Do You REALLY Want To Be Sober?

[Piedmont]

Thanks to all who have shared. Long time drinker, first time poster. All the challenges and triumphs are helping me get through. I'm only 3 weeks sober and it took potentially ruining the best relationship of my life to finally get the wake up call that I didn't control the drinking, it controlled me.

[Sunbeam]

Piedmont, three weeks is great! Stick around, there are a lot of good people here.

[abcowboy]

Hi Piedmont, sorry I haven’t gotten back to you before now. I get a kick out of the people that say “only” in front of their sober time, every day you’re sober is something to celebrate! And I was at only 3 weeks and I’m still only at 2 years, but I’m no different from you, taking it one day at a time! And just like you, I’m only one drink away from being a drunk again. So I’m not really all that much different than you except I’ve had a few more one day at a times!

I see you posted on the Roll Call, that’s a great place to show your commitment to your sobriety! When you feel comfortable enough, start posting on some of the other fantastic threads that are here, or start your own journal where you can track your progress, look back at what triggers you and what you did to power through. You can do this, if a drunken’ ole guy like me can, anyone can!

[Piedmont]

Thanks for the support Sunbeam and ABC. I really messed things up with a girl who I thought could be "the one". Throughout my life, drinking has always been part of my persona. The loss of control has been evident for the past 25 years, but I've never really seen any tangible consequences...though looking back, I'm really not sure how...luck, grace of a higher power? (Held job, good friends, so grateful never any injuries to others or serious injuries to myself, could afford the enevitable property damage). Now I've broken the trust of a great person and am just sick to my stomach everyday because a sober me would never have considered going near such a dangerous situation. That was the final catalyst I needed to wake up.

But I digress. Relating specifically to this thread, I keep having this nagging thought in my head that thinks at some point I'll be able to moderate...example, if things don't work out with the woman I hurt, how could I date without drinking? It's not that I need the alcohol socially, but I'm so afraid of being labeled and dismissed (as I have done to teetotalers in my past). It's just become such a part of my persona... I'm pretty sure from past experience that moderation would fail, so I know rationally that it has to be 100% and for good, but I just can't wrap my head around who that person is. Any thoughts on how to get fully committed to sobriety, without the nagging lizard brain whispering that things without alcohol somehow won't be as fun....that I won't be as much fun.... that I won't be "me"?!

[Wildflowers]

I don't know lease:

[Guitarista]

Hi Wildflowers,

Haven't seen you around for awhile. How are things? G

[abcowboy]

Hi Wildflowers, pleasure to meet you!

[Wildflowers]

Thank you!... More later. Have to cook... :love:

First trying to figure settings. Unable to receive or send private mesaages. Ugh. I'll get it. Lol :love:

[abcowboy]

Don’t start thinking you lost “the one” Piedmont, maybe you haven’t. Maybe she just needs time to see that you’re changing your life around for the better. And if you did lose her, I wouldn’t recommend you starting another relationship till you have at least 6 months of sobriety, and some say at least a year. You need that time to yourself, to work out your problems, before possibly adding to them.

I can sit and tell you just like so many others can, that there is a happy and fulfilling life as a non-drinker, but you'll have to experience it before you believe any one of us. People everywhere are slowing and stopping their drinking without even being alcoholics. You don’t need alcohol to have fun, I have more fun without drinking.

Yes, you may lose a few of your old drinking buddies when they know you are serious about quitting, but if that is the case, what kind of friends were they really? I thought I’d lost most of my friends, but that wasn’t the case at all! I stayed away from them in my first few months, but I also told them why, and why I had to quit drinking. Not everyone can be that honest, but I’d had enough of the lies and dishonesty while I was drinking. And when I did start to meet up with them again, I didn’t hang around too long once the booze started flowing. Now, it doesn’t bother me, or them, to visit while they are drinking, but I’m still the first one to leave lol.

Everything I’ve said above has a common denominator, time. It takes time for all of that to happen. How much time? That answer is different for everyone. The sooner you accept and embrace an AF lifestyle, the sooner you’ll be able to function as a non-drinker in a drinking world. So give it some time, take it one day at a time, and you’ll gradually see that alcohol made absolutely nothing better, it only made things worse. Hang tough, be grateful for every day you keep sober, and get all the help and support you need to make this Day 1 your last. There’s a whole new world, new life, just waiting for you!

