Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[Sunbeam]

Cowboy, your post reminds me of the period when I re-created my drinking experience, filling my glass with something fizzy and AF in a wine glass, the drinking experience without the alcohol. Then someone here posted how they threw away their wine glasses, which got me thinking. Eventually I concluded that I had a new life, didn't need that re-creation experience. We still use wine glasses on special occasions, but not at other times.

[lloydlady]

Hi ABC! Joe bought some of that new beer at Sobey’s here in Lloyd. He said they were very close to the original! I didn’t try any of them haha. I thought I’d better stay away from anything that might trigger me to drink again, but if Joe likes them maybe he’ll stick to them. They are definitely a lot cheaper. Take care my friend

[abcowboy]

I’ve never really thought about the glasses Sunbeam, mind you my drink was beer from the bottle or can lol. But we do have a liquor cabinet filled with liquor and wine glasses, and numerous beer mugs. But in our house, there’s no liquor in the cabinet or fridge so the glasses and mugs are pretty much dust collectors. Maybe one day we’ll throw them all out and start a collection of coffee mugs!

Maybe a good thing you didn’t try the new 0% LL, you’re doing great on this quit so why tempt fate! I do think it’s great that Joe likes the taste, just don’t push him too hard to buy it all the time. He’s a pretty understanding and supportive guy when it comes to your quit, don’t make him think that you feel he has a problem when he obviously doesn’t. Just be grateful every time he comes home with a case of PB instead of the real thing!

[abcowboy]

We all know about HALT, but I think they have to add a couple more to that, Waiting and Bored! We keep getting these little rain showers that are preventing the crops from drying enough to harvest them. So it’s just a waiting game throughout the day. Get up in the morning, heavy dew, it will be a couple of hours at least. Things start to dry up nice and a little shower passes through, more waiting. And so the day goes….

But that’s harvest, hurry up and wait! The problem is that you really can’t start any other big job, just about the time that you have all the material laid out and tools set up, the text will come that the crop is ready to go. And it doesn’t take long to clean up all the small jobs that can be done in a short time frame. So what do you do while waiting?

A few years back I drank, got tired of the boredom of waiting, so figured to fill the time with a few cool ones. The farm boss would never know as long as I didn’t drink too much and brushed my teeth and chewed gum when I finally got the call. By them I’d have had 2 or 3 and was just starting to get primed when the text to roll came. Now what? 2 or 3 is just a teaser, so better throw 2 or 3 more in my lunch kit! And so harvest went, operating a ½ million dollar combine when I shouldn’t have been behind the wheel of anything!!

I’m so grateful things have changed, there is never nothing to do while I wait, there is always something to do to keep the boredom at bay. Read a book, text with friends, read my online forums, clean the yard, clean my truck, and the list goes on. It’s not hard to fill my downtime with productive things and the time passes much quicker! And to think I used to waste all that time drinking, now that was a real waste of waiting time!

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[abcowboy]

Sometimes I wonder if I think too much lol. I was reading through the threads today and got to thinking about life, how it’s all about compromises, give and take so to speak. Everyday we are faced with decisions, choices, of all kinds. When we decide or choose something it usually means we are letting go of another option. Kind of like Bob Barker’s Let's Make A Deal, do you want the cash or take what’s behind the curtain?

I choose to live in a small rural setting in northern Alberta. What I gave up was all the amenities that big cities offer, shopping, restaurants, cultural events, etc. What I got was quiet, peaceful living. Fresh country air whenever I step outside. A neighbourhood where I know everyone by their first names and we actually wave to each other. We look after each other's possessions whenever someone is away. It was the right choice for me.

I choose to get into the trades as my career. I could have furthered my education via university and become an engineer, Doctor, or lawyer. Could have made more money, had a nine to five job, early retirement, and maybe even financial freedom. What I got was a job that I love doing, a job that I know I’m very good at. I enjoy getting up in the morning and going to work. I’m not rich or able to afford early retirement, but Bubba and I have a comfortable life, and we are grateful for it. I made the right choice for me.

