Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[abcowboy]

I think it took most of us a few years and a number of tries before we found the quit we were looking for madon. Some got ultimatums from family, some reached the lowest point in their life, others just realized the madness had to stop. Whatever it was, it makes no difference unless we want to quit as much as those around us want us to quit. It looks like you have a good plan going, add to it, remind yourself every morning why you are doing this, then let determination and support carry you through the tough times. You can do this and enjoy the life you deserve...

[abcowboy]

I have a bit of a rant and vent this morning. Not normal for me but this harvest season is dragging on so long and is finally getting on my nerves! We spend an hour combining and then a half hour cleaning wet, sticky canola and canola meal from the insides of the combine. But I’ll see the harvest through to the finish because I made a commitment to a friend and neighbour that I would help, and help I will. Just like the commitment I made to myself to quit drinking for good, and staying quit is something I will do. A person is only as good as his word, and if you can’t keep your commitments, don’t make them in the first place….

Now, I’m fed up with the meds threads, I wish there was some way to hide them completely and permanently! There is nothing, absolutely nothing, good that can come from the garbage being posted there. As far as I can see, nothing valuable is being talked about! I’m all for a good debate if it ends up in positive results, but the meds forum tarnishes MWO, plain and simple. If people don’t like what Wilson1/(many other names) has to say, leave it alone, let it go!! And to keep coming back under so many different user names, all of the members there, just to provoke an argument is nothing short of childish. Take your negative thoughts and comments and just leave already and never come back!! I’m beginning to think that a serious side effect of those meds is a complete loss of common sense!

Which brings me to another point, if you have something to say, say it under your real member name, don’t register under a new name just because you are afraid of having your “reputation” hurt! Not everyone will like you, not everyone will believe the same things as you do, get over it, it’s a part of everyday life that we all must deal with! If it’s something you don’t want to say under your normal registered name, then it’s something that shouldn’t be said at all!! We’re not here to win popularity contests, we’re here to get and give help and support for something that is impossible to do on our own, get and stay sober!

[abcowboy]

There, rant done and over with, now it’s time for a sermon lol. I was the same as most here, tried and failed, tried and failed, tried and failed, until one day I got it right. I finally did the things I had to do to get a quit that sticks. That will be different for everyone, but everyone has their way out if they aren’t afraid of trying something new after each failure. And yes, each time you slip/relapse, it is a failure, a failure to the commitment you made to yourself and your loved ones. But the real failure is that fear of trying something new, venturing into uncharted territory. But you have to do it, if nothing changes, nothing changes. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll always get what you’ve been getting, failure. There’s just no way of sugar coating that.

If you’re reading this and it’s making you mad, perfect! I want you to get mad! If it means getting you mad at me to finally try something new, then I’m doing what I’m trying to do, help and support!

I just finished commenting on Wine-no’s thread about journaling. It’s something my counsellor recommended that I do, every day. It helps to get your thoughts pointed in the right direction. If you feel the desire to drink, stop and write out your thoughts, carry a daily journal with you, or use the “notes” app on your phone like I do. Stop whatever it is you’re doing and write out your feelings, what you’re afraid of, why you think drinking will help. It helps to get the craving to pass and it gives a great record of your triggers and what you can do to combat them. And I’m going to say this once again, get some phone numbers from sober friends! There is nothing better than to talk/text what you’re going through at that very moment. Talk it out, be honest, and let the craving pass. There’s nothing wrong or shameful about asking for help, those who have successful quits all did it and understand the need for it.

The bottom line is that everyone can quit, not everyone will though until they are willing and want to do anything and everything that will help them finally be AF. Are you willing to do whatever it takes, do you really want to be sober…..

[aihfl]

Cowboy, I am in complete agreement with you about the medications forum. I'd like to think I hold a fairly reasonable middle ground somewhere between a former AA/NA sponsor who told me to be sober I had to give up all my psych meds, and the people in the meds forum that have fixated on one medication in particular and if you're still drinking, it's because you're not taking enough of it. I have enough clarity of mind to no longer engage with those folks. In fact, in a way, I pity the creator of that site (who used to be active here), who can't stay sober herself. That site isn't the end of anyone's addiction. And I can't take credit for saying that. That honor goes to Byrdie.

And speaking of rigid ideologues when it comes to sobriety, I actually do occasionally have a NA beer when the mood hits me. It's amazing how long a single bottle can last when I'm not chasing a buzz. If I'm at a party, I just pour it in a cup and I don't have to deal with, "Why aren't you drinking?" questions. Contrary to what my former associates in AA would think, my extremely occasional NA beer has not put me on the road to perdition.

[Wilson1]

Cowboy, I am in complete agreement with you about the medications forum. I'd like to think I hold a fairly reasonable middle ground somewhere between a former AA/NA sponsor who told me to be sober I had to give up all my psych meds, and the people in the meds forum that have fixated on one medication in particular and if you're still drinking, it's because you're not taking enough of it. I have enough clarity of mind to no longer engage with those folks. In fact, in a way, I pity the creator of that site (who used to be active here), who can't stay sober herself. That site isn't the end of anyone's addiction. And I can't take credit for saying that. That honor goes to Byrdie.