[Wildflowers]

Well, apparently, I haven't figured it out. Plz someone, when you have time, try sending a kind PM. Un-able to access this feature. Thank you!... :love:

I'll ck later... Food awaits. Sliced cucumbers, with cream cheese, smoked salmon & a small piece of fresh mint or berry on top. Bon ap.pe.tit. xo

[abcowboy]

Well Wildflowers, no one can send you a PM , kind or otherwise lol, because you don't have Private Messaging activated in your profile. How do I do that you ask? Well, at the very top of the page where your name is, in the grey bar, you'll see "settings", click that and it will take you to your profile settings. Scroll down and along the left side of the page, you'll see "General Settings" click that and another page will open. Scroll down that page till you come to the "Private Messaging" area, click on "Allow Private Messaging" Hold on, not quit done, when you make any changes to your "General Settings" you have to scroll right to the bottom and click "Save Changes" and there you have it as confusing as that sounds.

As for lost posts, if you click on the "Remember Me" button when you first log in, you won't be auto logged out near as quickly. I thought that button only had to do with the browser's cookies, but a member on another forum told me that it will also make your log-in time longer, apparently, as I found out, it works! There is a way to recover some if not all of your lost post, but that's for another time, I've typed enough for an old guy like me!

[Sunbeam]

Piedmont, the Allan Carr book, The Easy Way to Quit Drinking has some thoughts on changing your perspective.

[abcowboy]

New Years Eve tomorrow, where did the year go?? It seems the older I get, the faster I get older lol. I was cleaning my shop today and the neighbour down the road called and said to come on down to the shop, a bunch of people where sitting around visiting over drinks. He said there was plenty of Pepsi for me lol. I thought about it for a moment, gratefully declined, and wished him and the fellas a Happy New Year. I knew the kind of shape they were probably all in and I just didn’t feel like listening to drunken stories all over again.

I started thinking about the New Years Eves of long ago, how Bubba and I always went to a NYE Dinner & Dance. I’d drink of course, but not out of control back then, but enough that I’d let Bubba drive home. As the years went by the drinking increased of course till I was more drunk than sober by the time midnight rolled around, good old days eh! Then we just finally quit going out, it was easier for Bubba than trying to get me to not have so many drinks, and it was easier for me to get as drunk as I wanted in the comfort of my own home, and a lot cheaper! Great reasons to stay home and drink! Crazy how the mind of a drunk works!

Now, we stay at home for a different reason. I like the quiet time and going to bed early, sober. One of the local restaurants has a Steak & Lobster NYE special, so we’ll go to that and be home well before the partying starts. And I’ll be sleeping comfortably in our bed when the New Year rolls around…..

[abcowboy]

New Year's Eve

I'll saddle the roan then ride out alone
neath a clear moon with frost on the ground,
to a high ridge I know
through the dark pines and snow
far away from the dim lights of town.

In a short space of time a hillside I'll climb
to the top with my face to the wind,
and there I'll just wait
as the hour grows late
and a new year once more will begin.

I'll take a look then on where I have been
and the changes the old year has brought,
the good times and bad
some happy some sad
as the faces of time fill my thoughts.

In the silence of night from that small patch of white
I'll say "Adios" to lost friends,
with a small prayer at last
for the present and past
then I'll ride down that hill once again.

-Rod Nichols-

[abcowboy]

Happy New Year everyone! I was humbled and brought to tears this morning when I turned on my phone. A message was waiting for me from my youngest daughter, it was a simple message, “Happy New Year, I love you papa”. It was the best gift I could have received this holiday season!! I’m not one for making New Year’s Resolutions, but this year I am going to make one, work harder at mending the relationship with my daughter, a relationship I destroyed because of drinking. Thank you Lord……

Looking back on my life, I realize I have been blessed with many things. The birth of my 4 children certainly rate as some of the greatest of those blessings. Meeting, falling in love, and marrying Bubba goes right along on my list of great blessings. Fairly good health, decent style of living, and being happy are on that list as well! As my sixtieth birthday quickly approaches, I also realize that the best part of my life began 2 years ago, the day I got sober. And that is probably the greatest blessing I could have received. Once again, thank you Lord….

Looking forward to the New Year, I can’t ask for much more than I have already received. As a matter of fact, I hope that the blessings I have received will also be bestowed on others, maybe not those exact blessings, but events in their lives that they will count as blessings. The New Year is wide open with possibilities, it is not predetermined for us, we will make it out to be what we want it to be. Why not make it a year where you can count your blessings….