonating in my head , you have to read the book first then start the hypnotherapy . I am a happy non drinker and will be for the rest of my life ! My previous attempts at stopping drinking alcohol were done half heartedly . I didn't see alcohol for what it really is , a lethal ,legal drug .. now I do !! I know that there is no such thing as having 'the odd one' or simply cutting down ... as long as I put that alcohol into my body , it will control me . The only people that are NOT controlled by alcohol are non-drinkers .. I feel liberated every time I say those words . Once again thanks for the support , glad to be here !

[abcowboy]

You've gotten yourself off on the right foot Bobby, a winning attitude! Doing what needs doing to git'er done. I don't know if you've watched any of the "Rocky" movies, I'm a big "Rocky" fan lol. When things get rough, just remember, eye of the tiger Bobby, eye of the tiger!

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[abcowboy]

Well it’s country fair time again! Every small rural town in Alberta puts on a country fair, it’s required if the local Agricultural Society wants to stay registered to receive government grants and it’s also a major fundraiser for the Society. Our’s kicked off today with the parade at 11am followed by the midway opening at noon. The exhibition grounds will be a swarm of activity for the next 3 days, all kinds of rides on the midway, agricultural judging in many, many categories from livestock to baking, chuckwagon races daily, grandstand performances, and of course the beer gardens. Ah, the beer garden….opens at noon and closes at 2am all 3 days, a beer lover’s paradise!

Bubba and I used to attend the fair every year, every night, to walk the midway visiting with friends and neighbours, watch the chuckwagon races, eat at one of the Church kitchen booths, and of course drink and dance the night away in the beer garden! Those were the days! Really?? Yup, that’s what drinking did to me, looked forward to the beer gardens more than anything else because everyone got to drink too much because everyone else was doing it.

We didn’t go last year and don’t have any intention of going this year. Not because it would be a trigger to me because it wouldn’t. It’s because neither of us can handle the noise and all the people anymore. It would be nice to go just to spend the evening two-stepping around the dance floor but that seems of little entertainment value compared to the 400 – 500 drunks that would be shouting over the noise, the people elbow to elbow bumping into you, spilling their glass of beer on you. No thanks, I much prefer to stay at home and have a peaceful evening with Bubba and Hank.

Funny how our minds change after we get a bit of sober time in, what we thought was a great evening out has now turned to I couldn’t be bothered. The things we used to look forward to don’t seem all that important anymore, they actually seem a bit foolish now. So the 2016 Fair will come and go without us passing through the gates even once, and it doesn’t bother me or Bubba one little bit..

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[SnoopyC]

Interesting perspective, true for me too. AF I do not enjoy being around a large group of loud people who are tipsy, it is annoying, not fun. Peace, quiet, being with loved ones, refreshing my soul after working all day and being with people, a good night's sleep, feeling healthy, that is the way I live now.