Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[starty]

What a wonderful post AB. It is something I must remember too. Thank you

[tonyniceday]

AB I think you are absolutely right. I usually only post on 2 or 3 threads but I read around a number of others and I saw that as well from Pauly (Sorry Pauly, you've become the unwitting "example" here!).

I thought about replying and even had some words in mind but was worried they might sound wrong. Sometimes that doesn't really matter, just saying something so the person who's struggling knows they have the support and can get some advice or back-up when they need it... That's far more important than whether what you say is "the right thing".

Whatever else, it's been a good lesson and thank you AB, for articulating it...

[abcowboy]

I had a tough day yesterday, more frustrating than tough I guess. Because I’ve worked in the trades all my life and am mechanically inclined, I’m the go-to guy when any of the harvesting equipment breaks down. And there were lots of breakdowns yesterday! Most small things, hour or so fixes, but it causes 2 combines to be down, the one I’m fixing and the one I should be running. At supper time I was a bit envious of the guys having a cold beer with their meal while I made do with a Pepsi. Nevertheless, the day could have been worse, we could have had major breakdowns that shut us down for the day.

But the lesson I learned yesterday that quitting and staying quit has a lot to do with training, training our minds to accept things the way they are, not always the way we want them. I could have fallen into feeling sorry for myself, why me? Why can’t I enjoy a cold one or two? But I’ve trained my mind to let those thoughts pass, not dwell on them, they are only thoughts that I don’t need to act on. And everyday I’m continually training, getting better at accepting me for who I am, who I was, and who I want to be. I keep those negative thoughts at bay because I know where they would lead me if I let them. And if I don’t keep up my training, I’ll get lazy, start getting an attitude that I’ve got it made, I don’t have to work at this.

It is getting easier, each day, week, month that goes by firms up my resolve to continue making changes to my attitude, being happy about the person I’ve become, and saying goodbye to the person I once was. Training takes discipline, so does quitting and staying quit. Make sure you get a good training program in place, keep training your mind to look ahead, not back, be the person you want to be!

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[Roadside]

'Training our minds to accept things the way they are' - good key.

I too find myself easier to cave under the pressure of anxiety or frustration- in reality, the frustration generally will pass a lot quicker than the consequences of doctoring it up with a drink! It is only my mind rationalizing that drink, and that rationalization is most definitely not reflective of how things really are!

Good for staying strong through your rough day!

[abcowboy]

Darn rain, harvest on hold again! Oh well, can’t change the weather any more than I can change people lol. But a few things I’d like to touch on today..

Roadside, I really believe that you can do anything you set your mind to, it’s all about training. I never rationalize about what drinking could do for me, and I don’t try to rationalize my life without alcohol. I don’t think about drinking anymore because I don’t drink. Alcohol or the AV has such deep roots in the minds of drinkers that’s it’s hard to ignore it. But we can by practicing a non-drinking attitude every day and it doesn’t take long to realize that we can function in any situation without needing a drink. Just practice it every day and the days add up!

The other night idef and I were chatting as we so often do and she mentioned that so many people read my posts just like she does. And I asked her why she thought that. I can’t remember her exact words (maybe she could help me out here) but it was to do with the fact that my posts seem to be directed at the person who is reading them. It was the best compliment that I could get regarding posting in online forums! I do try to get everyone to feel the things I’m feeling; to think the things I’m thinking. Kind of like having another person walk in my shoes. We have all been in the same place, done the same things, and we can all get and stay sober. I’m just one of many success stories and I want others to feel they can achieve it as well!

And Pauly, you made me do some thinking and soul-searching this morning about my passion for sobriety! Maybe I am a bit too pushy, but it’s only because of my passion for sobriety, because I want others to have what I have. So let me come at it a different way….