And speaking of rigid ideologues when it comes to sobriety, I actually do occasionally have a NA beer when the mood hits me. It's amazing how long a single bottle can last when I'm not chasing a buzz. If I'm at a party, I just pour it in a cup and I don't have to deal with, "Why aren't you drinking?" questions. Contrary to what my former associates in AA would think, my extremely occasional NA beer has not put me on the road to perdition.

Alfi- thank you for this post. I too am very sorry about the meds section of the forum. Many assume that I am the problem, and I will have to agree with them. I am the problem because I post other information outside of the Baclofen arena.

We all must eventually find our own road to sobriety or end up suffering the FINAL consequences. I believe that we all have the right to learn new information about all ideas relative to resolving AUD and addiction. It is my hope that the meds section of the forum will eventually accept alternatives to Baclofen to help PEOPLE.

[mario]

Well, well, well…. Interesting conversation I had last night with my last remaining brother, the youngest. Bubba and I are headed to my hometown in a month to visit what family is still alive, and to visit the graves of those who have passed. I think there’s more graves than live ones lol.

Anyway, he texted last night asking if we had any definite plans and I said we didn’t, just to visit with everyone both dead and still living. He told me that him and his wife were thinking of having a family get together bar-b-que at their place Saturday night and save us from trying to get around to everyone to visit. I thanked him and told him it was a great idea! I told him we’d pay half of the expenses. He said not to worry, he’d supply the food, I could supply the booze. I figured he was just joking, so I texted back that I’m not drinking, still. He said, since when? I told him it’s been over 16 months since I had a drop, asked him if he didn’t notice at the family reunion last summer? He told me he never paid any attention to what I was drinking! We talked a bit about my decision to quit, the circumstances, and how it was the right thing for me. He said “good for you, I’m proud of you bro”. It made my night! So I told him to buy what he thought would be required for drinks and we’d pay for it. He asked if it would bother me to see all the others drinking? I told him if he never noticed me not drinking at the reunion almost a year ago, then he should know it doesn’t bother me lol.

And there you have it, for the most part people don’t pay attention to what you are drinking, and if they do, it’s probably because they just want to be a good host, or they are concerned with their own drinking. Either way, it shouldn’t affect your decision to not drink, ever.

That's so true ABC, Sometimes we think we are the centre of attention and everyone is watching us, in truth no one really is, It reminds me of this saying

You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if realised how seldom they do...

Great work your doing great posts.

[MinStar]

Hey ABC- Congratulations on your Sobriety!

[abcowboy]

Thanks MinStar! I did it one day at a time, and so can you! I'll help you out however I can. What's say we get to work on adding up your milestones!

[abcowboy]

Almost 2 years sober and Monday I had a fleeting thought of drinking!! Where did that come from?? Well, it came from me, I let it get into my head. And I know better….

I had taken the day off to spend time with my son doing some hunting, it’s the one time of year where it’s just father and son time, and I cherish those days. But my phone kept ringing, people with problems. I could have just shut it off and ignored it, but I have customers that rely on me when they have plumbing and heating problems, so it’s not as simple as just turning off my phone. Around 11 in the morning I got a call from the Rec Centre, they were stalled at getting the curling ice ready for the season because the heaters weren’t working. I went online through an app on my phone and was able to tell that it wasn’t the heaters that were the problem, but the control system that tells them when to start. I didn’t install the control system, but I know a bit about it even though it’s not my area of expertise. The fellow who installed it was unavailable, or wasn’t answering his phone, so I felt obligated to go in and try and help them out. Of course my son heard my side of the conversation and could tell I was a bit perturbed, but he also knew I wouldn’t be able to just walk away. He asked if I was okay, not to let it bother me, just go in and see if I could get the heaters working.

All the way in I let my emotions start to take control, started to think that it wasn’t my problem, let someone else worry about it. And then got to thinking that I deserved a drink to calm down, to not let this problem spoil my day! What a joke, one drink would have turned into 21! And I knew it, I didn’t want one drink, I wanted to get drunk! And that would have ruined my whole day! But it goes to show how sneaky alcohol is, how it tries to convince us that it has all the solutions! Even after almost 2 years, it still tries to get me to cave into it.

Of course I didn’t, I went in, changed a bit of wiring, and got the heaters running on manual. Enough for them to get back working on the ice anyway. And then spent the rest of the day with my son. But the whole evening was a bit of a waste. My mind kept going back to those drinking thoughts. I was a bit short with Bubba, Hank, and idef and I knew it was up to me to change my attitude. So I shut my phone off, and took Hank outside for a bit of alone time in the back yard. When I got back inside, I apologized to Bubba for taking my day out on her, then sat in my chair and got myself wrapped up in a good book.

When we let those thoughts creep in, we have to remind ourselves that we aren’t the only ones affected, it affects those around us as well, and they don’t deserve it, and we don’t either! But it’s who we are, and we have to find the way that helps when those thoughts hit us.