I choose to quit drinking. I could have continued and probably ended up dead. I could still be lying to Bubba about where I was and what I was doing. I could still be nursing hangovers every morning. What I got was a second chance at life, a chance to be the best person I can be. A proper husband and father. Someone who keeps their promises and doesn’t have to worry about lying anymore because I have nothing to lie about. I’m not an alcohol basher at all, I feel no jealousy to the people who can drink normally, good for them! I made the right choice for me.

So life is really all about compromises, giving and taking. I’m living the life I should have been all along, and I’m happy with my choices….

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[abcowboy]

I enjoy reading through most of the threads on MWO, even if it’s a thread I don’t feel I belong. There’s always good reading and support on all the threads albeit in many different ways. There are some threads I very seldom look at, and even a few threads I never look at. And the other day as I was just browsing through and reading, I got thinking about slips and relapses, and then reflected back on my slips, why did they happen?

I think in my case, I used the “f’it’s” for my excuse to return to drinking. And I think I always tried to give someone else the blame for me drinking again, if they would or wouldn’t have done that, I wouldn’t be drinking, they made me reach for the bottle! I drank “at” something and tried to make it the reason why I was entitled to drink over it, that it was never my fault for slipping. I can’t remember ever thinking that I got through a rough week and I was going to just sit back and enjoy a drink or two because I deserved it, I earned it. I never thought of drinking to relax, I thought of drinking to get to that drunken escape state, where no one or nothing mattered.

I think it could be a very important exercise for the people still struggling. Even if you don’t feel like drinking at this very moment, sit down and write out the last few times you drank, more importantly, why you drank. I doubt very much if your intention was to stop at just one or two. Maybe you tried to convince yourself you could, but you were looking for the buzz and would drink whatever you had to in order to reach it. That’s what we face, knowing that the longer we drink the harder it is to get that buzz. Maybe we just have to look for another buzz….

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[abcowboy]

Kind of a funny thing happened today lol. I just finished reading the book "The Great Escape", an old book I bought at a garage sale, and was telling Bubba that I'm sure I'd watched the movie years and years ago. I told Bubba I wouldn't mind watching it again now that I'd read the book.

I looked at the TV on-screen guide to see if there was anything worth watching tonight as I don't feel like starting a new book and lo and behold if TCM doesn't have the movie on tonight! Talk about coincidence! And so on a Saturday night instead of being out there drinking somewhere, Bubba and I will have a bowl of popcorn, her with tea and me with SanPel, and we'll settle in to watch a 3 hour classic! Life is indeed good!

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[abcowboy]

Y’all know that I think the secret to sobriety is wanting to be sober more than you want to drink and most of you probably get tired of hearing me say that, but it worked for me, it is one of the foundations of my sobriety. But what if you don’t want that? Does that mean alcohol will always rule your life? This will more than likely be a bit of a controversial post to some of the members here, and a short while ago it would have been the same for me, but not anymore.

MWO is a unique recovery forum because it caters to all types of recovery and all types of sobriety. In the past, AA seemed to be the only way to get sober, and it is still used by the legal system as a means to “treat” alcoholism. But there have been many new “types” of recovery programs as we all know, and medicines are very much making their way in as a method of “getting sober”. MWO is having problems attracting and keeping new members, and I guess I’m partly to blame for that. When I see a new member join that is looking for info on meds, I direct them to EOMA. It’s too bad that our meds threads have gone the way that they have, and please don’t comment on the “banned members” or “trolls” that you think exist here. That’s not what this post is about. And the mod threads have become virtually non-existent. Why? I’m betting it’s because they don’t feel welcome here. Yet, we as abstinence people should try and make everyone feel welcome. What we want doesn’t have to be what everyone wants.

There is always talk about there not being “one size fits all” for getting and staying sober, but we never reach out to the others to support them in what they choose, moderating or using meds. Sure, we may have our opinions on those subjects, but as a support forum, we should be supporting everyone. I know I could never moderate, does that mean no one can? I don’t believe in the meds either, but that’s not to say they don’t work for some. And who are we to judge? We don’t judge people on how they get sober, so why should judge people on anything else. And yes, maybe we don’t know any people who were able to moderate successfully, but then again, what are the statistics for people trying to get sober and are actually successful at it?