As an almost 60-year-old recovering alcoholic, Pauly's few words this morning actually re-kindled my passion. I got to thinking about my sobriety, and I started back at the beginning. I’ve been drinking for nearly 45 years, and not just social drinking, but hard core, get drunk at every opportunity drinking! Thinking back, I realize I was never a social drinker, most every time I drank, I drank to get drunk. Why? I don’t know, I just know that’s the way I was. Go hard or go home. We have all heard that we’ll use any excuse to drink, we drink at or with anyone, anything, anytime, anywhere. But two years ago, I didn’t need a reason or excuse to drink, I just needed to drink! I wasn’t physically addicted, I didn’t go through any withdrawals when I quit, but alcohol consumed most every waking moment and thought I had. Pretty pitiful eh! A moderately successful man, great family, loves his job, healthy, and, for the most part, respected. But from the time I woke up till the time I passed out, all I could think about was drinking, no excuse needed anymore. That’s all behind me now, so yes, I am passionate and grateful about my sobriety. But it’s not about me now, I want others to get passionate about an AF life. Or at least a life where they can feel good about themselves and what they are accomplishing without facing any GSR in the mornings. It wasn’t easy at first to be passionate about anything, but one day at a time changed that, it gave me a passion to live again. Life sometimes sucks, we don’t always get what we want, but it’s a darn sight better than the alternative in my books. So yes, I am passionate about my sobriety and I am passionate about helping others, but it’s a passion that I worked hard to attain. I think it’s time for everyone to get passionate about whatever it is they are trying to achieve, don’t you…

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[Guitarista]

I could have fallen into feeling sorry for myself, why me? Why can’t I enjoy a cold one or two? But I’ve trained my mind to let those thoughts pass, not dwell on them, they are only thoughts that I don’t need to act on.

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This sort of thought management is crucial for me AB. It is simple, but as you say, takes practice and i practice this daily. It's a relief to finally realize I don't need to attach to thoughts that don't serve me well. I let them be, and will they usually move on soon enough.

Hope your weekend is a relaxing one. G

[lex]

AB- reading your posts helps me stay sober and to ENJOY my sobriety. Big thanks to you!

[abcowboy]

You're right G-Man, drinking thoughts are just that, drinking thoughts! It's just as easy to redirect your thoughts to non-drinking thoughts. It would be like you not picking up your guitar for a year, when you picked it up again, you'd be able to play it but probably not as well as if you'd stayed playing it all year long. They say practicing makes perfect, so if you practice sobriety every day, it becomes second nature to you.

I haven't found one good reason why drinking is better than being sober Lex! I really do enjoy being sober. I think that mindset came for me about my 8 month mark, some get it earlier, some later, but it will come for everyone. I think I now understand the "dry drunk" theory and I also think we all experience that feeling at some point. I believe that once you embrace your sobriety, really start to enjoy it, you leave those dry drunk days behind you and realize you can never go back to drinking, there's just not any reason or excuse to go back to who you were.

[lloydlady]

I agree with Lex ABC you have shown me how to be happy being sober and to enjoy each day as it comes. Thank you

[abcowboy]

There’s some really good conversations going on around the forum, relapse prevention, slipping, how our life changes when we quit, and just what does being normal mean.

When I was attending AA, one of the members referred to drinking responsibly as a privilege. He said he can never drink again because he gave up that privilege. That’s the thought he used to stay sober. We all find what works for us to get and remain sober, none of them are wrong if they work. So if being able to stop at one or two is normal, or a privilege, what does that make those of us? We are still normal, we just abuse alcohol, we abuse the privilege of drinking.

Do I think I’m abnormal? Of course not! The rest of society may think I am but that’s only because of the brainwashing we are constantly bombarded with by the makers and distributors of alcoholic beverages. Every situation is made better with a drink or two. Really? I have enjoyed every social situation I’ve been in for the past 20 months. It is my normal not to drink, my decision, my choice.

What I do think is abnormal is my thoughts when I feel I wish I could have a drink, I never wish I could have a drink! When I wish I could drink, I’m really wishing that I can get hammered! Nothing normal about that thinking for me anyway. You see, it’s not you who is abnormal, it’s your thoughts about drinking that are! Change your thoughts and you’ll change the way you think about who you are and who you want to be.

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[abcowboy]

Wow, 1000 days, jane becomes a member of the Quad Club!

I remember back when I was still struggling, hoping to make it 10 days! A few of those came and went till I got past that first month. Then I set my sights on 100, then one year, and I didn’t think it was possible. But possible it was and now I’m looking forward to being a member of the Quad Club somewhere in my AF future. But it gives me a goal, something to work for, something to be excited about.

I can’t remember how I felt when other people hit milestones and I was still struggling to make it to my first. And I wonder how other people feel. Are they happy for that person, maybe a bit jealous, even a bit ashamed? Well, I’m telling you not to be jealous, ashamed, or even disappointed! Every day you are sober is a milestone, just like it is for the rest of us.