Drinking won’t make our problems any easier, quitting drinking won’t make our problems disappear, but it’s a fact that drinking will most definitely add to our problems…

[mario]

Glad you didn't drink abc , Yes we always have to be on our guard against the drinking/devils mind telling us that a drink will solve and help our problems, But as you rightly point out in the last of your post, it solves nothing & creates mayhem for us. Well done on coming up to 2 years, its a great freedom we enjoy now.

[abcowboy]

I haven’t had much to post this last while, things have settled down for me since Monday, back on an even keel and enjoying life as it is. So I’ve been reading around a bit, and something Mr Vervill said stuck out in my mind; “WTF am I afraid of?”

Fear, a powerful word for anybody! We face fears all the time and somehow manage to overcome them, fear of the dark, fear of speaking to a group of people, fear of the unknown, and many, many others. But fear can be devastating to people who are struggling with quitting. I know I was afraid, afraid of having to handle life and all its problems without my buddy Mr Budweiser to help me get through. How would my friends view me as a non-drinker? How could I relax and enjoy myself without drinking? What would I use to be able to cope if drinking wasn’t an option? And the dreaded fear of all, how could I really face the thought of going the rest of my life without being able to have a drink!

I knew I had to overcome all those fears if I was going to be successful in quitting for good. Since quitting, I find I have more strength and courage to tackle everyday life head-on, no hiding from it in the bottom of a bottle, but think the problems through and come up with solutions or alternatives to deal with them. I don’t need a can of beer in the evenings anymore to relax, I spend some quality time with Bubba and Hank to relax, something I very seldom did when I was drinking. I started reading again to relax and give my mind a break from everyday life.

To be honest, I haven’t lost a single friend since I’ve quit. Maybe they knew how bad my drinking had become and were happy I was doing something about it. Bubba and I still get invited to all the social functions even though I don’t drink. I have as much fun, if not more, than when I was drinking. And a life without alcohol? I can’t imagine my life with alcohol anymore! I love my sober life!

It took a while, but I overcame all those fears I associated with being a non-drinker. And I realize they were nothing to be afraid of from the get-go, as long as I was willing to do what needed to be done, not drinking was nothing to be afraid of. Sure, alcohol gives us the courage to say and do things we normally wouldn’t while sober, but I’ll bet those same things are what we regret the next day, so what’s wrong with just being you? Absolutely nothing! If people can’t accept you for who you are, they have no business taking up any of your thoughts. Why not take a chance and just be the sober you, there’s nothing to be afraid of in that, that’s true honesty…..

Fear-has-two-meaning-forget-everything-and-run-or-face-everything-and-rise-the-choice-is-yours.jpg

[Snoopy56]

Abcowboy, this post spoke to me today. Thanks.

[Wilson1]

ABC -I really do enjoy reading this thread. I continue to note that no one who is currently under the continued influence of alcohol really wants to be sober. They may say this while under the influence and are hurting, but FEAR of not knowing how to live or think with a sober brain far out weighs the thought of living sober.

I would like to say to anyone who is "fearful" of becoming sober; in less than 30 days of being alcohol free, you will be AMAZED!. No, this does not mean that you will not have thoughts about drinking or wanting to drink. Instead, it only means that your brain will be more able to help you realize that you may not want to take that next drink because it (your brain) will remind of the negative benefits. Your brain may also try to convince you of why you need to drink -which is only a trick.

Choosing to try and become sober takes courage and perseverance and this is why it truly is extremely difficult to do so -on your own.

Peace to you all.

[mario]

Nice Wilson, & yes thanks abcowboy this thread is a good one ok. great reading in it.

[abcowboy]

Then and Now..

Thanks you guys, I agree that we can’t do this alone. We need the help and support of the people who have overcome this, and those who struggled along with us. With this kind of help and support anyone can get sober, they just have to want it, really want it.

Then and now….

I’m going back before this past 2 years, Grey Cup Sunday in Canada. Grey Cup parties everywhere! I remember shopping for our Grey Cup Party, $750 to $1000 dollars spent on finger foods, snacks, mix, and of course, booze. The alcohol being where most of the money was spent. 3 or 4 other couples coming over to watch the game, eat, drink, and cheer on their team. I always got started drinking early, sampling all the different flavours of booze as I got them set out. Beer on ice, wine in the fridge, glasses and mugs set out. By halftime, I was well on my way, and by the end of the game I was slurring my words, staggering a bit, having trouble focussing my eyes. Even after everyone left, I had to have a few more beer while cleaning up and putting everything away. Then falling into bed and passing out! Oh yea, what a great day I had.

Today, got up early, showered and got ready for the day. Texted with Bubba a bit till our son got up and put coffee on. I read and posted on my forums, kibitzed with Adam over breakfast, then headed out for our last day of hunting for 2016. Watching the Oiler’s afternoon NHL game before we head out for the final afternoon hunt of the season. When it’s over, I’ll pack my stuff and head for home to have supper with Bubba and Hank, then watch the end of the Grey Cup. I’ll go to bed sober, read a bit, and wake up tomorrow with good memories of today.

Life doesn’t get much better….