Thank you idefineme, you have made me open my mind a bit to the whole sobriety issue. We don’t always agree on things, but you make me look at sobriety in a different light. What works for me doesn’t work for everyone, what I want isn’t necessarily what other’s want. I hope you come back to MWO and get involved in the moderation section, I’ll be there a bit more now to support and help however I can!

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[abcowboy]

We finally got harvest underway yesterday! Right now we’re combining Budweiser’s lol. At least that's what I say when we combine malt barley! So we have supper in the field now and I get to watch the rest of the crew have a beer while I enjoy my Pepsi.

Well, the farm boss asked me if I wanted Pepsi or Diet Pepsi, and I asked if it looked like I needed to go on a diet and that raised a chuckle from the crew. He reached in the cooler and grabbed what we both thought was a can of Pepsi but I turned it in my hand and lo and behold it’s a Bud Light! I passed it back to the boss and said this must be your’s and chuckled at him. He apologized and said he was sorry, he thought it was Pepsi! And we all got looking at the cans and couldn’t believe how similar they were!

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When we got rolling again I realized how my sobriety instinct kicked in! Before I even opened it, I turned the can to see what it was. Not even thinking about it, just doing it. And I realized I also do it in restaurants, I always order a large iced tea because I like it and they don’t usually serve alcohol in a glass that big lol. But even then I always take a small sip through the straw to make sure, then throw the straw away. I never think about it, I just do it. I guess I’m getting used to this being sober and appreciating it more and more each day!

[lloydlady]

Nice to hear you’ve started harvest ABC, the combines are just starting to get into the fields now around Lloydminster. Too funny about the Pepsi/Bud cans but you’re right about them looking so much the same. Good thing you checked before you took a drink. What would have done if you didn’t look first, would you have just swallowed it anyway?

[Matthew6]

Hi Cowboy, just wanted to say thanks and suggest everyone read your thread about The Difference Between a Slip and a Relapse in the Newbies Nest. Really enlightening for those sober for awhile on things to watch for, it may have saved me a slip (I hate that term, but my alcoholic mind sees black and white, personally I failed). But if I would have recognized the signs I may have done what I should have and not failed. I believe all things happen for a reason and I believe I grew/learned a lot about myself and staying sober through this experience.

I print out information I find invaluable and read it often. That is a definite keeper.
Thank you.

[abcowboy]

Hi LL, we’re just nicely getting harvest started, only 6300 acres to go lol. We’ve been lucky with the weather forecasts, supposed to rain every day and we haven’t got any yet so it’s been good harvest weather! We finished up the malt barley and are now on peas and it’s a tough go as they are lying flat on the ground making them a pain in the butt to pick up. Oh well, we’ll get them done and move on to easier crops. I don’t think I would have drank any beer, even if I didn’t check the can I’m sure it would have foamed up and I would have noticed that! And if I did take a drink, yes, I would have spit it out. I have no intention of going back to day 1 lol. And swallowing it would have meant that I knowingly drank it and that’s enough for me to reset my counter! Just shows you have to be always on guard!

Matthew, if you’re like me I seldom click on the links that are posted, that’s why when I read something from another site I copy and paste it, in my personal toolbox and on here. There’s a lot of good information on the Web so when I run across it, I like to share it! And I’m not sure that even if I read something that it would have stopped me from drinking on any of my slips, but I know reaching out and calling someone sure did. Hopefully I’ll never need to find out! You sound like you’ve got yourself in a good place right now, just keep it up and you’ll get a year in before you know it!

[abcowboy]

A bit of down time this morning while we wait for the peas to dry up enough to combine again. I came back from the farm last night after the little rain shower shut us down to spend time with Bubba and Hank. It was Bubba and my 16th Anniversary on the 1st, so I figured I’d better get home and let her know how much the past sixteen years has meant to me. When I got home last night I told her that I didn’t have a card or gift for her because I had no time to get into town. She said it was no problem, the best gift I could give her was getting sober, nothing else could compete with that! Well, I ran downtown this morning and got a card and a gift certificate to her favourite clothing store anyway!