It takes hard work to get the days adding up, but it’s worth it! And it does get easier, AL gets pushed back farther and farther into the recesses of your mind. Sure, there will always be temptations along the way but they can be overcome by keeping your eyes on your goal, an AF life and lifestyle! I never thought I could be happy without enjoying a beer or two, was I ever wrong! My life now is ten times better than it used to be! So jane, better reserve me a seat in the Quad Club, it’s my next goal!

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[abcowboy]

The farmers I help are John Deere men, just about every piece of equipment they own is green and yellow, from the lawn mowers to the combines. Right now there are 2 technicians from Moline, Ills here with an experimental/prototype combine testing it and having us evaluate it. We all had to sign confidentiality contracts not to take pictures of it or talk about the advancements in it! When we stop for supper, the rest of the crew has a beer and I have my soda. One of the techs had bottled water instead of beer.

After supper when I was heading back to my combine, he caught up with me and asked if there was always a beer with supper. I told him most every night yes, but I don’t because I quit drinking a while back. He gave me a pat on the back and told me he was almost 6 years sober! The world is indeed a small place and you never know who you might meet in the strangest places!

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[abcowboy]

Sometimes I just read the threads
And smile at some of the posts,
What is the main objective here
And what really matters most?

There are some great discussions
On different things we tried,
To get us sober through the day
But those seem to have died.

If you want to talk about your day
And the normal things you do,
Why not start a FB group
And invite a friend or two?

Or if your diet is what matters most
Then it’s great for you to share,
And anyone can chime in
If they really care.

Or maybe it’s a principle
That you found keeps you strong,
By all means let the people know
For you what’s right or wrong.

I know what worked for me
It was God who answered my call,
But I don’t preach to others
That prayer will stop their fall.

You see we seem to have forgotten
We are still all the same
One drink away from the days
Of sorrow, guilt, and shame.

So treat each other with respect
And think before you post
What is it I am really saying
And what really matters most.

There is a common thread among us
And I’m sure we’ll all agree,
We joined this MWO forum
To find lasting sobriety.

So before you go and hit reply
Be sure the words you’ve said,
No one is above the other
So let’s keep a sober head.

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[Guitarista]

After supper when I was heading back to my combine, he caught up with me and asked if there was always a beer with supper. I told him most every night yes, but I don’t because I quit drinking a while back. He gave me a pat on the back and told me he was almost 6 years sober! The world is indeed a small place and you never know who you might meet in the strangest places!

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Yeah indeed AB. Ain't that cool.

[abcowboy]

Every morning I read through some inspirational quotes deciding which one to use for the day in my post to the 24 Hour Club. Some have a more profound effect on me than others, and this morning I chose one about change, how we must be able to accept change in our lives if we wish to continue moving forward, to survive. Why is it that most of us fear change? Is it the fear of the unknown? Kind of like stepping into a room that is pitch black, not knowing what might be in there? Or is it being afraid of how people will think of us if we do change?

When I first quit drinking, I was afraid of what people would think of me. Lord knows I didn’t care what they thought of the drunk Bruce, so why would I care what they thought of a sober Bruce? What answer would I give people who asked why I quit drinking? Any answer would be admitting that I was a failure, that I wasn’t strong enough to be able to handle alcohol. Would people think less of me because of my problem?

But I knew I had to change in order to survive, so I let the fear of change assist me in getting sober. I had no idea what a sober life would be like, but I sure knew what a drunk life was like and I didn’t want to stay there, so I changed. As I look back, that fear of the unknown probably hindered my progress on my journey, I wasn’t quite ready to give up the lifestyle I had enjoyed (and hated) for so many years. I had no idea what a sober life would really mean for me, but I was ready and willing to step into that pitch black room. I really didn’t see the changes in me at first, and what those changes were. I was too worried about how others would accept me. But as time went on and different people commented on the positive changes in me, I accepted the fact that I would have to continue to change, to accept the change, if I wanted to stay sober. I know see some of those changes, I’m more calm, more patient, find it easier to forgive and forget. I don’t need to control every aspect of my life. I’ve learned to accept things as they are, not always needing to make them into the things I want them to be. And it made my life a whole lot easier!

So don’t be afraid of change, look at is as a challenge, look at is as an opportunity. An opportunity to become something and someone you might never have been without stepping into that dark room. Be that person you want to be, and don’t worry about the person you were, be happy and love the person you are becoming….

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