All recovery groups say that you have to get sober for yourself, that’s the only way to find lasting sobriety. Maybe it is that way in the beginning, but now for me, staying sober for Bubba and my kids is just as important, maybe even more so! I do know that if it wasn’t for Bubba, I’d probably still be drinking. She has shown me what unconditional love is all about and it’s my turn to show it back to her! To prove to her that I deserve her love and that I’ll do everything to make sure I can be the husband she deserves.

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[Wilson1]

A bit of down time this morning while we wait for the peas to dry up enough to combine again. I came back from the farm last night after the little rain shower shut us down to spend time with Bubba and Hank. It was Bubba and my 16th Anniversary on the 1st, so I figured I’d better get home and let her know how much the past sixteen years has meant to me. When I got home last night I told her that I didn’t have a card or gift for her because I had no time to get into town. She said it was no problem, the best gift I could give her was getting sober, nothing else could compete with that! Well, I ran downtown this morning and got a card and a gift certificate to her favourite clothing store anyway!

All recovery groups say that you have to get sober for yourself, that’s the only way to find lasting sobriety. Maybe it is that way in the beginning, but now for me, staying sober for Bubba and my kids is just as important, maybe even more so! I do know that if it wasn’t for Bubba, I’d probably still be drinking. She has shown me what unconditional love is all about and it’s my turn to show it back to her! To prove to her that I deserve her love and that I’ll do everything to make sure I can be the husband she deserves.

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THIS IS A GREAT POST !!!!!! I hope that others will read and understand.
Unconditional love from someone to an alcoholic is one of the greatest gifts in the world -to an alcoholic -in my opinion.
(It turns out many times, that an alcoholic, once becoming sober, better understands the gift of unconditional love than many others in every day life. In turn, recovered or cured alcoholics or able to share this same type of unconditional love with others -strange how life works-imo.)

[abcowboy]

It’s always nice to see members return to MWO, and there have been quite a few in the past little while! I think it’s great to see people return and share what has happened to them while they were away. Are they still sober? Are they back to try again? Or do they miss the friendships they made while they were here? Whatever the case, it’s good to have them back and help keep MWO active!

When I first started this quit I was determined to make it stick, I knew if I returned to drinking that I probably would never try to quit again. I was down on myself for thinking that alcohol had so much control over me that I might as well just concede to that fact. So I decided that I would take it one day at a time, deal with problems and issues as they arose, not bury them or try to drink them away and those one day at a times slowly but surely turned into a year. And the sober days keep adding up. I just passed my 600th day of being sober, 600 days of committing each morning to being sober for the next 24 hours. Remembering that commitment to myself throughout the day.

Getting through all the “firsts” in the first year was no easy task, but no matter what the “first” was, I just reminded myself that the day was no different than the day I had left behind, I didn’t need a drink to get through that day so I don’t need one to get through today either. Once all those “firsts” are conquered, it is a bit of emotional celebration, but also a bit of a letdown. I did it! Now where do I go from here? I knew that my quit was secure, but I had to change my life in a way that made me happy that I was a non-drinker, make sure that my AV was safely locked away. Do I think about drinking, of course I do. Do I wish I could be a normal drinker? Some days I do, most times I don’t because I know that I never was or will be a normal drinker. So I don’t need to look at my past and see where I went wrong, drinking was wrong, for me anyway.

Now, I don’t worry so much about me, now I try and help others find what I’ve found. Life can be great without alcohol, but you have to make it that way. If you continually think back about the good times you had when drinking you’re just setting yourself up for a relapse or slip. Remembering all the bad things that happened when drinking helps keep your quit solid, but I don’t dwell on my past. It was a different person who did those things, a person who was addicted to alcohol. I’m a new person with a new way of life, and if I don’t embrace this new way of life I’ll be living life in neutral, not moving forward, but not going back either. That’s no way to live.

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